Future Guy Thoughts....

Chatting to a guy friend who has very opposite beliefs to me and who thinks I'm very complicated which I am, but also who wouldnt understand the layers of experiences,teachings, beliefs, wrong teachings, fears, desires and opinions that I do have and that's ok.

However as to me being fussy, or not wanting to settle, which can also be too complicated and that is why things are not working out...

The Truth is? I meet awesome guys all the time, I meet and get along with God fearing, gorgeous ;) (sorry that fitted in poetically) talented, deep, unique guys all the time, who tend to relate to me well become my friend, sometimes share alot with me but thats about it...If there is any spark on their side, they have never said anything, and from my side I occasionally wonder if its' just me that sees the beauty in people or why it is that every guy I have met in almost 10 years of singleness that definitely met alot of standards etc... was never the one...

and the conclusion I come to is... that because I am a one of kind person, it cannot be every guy who comes along. there is a one of a kind guy out there for me, and though occasionally the puzzle almost seems to fit, there is only one who is made, created, designed for me, thats why everyone else just doesnt quite make it.

Secondly...I believe these guys were placed in my life so I could get used to being treated like a queen. My friends treat me like a lady, not because they like me in that way, not because they are trying to impress me, but because of who they are and who they believe I am, they believe ladies should be treated with respect and will treat them that way. Before these guy friends, I have taken alot of crap (sorry to phrase it that way) and it took a lot of healing and then I believe the example of my guy friends, to raise the bar to what God really thinks I deserve.

Maybe I am too complicated, maybe i am letting opportunities pass, sometimes i wonder if I should be throwing myself at the people I like,the way I've seen some ladies, even christian ladies do? sometimes I wonder if I do too good a job of hiding how I really feel...and wonder if I should show a little more. Sometimes I wonder esp, when I see people making choices instead of waiting for God to develop things, if I'm just having pipe dreams. Ok I think I wonder those things for a split second,but then I think I'd rather believe in pipe dreams, than take second best. My past is a series of I couldnt wait and settled. I now know a God who has taken his time to love me into the way I should have originally been in fact has made me even more beautiful, I have seen miracles and healing and opportunities evolve over time... I have seen him build me up over time, So why would love be different.

I would want it sooner rather than later, believe me there are many people reminding me that I am almost 30...But in the same way I dont get married to get divorced, and I dont want to get what I want, but not whats meant for me and then it ends anyway...I've had alot of endings, and I suppose there will only be one happily ever after and that is only found within living Gods purpose.

Does this mean I'm never lonely? No. But God is a good Father, and I'm choosing to trust Him. I guess that is the only safe place anyway, Single or married, in life or in work, in family, home, our countries, in war or peace, the only surety we have is a Faithful God. We have our off days, but he is even faithful to bring reminders...

I will say Lord bring him soon :) but more than what I want I want what you want Lord.