The problem with being single after 30...

1) Almost everyone is married, and because you're not you don't think that way. You don't consider when you meet someone that they probably are married, and then they are!
2) You seem desperate, You sound desperate, but you actually aren't...
3) Few people understand what you are going through because once again... They're married and it wasn't years of waiting...
4) Some people assume because you are older and still single that you are desperate...And would go for just anybody...Including the men trying to go for you...
5) You have to be teased at every party, in every conversation, about your status.
6) Maybe you still have the romantic, crush side of you which really doesnt work at 31!
7) Your friends get younger every year as the married friends reprioritize their lives, then your younger friends get married, etc...
8) You become older, "wiser"/more cynical, fatter, greyer :) But still no man.You become more independant, more used to doing things for yourself, which generally is a put off for men but how can u help it if for most of your life you have to look after yourself...Confidence levels also change.
9) your dream for 5 children becomes 2,and adoption...or you look around u and say maybe I shouldnt have 5 cause I now understand (not the money concern) but the capacity concern.
10) You go between being ok and not ok, the worst part is again if other people assume you are desperate...E.g you meet a guy, and all you are thinking is Great! new Guy friends, so I can be more normal. But he or others are saying...She is plus 30, she is desperate, let me keep my distance. When you are just trying to be friends...Then other times you do notice the amazing qualities in friends and it drives you nuts! Cause there is no way of knowing, if there hasnt been anyone till now, then why would things change now, so don't even dream!
11) Weddings and social events don't contain the plus one invite anymore which used to force you to try and interact with guys to get a partner to the event...Wherever you go, its mostly just ladies...and even if there were men u'd be a bit akward cause we just don't have that culture anymore of mixing, ladies sit and drink tea, while guys talk politics and world events (which I like, but then it looks weird me sitting with the men!)
Also back in the day, parties contained, dancing, Jazzing and Bluesing, once again, akward, but interaction!
12) You have the whole idea panned out in your mind, the colours, the childrens names, everything, but if any potential comes in site...You freak out cause although u say u want it, the reality is for the past 10 years you didnt need to consider someone else...And don't know how you would be anymore.
13) When someone does pay interest you act all weirdly, cause again, this is not something u do all the time or have done in the longest time, would have been easier if u just married the love of ur life you met at 18, at 23 as planned.
14) You actually begin to consider blind dates, etc.etc... WHICH YOU NEVER DID BEFORE...esp. as a christian... I mean now like internet meeting sites *ok I am not at this point yet..But watching too much reality tv makes u wish you friends did set u up on a blind date.
15) People still give you the speech of once you forget about it will come... Or how to wait patiently...Ok heard that speech at 22, 25, 27, 29, 31...I've gone for 3 years without looking around or even expecting, just enjoying God...I know what it is like to wait, I don't grab the first guy who pays attention, I do know God knows...Its normal to I think have bouts of wondering again...I can say this cause in 12 years of being single if it weren't normal I'd be an absolute freak or I would have a strong case of asking Why I'm not married after 12 years of patiently waiting...I think life is about being real too!

There are more points, they will come as I vent more... 

But the reality is, that I know God knows. I know that he is still busy healing me and I know that in this past 12 years of being single, I haven't been twiddling my thumbs but I have been living life, I've gone on missions, I've travelled, I've learnt alot, Even began to heal deep things in my life that was there even before I used to date and was reason for messing up those relationships. I can wait even 12 years more if God is still walking with me and leading me on, as long as he teaches me how to deal with when the potential people come alongside me. I really know he knows and I actually trust him. Well I don't trust myself that much even in the choosing. I am grateful that he has kept a hedge around me, esp. when I wanted the wrong guys, he just made it not work out... I believe this year will be different, and I am trying to learn to really trust and depend on God for the big life transitions... And in learning to follow and find him in life, I hope when the love comes I will hear His voice.

but for today, just needed to vent on here, cause as I said when I try and tell people where I'm at, they just don't understand...
 

Places to Visit and Hangout

Stellenbosch:


Beads

5 Ryneveldt

Die Kagel

Wijnplek (beautiful inside)

What would my temple look like?

as asked in the above video...

I would be sitting at His Feet, or he would hold me in his arms, just crushing away all the fear, unworthiness, unlovable feelings. I would know I am loved and I am with Him...

Or my favourite or greatest desire, we would dance together!

lol...read today...

was googling vuvuzelas today then got this...

Federal Transport Minister Anthony Albanese says Tony Abbott is like a walking vuvuzela with his constant negativity about the carbon tax.

The carbon tax is expected to sail through the Senate on Tuesday, while the opposition leader heads overseas for a meeting of conservative pollies.

Asked about Mr Abbott's continued opposition to the tax, Mr Albanese likened him to the loud, monotonous and irritating plastic horns that were used by fans during the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.

"You can't just run around as a walking vuvuzela and make a single noise; `no, no, no', to everything that happens," Mr Albanese told reporters in Sydney.

"And what's occurring with Tony Abbott is when people first hear the walking vuvuzela, it's an interesting sound, it gets your attention.

"But over a period of time, when you realise there's just one noise and it's monotone and it's relentless, think the Australian people will increasingly be agitated by his failure to show any leadership."

Mr Albanese also criticised Mr Abbott for heading to the UK as the Senate votes on the carbon tax.

"This is an important reform and an historic day and Tony Abbott's gone missing ... flown off to London," Mr Albanese said.

and this

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/879624-vuvuzela-parties-final-blow-as-noisy-neighbour-evicted-from-flat

Listening to today

and

Dunno Why but I just love this passage...Deuteronomy 17: 14 -20

Deuteronomy 17

The King

 ¹⁴ When you enter the land the LORD your God is giving you and have taken possession of it and settled in it, and you say, “Let us set a king over us like all the nations around us,” ¹⁵ be sure to appoint over you the king the LORD your God chooses. He must be from among your own brothers. Do not place a foreigner over you, one who is not a brother Israelite. ¹⁶ The king, moreover, must not acquire great numbers of horses for himself or make the people return to Egypt to get more of them, for the LORD has told you, “You are not to go back that way again.” ¹⁷ He must not take many wives, or his heart will be led astray. He must not accumulate large amounts of silver and gold.
 ¹⁸ When he takes the throne of his kingdom, he is to write for himself on a scroll a copy of this law, taken from that of the priests, who are Levites. ¹⁹ It is to be with him, and he is to read it all the days of his life so that he may learn to revere the LORD his God and follow carefully all the words of this law and these decrees ²⁰ and not consider himself better than his brothers and turn from the law to the right or to the left. Then he and his descendants will reign a long time over his kingdom in Israel.

 

So the king:

• Must be appointed because he was the LORD your God's choice.
• Must be from among your own brothers. Do not place a foreigner over you - in our context, must be a believer and must be one of us, not from outside, someone who understands because he is from culture/organization,etc.
• Must not try and create security for himself, protect himself or go back to the world or past saved from for help/advice. For the LORD has told you, “You are not to go back that way again"
• Must not take many wives, or his heart will be led astray.ie. Keep your heart pure, wait for the one God has for you or enquire of the Lord regarding love and dont look around once married, do ur best to stay true to covenant made at wedding
• Must not accumulate large amounts of silver and gold. (wow even if u are a king!)
• Must not consider himself better than his brothers
• Must not and turn from the law to the right or to the left

All the above:

• Must  when takes the throne of his kingdom, he is to write for himself on a scroll a copy of this law,It is to be with him, and he is to read it all the days of his life so that he may learn to revere the LORD his God and follow carefully all the words of this law and these decrees

...

The cool thing about my blog is most people aren't really interested in what I have to say, or reading long things, or reading my long things, so I can blog and blog and blog and safely know (hopefully) no one is reading what I am writing. Of course I don't mind that people read (hence its online and not in some journal) but I do mind when people secretly read and never comment or say read this or that... Esp. if it's people I know...cause that just feels stalkerish...(so hey! let me know if u're reading). Well since no one is saying they are reading, I can nicely continue expressing what is really going on cause I need to get it out and there's no one to speak to....Cause really I can't keep it on the inside it is too much for me. And with friends well...

• Some give off impression own lives are perfect so if they not honest, hard for me to be.
• Some have their own issues so dont want to burden them, then if I say I will share regardless, can sense that I am just adding to their loads
• Some don't want to hear my problems and rightly so. Who wants to be friends with someone who always has issues! well generally i am with ppl who do have and who dont want to have them, but from what I have heard people say and how they act, generally world an christians dont want to be with ppl like that.
• I am being super negative and unfair because maybe there are some friends who do care, and yes I know i can count them on one hand. If the others do let me know. But again I know we're all going through stuff, so hey I'm not holding it against you I am just saying for me, I am alone in what I am going through! Not saying it's your fault or you need to be there.

I have issues and they don't just go away, especially if you want them away and willing to face whatever you need to face, then wisdom has shown that road is longer because it involves dealing with roots. I get that some people are more simple and less complex and can just go out and change themselves immediately upon hearing they need to change,but I am not that person, so I guess that is another issue!

So yeah I'm going through these things and I feel, very,very alone in it.

And am trying to pray in the midst of it and God has brought a bit of cheering through a little 2 year old from George who asked to speak to me on the phone. But the problem is still there, and it always has been and never seems to change. No matter what. And so people, leaders, psychologist, pastors will say. That means You need to change. Yeah, maybe but that doesnt make the things that happen to me right! And I'm running out of ways to handle it, hope, and I just want it to stop hitting me over the head and tramping on my feelings! And so if changing means, I must keep quiet, lay low, not let it get to me, then tell me how. Tell me how not to be hurt. Because really I'm not a sucker for pain! It does hurt! Maybe its because I am hoping this storm will stop! Maybe it's not ever going to stop but about me going through the storm. Then please give me wisdom on how i am suppsoed to think/feel when I'm drowning? I know the "right" thing to do, but how do u stop feeling like you're drowning while doing the right thing. Or when trying to do the right thing you get in so much more trouble!

So if it's me thats the problem, then how do I change that, then thats another problem on my list of problems.
If you hit me on my head am I not supposed to feel pain...No still feel pain?
Ok so then am I supposed to still feel pain and just become numb and surrender till I'm just a shell.
Why am I not allowd to say it hurts? Why am I not allowed to do something that prevents me from being hurt again?

God please help me. You're the only one that I can trust. I am hurting Big time at this moment. And I really don't know how to get over it, through it, around it,etc. I know Jesus went through worse please help that then breakthrough how I feel Lord.

Feels like everyone else world goes on and I'm just left to deal with the mess!

Lord help me. Fight for me, help me do the "right" thing, if there is cause right now I also feel like a terrible sinner!