Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Funny How....
Funny how you can be where all your friends and family are and feel more lonely than ever. Funny how people who don't understand you, fight with you, etc. can be more there for you than the people who do. I understand that everyone is so busy, and everyone's lives are a bit deurmekaar, but just sometimes hard to as I said be surrounded by people but yet everyone is at arms length. I suppose this is the time to find God in my City... In the same way when I was gone and misunderstood I found him. There are some people who are there, and life long friends who you don't have to explain yourself too. But it's still so much work just to be in community. And even spiritually. Just to talk to someone about God or what's going down sometimes means driving to the next town. Sorry if you are reading this and feeling but I am here! Let me know you are then. But so many times I feel like I'm the only one saying Hey when are we going to get together, when are we going to pray, etc...And if thats' your hearts desire let me know so that I know I'm not alone.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Back...
Yep, I've been quiet, but at last I am ready to post something...
So I'm back. Honestly it hasn't been easy being back. I kinda expected things to be different because I've grown, only to find myself making the same mistakes, falling in the same traps, hurting in the same way, and then getting frustrated and disappointed that this is happening, cause my 6 months away was not an Act yet why am I struggling.
Fortunately sometime between coming home and now, God has been stirring to mind some lessons I learnt the hard way in my 6 months, and now its time to apply it in this environment. Also the meaning of a scripture I never really understood...
Matthew 11:12 (NIV)
12From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.
Matthew 11:12 (NKJV)
12 And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force.
...Finally makes sense. I've got to win it here...Even though I've grown and learnt somethings, it's almost like weapons, or tools that I've acquired and now I have got to win it back in my old environment, back where the struggle was. And by force. It doesn't come easy. This was a surprise to me, but as I am now beginning to apply what I learnt it is beginning to get easier...
So what was the major lessons I learnt:
1) Consider it Pure Joy when you face trials of many kinds... Endurance,Joy, Maturity. God matures me through the trials, don't despise the trials, thank God, he wouldnt allow it if he wasn't going to use it to grow me. It doesnt come easy but eventually you get it. Like been struggling with some relationships since being back. Today I finally prayed. Lord I surrender this situation to me, even though it hurts and I can't see a solution, and it seems like things never change, Lord I know you are in control and I choose to trust you, trust that you know more than me, trust that you are in control. And that you will show me the next step, despite what was said, or what happened, the battle is yours Lord.
2) Surrender to God. - covered a bit in point no.1. Stop trying to fix things, understand things, it's tiring, frustrating and can make you sick. Give it to God. Let him do what he does best, Trust Him, If you given it to him, it is in good hands.
3) Serve. You'll find as you do the above God starts to soften your heart to pray even for the people hurting you or see them in a different light. Begin to ask God how you can be a blessing to them, sometimes you may see an opportunity, sometimes the opportunity presents itself to you to help out or do something to the very person who broke your heart. That is a God moment...Serve.
4)Accept. a) Accept yourself,for who God has made you, with strengths and weaknesses...When You can say this is Me and God accepts me and so do I, you stop trying so hard to please others cause you know who you are, and their not liking you doesn't matter so much as before cause you are you. But when you don't accept yourself (or maybe you think you have,but really depend on others opinions alot more), everything others say makes you second guess or question yourself and people pick that up and even hurt you even more. But when you know who you are, you got your power back :) and even just relationships with others are easier cause you're not expecting so much from them (validation, approval,etc)...
b) Also Accept people for who they are...This also helps alot. Once you accept this person, this leader, is like that and thats who they are that is their weakness that is their strength and I accept them for who they are, it becomes easier too to relate and not be so judgemental. People will change on their own time, when God reveals it to them, if you told them once and they're still like that you either accept them or move on, but once you accept them, once you,as someone once preached, see the gold in them and not just the dust, it becomes so much easier. Yes that person swears, lies, gossips, is very rude,hurtful but that is just the dust, they are also there through the tough times, Loving God lots, etc... Hold on to the Gold. and you also not so surprised by the dust, when it comes cause you have accepted that person warts and all. but as long as I'm expecting that person not to have warts, everytime they do something wrong either you take it hard, or you become judgemental. And then you are sinning too.
I've seen when I let the wall up to protect myself from others who have hurt me, after a while I notice I am not having breakthrough with God, because the wall I build holds him out too. I know forgiving and trusting again isn't easy...with God's help you do eventually get there as you realise God is using this trial to strengthen and mature you, as you surrender your life, the situation, your emotions to God,as you pray for and/or serve the people that hurt you and as you accept yourself and them for who God made them... You eventually will get through...
Currently I am finding myself slowly go through this process and it really does get easier to handle. Not immediately even I am far from through, but I know God knows and I know that he is making me a mature, wiser person and a winner and lover of all people. And I know there is the potential inside me to do the right thing so I will get there. By His Grace, with him... Hope you have learnt something from this and if not life may eventually teach you it too :)
Love,
Chandré
So I'm back. Honestly it hasn't been easy being back. I kinda expected things to be different because I've grown, only to find myself making the same mistakes, falling in the same traps, hurting in the same way, and then getting frustrated and disappointed that this is happening, cause my 6 months away was not an Act yet why am I struggling.
Fortunately sometime between coming home and now, God has been stirring to mind some lessons I learnt the hard way in my 6 months, and now its time to apply it in this environment. Also the meaning of a scripture I never really understood...
Matthew 11:12 (NIV)
12From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.
Matthew 11:12 (NKJV)
12 And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force.
...Finally makes sense. I've got to win it here...Even though I've grown and learnt somethings, it's almost like weapons, or tools that I've acquired and now I have got to win it back in my old environment, back where the struggle was. And by force. It doesn't come easy. This was a surprise to me, but as I am now beginning to apply what I learnt it is beginning to get easier...
So what was the major lessons I learnt:
1) Consider it Pure Joy when you face trials of many kinds... Endurance,Joy, Maturity. God matures me through the trials, don't despise the trials, thank God, he wouldnt allow it if he wasn't going to use it to grow me. It doesnt come easy but eventually you get it. Like been struggling with some relationships since being back. Today I finally prayed. Lord I surrender this situation to me, even though it hurts and I can't see a solution, and it seems like things never change, Lord I know you are in control and I choose to trust you, trust that you know more than me, trust that you are in control. And that you will show me the next step, despite what was said, or what happened, the battle is yours Lord.
2) Surrender to God. - covered a bit in point no.1. Stop trying to fix things, understand things, it's tiring, frustrating and can make you sick. Give it to God. Let him do what he does best, Trust Him, If you given it to him, it is in good hands.
3) Serve. You'll find as you do the above God starts to soften your heart to pray even for the people hurting you or see them in a different light. Begin to ask God how you can be a blessing to them, sometimes you may see an opportunity, sometimes the opportunity presents itself to you to help out or do something to the very person who broke your heart. That is a God moment...Serve.
4)Accept. a) Accept yourself,for who God has made you, with strengths and weaknesses...When You can say this is Me and God accepts me and so do I, you stop trying so hard to please others cause you know who you are, and their not liking you doesn't matter so much as before cause you are you. But when you don't accept yourself (or maybe you think you have,but really depend on others opinions alot more), everything others say makes you second guess or question yourself and people pick that up and even hurt you even more. But when you know who you are, you got your power back :) and even just relationships with others are easier cause you're not expecting so much from them (validation, approval,etc)...
b) Also Accept people for who they are...This also helps alot. Once you accept this person, this leader, is like that and thats who they are that is their weakness that is their strength and I accept them for who they are, it becomes easier too to relate and not be so judgemental. People will change on their own time, when God reveals it to them, if you told them once and they're still like that you either accept them or move on, but once you accept them, once you,as someone once preached, see the gold in them and not just the dust, it becomes so much easier. Yes that person swears, lies, gossips, is very rude,hurtful but that is just the dust, they are also there through the tough times, Loving God lots, etc... Hold on to the Gold. and you also not so surprised by the dust, when it comes cause you have accepted that person warts and all. but as long as I'm expecting that person not to have warts, everytime they do something wrong either you take it hard, or you become judgemental. And then you are sinning too.
I've seen when I let the wall up to protect myself from others who have hurt me, after a while I notice I am not having breakthrough with God, because the wall I build holds him out too. I know forgiving and trusting again isn't easy...with God's help you do eventually get there as you realise God is using this trial to strengthen and mature you, as you surrender your life, the situation, your emotions to God,as you pray for and/or serve the people that hurt you and as you accept yourself and them for who God made them... You eventually will get through...
Currently I am finding myself slowly go through this process and it really does get easier to handle. Not immediately even I am far from through, but I know God knows and I know that he is making me a mature, wiser person and a winner and lover of all people. And I know there is the potential inside me to do the right thing so I will get there. By His Grace, with him... Hope you have learnt something from this and if not life may eventually teach you it too :)
Love,
Chandré
Thursday, November 12, 2009
God wants worshippers not worship
When my heart runs dry
And there's no song to sing
No holy melody
No words of love within
I recall the height from which
This fragile heart has slipped...
Chorus:
And I'll remember You
I will turn back and do
The things I used to do
for the love of You
Lord, I'll remember You
I will turn back and do
The things I used to do
for the love of You
You are my soul's desire
You are the hope within
You bring my heart to life
You make my spirit sing
I recall the height from which
This fragile heart has slipped..
And there's no song to sing
No holy melody
No words of love within
I recall the height from which
This fragile heart has slipped...
Chorus:
And I'll remember You
I will turn back and do
The things I used to do
for the love of You
Lord, I'll remember You
I will turn back and do
The things I used to do
for the love of You
You are my soul's desire
You are the hope within
You bring my heart to life
You make my spirit sing
I recall the height from which
This fragile heart has slipped..
Saturday, November 7, 2009
because this conversation has come up 3 times...
what i am looking for in a husband:
1) Firstly, it's not up to me, but up to God. So many times I thought i knew what was right for me, but I was wrong. So God knows best. He knows the end from the beginning. He knows what my future holds and who will be the best one to walk alongside me.
Having said that...
Obviously the person will be saved, learnt from being yoked with unbelievers...but again, God will orchestrate who I end up with.
Family/Flexible. I really dont want to go alone to family parties, i want my husband to embrace my culture/family and vice versa.
Friendship. Want the person to be my best friend. One who will laugh, go out, play games and just chill with me. Of course he can have his own friends, and me mine, but dont wanna live seperate lives. i will also join in on Xbox nights ;)
Loving me just the way I am. Of course as I grow in God I become better but until then, love me for me. I cannot live up to someone else's expectations...
I used to want musician, foreigner, etc...But those are petty. God knows what's best and I'll wait on him! ;) Of all these points only no. 1 really counts.
1) Firstly, it's not up to me, but up to God. So many times I thought i knew what was right for me, but I was wrong. So God knows best. He knows the end from the beginning. He knows what my future holds and who will be the best one to walk alongside me.
Having said that...
Obviously the person will be saved, learnt from being yoked with unbelievers...but again, God will orchestrate who I end up with.
Family/Flexible. I really dont want to go alone to family parties, i want my husband to embrace my culture/family and vice versa.
Friendship. Want the person to be my best friend. One who will laugh, go out, play games and just chill with me. Of course he can have his own friends, and me mine, but dont wanna live seperate lives. i will also join in on Xbox nights ;)
Loving me just the way I am. Of course as I grow in God I become better but until then, love me for me. I cannot live up to someone else's expectations...
I used to want musician, foreigner, etc...But those are petty. God knows what's best and I'll wait on him! ;) Of all these points only no. 1 really counts.
Everlasting arms...
I once told someone "Just hold me..." They couldn't just hold me. Nor could they understand that was all I wanted. To be held. The assurance and freedom that comes from being in someone's arms.However,even if they could just hold me, I realise now the yearning and longing I had was so much deeper. Human arms wouldn't do. I now understand it was my spirit crying out to His Spirit. Deep calls to deep, the Psalmist says.
The best thing about it all is that though my searching to be held was taking me on a path of destruction, the Lord knew. He saw, He heard, He intervened. And now I find myself months later learning to be held by everlasting arms. Dancing with the lifter of my head. Adoring the lover of my soul. Being healed, freed, mended, pruned, shaped, enlarged, but mostly, loved.
Thank you Lord. You did not allow me to drown or sink. You saw the yearning of my soul and found me. You love me to wholeness and my heart is yours forever. O lover of my soul and my best friend!
The best thing about it all is that though my searching to be held was taking me on a path of destruction, the Lord knew. He saw, He heard, He intervened. And now I find myself months later learning to be held by everlasting arms. Dancing with the lifter of my head. Adoring the lover of my soul. Being healed, freed, mended, pruned, shaped, enlarged, but mostly, loved.
Thank you Lord. You did not allow me to drown or sink. You saw the yearning of my soul and found me. You love me to wholeness and my heart is yours forever. O lover of my soul and my best friend!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
the journey so far...
intimacy, intimacy, intimacy...
close, closer getting so much closer
through the fire, wilderness
tears, fears, insecurities
yet a deeper longing
for all you've predestined
which keeps pulling me forward
in the midst of the fire
the fragrance comes,
drawing me close,closer, so much deeper
nearer, dearer, intimacy
close, closer getting so much closer
through the fire, wilderness
tears, fears, insecurities
yet a deeper longing
for all you've predestined
which keeps pulling me forward
in the midst of the fire
the fragrance comes,
drawing me close,closer, so much deeper
nearer, dearer, intimacy
Sunday, October 4, 2009
denke...
Something I'm learning, seeing, mulling on.
Sometimes when someone hurts us, or something, and we don't heal properly or get a proper understanding of how to deal with that, we project that on future events or people.
This is not only in huge injustices, but includes the little things to...
More specifically, in my case, for example. One person misunderstands everything I say. After that I am now more careful of what I say to anybody, and then also more sensitive to what people are saying to me. They then react to either my tone of voice, or whatever as I am not so open as before. This then maybe leads to an argument...I am even more careful with people after that.
Now someone misunderstands someone else, or something bigger like my country, or culture, etc. and I feel the need to defend. But all of this could come from the initial being misunderstood.
The solution?
Find my identity in Christ alone... Stop caring what people think. Maybe evaluate if I was at fault, but accept that not everyone will like or understand me. What matters is what God thinks and finding my acceptance only in him...
Facebook Status of the day...
God First,then humility to others above the need to be understood.When will I learn this?
Sometimes when someone hurts us, or something, and we don't heal properly or get a proper understanding of how to deal with that, we project that on future events or people.
This is not only in huge injustices, but includes the little things to...
More specifically, in my case, for example. One person misunderstands everything I say. After that I am now more careful of what I say to anybody, and then also more sensitive to what people are saying to me. They then react to either my tone of voice, or whatever as I am not so open as before. This then maybe leads to an argument...I am even more careful with people after that.
Now someone misunderstands someone else, or something bigger like my country, or culture, etc. and I feel the need to defend. But all of this could come from the initial being misunderstood.
The solution?
Find my identity in Christ alone... Stop caring what people think. Maybe evaluate if I was at fault, but accept that not everyone will like or understand me. What matters is what God thinks and finding my acceptance only in him...
Facebook Status of the day...
God First,then humility to others above the need to be understood.When will I learn this?
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