I've been struggling recently with this a little. It seems whenever I am lonely from people, God affirms me even more, yet I do struggle with how can what God be saying is true, when I get the exact opposite response from people. And yet I know God loves me, and yet I love myself... That is not the question here. And yet why do I care? And yet do I want to fit into the worlds way, or am I bigger than that...?
I think the issue comes in when I open up to new things. I'm totally fine, on my own. Ok, that is an exaggeration, but truth be told, I enjoy reading, blogging, dreaming, watching series now, etc... Doing my own thing. I am found when I'm with God, I receive, he makes me " When the time comes, I'll be the one asking why...Why did I ever doubt you"... So when I'm in him, I am content... but then when I open up to relationships, I am always dissappointed when dissappointment comes. Maybe its cause I dont expect it. Or maybe its cause I'm stepping out and taking a risk...But why does it seem everyone else fits in so much easier, Why does it seem that others aren't walking alone...
And why I am I focused on the nots (nao's), instead of the ares...(Ser/Estar's)
Because the truth is God is doing pretty amazing things in my life at the moment, and I am sad at a few things people didn't do...
Lord, please help me in this.
In Blue Like Jazz, he says Jazz Music doesn't resolve...and Yet it seems thats sometimes what I want in my life...
Your will be done my Lord. Your kingdom Come.
Chan
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