Today, my grandmother died. I am ok and not ok about it. Ok because I can see God's hand on everything. Not ok, because I believe we and I could have honoured her so much more...
Looking through the pictures I found one of her and Danelle playing rummikub. That's just one of the many things I'm going to miss her for. That and her milktart, nothing, not even Limnos tastes like it,she would always support our fundraisers...I dont care if thats the duty of a grandparent, she does it without complaining and without money. She took a special interest in our lives. Even mine although she'd always first scold me, for either being late or for not visiting often,she always seemed happy when I just say hi or to talk to me, it was genuine and in her eyes.Even if I was annoyed at times too, I had no doubt that my grandmother loved me and enjoyed having me around...I thank Vilana for calling me inside to say hello to Ma in the week, It's amazing your last goodbyes. I went in and looked at the photo of her and pa, and teased her cause she has pointies in the photo and she couldnt believe she had pointies too and also told her she doesnt look much different than the photo even though the photo was taken 10 - 15 years ago.
Wish I could have said goodbye...But can we ever, only depends on God and the disease, We thank God that it was quick and even amidst all the fighting, she even had these semblances of normalcy.
I'm grateful that she's with my pa now, I'm grateful to find out from her sisters that she did accept Jesus in her life last year at her birthday. I'm sad that she did not get to deal with all issues and have a more happy life, but I know that even despite those she was happy! She survived with a smile.
I'm sad for Danelle who may be sad because Ma won't be attending her confirmation on Sunday. I'm sad for Candice and Gwyn, Ma had bought her outing for the wedding. I'm sad for not visiting more, for loving more when I could see or knew of some of the hurt. I was priviledged to be asked to drive Ma around at times, I can recall on the last occasion she scolded the whole way because I was late, for two fold reason, but then I learnt something through that, it's about loving through the scolding. I'm grateful for her sisters who showered love on her, I'm grateful for the club and Aunty Mary who have been faithful friends... I'm grateful for Ilze's commitment to looking after Ma, and Uncle Christies household, Lord may your hand be on their lives.Lord may you be with all the De Wet Brothers in this time, and my dad. Father may you console them in this time, and bring healing where healing is needed, restoration and salvation. May Your Name be praised.
I dont always know how to comfort. I guess i should win in this area so that one day I can be an expressive mother. I can feel for people. really but I dont know how to show I care always. Oh Lord in this time, may your healing arms be the place we find our shelter and care in. Thank you for Ma, It's sad even to say this, to know that I cant' ever go and say sorry, or just hang again or just go on about her milktart, but I thank You Lord, for the wonderful woman that she was. Or should I rephrase Lady, and I thank You that you have better things in store for her life. Father, Look after her in your wonderful care, in Jesus Name. Amen
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