Journey thoughts

* Worship in the Wilderness

On that day
    they will say to Jerusalem,
“Do not fear, Zion;
    do not let your hands hang limp.¹⁷ The Lord your God is with you,
    the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
    in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
    but will rejoice over you with singing.”
-Zephaniah 3

"'Whenever the devil gathers his forces against them, they arise and lift up their hands to God, faithfully pouring out their prayers before the divine majesty. Help from heaven is there for them immediately, and the crafty arrows of the enemy are straightway destroyed. Have you not understood, my son, what is written in the Psalms?  "He forgets not the suffering of the poor without end; the longsuffering of the poor will not last for ever" (Psalms 9.12). And again: "The Lord will hear them in the time of trouble, and will deliver them in the narrow places" (Psalms 107.19). "Truly each one shall receive his reward according to his labour" (1 Corinthians 3.8). "Blessed is the man who is always fearful" (Proverbs 28.14), who seeks the will of God in this present life, and takes care of the weak. Rest assured, my son, that the Angels of God are always round about the righteous, and are ever enlightening their bodies and souls with power from above.'-Vitae Patrum Life of St Onuphrius, Book 1a

* What to do with deceitful hearts

"Lord I give YOU my heart
I give YOU my soul
I live for YOU (not others) alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I'm awake (In my living Lord)
Lord have YOUR way in me (You fix me Lord)

*

(Day 1) Reading the Fathers - 20 June 2013

Today’s Reading

Reading for June 20, 2013

Author: Tertullian

Reading: Against Marcion, bk. 4 ch. 13–15

Pages: ANF 3:364–370

Page 793

(Also need this for the roman numerals)

Under the section

Chapter XIII.—Christ’s Connection with the Creator Shown. Many Quotations Out of the Old Testament Prophetically Bear on Certain Events of the Life of Jesus— Such as His Ascent to Praying on the Mountain; His Selection of Twelve Apostles; His Changing Simon’s Name to Peter, and Gentiles from Tyre and

Sidon Resorting to Him.

• "You have a representation of the name; you have the action of the Evangelizer; you have a mountain for the site; and the night as the time; and the sound of a voice; and the audience of the Father: you have, (in short,) the Christ of the prophets."

• " But why was it that He chose twelve apostles" 

"In truth,I might from this very point conclude of my Christ, that He was foretold not only by the words of prophets, but by the indications of facts. For of this number I find figurative hints up and down the Creator’s dispensation" This reminds me of Armando's teaching of the numbers meaning things in the bible, e.g. 10?70? Nations (as the 12 springs of Elim scripture also refers to 70 palm trees)

"in the twelve springs of Elim; in the twelve gems of Aaron’s priestly vestment; and in the twelve stones appointed by Joshua to be taken out of the Jordan,

and set up for the ark of the covenant." beautifully contrasted with:
"Now, the same number of apostles was thus portended,as if they were to be fountains and rivers which should water the Gentile world, which was formerly dry and destitute of knowledge (as He says by Isaiah: “I will put streams in the unwatered ground”); as if they were to be gems to shed lustre upon the church’s sacred robe, which Christ, the High Priest of the Father, puts on; as if, also, they were to be stones massive in their faith, which the true Joshua took out of the laver of the Jordan, and placed in the sanctuary of His covenant." reminds me of what we learnt once at YAM equip regarding the the Priests Robes.

• Wow, I am really beginning to now see that he is connecting Christ to the Creator

" Again, He changes the name of Simon to Peter, inasmuch as the Creator also altered the names of Abram, and Sarai, and Oshea, by calling the latter Joshua, and adding a syllable to each of the former. But why Peter?"

" If it was because of the vigour of his faith, there were many solid materials which might lend a name from their strength. Was it because Christ was both a rock and a stone? For we read of His being placed “for a stone of stumbling and for a rock of offence.”
"Therefore He would fain3928 impart to the dearest of His disciples a name which was suggested by one of His own especial designations in figure; because it was, I suppose, more peculiarly fit than a name which might have been derived from no figurative description of Himself"

• " because He was born the God-man who was to build the church according to the Father’s will—even of other races also" -Psalm 87:4-5

Next Section :

Chapter XIV.—Christ’s Sermon on the Mount. In Manner and Contents It So Resembles

the Creator’s Dispensational Words and Deeds. It Suggests Therefore

the Conclusion that Jesus is the Creator’s Christ. The Beatitudes.

• "What is there, then, to wonder at, if He entered on His ministry

with the very attributes3940of the Creator, who ever in language of the same sort loved, consoled, protected, and avenged the beggar, and the poor, and the humble, and the widow, and the orphan? So that you may believe this private bounty as it were of Christ to be a rivulet streaming from the springs of salvation. In the old testament God spoke about the poor/orphans. Jesus begins his ministry with Blessed are the Needy, makes me think again, about beign more generous cause that is the heart of God

And in the following words he says of Christ: “All nations shall serve Him.”Psalm 72:11

 Now David only reigned over the Jewish nation, so that  nobody can suppose that this was spoken of David; whereas He had taken upon Himself  the condition of the poor, and such as were oppressed with want, “Because He should deliver the needy out of the hand of the mighty man; He shall spare the needy and the poor, and shall deliver the souls of the poor. From usury and injustice shall He redeem their souls, and in His sight shall their name be honoured.” Psalm 72: 12 -14 wow he goes to length about how old testament scriptures, even Hanna and Isaiah speak about the Needy that even all nations that forget Godwill be turned to hell, but the needy shall not always be forgotten So for Christ to begin his ministry with Blessed are the Needy after a wealth of Old testament scriptures !

Beautiful " To him, for whom in every stage of lowliness there is provided so much of the Creator’s compassionate regard, shall be given that kingdom also which is promised by Christ, to whose merciful compassion belong, and for a great while have belonged 3955 those to whom the promise is made. For"

I think for the first time I am semi beginning to understand this passage more. This may not be the final answer, but I thought maybe we have to mourn, to be blessed and then didnt understand that. but what it is saying is that God cares about those who are "Surely gladness and joyous exultation is promised to those who are in an opposite condition—to the sorrowful, and sad, and anxious" This passage shows the compassionate side of God his first sermon to the crowd was to tell them what he brings! I  have also begun to think of our current me centred religion and thinking maybe thats why I didnt understnad it, what am I supposed to do, instead of seeing a God come to my sad, needy, hungry, life and saying I bring you hope! again he (Tertullian) contrasts this with " Just as it is said in the 125th Psalm: “They who sow in tears shall reap in joy." to show how Christs sermon on the mount ties in with what God the Creator has said in Old testament.

Wow Comparison between Isaiah 61 and Math:

"Accordingly, He who began (His course) with consolation for the poor, and the humble,

and the hungry, and the weeping, was at once eager3964 to represent Himself as Him whom He had pointed out by the mouth of Isaiah: “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He hath anointed me to preach good  tidings unto the poor.”3965 “Blessed are the needy, because theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” 3966 “He hath sent me to bind up the broken-hearted.”3967 “Blessed are they that hunger,

for they shall be filled.”

3968 “To comfort all that mourn.”3969 “Blessed are they that weep,

for they shall laugh.”

3970 “To give unto them that mourn in Sion, beauty (or glory) for ashes,and the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.”

He then compares the blessed are you when people perscute you for my names sake with Isaiah 51:7 and says in the end  that there was a hatred predicted even before Son of Man came to him, and for us.... " 

Now, since hatred was predicted against that Son of man who has His mission from the

Creator, whilst the Gospel testifies that the name of Christians, as derived from Christ, was

to be hated for the Son of man’s sake, because He is Christ, it determines the point that that

was the Son of man in the matter of hatred who came according to the Creator’s purpose,

and against whom the hatred was predicted. And even if He had not yet come, the hatred of His name which exists at the present day could not in any case have possibly preceded Him who was to bear the name.3980 But He has both suffered the penalty3981 in our presence, and surrendered His life, laying it down for our sakes, and is held in contempt by the Gentiles. And He who was born (into the world) will be that very Son of man on whose account our name also is rejected."

Pg 369 on being rich! Hectic... He is trying to rpove that Christ also despises rich like creator as he is a defender of the poor,  but christ on creators side even when He enriched Solomon, difference with Solomon is he didn't want the riches... read all the rest! " But with respect to this man, since, whena choice was left to him, he preferred asking for what he knew to be well-pleasing to God—even wisdom—he further merited the attainment of the riches, which he did not prefer. The endowing of a man indeed with riches, is not an incongruity to God, for by the help of riches even rich men are comforted and assisted; moreover, by them many a work of justice and charity is carried out. But yet there are serious faults4009 which accompany riches; and it is because of these that woes are denounced on the rich, even in the Gospel. “Ye have received,” says He, “your consolation;”4010 that is, of course, from their riches, in

the pomps and vanities of the world which these purchase for them. Accordingly, in Deuteronomy,

Moses says: “Lest, when thou hast eaten and art full, and hast built goodly houses,

and when thy herds and thy flocks multiply, as well as thy silver and thy gold, thine heart

be then lifted up, and thou forget the Lord thy God.”

4011 In similar terms, when king

Hezekiah became proud of his treasures, and gloried in them rather than in God before

those who had come on an embassy from Babylon,

4012 (the Creator) breaks forth4013 against

him by the mouth of Isaiah: “Behold, the days come when all that is in thine house, and

that which thy fathers have laid up in store, shall be carried to Babylon.”

4014 So by Jeremiah

likewise did He say: “Let not the rich man glory in his riches but let him that glorieth even

glory in the Lord.”
4015 Similarly against the daughters of Sion does He inveigh by Isaiah,

when they were haughty through their pomp and the abundance of their riches,

4016 just as

in another passage He utters His threats against the proud and noble: “Hell hath enlarged

herself, and opened her mouth, and down to it shall descend the illustrious, and the great,

and the rich (this shall be Christ’s ‘woe to the rich’); and man

4017 shall be humbled,” even

he that exalts himself with riches; “and the mighty man

4018 shall be dishonoured,” even hewho is mighty from his wealth
" -  Because they have indeed received their consolation, glory, and honour and a lofty  position from their wealth   

4031

Whereas in Psalm cxvii. it is said: “It is better to trust in the Lord than

to put confidence in man; it is better to trust in the Lord than to place hope in princes.”

4032

370

Thus everything which is caught at by men is adjured by the Creator, down to their good

words.

4033 It is as much His property to condemn the praise and flattering words bestowed

on the false prophets by their fathers, as to condemn their vexatious and persecuting treatment

of the (true) prophets. As the injuries suffered by the prophets could not be imputed

4034

to their own God, so the applause bestowed on the false prophets could not have been displeasing

to any other god but the God of the

true prophets.4026 Isa.
In Conclusion

I actually typed out more last night, but clearly my pc conked on me and it is non existent...

This teaching was a blessing to me, in terms of God cares! about the poor needy dependant on people (see  wikipedia post on Mathew Blessed are the poor.... Just that that is who God sees to the needy the weak, his compassionate heart.

Also wanting approval of man! How worthy it is more that God praises me than man!

Proverbs 20 on June 20

Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler;
    whoever is led astray by them is not wise.

Funny that today at work someone said something about beer, again led astray, I guess doesnt mean can't drink, but maybe also an encouragement to me to keep not drinking too?

A king’s wrath strikes terror like the roar of a lion;
    those who anger him forfeit their lives

God will get the people who are hurting us, or the devil. Vengeance is mine! They're not angering you but God

It is to one’s honor to avoid strife,
    but every fool is quick to quarrel.

#today at work, even heart attitude :( Lord HELP ME!

Sluggards do not plow in season;
    so at harvest time they look but find nothing.

again Sowing.... And heard something recently about Seasons! It was a sermon about how people think today versus in their grandparents time understanding you plant something now and it will walnuts will grow in 4 -5 years years time...we don't understand that today...! (AAAH where did i hear or read this!) aaaah it is Kris Valloton speaking abotu prophetic word said in the past to us for a future time... on Fighting Words sermon... mentality... Grandfather grew up in agricultural age had different mindset, new he could plant something today and will only bear fruit 5 years from now... attitude "I am living for another day", where as we, credit card, etc.etc... then hwen God doesn answer me, upset! We're always eating last years crop! -

The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters,
    but one who has insight draws them out.

hectic - wisdom...

Many claim to have unfailing love,
    but a faithful person who can find?

True!  Making me think about how my mom would always say Yes you love me but clean your room...  (though I still love saying it and believe I mean it) in other words, let me be a person of my word... and be consistant... in a sense

The righteous lead blameless lives;
    blessed are their children after them.

Judy is all I can think of!...May God bless her children after her...

When a king sits on his throne to judge,
    he winnows out all evil with his eyes.

⁹ Who can say, “I have kept my heart pure;
    I am clean and without sin”?

¹⁰ Differing weights and differing measures—
    the Lord detests them both.

God sees our hearts, hates falsity

 Even small children are known by their actions,
    so is their conduct really pure and upright?

this contrasts huministic view that we are good! Even kids are known by their actions....

Ears that hear and eyes that see—
    the Lord has made them both.

What does this mean, no 1 I guess, he has given me the ability to hear and see things! both don't just accept one, listen, look, hear.... And then spiritually too.

Do not love sleep or you will grow poor;
    stay awake and you will have food to spare.

Challenge to WORK! And I guess steward my life! Stay awake Be aware

“It’s no good, it’s no good!” says the buyer—
    then goes off and boasts about the purchase.

Sounds like when people are trying to con to get a discount, but once have it complain, or I guess, when I am fearful of something trying to be judgemental, but once I have it or am in relatioship or God convicts me,t hen realise the blessing, yet at first I was skeptical

Gold there is, and rubies in abundance,
    but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel.

Again watch my words! Wisdom! Tongue, and word given to me about being a Voice

Take the garment of one who puts up security for a stranger;
    hold it in pledge if it is done for an outsider

???

Food gained by fraud tastes sweet,
    but one ends up with a mouth full of gravel.

Self explainatory but hectic... Check ur heart again!

Plans are established by seeking advice;
    so if you wage war, obtain guidance

Good wisdom and reminders to open up to others, seek wise counsel

A gossip betrays a confidence;
    so avoid anyone who talks too much

Uggghh, this scripture always challenges me, because I talk too much. Lord put a watch on my mouth, I may not always gossip, but people  may avoid me, or even talking too much may lead to betraying a confidence.

If someone curses their father or mother,
    their lamp will be snuffed out in pitch darkness.

Father forgive me for where I have dishonoured my parents, help me to hold them in high esteem!

An inheritance claimed too soon
    will not be blessed at the end.

Well that is what happened to my money I received when I was 21, the only thing I have to show is the investment in having a vehicle today? But I trust too as the prodigal son, that even though I messed up in for me, even in terms of the memory of my father too.

Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!”
    Wait for the Lord, and he will avenge you

Yep as said above but really interesting or convicting... "Wait for the Lord" often times that is not what we do!

The Lord detests differing weights,
    and dishonest scales do not please him.

Again God repeats, he doesnt like cheating, falsity, double standards...Integrity! Check my heart, my  life for anything....

A person’s steps are directed by the Lord.
    How then can anyone understand their own way?

Hallelujah!!!! How can I understand my own way! God  is directing me, I need him!

It is a trap to dedicate something rashly
    and only later to consider one’s vows.

This so common and easy nowardays, either inn making commitments, even to appointments or giving people things, right to marriage and divorce....

A wise king winnows out the wicked;
    he drives the threshing wheel over them

God wants us to get rid of the eveil in our lives. That is Wisdom! I need to stop compromising. Maybe as I am more in the word, int the light , it will help me in winnowing and driving  out the wrong.

The human spirit is^[a] the lamp of the Lord
    that sheds light on one’s inmost being.

Wow beautiful, not entirely sure what it means though will need to research though they say or a person's words! which then makes a lot of sense... But then even now in context with that saying my spirit, what is inside of me, is the Lamp of the Lord, Shines the Lord. What I shine shows what's on the inside.

At first reading this also reminded me of the lyrics of Matt Redman that was touching me today.

You're lighting up our lives
illuminate our hearts
with everything You are

²⁸ Love and faithfulness keep a king safe;
    through love his throne is made secure.

Wow, servant leadership.  Gal 5: 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, ... Against such things there is no law. True Love and Faithfulness, makes your life, your domain secure! People will keep supporting you, God protects you, you are blessed...

²⁹ The glory of young men is their strength,
    gray hair the splendor of the old.

I must be both? But gray hair the splendour of the old. Maybe God just honouring the old...and saying if you have gray that is beatiful too...You are honoured too, Older people

³⁰ Blows and wounds scrub away evil,

    and beatings purge the inmost being.

How fitting that I should read this at the same time as reading the Desert Fathers.... I don't know about beating myself, but when last did I fast! And maybe this is just confirming that what they did in motive wasnt wrong, maybe method not necessary but we need to try and purge  ourselves, even through allowing his grace to free us .

Also thinking about parenting, and how I sometimes wonder about discipline(the rod), but that it's not a  bad thing. But now also looking at blows and wounds, and maybe the tough things that have happened to us in the past, the blows, the messups, have kept our hearts pure, humble... Consider it Pure Joy when you face trials of may kinds....

Portion of Magnificent.... Matt Redman

You're lighting up our lives
illuminate our hearts
with everything You are

You are higher than we ever could imagine
and closer than our eyes could ever see

You are...

Reading the Fathers

Been on an interesting journey, connecting the dots, learning more, but thought I'd pause to blog some of my thoughts and what stood out for me during this research phase I am going through.

In one introduction of the Life of Antony (Vita Antonii) on the blog of Read the Fathers  who was Egyptian Christian who became known as the"first ascetic to live in the wilderness.The Life tells of Antony’s life of prayer in the desert and his wrestling with demons..."

And now the part which stood out for me, in bold:

The Life of Antony is one of the two foundational texts of Western monasticism. (The other is the Rule of St. Benedict.¹) Though highly valued by the medieval church, Protestant reformers scorned the text for valuing monasticism and for its accounts of the supernatural. Twenty-first-century readers, no matter whether Protestant or Catholic, are likely to read the text incredulously.

Somewhere else in all my readings which I can't find now, basically been looking at how though Martin Luther brought in Sola Scriptura (and basing things on scripture alone) how that contrasts with experiential christianity. Which really helps me to understand the lenses people look at things through.

Even reading the some out there stories, and reading the "absolute" sounding texts of the Early Fathers, and beginning for myself to understand:

The Word is central and True, but one can learn from the other stories and books written too (well not just any, not the false manuscripts), but when reading the others, see what you can learn from them but also realise that they just have one level of revelation...

For E.g. Tertullian, was the first to use the word Trinity, but also had a big beef with women. Do you throw the baby out with the bath water, no! They had revelations that I can learn from. Same even today, different churches, different nations do things differently. We don't agree with everything, but with some, and we can learn and deepen our own walk with those things.

Somewhere I think in one of Brian Zahnd 's sermons ( I hope it's there, must find it again!) he says something to the effect of " The church is both Catholic, Protestant, Evangelical, Pentecostal, etc... This is the Church.

This has been a blessing and a challenge to me. While we do not agree with all theology, we cannot reject another part of the body of Christ. I am learning to value, build on, yet see where I differ.

Also appreciative to God for suddenly bringing in my path things, books, people, music, ideas that take me deeper into him.

Found the quote: Google Search:

Tweet from Brian Zahnd:

The Church is Catholic, Orthodox, Anglican, Protestant, Evangelical, and Pentecostal. You can either celebrate it or be frustrated by it.

Thankfulness at the half year mark - June 2013

*Though it really feels like it's end of Feb going to March now...

I am thankful for:

1. working at my work place for over a year now, I made it
2. still having the attitude of learning and growing and being challenged and enjoying it
3. rewards
4. housemate/friend/partnership
5. for You Lord
6. for Your tangible presence
7. For hearing my prayers
8. For new church/fellowship
9. For learning about soaking
10. For examples of various things in people around me
11. For my Mom
12. For being able to go to East London
13. For the beauty of nature
14. For working in my family
15. For Aunty Charlotte's miracle
16. For glory school, glory girls, ladies retreat
17. For grace and intimacy
18. For deborah's morning prayers and joy
19. For the healings happening at revival, and for Kaedyn being touched
20. For Firestarters
21. For turning points
22. For my matt redman cd
23. For preparation
24. For new family at funeral
25. for Praise and worship and Hallelujahs and Jesus!!!
26. For Hanlie's food
27. For Hanlie!
28. For revelation of forgiveness
29. For Young adult ladies

In my Bubble

Richard Foster
Brian Zahnd
Dallas Williard
Desert Fathers
JI Packer
Brother Lawrence
Brother Andrew
Matt Redman
Jesus Culture
Bethel
Bill Johnson
Christian mysticism
Soaking
Todd Bentley
Revival
Journey of Grace
Freedom
Joy
Healing
Hope
Selflessness
Generousity
Honour.
More

De Vita Contemplativa

The contemplative life


The Life of the Fathers (Desert)
http://www.vitae-patrum.org.uk/page5.html

On generational stuff and curses and and and ....

How many lies must we hear

How many lives will be stolen

How long will we let this fear

Paralyze the church

How long will these renters rule the earth

How many mothers must cry

How many children must die

How long will we just stand by

And watch a careless world

Teach our boys and girls their tyranny

God of land and sea

And the universe

Come deliver me

And every slave that lives upon the earth!

There is a new day coming and it won’t be long

There is a fire burning and a wind that’s strong

There is justice waiting for the child of God

And

It’ll all go down

It’ll all go down

It’ll all go down

Somehow
  Very Sure...

Everything That Can Be Shaken Will Be Shaken...

The Anchor Hope
The wisdom Of The Cross

- Justice Waiting - Jason Upton - 1200 ft Below Sea Level

I'm not constantly fixated on spiritual warefare, but their have been seasons that I've studied and applied and seen the truths, and times that I've had to be aware. This is one of those times.

While I'm not praying renounciation prayers every day or even every year, and I'm learning to be more focused on God's promises, the alternative of just pretending that nothing has consequences, and if you don't think of something it won't affect you is not true either...

The truth is people are being taken out by the devil, lies, and ignorance, and it's not God's fault or God just trying to teach us something. Often times there is grace, and there is light, there are signposts despite our ignorance, but claiming ignorance doesn't prevent certain situations, just as prayer for things that aren't relevant can bear fruit.

I'd rather err on bringing things before the Lord that I see, and asking and praying His will, than just allow situations to take me wherever they want.

Now my personal issue is that I'm not always taking the time to be serious and pray, or always seeing that things are an issue, but what I'm kinda addressing here is denial...

I'm not either saying there is a demon behind every doorpost, or that every action does always have a reaction. I believe there is grace, and I believe certain things have a certain impact on individuals...

But in light of recent events, where one sees a pattern, and an injustice! I ask the question why? And could this have been prevented, and I cut it off on my own life...

I also think about my grandma, where my mom and aunts have prayed for years that she would die in dignity and not in long pain or where they have to clean and wash her, when she was such an independant woman. She then did die at 81, quick, suddenly, she just had a pain earlier the day, and was up chatting till late, then collapsed in that moment. I think years of prayers gave grace for it to happen that way...

I do think we can die prematurely, I do think we can fall into situations that are bigger than us, and it takes wisdom to say Lord, what is happening from the outsiders looking in, as opposed to just saying that person made a wrong choice, or it doesn't affect us...

Even generationally, often times people will see a pattern and make a personal choice not to live that way, so when their children are born, they don't see the example the parents had,  and perhaps don't even know their grandparents, yet still the same temptations come their way and they fall... It is not always isolated.

I'm not saying all of this to say, things happen because we are cursed. I am saying this because I am saddened at "My people perish because of a lack of knowledge". I am saddened at people accepting disease because maybe God is teaching me a lesson... I'm saddened at how much God loves people and have a greater plan for them, yet  us just settling for the real world we see around us. I'm sad that pain, sickness, poverty, issues is a greater reality that the freedom promised in Christ.

And maybe even I am living from this place and not free yet....
And maybe I am passionate about this now in this blog, and then tomorrow I go back to the mundane

But for today I am aware, and reminded, to be sober minded, and to pray His promises in.

Lord I pray for your divine protection on my family and their family, whether they know it or not.

Lord I pray that what the enemy had planned will be turned around for the good of those who love the Lord.

I pray for comfort for my family members...

I pray for me and Alison and Joan, the last of my father's family line...

I pray for your heavenly protection on our lives!!! I pray for health, healing, salvation, deliverance, joy and freedom!

Lord I thank you for my Uncle knowing you, and the beauty of heaven for him! Joy Everlasting...

Amen

(and no the above is not only because of my Uncle's death's or people's questions, but a reflection on alot of things that occured this past time...)

I honestly don't have energy to personally study the spirit of jealousy/ victim spirit documents now.... But I am keeping my eyes open and including God in my life... in this season. Lead me Lord....

Miracles and Mysteries

I thought about sharing this breakthrough that occured in the past few days, then heard about my uncle passing away this morning...

Love in the real sense of the world...

I have offered my heart countless times, even when I knew the risk, mainly because I'm not half hearted. This all or nothing me has not changed despite advice, trying to change, trying to not be. I'm still standing though. Because of an amazing God who somehow shields me despite my best attempts and prayers otherwise.

I can only hope that when the one who sticks around comes, that I will still have this soft trusting heart that I have. That I will still give my all and hope for the best!

I am coming to accept that people I think are amazing, and who have consistently shown they really are amazing, are maybe not for me. The thought of that occasionally brings a slight sadness, but there is still the glimmer of hope that maybe just maybe there is someone who is more than I can ask or imagine, as God promises... That his good and perfect will is what will make me glad, and that as amazing as some of the people seem, they do not compare to what lies ahead.

Its still hard because this artist of the heart always seem to capture beauty. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, how do I stop seeing? Because I see. Unintentionally. Unavoidably.

Or maybe it's not to stop seeing, but how I see and what conclusions I draw from what I see. I think I've hit the nail on the head there :)

But even that is hard. I try to be realistic, but sometimes hope remains. I try to remain objective, I try to pray things away... but the "Child" in me still hopes and dreams.

I'm not going to even claim to have the answer today. It probably is deep inside somewhere today just ranting and raving, that I still see, and I still love, iow respond to what I see. And while right now I am not seeing and loving, I hope that a day will come soon where seeing and loving is okay. And when that day comes I still see and love,even to a greater measure than before.

I'm ok though, this is not an emo post :) I really am happy in Christ and life is good and growing, Just pondering Love thoughts today :)

Waiting... :)

So I had this dream yesterday/this morning/somewhere in the night that just lifted a whole lot of a weight off my shoulders...

The previous day I asked for prayer from a colleague, because I had this question of what I want versus what God wants for me. What I think is amazing versus God who knows best. I always used to say I want what God wants, but recently I couldn't see that there could be better or that I want better... Then the thought of if I get what I want, what am I missing out on? Am I settling? I was a little unsettled after these thoughts, which then led to a little, I'm tired of being alone thoughts too, and just not being able to see in the future, when things will be better and how far from that I am, or if I will ever be ready, etc.etc. etc. (sigh...)

Then the dream...

I don't remember how, but this is what I remember and really believe God was ministering to me in my dream. Basically God reminded me of how the man searches for his wife, and the woman waits... And how my husband is searching and asking questions and hoping and looking, but God is hiding me from him because I am not ready. Because I am worrying, and even  then in a sense searching, instead of the position I should be in and in the process stressing myself out. So I wonder if person X is my future husband because he is amazing, and wonder how to deal with that, but then wonder what if person X is not my future husband and God gives him just because I couldn't wait and then I have person X and begin to see that it was my will not God's will or just wonder if I got him because I wanted him or if it's God's will. There is not much peace in me searching...

But in waiting, in trusting, in resting, in the knowledge of my Father's goodness, his perfect will, his ability to see how everything falls in place, and his ability to meet and even exceed our expectations! How beautiful to God is our waiting :) Our hope in the Lord. Our resting and confidence and security. God knows, God cares, God is busy right now at work, I can trust Him.I can lean on that, I can rest on his shoulder regarding that.

And as I stop searching, and rest and wait, which is my part, God is able to let my husband find me, and then when I have him I know it is God's best for me, even if it was person X, or not, and not my will :) And not just regarding this, but in everything, as I just put on FB:

My role as a daughter of the King is to wait...ie. Rest in Him, trusting my Father's ability to know my deepest needs and exceed my expectations. I can curl up against his chest and throw the worry out the window! God knows best. I rest in that.

Soaking song at the moment:

When I don't understand I will choose you,
When I don't understand I will choose you God,
When I don't understand I get to choose to love you God

For you are good, God
For you are good to me
For you are good, God
For you are good to me