i'm not perfect
not even close
i do what i do
by the grace of God
his strength moves me
his love fulfills me
but when i dont have that balance right
I'm like an ostrich with his head in the sand
i'm like a camel that sat down
yes, i know that there are people more far gone than i
yes, i know that I have Jesus and so who am I to complain
but let me tell you
what i've learnt
and maybe too you will learn
we are all fargone
but by the grace of God
the ability we have to love others
comes from the love of God already in us
whether we know him or not
he has made us in his image
but there comes a time when even us, or even I
need Jesus, though he is there, it's as if i cannot see him
because he wants me to seek his face
God is not a genie in a bottle who you rub and then he magically appears...
or at least my relationship with him is not one of a fairy God mother granting all my wishes...
And whatever i have done for people has been out of the love bestowed me, it flowed out of relationship with a Heavenly father who allowed me to sit on his lap and told me things about me and him and how he sees me, and things about loving people, and before if I heard others hurt, yes i felt hurt too, but my response was O God.... please intervene, Lord...
But in this season, I'm needing God, I'm needing arms, I'm needing answers, I'm needing peace, and that is only found at his feet...
Perfection isn't possible. If you think you perfect, then I would have to question your healthy self image.
At the same time as me saying all of this, let me add that me saying I'll never be perfect is not a cop out, or an excuse not to share my life with others. Not to make a difference... It's just that I've learnt the difference between making a difference with Gods grace, and making a difference in my own strength...
So right now...
I need you Lord. More of you. People might not get me at this point, but i know that you do. I know that you not gone, you just desire more of me, and I am choosing to follow you, where you say I will go, what you want, I will do...
But no more can I live up to people's expectations at the expense of what God is wanting...
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
whwppphhhh ...(how do u type a letting out air sound?) I can breath again!
handed the hard copy of my project in last night...
busy mailing the soft copy but cant seem to figure out how to take the track changes off!
anyway almost there...
busy mailing the soft copy but cant seem to figure out how to take the track changes off!
anyway almost there...
How Sweet the Name
How Sweet the Name - Delirious?, Kingdom of Comfort
What would I have become
If you'd never stopped to pull me through
What would this life had done
If you'd never whispered liberty
I heard you sing so sweetly, a song of love
Jesus how sweet the name
The name that saves
Jesus how sweet the sound
The sound of grace
The sound of praise
The sound that saves
So many songs I've sung
But there's none more beautiful than you
And here I've found myself
So I'm happy to be lost in you
I hear you sing so sweetly, a song called love
Every soul needs a saviour
What would I have become
If you'd never stopped to pull me through
What would this life had done
If you'd never whispered liberty
I heard you sing so sweetly, a song of love
Jesus how sweet the name
The name that saves
Jesus how sweet the sound
The sound of grace
The sound of praise
The sound that saves
So many songs I've sung
But there's none more beautiful than you
And here I've found myself
So I'm happy to be lost in you
I hear you sing so sweetly, a song called love
Every soul needs a saviour
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Think I need a coffee break :)
Still busy with my project and it is 2AM but think I need to take a break cause loosing focus...I really like what I cleaned up but I still have so far to go...
Maybe should make a cuppa.
By the way I didnt update this I think but began a new job...as a support worker for exchange students. Here am I with 2 of the german girls, however the one is so South African now, dont think I can call her german... in Langa at a shack. Was quite an nice eventful day and though I stressed before about how it's going to be, was better than I expected.
Also after this big project is in going to start getting my business out there...Need to get out of debt. With the help of God of course.
Well my eyes are starting to close but have to get done
Maybe should make a cuppa.
By the way I didnt update this I think but began a new job...as a support worker for exchange students. Here am I with 2 of the german girls, however the one is so South African now, dont think I can call her german... in Langa at a shack. Was quite an nice eventful day and though I stressed before about how it's going to be, was better than I expected.
Also after this big project is in going to start getting my business out there...Need to get out of debt. With the help of God of course.
Well my eyes are starting to close but have to get done
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Long time no Blog...
There is so much that i need to update you on, but right now those thoughts need to keep whirling in my head till I have more time on my hands. For now let me just update you on my awesome time in God's presence last night and the things I have learnt or been reminded on.
Went to HP N1, because it was a worship evening... And really just needed uninteruppted worship session, and also the cool thing is that only know a few people so could dance and go on at the back and if anyone did look at me in a funny way, they probably won't see me again soon :)
Well after feeling so drained for a while, and really just desiring God to fill me again...I didnt even think I would dance at all, just sing and observe but the worship started with "Our God is Big" and then eventually they sang Desert song, and when they sang that I remembered where all this omgekrap feelings began, and remembered that a while back i was singing my lungs out and feeling like i need more, and that i am aksing God is there sin in my life, or what is the reason why I am feeling so omgekrap...And i can recall singing about being in the desert...But God is my victory...a while back driving my mom's car to my aunts house...Anyway then when my grandma died, that sunday it was just magnified for me, I need more Holy Spirit...I need a break through.. And then began working hectically on my studies, but decided to take a break from ministry so that i can seek his face for this month and sort out the other areas of my life that was lagging behind. Last week was a week of miracles despite me still needing that breakthrough and then last night because my friend said she would be dancing and because I sensed praise and worship is just what i need, I went...2 Hours of Praise and worship, was really good for me. These are the reminders God gave me in that time...
no.1. He never stopped loving me, in all my questions and business and even omgekrapness, I need to remember that Jesus still loves me (didnt doubt it but needed to be reminded of the way he sees and looks at me, his eyes, his heart, his smile, his arm around me)
no.2 Song my United -> "None by Jesus" Also a reminder. Stop looking, Only he i have and only He gave me his life. And All my delight is in him :)
no.3 the song written by the lady at HP, cant get to her name now...was in my head this week, who would have thought I would go and we would sing that song...
no.4 the new song she wrote was so appropriate to my situation. Sort of applying breaks that God was there all along but because you were listening and speaking loud in the crowds you couldn't hear His whisper
and lastly
No.5 during worship he reminded me of that image of the bride...and that just helped me to be the Chandre he sees in my worship...regardless of whatever people might think..I could see the lace gloves...So just began to dance and sing and smile :) and enjoy His beauty and know that I am beautiful in Him too... And the best part was that just as I got that revelation, the song changed to Savior King which has a line in the song...
"Let now your church shine as the bride
That you saw in your heart as you offered up your life"
:) And that was just what I needed to hear...Also enjoyed this
"I love you Lord, I worship you
Hope which was lost, now stands renewed
I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the savior king"
Also really enjoyed my conversation with Miriam's mom, Christine afterwards. Great to be able to just talk and be heard and also just talk about how wonderful God is.
And now having said that today began the book of Psalms...Still need to blog all the other things i learn in Job, Ezra, Nehemiah and Esther, but getting there...
God has really been good to me this year, despite my making a big deal about certain things, I cannot doubt that it's been a year of miracles...
Jesus, I love you. I love you.
Thankyou for Your love. that was proven in you giving your very own life...
"the weight of my sin was on your cross"
Thankyou for the way you see me, despite the way I see me,
Thankyou for smiling down on me, or as Psalm 3 that i read today says" You bestow glory on me and lift up my head"
Thankyou for your love despite all, I am standing upon this rock. Everything else may fall away. People may label, misunderstand, do whatever to me, but You Father, will never leave nor forsake me. Thankyou that You are the hope on which I stand and cling to. And I know it's only upon the foundation of Christ that I can build any human relationships, if I look for what can only be found in You in people I will feel hurt,etc...So Lord I look to you even in being able to minister again and making the right decisions, and work and finances for next years studies, and finishing my btech THIS YEAR, Praise God...Also listening to Darlene singing " I'll trust in You...I'll trust in You"...
Thank You that you are our hope our everything, I pray that you will not only pour your love and wisdom and purposes in my life, but also in the lives of my family...Thank You for a new week in You my God...May you bless us, and even all our friends, in Jesus Name.
Amen
Went to HP N1, because it was a worship evening... And really just needed uninteruppted worship session, and also the cool thing is that only know a few people so could dance and go on at the back and if anyone did look at me in a funny way, they probably won't see me again soon :)
Well after feeling so drained for a while, and really just desiring God to fill me again...I didnt even think I would dance at all, just sing and observe but the worship started with "Our God is Big" and then eventually they sang Desert song, and when they sang that I remembered where all this omgekrap feelings began, and remembered that a while back i was singing my lungs out and feeling like i need more, and that i am aksing God is there sin in my life, or what is the reason why I am feeling so omgekrap...And i can recall singing about being in the desert...But God is my victory...a while back driving my mom's car to my aunts house...Anyway then when my grandma died, that sunday it was just magnified for me, I need more Holy Spirit...I need a break through.. And then began working hectically on my studies, but decided to take a break from ministry so that i can seek his face for this month and sort out the other areas of my life that was lagging behind. Last week was a week of miracles despite me still needing that breakthrough and then last night because my friend said she would be dancing and because I sensed praise and worship is just what i need, I went...2 Hours of Praise and worship, was really good for me. These are the reminders God gave me in that time...
no.1. He never stopped loving me, in all my questions and business and even omgekrapness, I need to remember that Jesus still loves me (didnt doubt it but needed to be reminded of the way he sees and looks at me, his eyes, his heart, his smile, his arm around me)
no.2 Song my United -> "None by Jesus" Also a reminder. Stop looking, Only he i have and only He gave me his life. And All my delight is in him :)
no.3 the song written by the lady at HP, cant get to her name now...was in my head this week, who would have thought I would go and we would sing that song...
no.4 the new song she wrote was so appropriate to my situation. Sort of applying breaks that God was there all along but because you were listening and speaking loud in the crowds you couldn't hear His whisper
and lastly
No.5 during worship he reminded me of that image of the bride...and that just helped me to be the Chandre he sees in my worship...regardless of whatever people might think..I could see the lace gloves...So just began to dance and sing and smile :) and enjoy His beauty and know that I am beautiful in Him too... And the best part was that just as I got that revelation, the song changed to Savior King which has a line in the song...
"Let now your church shine as the bride
That you saw in your heart as you offered up your life"
:) And that was just what I needed to hear...Also enjoyed this
"I love you Lord, I worship you
Hope which was lost, now stands renewed
I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the savior king"
Also really enjoyed my conversation with Miriam's mom, Christine afterwards. Great to be able to just talk and be heard and also just talk about how wonderful God is.
And now having said that today began the book of Psalms...Still need to blog all the other things i learn in Job, Ezra, Nehemiah and Esther, but getting there...
God has really been good to me this year, despite my making a big deal about certain things, I cannot doubt that it's been a year of miracles...
Jesus, I love you. I love you.
Thankyou for Your love. that was proven in you giving your very own life...
"the weight of my sin was on your cross"
Thankyou for the way you see me, despite the way I see me,
Thankyou for smiling down on me, or as Psalm 3 that i read today says" You bestow glory on me and lift up my head"
Thankyou for your love despite all, I am standing upon this rock. Everything else may fall away. People may label, misunderstand, do whatever to me, but You Father, will never leave nor forsake me. Thankyou that You are the hope on which I stand and cling to. And I know it's only upon the foundation of Christ that I can build any human relationships, if I look for what can only be found in You in people I will feel hurt,etc...So Lord I look to you even in being able to minister again and making the right decisions, and work and finances for next years studies, and finishing my btech THIS YEAR, Praise God...Also listening to Darlene singing " I'll trust in You...I'll trust in You"...
Thank You that you are our hope our everything, I pray that you will not only pour your love and wisdom and purposes in my life, but also in the lives of my family...Thank You for a new week in You my God...May you bless us, and even all our friends, in Jesus Name.
Amen
Sunday, October 12, 2008
I give up
I give up
Chandré De Wet
12 Oct 2008
running, running
closed doors
where to now
searching for a way some how
give me answers,
don't know how
or what or where or when
but hope that somehow
somebody, help me please?
can't you see I'm incomplete
looking, knocking
should i be copying
ratrace or embrace
discipline or a waste?
could it be
you just want me
to give up
shut up
look up
get up
or down on my knees
saying Jesus please
no one else can appease
or set my spirit at ease
I give this situation to you
only your hands can hold it
only you can shape it, make it into what you desire
i am merely clay
surrendering this day
wishing the old flesh away
Lord come and make me ok
or at least the way
i should be
I give up
and I give you all that I am
take me and teach me
and lead me into your way everlasting
Chandré De Wet
12 Oct 2008
running, running
closed doors
where to now
searching for a way some how
give me answers,
don't know how
or what or where or when
but hope that somehow
somebody, help me please?
can't you see I'm incomplete
looking, knocking
should i be copying
ratrace or embrace
discipline or a waste?
could it be
you just want me
to give up
shut up
look up
get up
or down on my knees
saying Jesus please
no one else can appease
or set my spirit at ease
I give this situation to you
only your hands can hold it
only you can shape it, make it into what you desire
i am merely clay
surrendering this day
wishing the old flesh away
Lord come and make me ok
or at least the way
i should be
I give up
and I give you all that I am
take me and teach me
and lead me into your way everlasting
Saturday, October 11, 2008
I think it's time...
For a break...
Chatted to a friend outside of my circle who normally it's great to bounce these kinda stuff on and he was in agreement. And why... Just been feeling like I need more of God, a breakthrough, more of His Spirit and sensing that that will come in time spent with him, and that only comes by slowing down not running even harder and faster...Just for a month, to get my focus back and right.
Someone told me "ja, you are too busy, glad that I'm realising this" and I said no...it's not about realising this, its about doing what God wants. Previous months when ran up and down it wasn't out of my own and thats why I had the strength and desire that goes with it...
was cleaning up a pile of pages in my car,sorting it out,etc yesterday...and when i looked at the top page in the pile found something i had typed out before which is still true:
"...Same with my life, if I keep running 120km/hr I'm not going be able to hear God's will for my life, I'm going to go ahead and miss His timing I won't be following the rules and I might hit a situation that God wanted to protect me from but I was running too fast..."
Song I really like by Delirious... hope to get the cd one day
Touch
I, I want to know you
I want to show you I'm forever yours
And now, another day is dawning
Another page is turning here
For everyone to see
Yes I'm on my knees
'Cause I love you
And when you touch my life
I've been born again,
I am born again
And when you touch my life
I've been born again
I am born again
I'll shine like the heavens
Shine with the words of life
Light up my way
So please deliver me from walking
Beyond the truth that called me here
I'm not ashamed today
I've been torn again,
The curtain's been torn again
Thats about all I have to share for now...Still want to blog about what I realised on my gran's funeral and some songs I like... But that will have to wait. Have to take antibiotics and keep working on this project Or Try...
Chatted to a friend outside of my circle who normally it's great to bounce these kinda stuff on and he was in agreement. And why... Just been feeling like I need more of God, a breakthrough, more of His Spirit and sensing that that will come in time spent with him, and that only comes by slowing down not running even harder and faster...Just for a month, to get my focus back and right.
Someone told me "ja, you are too busy, glad that I'm realising this" and I said no...it's not about realising this, its about doing what God wants. Previous months when ran up and down it wasn't out of my own and thats why I had the strength and desire that goes with it...
was cleaning up a pile of pages in my car,sorting it out,etc yesterday...and when i looked at the top page in the pile found something i had typed out before which is still true:
"...Same with my life, if I keep running 120km/hr I'm not going be able to hear God's will for my life, I'm going to go ahead and miss His timing I won't be following the rules and I might hit a situation that God wanted to protect me from but I was running too fast..."
Song I really like by Delirious... hope to get the cd one day
Touch
I, I want to know you
I want to show you I'm forever yours
And now, another day is dawning
Another page is turning here
For everyone to see
Yes I'm on my knees
'Cause I love you
And when you touch my life
I've been born again,
I am born again
And when you touch my life
I've been born again
I am born again
I'll shine like the heavens
Shine with the words of life
Light up my way
So please deliver me from walking
Beyond the truth that called me here
I'm not ashamed today
I've been torn again,
The curtain's been torn again
Thats about all I have to share for now...Still want to blog about what I realised on my gran's funeral and some songs I like... But that will have to wait. Have to take antibiotics and keep working on this project Or Try...
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