What would my temple look like?

as asked in the above video...

I would be sitting at His Feet, or he would hold me in his arms, just crushing away all the fear, unworthiness, unlovable feelings. I would know I am loved and I am with Him...

Or my favourite or greatest desire, we would dance together!

lol...read today...

was googling vuvuzelas today then got this...

Federal Transport Minister Anthony Albanese says Tony Abbott is like a walking vuvuzela with his constant negativity about the carbon tax.

The carbon tax is expected to sail through the Senate on Tuesday, while the opposition leader heads overseas for a meeting of conservative pollies.

Asked about Mr Abbott's continued opposition to the tax, Mr Albanese likened him to the loud, monotonous and irritating plastic horns that were used by fans during the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.

"You can't just run around as a walking vuvuzela and make a single noise; `no, no, no', to everything that happens," Mr Albanese told reporters in Sydney.

"And what's occurring with Tony Abbott is when people first hear the walking vuvuzela, it's an interesting sound, it gets your attention.

"But over a period of time, when you realise there's just one noise and it's monotone and it's relentless, think the Australian people will increasingly be agitated by his failure to show any leadership."

Mr Albanese also criticised Mr Abbott for heading to the UK as the Senate votes on the carbon tax.

"This is an important reform and an historic day and Tony Abbott's gone missing ... flown off to London," Mr Albanese said.

and this

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/879624-vuvuzela-parties-final-blow-as-noisy-neighbour-evicted-from-flat

Listening to today

and

Dunno Why but I just love this passage...Deuteronomy 17: 14 -20

Deuteronomy 17

The King

 ¹⁴ When you enter the land the LORD your God is giving you and have taken possession of it and settled in it, and you say, “Let us set a king over us like all the nations around us,” ¹⁵ be sure to appoint over you the king the LORD your God chooses. He must be from among your own brothers. Do not place a foreigner over you, one who is not a brother Israelite. ¹⁶ The king, moreover, must not acquire great numbers of horses for himself or make the people return to Egypt to get more of them, for the LORD has told you, “You are not to go back that way again.” ¹⁷ He must not take many wives, or his heart will be led astray. He must not accumulate large amounts of silver and gold.
 ¹⁸ When he takes the throne of his kingdom, he is to write for himself on a scroll a copy of this law, taken from that of the priests, who are Levites. ¹⁹ It is to be with him, and he is to read it all the days of his life so that he may learn to revere the LORD his God and follow carefully all the words of this law and these decrees ²⁰ and not consider himself better than his brothers and turn from the law to the right or to the left. Then he and his descendants will reign a long time over his kingdom in Israel.

 

So the king:

• Must be appointed because he was the LORD your God's choice.
• Must be from among your own brothers. Do not place a foreigner over you - in our context, must be a believer and must be one of us, not from outside, someone who understands because he is from culture/organization,etc.
• Must not try and create security for himself, protect himself or go back to the world or past saved from for help/advice. For the LORD has told you, “You are not to go back that way again"
• Must not take many wives, or his heart will be led astray.ie. Keep your heart pure, wait for the one God has for you or enquire of the Lord regarding love and dont look around once married, do ur best to stay true to covenant made at wedding
• Must not accumulate large amounts of silver and gold. (wow even if u are a king!)
• Must not consider himself better than his brothers
• Must not and turn from the law to the right or to the left

All the above:

• Must  when takes the throne of his kingdom, he is to write for himself on a scroll a copy of this law,It is to be with him, and he is to read it all the days of his life so that he may learn to revere the LORD his God and follow carefully all the words of this law and these decrees

...

The cool thing about my blog is most people aren't really interested in what I have to say, or reading long things, or reading my long things, so I can blog and blog and blog and safely know (hopefully) no one is reading what I am writing. Of course I don't mind that people read (hence its online and not in some journal) but I do mind when people secretly read and never comment or say read this or that... Esp. if it's people I know...cause that just feels stalkerish...(so hey! let me know if u're reading). Well since no one is saying they are reading, I can nicely continue expressing what is really going on cause I need to get it out and there's no one to speak to....Cause really I can't keep it on the inside it is too much for me. And with friends well...

• Some give off impression own lives are perfect so if they not honest, hard for me to be.
• Some have their own issues so dont want to burden them, then if I say I will share regardless, can sense that I am just adding to their loads
• Some don't want to hear my problems and rightly so. Who wants to be friends with someone who always has issues! well generally i am with ppl who do have and who dont want to have them, but from what I have heard people say and how they act, generally world an christians dont want to be with ppl like that.
• I am being super negative and unfair because maybe there are some friends who do care, and yes I know i can count them on one hand. If the others do let me know. But again I know we're all going through stuff, so hey I'm not holding it against you I am just saying for me, I am alone in what I am going through! Not saying it's your fault or you need to be there.

I have issues and they don't just go away, especially if you want them away and willing to face whatever you need to face, then wisdom has shown that road is longer because it involves dealing with roots. I get that some people are more simple and less complex and can just go out and change themselves immediately upon hearing they need to change,but I am not that person, so I guess that is another issue!

So yeah I'm going through these things and I feel, very,very alone in it.

And am trying to pray in the midst of it and God has brought a bit of cheering through a little 2 year old from George who asked to speak to me on the phone. But the problem is still there, and it always has been and never seems to change. No matter what. And so people, leaders, psychologist, pastors will say. That means You need to change. Yeah, maybe but that doesnt make the things that happen to me right! And I'm running out of ways to handle it, hope, and I just want it to stop hitting me over the head and tramping on my feelings! And so if changing means, I must keep quiet, lay low, not let it get to me, then tell me how. Tell me how not to be hurt. Because really I'm not a sucker for pain! It does hurt! Maybe its because I am hoping this storm will stop! Maybe it's not ever going to stop but about me going through the storm. Then please give me wisdom on how i am suppsoed to think/feel when I'm drowning? I know the "right" thing to do, but how do u stop feeling like you're drowning while doing the right thing. Or when trying to do the right thing you get in so much more trouble!

So if it's me thats the problem, then how do I change that, then thats another problem on my list of problems.
If you hit me on my head am I not supposed to feel pain...No still feel pain?
Ok so then am I supposed to still feel pain and just become numb and surrender till I'm just a shell.
Why am I not allowd to say it hurts? Why am I not allowed to do something that prevents me from being hurt again?

God please help me. You're the only one that I can trust. I am hurting Big time at this moment. And I really don't know how to get over it, through it, around it,etc. I know Jesus went through worse please help that then breakthrough how I feel Lord.

Feels like everyone else world goes on and I'm just left to deal with the mess!

Lord help me. Fight for me, help me do the "right" thing, if there is cause right now I also feel like a terrible sinner!

Die week se denke...

Dit was a bietjie moeilike week en tyd. No matter how much I want to be where I should be I am just so aware, about all my muck, pride, distance, inability to hear, people issues, broken heart issues, fear of man issues, overthinking, dunno how to bridge the gap between god and me, too much on my plate, overwhelmed,etc.etc.etc.. oh and pain esp. at night.

But amidst this whirlwind of life...God has been speaking, reassuring, even if it was just a facebook wall post by a friend, or a song playing in my head.

So it's only Tuesday, but this week these are the little steps God has put on my heart or at least I think it's him or maybe I know its him cause I've been too out of it to come up with this myself.

Yesterday. God woke me up with praise on my heart. In Particular the Song...There is no one like you, - David Crowder Band. And praise I did, also the psalms in 140 something reminded me to praise, to make God my shield...to trust in Him...

Today: woke up with the song Hope of Suzy Yaraei...
I then made an attempt to listen to the song before i face my day cause I know in this past time it has been hard to have hope. Its been a while since I've been the full of hope Chandre I've always been. But after listening to the song, agian and the hope with which she sings it I was stirred and reminded Christ in me the hope of glory! See previous blog for lyrics:
"Hope,call it up now,make it alive,We’v got 2 reach inside for,Hope wont let us down,no room 4doubt,Got 2believe He’s in us!BR:Christ the Hope of Glory!

I heard over the weekend that the way sex slaves cope is to let go of hope. Cause hope makes it hard to face what they need to, easier just to give up hope of ever being free.

People always say to pray and get what u are praying u have to believe have to have faith, have to see what u are praying for, but if u have no hope, how is that possible. What if u are trying but u just cannot see the picture change... So all the changes i want to see requires hope at first, seeing what I don't see - Heb11:1 - faith is the substance of things hoped for.... first have to hope! then faith will be substance of that. but if i lost hope....

Thank God, Christ in me is the hope of glory...and that too as Romans 15: ¹³ May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

This makes it all a bit easier, i am scared, i am overwhelmed, but I do have Christ and the Holy Spirit in me, and as I look to him and trust HIM, not myself, He fills me, overflows me, and as I hold on to that cornerstone inside me! believe he is in me, hope will arise....

Thank You Jesus...

today I got a bit of Wait too... in Jason Upton's song Emma, i think Beyond the Window part...it says "as we wait on him, new wings...so we wait on him, sometimes there's just nothing left to do but wait on him"

Really people when i look at myself ek sien nie 'n uitweg nie! but i will  hope in him, and wait on him even in the midst and in the waiting and praising my Faithful God will come through :)

Amen! You see it works, if u knew how down I was today and now can rejoice...it's just Him! without him I am gemors.

Father, father me...
Chandre

Worship today