To Blog or Not to Blog...

Ok again on the relationship Girl Guy topic. We just had a long discussion about this after church, and I'm still thinking and questioning and anylysing or over analysing some of the things. But thats whats bloggings for. Perhaps there is nobody to ask these things, but at least in this way I get it out there, even if it's only for myself to reread later and be amused by the way I thought in the past. But why To Blog or not to Blog? Because in the same way, I dont really want people to read this, and they havent yet invented a free blog that stores info on ur hardrive with all the look and feel and ease of use as my blogspot account but not having to post online to blog...Now thats what I would like. But at the same time, I do have some good friends on my multiply blog which is connected to this,so at the same time, if there is some stinking thinking by someone else that I trust reading it I may get good counsel. Well anyway, hence the dilemma. So I repeat.Not posting for others to read, but to get the thoughts running in my head out. But if the reader comments thats up to them, I would respond, but this is more for me than the reader that I do this.

So whats this about relationships. We just had an awesome conference, which will be my next blog hopefully soon. And someone said before you can be a Father you must be a son. Or before you can be mother, you must be a daughter first, then a wife, then a mother, there is a certain order. Now in the same way. What bothers me is that my male friendship circle is completely small. And yes though I may sometimes go on about the fact that I am 28 and single, that is not why I befriend people or look at people in that way firstly. But in terms of a future relationship or maybe I am just being idealistic which I usually am, I would really just like the person to be friend first. And not be my friend becuase they had other motives, but really a friend for friendship sake. So right now I'm not looking for a husband I'm lookign for a friend. And not a friend to become a husband, just a friend to be a friend? Why? and yes of course sometimes one does long for those things in life, but in the same way, life is good for me, it's not those things above serving God, loving people, and having fun while we at it. Like I said in a previous post, I am not twiddling my thumbs and sighing continuously? Maybe I am just in denial.

But someone did one say that the reason why they dont hang out with females between about the ages and 25 - 30 is because they have marriage on the brain. And yes we speak about it, but I did that at 20, 16? Probably depends on the woman. It's like saying you want to own a Lamborgini? Doesnt mean that you want and have to have it now.

So back to the small friendship circle. Maybe at the same time that is the way things are supposed to be? I dont know. When I watched the Bee Movie, I could totally relate to that main bee. Life is so planned out and organized, and sometimes I wish I could just do it my own way? Not saying ignore what the bible says, but things that we do in the world, are they even biblical? Or as I said above maybe I am just in denial.

In terms of marriage and children, Yes of Course I would have loved to be married before 30 and have more than 2 children...? But Life for Chandre has so many times been the opposite that I've expected and planned, and also with all the hiccups,issues and stuff, I just want Gods will for my life, That is what I want above all, and I think I have borne the fruit of that (maybe this is pride speaking, but i see alot of people say one thing, but they dont really try and live what they say out) but in terms of God's will I've really messed up in the past, and the Lord knows Lord, I want to be pleasing unto you. If it means being single for life? Then I'll be cool with this, or married at 40, or married tomorrow I will be fine. I will deal with it. But it's about what God is wanting not society or even myself. Now typing that part of singleness....Now If I am single for life. Does that mean I will have no guy friends? Cause that's surely how it looks. I think that's what was getting to me today, it's like Guys are keeping at an arms length, becuase htey think all we think about is looking for someone to hook up with. but the more they stay away, the less we learn how to relate to guys and just be a friend and a sister, which is what we will be after marriage too to men. Ok maybe guys are staying an arms lengths for other reasons, but who knows I dont know.

(I have to add that I'm not always immune to not having feelings too, but I act on the desires I have to please God and eventually any confusion does go away, through prayer, being accountable or even speaking to the people involved... Just this is a whole nother blog on it's own, and not connected with the above and below thought/rant)

I saw this talk thats advertised on a phillipino(filipino) every nation youth site. They will be having a talk on the differences between men and women. I think that's a great idea! Dispell some of the myths or misunderstandings.

Which now gets me back to my second thought for the week which is not about relationships but about friendships between guys. Been noticing, I could be wrong, but this is my observation. That guys dont really try and connect with other guys. And its not that they dont have the ability to.Cause that very same guy will pour his heart out to his "girl" friend (not girlfriend) Or if the guy is trying to reach some unsaved guy then he will go all out, but otherwise, unless the other party has pursued the friendship for months even years and invaded the other guys personal space, the introduction and occasional greeting is as far as it goes. So that leaves 2 dilemmas I've noticed as a result:

No.1 and this is the main one I think. Is that guys have an opinion of another guy who is maybe chatting to a girl, or doing something the wrong way, or I dont knwo dressing weirdly,etc.etc.etc. But instead of getting into the guys world and speaking to the person and getting to the heart of the person, they stand at a distance and assume, or even give commands and advice when never having had a normal proper conversation with the person. Like when thinking about this in the week. Was thinking about how Ronelle kept repeating. Discipleship is Relationship, Discipleship is Relationship, It really is. Yes, speak into peoples lives, but value getting to know them as much as correcting them.

2. Girls needing to counselling or speak to guys
Again maybe this is just a woman thing, the speaking to other people. I dont know, most of my life, I've been Chandre, not a girl who must sit one side and drink tea, but I had the freedom to play marbles with my cousin even cricket, and even in the IT world you have to mingle to survive and I wont say that I've been a Tomboy but I was just Chandre. And its only lately that I've been noticing that the opposite sex is really different to women. (Zoning out, multitasking, not bonding with other guys)
So now I'm not sure if what I am thinking is a guy thing like I'm saying and maybe just a specific to the situation thing. But back to problem no. 2 because Guys dont go out of their way to talk to other guys, we see the guy standing alone on the side for a while and talk. Or perhaps it's our friends, brothers,cousins,neighbours, etc. we bring to church and introduce to the guys, but then thats as far as it goes, unless as I said earlier the guy who I am introducing to the rest, really goes out of his way to connect with the guys, which is like " what are the chances" he is the new one. And Like even more specifically, I have these guys phoning my number to chat, who I brought to church, and now I'm beginning to wonder is it because of wrong motives, or is it becuase I was friendly and thats the connection to church that they have. And so I dont really talk long back and feel it's not my place to become best friends with these guys, but then again what if their motives are pure and even I am nto speaking to them? Or what if not? I dont know...

Maybe some of the guys on here can answer....

Anyway I did pray this weekend at the conference. Lord if these are some guy issues that are surfacing now please deal with me, I've never been like a good friend once said a feminista. Always just been Chandre friends with guys and girls and not putting them in that category so dont want to become one now and just lately noticing how different we are and because these arent topics spoken about yet and I guess havent been reading the bible in this mindset cuase this is just this week's thoughts I guess wont have the answer soon, or we'll just have to see. Or perhaps life is categories and boxes and I have to get with the program. I dont know...

Maybe I should just take a vow of silence on this issue again, it worked last time.

Well We'll see...

Chan