The Coloured Identity :)

Ok, so after being told I am black from a non South African and trying to explain for the 100th time I thought I'd blog about it. Also I get flack sometimes about the fact that I use the white coloured black words, and why am I so colour orientated... So I'm going to use this blog to answer some of those questions...Or attempt to. And maybe get more flack? But it's ok...

1) Colour Orientatedness? Or Culture orientatedness...

People hear me saying black, white coloured, but to be honest in the past 2 or 3 years because of changing environments I have been exposed to having more "black"/african/"insert whatever politically correct term" friends. By friends I don't mean collegues or people you greet and chat to in class, but people who I dine with hang out with go out with, bring home, etc. And that and reading Long Walk to Freedom has opened my eyes to a culture I did not really know.

Or maybe I should give you a bit of background to how I eventually began mixing with other colours/cultures,etc...

No.1 I was born in the Apartheid era, Yes, I was young, but I recall tear gas thrown by the police at the highschool next to my primary school. I recall asking my mother what ANC is and she saying it's a PARTY (and me thinking its a celebration. I recall going to shoprite and white boy saying "Hallo Tannie, Kan ek net vir jou iets vra" (Hello Auntie, Can I ask you something?) and My mom being shocked that he called her Tannie and not some other degoratory term but the very term he would use out of respect for another white older lady... I remember when the beaches where we camped December holidays was opened to all colours and how different the beaches were and the topless white ladies, and making a white friend and my parents being shocked, but somehow us kids didnt entirely understand. At that stage and to this day we live in the part of my town Kuils River which is 98% or more Coloured, and maybe 2% Black, 1% White, I went from the age of 5 to 12 to a school that was only coloured people. I recall us being a bit afraid (not fear but more unsettled?)when we heard schools were going to be open to people of all colours, then at 12 changing to a private school that was mixed even before the law allowed for all schools to be mixed, so at that stage I was mostly exposed to white South Africans...I recall one girl not really wanting to talk to me, becuase she also came from a white only school the previous year but in our last year of highschool we became so tight that that lasted for many years till she emigrated.I went to a Model C highschool in 1994 after that and the first guy to ask me out was white. We saw colour, but somehow us as teens didnt let that stop us from mixing, dating, Or I guess it depended on person to person. I went overseas Romania that year with my previous Christian primary school to do missions work and the church there saying they would pray for us for our Country and me not really understanding the significance of 1994 even though I was 14 and also I recall singing songs at the christian school like " We lift up our eyes, above the trouble, in our land, and together we stand, and declare that You are king. In times like these we choose to praise you, for it's you it's you who really matters, you are worthy of all praise...." and that being one of my favourite songs and only realising now recently when reading history, old articles that many people were fearing Civil War with the release of Nelson Mandela from Jail... In Romania, people would stop and stare amazed at my dark of complexion friend and at one school the students said when the 4 of us non whites weren't in the room, "We didnt realise there were so many Zulu's in your school" and when they told us afterwards we were shocked, because they thought we were black and Zulu. So in some sense we were still rascist then...I did grow up believing blond was more beautiful, it was absolutely normal for a class full of brown kids to colour their pictures in "skinny colour" which was a peachy colour and make our drawings blonde. At 16 I changed schools again to my area's local highschool, 98% coloured poorish highschool, and we had one black girl in our class who hardly spoke to us, and we were not rascist or not trying to interact with her, she was invited to all parties etc. But looking back now we see her quietness could have come from a mixture of being quiet and being the only black person in a loud in your face coloured class...in that era when it was not yet normal. Anyway so from 16 - 18 I'm at a school that is farely mainly one culture, and the university's and colleges we were exposed to were also largely coloured universities, so I decided that I want to study at Cape Technickon cause I want a mix of people and cultures... In between I had one or 2 white friends from my part time jobs but never really any black friends. And from 1999 I studied and Cape Technikon. Being there expanded the variety of friends, however I observed too that it had to come from me,and so now I had class mates but thats as far as the relationship went.Or maybe more with the black side of my friends, I generally hung out with my friends who were my friends from 5, 6 years old, and I did see one or 2 white guys at my campus, but my world was still very sheltered, my knowledge of the black culture was limited to knowing 2 years of school Xhosa and my observation of the people in the train or the foreign DRC guys hanging on the station, really limited.

What changed this? Joining His People Church. A multiethnic church... Hanging worshipping, growing with people of all colours and for a lot of people I met colour didnt matter and I know that when I get to know people for who they really are I dont see colour either, but at this stage I was still challenged in my heart because yes our church is multiethnic but have any of us gone to each others homes, eat or experience their lives the way they live it. I had a friend who I've never heard speak any other language but English and when I asked him, what languages he speaks most he answered "Tswana, Afrikaans then English" How was it that you could be friends with someone for like 5 years and never get to know them for who they are most of the time.

On a Sunday it was rainbow nation,but generally everyones friendship groups outside of church was the same as their culture, colour. This used to be something that I saw and didnt agree with but at the same time I asked myself how am I living out what I am having a problem with.

Eventually through ministry I've been to the homes of some of my friends and even youth members, however it was still limited. Last year I began to meet alot of students and began to be exposed to Tswana, Pedi, Tsonga, Zim Shona, Vendan, etc.. Students... I started to read Long Walk to Freedom and just from the description of the culture and just pride in His people, I began to see a different world. I began to see the myriad of cultures, languages, etc, Yet love for their people and traditions. For me as a coloured especially through the book I understood why there is this constant fight between white and black which is not necessary but I see why, It's 2 people with rich heritage and pride and identity saying hey "I have the right to be here...and I know who I am and I am not any less than anyone else, in fact I love who I am". This was not something I knew or saw before.

The Coloured People do not have this same sense of identity - however I will get to what I believe we do have- but sufficed to say, there is alot of living like a "bastard" illigimate race, need to prove ourselves, never satisfied, always blaming someone else, unhappy with our looks, taking an identity in facial and hair features, music and domino's and alcohol at times even instead of in our heritage... But in my black and white friends I have seen confidence and a strong sense of identity.

The more black friends I have had and got to know and allowed me to ask questions and at first hesitantly experience their world, (this is because I am a fussy eater and this year I decided to just get over it and try pap and even mopani worms), It has also made me begin to ask who am I, what is it about me, my african, my coloured, my south African, My family heritage that makes me who I am, what is there that I can be proud of. Not to make war or say that I am better than anybody, but to say hey, this is me,this is where I come from, this is my part in the bigger scheme of things...

This questioning and thinking was influenced by I think the above and 3 other events/people. Going to Australia, no. 1 where I expected to see many coloured South Africans, only instead to have random strangers come and subtely try and stare at me trying to figure our where I'm from... Man I thought it would be obvious, but instead the Australians and other people at Hillsong Conference in Sydney had seen black, and white, but they did not see brown, looking muslim, yet not having the straight hair to go with it, yet having light eyes that etc.etc... I enjoyed answering the question in both Australia and Malaysia of "Where are you from?" with "Where do you think I'm from?". Generally the answer was Brazil or Saudi Arabia never Africa/South Africa...I got this just 2 days ago to from a South African Black girl? "Am I coloured Coloured? Me laughing and asking what does she mean? what could I be instead and her answer again I look Brazillian. Well I met a Brazillian missionary who also learnt Afrikaans in one or 2 months cause he said Cape Town feels like home to him it was just easy for him to slot in and relate. But yes, to Australia we packed in our rollers and blowdryers so we could keep our hair straight, but at a conference of 40 000 international straight haired people,I too for the first time said wow, my hair curls and wore it like that whole week. where year, if you wear your hair the natural wet look curly hair, it just means you were lazy...not to straighten your hair, that is in my culture.It is slowly beginning to change. So overseas I appreciated my uniques, and also began to realise we as South Africans have an African Friendly...And when you go over and you hear another country has friendly people and you're expecting African warmth...you will be sorely dissapointed. I guess its the same way my friends from African countries feel when they come here and dont get the same reception like in their countries...But I will still maintain we are way more friendly than our American and Australian counterparts (however it's not a competition, just and observation).

So that is part of it. The other was a sermon by a coloured pastor who married a vendan lady and faced all the potential things that surround multicultural marriages. Anyway in his message he preached about how if we as coloured embrace our heritage, which is a mix of Black and White, in us embracing that we have the solution for the unity of white and black. Instead of saying "I hate whites" or "those black people!" and not realising that you are insulting yourself,because my colouredness is because of the union of those 2 nations, whatever the reason, marriage, rape, in our blood are both nations, by embracing that and even finding out more about our roots, we begin to understand the other cultures and can even be the ones who bridge the gap between white and black (which I have to say is true...there's been no problem for me to go and visit my white afrikaans friend and completely relate to her culture and stories, and now beginning to learn more and laugh with at my black friends stories, but one does not often see the white afrikaner and the black xhosa person also hang out in that way unless it's because of work, or they have both adopted this new no culture...)... Of course I'm generalizign. I know there are some people who do not fit the above statement and I can hear them saying it's not say...but look around. Go to the malls, What do you see? All my friends from other countries ask the same questions? So lets remove our blinkers and see things for what they really are and then try and do something about it. The third influence was befriending my Xhosa friend who also answered some question,makes a point of including Xhosa words in her sentences and it was because of her that I coined the phrase "Discovering my Africaninity" (mmmmm thought I blogged about this before but couldnt find it" But had a revelation the old black ladies in the passage could be somehow related to me... Even though the lady looks extremely frustratedly back at me, it was just a new relevation.

As a coloured, I have record of my white roots, but not really my black roots. My grandmother's grandfather was a white Englishman who came to South Africa with his brother in the early 1800's, his brother married white, but Jesse Clarke, married a "baster vrou" as my grandmother put it who was a mixed woman. So in 1800's he already married a mixed woman its just too difficult to go back that far. I always ask my friends though if they can perhaps see by looking at me which tribe I could have come from :).

So yes maybe at some point in the past to call me black I would have taken offence because in my view then coloured was better and the ideal everyone wanted was lighter skin, straighter hair...Some people in my communities still live like that the girl with the green eyes still gets the guy.But today that is not the case anymore. The case today is who am I and where I come from and for me to say you're black just because I'm not white means that stuff my cultural heritage we merely see a non white skin colour, and no. 2 it just means you're still putting white on that pedastal because why is it white and everyone else is black and not, I'm white, i'm brown, or chinese, or whatever culture I am. When I say I'm not black to anyone non coloured, the assumption is everytime that it's becuase i dont want to be associated with black people. That is not true. This blood in my veins is made up from black and white. And I am proud of that. I am amazed that as a coloured person we are seen as another "tribe" which in a sense we are yet, my one coloured friend could be made up of black + white, another white + khoi khoi + indian, another malaysian + khoi khoi. etc.etc...It's a mengel moes! A mixture of people of 3 continents and if you look at my family and friends, you can see that. I've known twins where the one sister was darkhaired darkeyed, darkskinned, and the other blonde, blue eyed, light skinned. Now someone would say does this matter and i would say Yes and No. No I am not saying your eyecolour, skin colour, hair colour makes you better than anything, but at the same time in discovering my heritage it's pretty exciting to find out you are the result of 2 nations saying Heck lets get married, or not really having a 100% surety of how your children will look as they are mixed. That As people start to cross the colour lines, the way I look is just an expression of a mix of colours. By Saying I am just one or another you are denying the fullness of who I am, or who your descendants may be should you decide to not marry that Tshwana lady, or Portugese,etc... My heritage is not just a look, but a culture, a colour, a tribe of mixed blood, a not really knowing where I am coming from...And lastly I really cannot lay the same claim to being black as My very proud, (as in dignity proud, not as in the sin proud), very unique, knowing who they are and where they come from and their families,etc.etc... I cannot say the same about my black half, which is unfortunately due to the black side of history not really being recorded...etc...) Also if black, white, etc...who I am is based on a skin colour, are my cousins white am I black, though we come from the same family? (see previous blogs). What colour is my child if they do come out light with light eyes and light hair. You see? We are not just how we look?

Oh another point from my non South african friends...in South African african culture, the father determines the race. So what happened in our history which is where African black people originate that sometime in history 2 people got together whether by choice or by force, but the resulting baby was called not black by the black nation, and not white by the white nation, and this resulted in coloured, people of mixed heritage living with each other and marrying each other and this was more than just white and black mixing but also the Khoi Khoi Bushman, Local African people, English, Dutch, German, Portugese, then Indonesian, Malaysian, slaves, and I think slaves from further up Africa mixed with... There may be more but this is it for now. I like the way http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coloured says "Genetic studies suggest the group has the highest levels mixed ancestry in the world" We are everybody!

also "The imperial and apartheid governments categorized them as Coloureds. In addition, other ethnic groups also traditionally viewed them as a separate group."

also the "The so-called "Cape-colored" population of South Africa has highest levels of mixed ancestry on the globe, a blend of African, European, East Asian and South Indian, Tishkoff said." :)http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30502963/

Ok so what is coloured to me? in answer to the original colour. It is in the South African context a racial group that was named by the apartheid government, though in Long Walk to Freedom Nelson Mandela mentions coloured people and that they were different even before the apartheid. It is a people of mixed heritage, who yes are generally brown in colour although that is not a given coloured people can look like anybody, from black to white, to chinese to mauri...