1) Almost everyone is married, and because you're not you don't think that way. You don't consider when you meet someone that they probably are married, and then they are!
2) You seem desperate, You sound desperate, but you actually aren't...
3) Few people understand what you are going through because once again... They're married and it wasn't years of waiting...
4) Some people assume because you are older and still single that you are desperate...And would go for just anybody...Including the men trying to go for you...
5) You have to be teased at every party, in every conversation, about your status.
6) Maybe you still have the romantic, crush side of you which really doesnt work at 31!
7) Your friends get younger every year as the married friends reprioritize their lives, then your younger friends get married, etc...
8) You become older, "wiser"/more cynical, fatter, greyer :) But still no man.You become more independant, more used to doing things for yourself, which generally is a put off for men but how can u help it if for most of your life you have to look after yourself...Confidence levels also change.
9) your dream for 5 children becomes 2,and adoption...or you look around u and say maybe I shouldnt have 5 cause I now understand (not the money concern) but the capacity concern.
10) You go between being ok and not ok, the worst part is again if other people assume you are desperate...E.g you meet a guy, and all you are thinking is Great! new Guy friends, so I can be more normal. But he or others are saying...She is plus 30, she is desperate, let me keep my distance. When you are just trying to be friends...Then other times you do notice the amazing qualities in friends and it drives you nuts! Cause there is no way of knowing, if there hasnt been anyone till now, then why would things change now, so don't even dream!
11) Weddings and social events don't contain the plus one invite anymore which used to force you to try and interact with guys to get a partner to the event...Wherever you go, its mostly just ladies...and even if there were men u'd be a bit akward cause we just don't have that culture anymore of mixing, ladies sit and drink tea, while guys talk politics and world events (which I like, but then it looks weird me sitting with the men!)
Also back in the day, parties contained, dancing, Jazzing and Bluesing, once again, akward, but interaction!
12) You have the whole idea panned out in your mind, the colours, the childrens names, everything, but if any potential comes in site...You freak out cause although u say u want it, the reality is for the past 10 years you didnt need to consider someone else...And don't know how you would be anymore.
13) When someone does pay interest you act all weirdly, cause again, this is not something u do all the time or have done in the longest time, would have been easier if u just married the love of ur life you met at 18, at 23 as planned.
14) You actually begin to consider blind dates, etc.etc... WHICH YOU NEVER DID BEFORE...esp. as a christian... I mean now like internet meeting sites *ok I am not at this point yet..But watching too much reality tv makes u wish you friends did set u up on a blind date.
15) People still give you the speech of once you forget about it will come... Or how to wait patiently...Ok heard that speech at 22, 25, 27, 29, 31...I've gone for 3 years without looking around or even expecting, just enjoying God...I know what it is like to wait, I don't grab the first guy who pays attention, I do know God knows...Its normal to I think have bouts of wondering again...I can say this cause in 12 years of being single if it weren't normal I'd be an absolute freak or I would have a strong case of asking Why I'm not married after 12 years of patiently waiting...I think life is about being real too!
There are more points, they will come as I vent more...
But the reality is, that I know God knows. I know that he is still busy healing me and I know that in this past 12 years of being single, I haven't been twiddling my thumbs but I have been living life, I've gone on missions, I've travelled, I've learnt alot, Even began to heal deep things in my life that was there even before I used to date and was reason for messing up those relationships. I can wait even 12 years more if God is still walking with me and leading me on, as long as he teaches me how to deal with when the potential people come alongside me. I really know he knows and I actually trust him. Well I don't trust myself that much even in the choosing. I am grateful that he has kept a hedge around me, esp. when I wanted the wrong guys, he just made it not work out... I believe this year will be different, and I am trying to learn to really trust and depend on God for the big life transitions... And in learning to follow and find him in life, I hope when the love comes I will hear His voice.
but for today, just needed to vent on here, cause as I said when I try and tell people where I'm at, they just don't understand...
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
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