thoughts...

i'm not perfect
not even close
i do what i do
by the grace of God
his strength moves me
his love fulfills me
but when i dont have that balance right
I'm like an ostrich with his head in the sand
i'm like a camel that sat down
yes, i know that there are people more far gone than i
yes, i know that I have Jesus and so who am I to complain
but let me tell you
what i've learnt
and maybe too you will learn
we are all fargone
but by the grace of God
the ability we have to love others
comes from the love of God already in us
whether we know him or not
he has made us in his image
but there comes a time when even us, or even I
need Jesus, though he is there, it's as if i cannot see him
because he wants me to seek his face
God is not a genie in a bottle who you rub and then he magically appears...
or at least my relationship with him is not one of a fairy God mother granting all my wishes...
And whatever i have done for people has been out of the love bestowed me, it flowed out of relationship with a Heavenly father who allowed me to sit on his lap and told me things about me and him and how he sees me, and things about loving people, and before if I heard others hurt, yes i felt hurt too, but my response was O God.... please intervene, Lord...

But in this season, I'm needing God, I'm needing arms, I'm needing answers, I'm needing peace, and that is only found at his feet...

Perfection isn't possible. If you think you perfect, then I would have to question your healthy self image.

At the same time as me saying all of this, let me add that me saying I'll never be perfect is not a cop out, or an excuse not to share my life with others. Not to make a difference... It's just that I've learnt the difference between making a difference with Gods grace, and making a difference in my own strength...

So right now...

I need you Lord. More of you. People might not get me at this point, but i know that you do. I know that you not gone, you just desire more of me, and I am choosing to follow you, where you say I will go, what you want, I will do...

But no more can I live up to people's expectations at the expense of what God is wanting...