hey hey

Who would think that going without food actually makes you stronger :) But isn't that how God works, saying when you put aside your desires, carnal, needs, etc, for a moment, a time, a season, then I will come through and be your bread, your provision, your strenth. Fasting works people. This is coming from someone who sometimes is lazy to fast, more when I'm out of it, then hard to get back in. But this past 3 weeks, I've seen God coming through, I've seen him work, I've seen him change things, despite my mistakes, failure,etc.etc, simply because of surrending through fasting. Lord, I love you! And I thank you for your amazing strength and grace. Even as I write this, usually my heart would be shattering because of what is occuring in my personal life, but amazingly I am just depending on God and as he comes through and fills me up more, that causes me to depend even more, I am not trying to figure things out when I'm on my mine, replaying events and conversations,etc. I am just doing what I must, and thinking on God, surrendering. It doesnt always feel good, I am having a cold at the same time, so physically not feeling lekka either, BUT, I am blessed. And this in itself is amazing,so Lord thank YOU for your faithfulness, and for being there for me. If I allow myself to delve into the series of events, it doesnt make sense at all, yes there are some big basics we have let go of, and compromised in that could have led to all this muck and leaves uncertainty about the future BUT, at the same time, no matter how I try to do things with sincerity, or the right thing, or with good intentions, it just doesnt work out, and I dont know how to fix things, resolve things, clarify things, move on even, when focused on these things. I am sad that friendships that I have had has to come to this point and the hoper in me hopes that it will be redeemed despite our own choices not on a romantic level but a general friendship I wish the best for you, you wish the best for me as it always was. I do not wish anything to leave behind bitterness, mistrust, fear, and I know when dont deal with things properly thats where it can lead to. But learning to lift my head above this, not look to this, but look to God find my beauty, my confidence, my joy, my strength, my"strenght for today, and bright hope for tomorrow" in HIM, in no one else but him, and he will work together all things for my good. It may hurt, it may not make sense, but as psalm 46 says I will make the Lord my refuge and be still and know he is my God. I am casting my cares upon him for HE cares for me.

Lord thank you for your most amazing faithfulness towards me. Lord I cling to you and love you

Chan