...gripe...

Have a lot of hurt, but don't feel i really can speak to anyone about it, hence me blogging this. however not really sure who reads this either. So hope this post will go unnoticed. Why can't I tell anyone. Because I haven't noticed that noone is interested or has answers in this aspect of my life. I know God you do, but at the same time for me to live out what you want, I need you to fill me in that place, and heal me, and complete me.

Anyway...I said something today, that I should not have said, and I ask that God forgive me for speaking like that over my own life. But as I said above, I need a miracle here...and it's not coming... Or maybe it is.

I also need care, and if I'm not supposed to get that from family, friends, people, then God I need it from you. I also need to be forgiven, I also need to be encouraged.

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to continue forgiving the people who keep hurting me, or walk away...I'm not sure if you supposed to stay and take that same behaviour over and over because you know its not up to you when they may change? Or am I supposed to move on to other people.

Also why are people only there when you break down or when you say something, if there's a real relationship, nothing needs to be said (not speaking about you Judy...if you read this). I know people are just people and some of them don't have all of that in them to give the love I need. Even if I see them offer it to everyone else. I've gotta give, I've gotta love.

But of course, sometimes, like today, it gets too much. Today I need someone to put their arms around me and say I love you Chandre. Even if that someone is God, that is what I need today. I appreciate you. You are not just an irritation to us. Or our sense of entertainment. But I guess maybe that is too much to ask? cause maybe it's not even possible.

Again. God you surprise me. It's ironic cause I sound like Job that I'm reading.
Lord forgive me for what I said earlier, cause I don't wanna get sick all over again...But at the same time I need healing. and I need love.