Love in the real sense of the world...

I have offered my heart countless times, even when I knew the risk, mainly because I'm not half hearted. This all or nothing me has not changed despite advice, trying to change, trying to not be. I'm still standing though. Because of an amazing God who somehow shields me despite my best attempts and prayers otherwise.

I can only hope that when the one who sticks around comes, that I will still have this soft trusting heart that I have. That I will still give my all and hope for the best!

I am coming to accept that people I think are amazing, and who have consistently shown they really are amazing, are maybe not for me. The thought of that occasionally brings a slight sadness, but there is still the glimmer of hope that maybe just maybe there is someone who is more than I can ask or imagine, as God promises... That his good and perfect will is what will make me glad, and that as amazing as some of the people seem, they do not compare to what lies ahead.

Its still hard because this artist of the heart always seem to capture beauty. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, how do I stop seeing? Because I see. Unintentionally. Unavoidably.

Or maybe it's not to stop seeing, but how I see and what conclusions I draw from what I see. I think I've hit the nail on the head there :)

But even that is hard. I try to be realistic, but sometimes hope remains. I try to remain objective, I try to pray things away... but the "Child" in me still hopes and dreams.

I'm not going to even claim to have the answer today. It probably is deep inside somewhere today just ranting and raving, that I still see, and I still love, iow respond to what I see. And while right now I am not seeing and loving, I hope that a day will come soon where seeing and loving is okay. And when that day comes I still see and love,even to a greater measure than before.

I'm ok though, this is not an emo post :) I really am happy in Christ and life is good and growing, Just pondering Love thoughts today :)