Update, I suppose...

1 am isnt the best time to provide an update, but I feel it's necessary so I am trying to type quickly. To cut a long story short, I am still on a journey of healing, and still far from where I think I should be, even in terms of certain characteristics that I always had, that are missing now... but as I said in a poem I wrote yesterday or day before:

better than yesterday
better

not farther than yesterday
not nearer to tomorrow
but better

not closer to answers
not far from the pain
but better

still dont know how the story ends
still trying to make ends meet
still picking up the broken pieces
still trying to hope again

but better than yesterday
better than before
better must count for something
better the beginning of hope

better than yesterday
better

chan.22 april

So yeah, I'm better...I have to say Campus Harvest and The Shack has really been 2 instruments that have lifted the dark cloud a little. I've been learning just to be and God really has been doing things without me doing anything...And I am so blessed by that...

Also Let me say that I love God immensely. The issue doesnt have to do with trusting Him...but more trusting people.

But I am getting there...

And just enjoying his beauty and allowing him as my poem of ee cummings says to touch me deeper than anyone has ever gone, where not even the rain has such small hands

Lord...Oh how you love us...Thank You for still being with me. Always.

Love you.