Where I'm at today and in general...

Waiting for God to confirm some things for me...
I know that without faith it is impossible to please God, but I also know that He is able to make my head knowledge into heart knowledge and I'm awaiting that Divinely inspired revelation.

Basically thought I almost fell in a certain area but didnt, because was tempted and when wanting to act on it i strongly sensed the Holy Spirits conviction and another scripture came at the right time without me thinking it at so I knew the Holy Spirit was shouting out at me... I then went on with my life not really thinking about it because in my mind it was a victory, told a friend but that was about it, then on Sunday at church, I worshipped my lungs out and then at the end of the service after Fire Burns while singing I know who I am, all of a sudden that event came to memory, and I couldnt sing any further even though I tried and knew that I need to go and confess this sin. Spoke to Pastor Landie who brought light and truth to the whole situation and I realised its so much worse than what I thought, now this is not a condemnation feeling but more a sadness. Because what I thought was conviction was almost the Holy Spirit crying out cause darkness and light do not mix and so now me a bit sad because I'm thinking I grieved the Spirit and that is the unforgivable sin, and even if its not that, I know I hurt him a little. Anyway... It may seem I'm exaggerating,but the way I am feeling is that if I lived in the biblical time I would be wearing sack cloth now, and while I'm around people I'm happy and can enjoy that moment, but when alone, I'm so aware that I've hurt God and I really need to know that He has forgiven me, and that now that I understand the depth of what I've done that I will not do it again, and I need to knwo that God will help me in this because I do not want to do that again. Also I realise that where i am is so far from where i should be in terms of maturity as a christian and even in my relationship with God. It's like spurts of closeness, and breakthrough, but not the depth there should be after 9 years, And yes i know God's timing is not ours, etc.etc...

but I guess the bottom line is, that I love God, and having said that I want my life to reflect that statement... I want Him to be first and foremost and Him to be my refuge and my God in whom I trust. I want Him to be my best friend. And ja I want to walk from Glory to Glory as each year goes by. God I long to know you better, And be the child you call me to be.

psalm 32 really spoke to me today...

However I want to live this word, and the fruits will show if I am and seeds take time to germanate... Holy Spirt, will you help me. In jesus Name

Something I shared with a friend today...(taken from my qt...and chat)

This is what I wrote this morning

My God, may my life be a home for Your spirit.
May He feel at home in my heart
Lord, Confirm your love for me, Chandre
Lord affirm me
For only in You I find my identity and myself....

"therefore let everyone who is Godly pray to you while you may be found"

God are you able to be found? By me...
Have I grieved You spirit or are there still new mercies for me this morning

Thats some of what I've been writing this morning, it's not all bad...

and an sms I sent :

I think I know what you mean, that yes, we should all the time be grateful and mindful of what He done but even more so in this season
should we be humbled, thankful, broken because of what He has done. Me personally is aware that I need to go to next level with God, that way I 've been living till now, is not even halfway to where it should be, like m ssempa said, we should cry when we repend & even repent and cry for others sins and here sometimes it's like I just put a plaster on my sins. May me be the child of GOd I should be...

And this song really really blessed my heart today! On repeat a copuple of times

Sara Groves
You Did That For Me lyrics

I don't have to cry anymore
I don't have to worry about what's in store
I've walked that road exhausted and poor
I don't have to cry anymore
And I don't have to know it all
I don't have to be so proud and stand so tall
I climbed that mountain only to fall
I don't have to know it all

You did that for me
Oh, you did that for me
You wore the chains so I could be free
Yeah, yeah
You did that for me

And I don't have to be ashamed
Hang my head or shoulder the blame
Wondering if my life's been in vain
I don't have to be ashamed
Oh, you did that for me
Oh, you did that for me
You wore the chains so I could be free
Yeah, yeah
You did that for me

Man of sorrows
Well acquainted with grief
Drug down to the city dump
Spread eagle on a cross beam
Propped up like a scarecrow
Nailed like a thief
There for all the world to see

You wore the chains so I could be free
Yeah, yeah
Oh Lord, you did that for me
Oh Lord, you did that for me, You wore the chains so I could be free