Daily Grantisms.

Grant: I still don't understand why fast?

I explain fasting, why, denying flesh, to hear from God, maybe miss a meal, and spend time with God in that time instead, or if you are on your phone alot, maybe you may for a period not use your phone...

Grant: "Like Lent"

Me: Oh yes, you were anglican, yes Like Lent.

Grant: I gave up chocolates for Lent.

Me looks at Grant, a thousand questions in my eyes, and a bit of hope.

then he reminds me... He doesn't eat Chocolates.

Thankfulness... and last day of 2012

So on my second last day of 2012, (Sun 30 December) I was in the pit of all pits, after feeling for a while like my life is not making sense, and if this is a movie about my life you would not like the end of it. Was feeling lonely, aware of all my weaknesses, shortcomings and failures, and struggling to connect with God too...

Asked a friend to join me the night to pray, and another friend contacted me in the middle of me going through a slump, and so I said she should come over, she came over and we prayed, and this was the beginning of things changing. My mentor also invited me to join her in 2 days of thankfulness (with other things, not going to write on here till it's over) and she told me about Bill Johnson's book Strengthen yourself in the Lord, and I figured, he may have preached about gratitude in one of his strenght sermons that I have.
I found one, and it was all about worshipping God in the midst of the situation that you going through, and not for the situation, but for who He is. Not just worshiping when you have breakthru, but not for breakthrough too, but because he is worthy. Not because of who I am, but because of Who He is.

This made a lot of sense, because I was sulking and complaining because of my unworthiness... And the result was pushing me further away from God. So I started praising God, for who he is... And that has changed everything, I went to bed smiling, I woke up smiling...I am full of faith for the future and I am trusting. Thank You Lord. For who you are...

I don't know if I will make a thousand, but will begin on Some - inspired by: http://www.benijohnson.blogspot.com/2011/04/1000-things-to-be-thankful-for.html
Gonna go for 100 today (#ok will continue if I want to...)

I am thankful:

1. For who you are, Lord
2. For Your  faithfulness towards me
3. For Grace
4. For Judy
5. For Liz's intervention yesterday
6. For Maria and Aunty Jose
7. For my mom's consistant being there for me
8. For Danelle winning Miss Congeniality
9. For Nicole's gentleness and care
10. For my Father putting Christ first
11. For his health
12. For my Job
13. For a bonus
14. For new friends through my collegues
15. For Adolf and our friendship and sharing
16. For the great awesome birthday/christmas gifts got from him
17. For the joy of giving others presents, esp this year having money to give them
18. For the christmas party in Elsies
19. For the sweet children and that girl who said thank you so humbly
20. For Audrey's Mom's heartfelt prayer
21. For strength to keep giving
22. For provision to give
23. For being able to move out
24. For winetasting at Zevenwacht on Saturday
25. For chiprolls
26. For the 2 kilos I lost, for drinking water and walking and enjoying it
27. For grace to be more health concious
28. For awesome holy spirit and love of God times when East London team was here
29. For my dream being interpreted when Bethel team was here
30. For growing in spiritual warfare and deliverence when bethel was here
31. For learning about releasing healing and commanding sickness to Go
32. For awesome community in hop times
33. For Stephanie and Gershwin getting married
34. For funny moments and being able to laugh at it, e.g. mailing the whole work place
35. For seeing zebras mate and going on a game drive at Buffelsfontein
36. For Heidi
37. For prayertimes at work as collegues
38. For seeing Ruth and Sveva this year!
39. For new lifesaver friends, Vilana and Renaldo
40. For Vilana getting saved!
41. For some breakthrough for Ilze
42. For Ammy getting saved and adding to our lives, and God just constantly intervening
43. For being able to buy a monitor
44. For dealing with the mouse/or attempting to however hard it was
45. For learning to enjoy new foods, and buy my own cheese and stuff
46. For the specials and awesome christmas trimmings
47. For Ps Wolfgang from EN London's sermon reminding me about Jesus himself
48. For a change from night to day from yesterday to today
49. For the praise and joy in my heart
50. For awesome Bethel cd's, sermons, and meeting teams and being challenged in my own bedrooms
51. For praying more in tongues this year
52. For making stew and food I havent made before
53. For having at times all sorts of meet in my fridge
54. For Mcdonalds breakfasts
55. For going to Sun City and good family time
56. For grace in family relationships
57. For mom and dad transforming my place into a more livable place
58. For seeing God speak to me through dreams
59. For growing relationships with some people in Church, Ps bev, michael, etc
60. For breakthrough's in intimacy as a church
61. For Jenny Ah Chong's cd :)
62. For Jenn Johnsons passionate worship, Glimpse - Jason Upton, and Heaven invading Earth
63. For work not being too technical and being able to understand
64. For passing my ITIL despite all my procrastination
65. For God helping me have rythm at staff party
66. For healing a work relationship
67. For favour in workplace with people here and abroad
68. For Morrisons chocolate
69. For Italian chocolate Sveva came
70. For being able to serve, hang with Maria, Ruth and Debs mom, and taste pudim de leite
71. For beginning of year  awesome times with deborah and her being here when I got the job
72. For being able to attend Ruth and Herschel's wedding, and peaceful Mosselbay time
73. For going away for the first time for a weekend away with big group of friends (dont mean a holiday in the past)
74. For my hair finally coming right
75. For being asked to be a partner
76. For learning lots
77. For experiencing Your presence
78. For winning the chopping board
79. For provision in the little,e.g gifts like shower jel which comes handy.
80. For awesome gifts too from friends, wine glasses, etc...
81. For nice times with clayton, tania, sam and carlo and judy
82. For great times with Selina, liz, lezah, anthea, etc..
83. For being able to go and experience new places, Darling, Franschoek, Paarl
84. For random bored Sunday moments with Renaldo, Vilana, etc
85. For flying in the aeroplane and the girl I met
86. For health! No flu this year
87. For little signposts that I am where I am meant to be at work
88. For the night of the Lloyds at HOP
89. For my awesome birthday experience at surfside, the grace on the whole day, relationships, food, everything...
90. For good steak!
91. For improving family relationships
92. For the simple joy of watching a movie in my place
93. For the simple pleasures of entertaining people or taking people on a tour of Kuils River
94. For the nice time at Zevenwacht with Shaheen and Judy and connections there
95. For releasing alot of the past church hurt
96. For Nicole getting a better Job and Danelle's life moving in a positive direction in terms of career and her passions
97. For some breakthrough for Ronelle too and Shakita passing
98. For being able to go to Paul Manwaring conference
99. For christmas message, purpose heart being special
100. For freedom!
101. For psychology sessions, and little miracles there too! Marius Falk
102. For Tina Engel friendship and outings
103. For closerness with Jodie
104. For my extended family Boonzaaier and De Wet and all special moments with them
105. For seeing Ilze Brown and Brent and his 21st
106. Zevenwacht Wine Farm
107. Mom's birthday
108. Boxed Canvas specials

lessons, lessons, lessons, or mirrors....

I say mirrors, because I'm not sure if I am learning anything except discovery.

Alot of issues have surfaced recently, things I've been working on for years, and not conquered, but now they are beginning to impact daily life, and I don't even know where to begin to fix it.

I'm not sure if these are occuring becuase my crutches are causing my life to fall apart, or if they are surfacing cause this is the season to deal with it.

It's largely around perception, confidence, eloquence, self image, fear of man, dealing with things in wrong way, etc, etc, etc.

I am on a journey of knowing who I am in Christ. I am learning how to rest.

At the same time the issues around not knowing who I am, is impacting in my interactions with people, so I have to deal with it, but how, when and how quickly.

grrrrr. or rest.? was resting but then grrr... happened.

Lord please keep leading me.

Search me O God, and know my heart,
Test me and know my anxious thoughts
See if there is any offensive way in me
and lead me in the way everlasting...
Psalm 139

Kristy's Chinese Cabbage Salad

This is so I never lose it. One of the greatest things about missions, is getting to taste other people's food. I never realised Canadians have so much culture, and enjoy such tasty food. But that is for another blog. For now I would just like to put the Chinese Cabbage Salad recipe my friend from Canada made. So that when I need the recipe it is not far away.

Ingredients

Cabbage (half or 1 depending on how much want to make)
1 packet of 2 minute noodles - chicken flavoured
1/2 cup sesame seeds (optional)
1/4 cup margarine

(kristy doesnt always measure sesame seeds and margarine)

Method

Cut cabbage in crisp strips. and put in bowl.

Brown noodles, sesame seed and soup mix (from 2min noodles) in margarine  in pan/pot.

Stir the noodles mix and cabbage together and cool.

Just before serving, add dressing.


Dressing:

1/2 cup oil
1/4 vinegar
1/3 cup sugar
1 Tbsp soya sauce

The Heart Prayer

Oh Lord You have searched me and You know me,
You know when I sit and when I rise,
You perceive my thoughts from afar....

Search Me O God, and know my heart.
Test me and know my anxious thoughts...
See if there is any offensive way in me
And lead me in the way everlasting....

I need you More...

I need You more,
more than yesterday
I need You Lord
More than words can say
I need You more
Than ever before
I need You Lord,
I need You Lord

More than the air I breathe
More than the song I sing
More than the next heartbeat
More than anything, and Lord as time goes by
I'll be by Your side
Cause I never want to go back to my old life

We give you the highest praise
We give you the highest praise
We give you the highest praise

More than the air I breathe
More than the song I sing
More than anything
I need You more
- Bethel Live

Wise words from Valerie Anderson in 2010

Better to blog this old e-mail than to keep it among 12 000 emails.

Sent by Tarryn to us after Namrock in 2010 by Valerie Anderson:

On Namrock this year I really felt pressed to share this stuff and so did. I believe it was God. If it turns out to be vastly theologically incorrect then either I got it wrong or popular theology did. I'm willing to take the risk, because I really believe this to be true....

I think there are a lot of lies, misconceptions, and false teachings that have gone on about Marriage and Singleness and so am very excited about speaking truth and life into those areas. Here goes: (Bullet points are just two things I said before the main part.)

1. I know that what I am going to say is not for everyone and there are some of you who are going to be sitting there and getting frustrated that it's "that" topic again. I would like to ask you as a part of your worship tonight that you keep quiet and put up with it because there are a lot of people here who are really struggling with this issue and hurting a lot over it.

2. As we were sitting worshipping after communion I looked around and got a huge sense of loneliness. As I looked around at that group at Namrock I saw a LOT of people who were very very lonely and hurting.

There have been two primary bad teachings about marriage and singleness which the church has been responsible for over the years. The Catholic church has tended to lift singleness up as more spiritual and something to be attained. Nuns and priests and monks have been honoured over the years, while marriage - still one of the sacraments - has often been portrayed as a weak capitulation to the "things of the flesh". Teachers of this view use Paul's writings on singleness a lot. On the other hand, the Protestant church has glorified and spiritualised marriage, lifiting it up as the pinnacle of relational living. Teachers here will draw, ironically, on Paul's teaching about husband's loving their wives as Christ loved the church. I think both of these extremes have done the church a huge disservice. I want to speak into the Protestant view. I strongly believe that truth needs to be spoken directly into this area to bring release from guilt, condemnation and bad teaching.

Firstly, marriage is not your reward. It is not the thing you get once you have reached an acceptable spiritual level, once your relationship with God is right, once you have dealt with all your junk. Well-meaning christians promote the marriage-as-reward view with comments like this, "Just keep praying..." "Focus on your relationship with God" "God is jealous and He wants you all to himself" "Only when God is your everything - your provider, comforter, and Husband - will he give you a spouse" "Maybe you need to be getting into the Word more/doing more quiet time/praying more/working on your relationship with Him before getting into other relationships". This is crap. Those are things that are not reserved for singles - married people should be doing them just as much! Marriage is not the thing you get when you have attained spiritual well-being and right relationship with God. This view is dangerous because 1. it puts married folk on a pedestal as the "ones who have arrived" - which believe me we are not! and 2. it puts single folk under an incredible amount of condemnation, guilt and worthlessness for not being "good enough" for a relationship. It condemns their relationship with God because, if you're not married, obviously you are doing something wrong and haven't earned a relationship yet. Once again, this is Crap. I have to say it that strongly because I really do believe that this is a HUGE lie taking down people in the church.

Secondly, a lot of people - naively and sometimes intentionally - teach that God will purposefully keep you in a place of singleness so that He can work on your character, teach you things, etc. Nonsense. I do not believe that God puts you in or keeps you in a place of singleness so that He can mold you. I do believe that in whatever place you are, God will work in that place and use the strengths of that circumstance to work in and through you. Yes, there are some things that would seem to be easier worked out while we are still single. But I can say this because if it were true that God keeps you single to work on you, then believe me I would still be single! There was a lot of stuff in my life before going into marriage that would have been much better worked out while I was alone. In fact, bringing it into marriage caused B and I a lot of pain and confusion, and was incredibly difficult. Singleness, according to the "working on your character" arguement ,would have been a much better place for all that to happen. But God did not keep me in that place til I or He had sorted it out - but in His incredible grace when I moved into marriage He still worked on it. You do not have to be single for God to be able to work on certain things in your life. But if you are - if that is the space you find yourself in now - then He will make use of that and work on those things. But He can do that just as well in marriage. He does not put you in or keep you in a place of singleness; He will work and use whatever place you are in to grow you.

This said, I have to say that marriage is wonderful. I love it. I am not trying to diss or put marriage down at all. If you desire marriage then by all means bring that continually before Him. But remember that marriage is not your reward and it is not something withheld until you tick all the boxes. Also, if you are in a place of singleness and you desire a relationship and to be married, do not live in the place of desire. Live in the place you are in. Live it to the full. Don't miss out on the incredible adventure and the wonderful things that being single allows you to do because you are longing to be somewhere else.