Right now...

I dont understand why it is that I always have to be the one that works at things to maintain a relationship... And not a mutual thing...

And I'm ready to give up

So by ur grace Lord I need to stand or there is just no point

I think I've long time used up my 70 * 7 Sorries and can honestly say one hand is probably more than what I've ever gotten back from everyone I know.

So either everyone else is way more messed up than me.

Or I'm a mere people pleaser and must stop...

then again I am a God pleaser and I cannot find fault with the millions of second chances you've given me,...

but i cannot in my own strength

More on Pastor Ray...

I dont know why I thought i had blogged it on here before but clearly only put a posted link on facebook... which included this - if you are interested, please do read this tribute, and also if you want to listen to sermons by him http://web.mac.com/jackshiels/iWeb/Every%20Nation%20Dublin/Podcast/Podcast.htmland one of my favourite sermons - In too Deep - http://www.everynation.co.uk/index.php?m=content_page&id=95

But do read the tribute on http://wolfinlondon.wordpress.com/2008/10/13/tribute-to-my-hero-friend-ray-shiels/

So Blessed...

Today I just feel like I have the greatest boyfriend ever... :) (one who makes me blush)

After the terrible event, and after a kind word, it's like he gave me a date :)

For the past 2 days I've been in Riebeeckrivier on a farm called Goedgedacht... (which I may blog a seperate blog about) but just after my sadness, and then just being encouraged by the word Robert gave me, it's like this was just the cherry on the cake, or God saved the best for last :) (which now reminds me about the miracle of the wine)...

Anyway, what am I going on about. Well He knows I just love nature, and going on the long road (well not that long !) was awesome and just the way it changes from yellow (wheat) then green (vineyards), hills, mountains... Also training was done in an 1825 Cape Dutch House which had high ceilings, beams in the ceiling and wooden floors, and even the layout was just nice, and I told them the thing I always say...I'm going to live in a house like this, that is the reason why my husband isn't here yet... he is making his millions :) But ja, it was a really pretty house and would really like to live in a house like that...Just not so far out, dont think I enjoy snakes ;)

And then I came back on my own which I think was the best part, because I put the sunglasses on and then said "no man! can't see the nature that way" took it off, opened my window and just enjoyed the drive, and enjoyed the fact that really God just blessed me with this opportunity...

So said to someone else and saying it again, I have the best boyfriend ever.

Jesus, thankyou for being the faithful love that you are...

scenery on the way...



the farm we were on...www.goedgedacht.org.za

MUCH better...

And I quote from an e-mail from a friend...

"That was the best image of God's love for me that I have ever seen. I've been meditating on that for a while now. Mountains can get lost in the ocean. The biggest situation I can imagine is like a drop in the ocean. My greatest sin disappears in the vastness of the ocean.

His love is like an ocean"

"I think sometimes I tend to think that God related to us as if we were grown up and on His level when in fact when compared to Him we are little children. Us grown ups are so much more tolerant and understanding of little children. We'll thats exactly how we are to God.

So in reality it's not that God is disappointed in you but you are dissapointed in you.

You havn't let God down. You've let yourself down. And right now it's not your sin thats seperating you from God. He is already so over that. It's your sense of guilt and condemnation that's keeping you from God"

Thank You Lord for your love...

Chan

On another note...

(not that my previous note is gone, just shoved aside cause it's still hurting) but blogging anyway what i wanted to blog sunday and previously...

I may have said before that God is taking me to the next lesson after obedience, though I can really see that obedience is stepping up at the moment, cause discipline, focus, etc.etc, is a daily struggle...but so far there has been some guidance or hints as to what is next and it's FAITH...

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. - Hebrews 11:6

I dont like being at different places to everyone else, but I guess it's
something I have to accept cause God has a unique path for my life, but on Sunday they preached about Faith in action and how faith is at work, etc. and how faith should be...It's definitely in line with the theme, but I'm at a different place

Because for me without God's faithfulness to me, I would not be able to put my faith in action...I'm just not superhuman, and I'm sure they meant that it goes without saying but at the point of trying to get out of striving or running past God, I need to remind myself of those things, or rather I am so aware right now that it's because of His faithfulness towards me that I'm able to be victorious and face things by faith and if he did not extend that faithfulness I either would get nothing done or it would be all in my own strength...

Secondly in putting your faith in action, it involves looking at the author and perfector of our faith - Hebrews 12:2 ..."Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith," Yes I know that one cant just say we love Jesus and not live it, but at the same time we cant go and do the work of the ministry without the God of the ministry...As we look to Jesus we realise his faithfulness towards us and that spills out in lives full of faith in God and lived out by our actions...

Or so I think...
But more on that again...

I think this is so hard...But...

I think this is so hard...

Psalm 24: 3 - 6

Who may ascend the hill of the Lord?
Who may stand in his holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
who does not lift up his soul to an idol
or swear by what is false.
He will receive blessing from the Lord
and vindication from God his Savior.
Such is the generation of those who seek him,
who seek your face, O God of Jacob. Selah

But...

Psalm 25: 4

Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways
according to your love remember me, for you are good, O Lord.

Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of your name, O Lord,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.
The Lord confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.

See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!

Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.

May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.

Redeem Israel, O God, from all their troubles!

Sin is a Dream Ruiner...

It's amazing, well not really, how the same day as the rays of breakthrough seems to beam, is the same day one trips and falls. and it really sucks!

if ever I needed (normally loved) thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.