Firstly went to bed last night so late. it's just not on. about just after 2AM...then fortunately no one wakes me up so about past 10 maybe even 11 I finally hear my mother so she had slept late too cause she took a flu tablet.
Anyway I get up, cant remember what I did. Oh washed my head while pondering what to do about tech cause i knew I didnt necessarily have enough money for a return. I thought I didnt but I still had to confirm...But I thought well maybe I should work on my Project so I can mail Marlon to meet with him tomorrow so yes I miss class but also productive on that end. At 1AM while eating lunch my mother asks me dont I have tech? I tell her I dont have enough money to go to tech, but i have a project too so if I dont go and just work on the project that will be good too. She then asks how many classes I have and when it starts. She then gives me money to go to tech and I end up leaving about half past which means I'm going to arrive late, and I have this new attitude towards that, before I was fine because I would say at least catch half the lecture, now after a lot of comments people have made on lateness...I'm sort of just also taking on that attitude, if I'm late, might as well not go, but now this is also an excuse to bank. Drive all the way to town, then not go to class because I'm late. Anyway after struggling with myself on this, I decided I'm going to go embarrased or not. cause though I'm 30min late, there are 2 thirds left of the lecture... I decide to pop in at the lab first and ask one of the students in my class who was there, if we have any tests coming up. He says yes, TOMORROW!
I wouldnt have known about this test, cause I havent been checking webct, or not the relevant parts if I did. And you know how badly I need to write that test, becuase of 2 projects I havent handed in. This test and the next assignment are to help me pass. So my mother going on with me was divine intervention in a sense!
Part 2...I drive home after rush hour and I'm so tired, in class already I was nodding off quite a few times. (dont worry not so bad.I was nodding off but also really paying attention so i can regurgitate all that was said, or most of it)
So decide going to take a nap when I get home, like an hour nap. So at 7H17PM, I decide to sleep till 8h30, max 9PM (set my alarm for 9) and switch it off and sleep till 9h30pm. Problem is I go into deep sleep mode, so now I'm up, able to type but dont think I'm able to havea verbal intelligent conversation with anyone...
Really tired still think i'm goign to get my notes in order tonight then go to bed. IF i wake up in that time I'll start studying, if not, gonna go to bed and wake up early tomorrow morning. Test is 5h30 so can spend the whole day studying.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
blastfromthepast 1 - loving God, baptismm
I think I will be calling letters written to people in the past, blastfromthepast's.
I used to (maybe still do) pour a lot of me in what I'm writing to someone. I think it's the same as blogging, except this actually was emailed to people instead of posted randomly to whoever wonders by. The reason why I want to blog these, is not to show what I wrote to them, but as I read them it inspires me, and it's more for me a reminder of where I was at, or where I still am...So will try where necessary to remove names in the letters, but see it more as a blog than a letter....
((((it's amazing how I still feel like this at times, but then I felt like this most of the time so I gotta work on it))))
**** written by me sometime in 2004 ****
What can I say except that I am in love with this wonderful, amazing guy, No... guy is too small, too plain a word to describe him, for he is so much more to me, there are so many sides to him, that I can never feel I've figured him out, in fact I don't even want to for He is God,
and me...
I am so humbled that He has chosen me to know His love, and that He longs to know me, and be known by me...it's surprising, sometimes confusing, mind boggling, but true. And to know that God is truth, and His words are true! His words to me are true... Well, I am blessed.
Now I know, I may seem crazy or it may seem just to be a phase, or it may seem like it's all just this emotional roller coaster, but you know what, what I feel and what I know right now, is that whatever I have known about Him, up to now, is nothing compared to what there still is to know, and that means I can never be at a place where I know it all, about this thing called Christianity, or where I can feel I've figured out my God, In fact today I was reminded of a scripture of which the first half was my favourite a couple of years back but the second part speaks volumes too.
Isaiah 50: 10 – 11
Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant?
Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God.
But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches,
go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment.
Too many people know of Jesus, but don’t know Him, too many do things for Him, think they are ok, but don’t know Him. Too little want to know Him, not what He can do for me. I don’t pretend I know it all, I’ll be first to admit, that since I have begin seriously pursuing God, I am only a little closer to my aim, but that little closer in a few months is million miles further than where I’ve been in the past nearly 5 years. And I am so grateful for this new page in my life… That He would choose me that He actually honours me with His presence, and to know His love…and even when things are dark, and tough, and scary…Oh I would rather trust Him, than pick up my own light.
Just read further now…
Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness
and who seek the Lord:
look to the rock from which you were cut
And to the quarry from which you were hewn;
look to Abraham, your father,
and to Sarah, who gave you birth.
When I called him he was but one,
and I blessed him and made him many.
The Lord will surely comfort Zion
And will look with compassion on all her ruins;
He will make her deserts like Eden,
her wastelands like the garden of the Lord.
Joy and gladness will be found in her,
thanksgiving and the sound of singing.
Did I mention at my baptism they prophesied over me…that God will bless me with even more joy and that it will be my joy and smiles, and love that will reach the people, and also at the same time there is a seriousness and it’s like I have a sword in my hand too…almost like I’ll win my battles with my love. Anyways I feel like Zion, joy and gladness will be found in me, thanksgiving and the sound of singing! (*and dancing!) If u can get hold of this, the new cd of Hillsongs, Faithful… the 3rd song is my favourite… listen to it… “Your love endures forever, it reaches to the heavens, and though my flesh may fail me, You’re the strength of my heart, you will always be, I know your lovingkindness, the Power of forgiveness, all that I hold dear is You, My Jesus, It’s You I long for… Also I hope the Abraham part means the spiritual children God will add to my life, the people He will reach through me for eternity…
Pray for me…This journey I’ve begun with the Lord I never want to end! The Lord knows that…like the day I committed that terrible sin 3 years ago…I said Lord if you can’t forgive me for this, and I have to live life without you, there is no point to life, for life without you is hell. Same as the song, This is the air I breathe… Without air we suffocate, without God I die, for He is my life! But praise God, He has new blessings and mercies in store for me every day, and that wow He’s got so many good, great plans, if I am but willing to take His hand, to trust in Him.
The ring I told you about (wait I feel like I am chatting away about me, me, me, but I hope you too are blessed by this message on my heart, and also I want you to know where I’m at, and I don’t always have the ability to put it in one sentence : ) last week sometime, I sinned (ok I’m getting sick of messing up too) so I thought I think all these great things, and give everything to God, even the things I struggle with, and then in the heat of the moment, I forget things I honest to God believe and stand for (this is not everytime though,ok!) until after it’s done.And then it’s like all my words, and prayers, and verses come back to me. And it’s like those were the verses trying to prepare me for what happened and if I just meditated on it more, or realised when I read them, it means be careful, it might not have happened, and I thought I wish I have a purity ring…like the one they mention in Joshua Harris, Rebecca St James books… Maybe if I don’t have a bible, the ring will always be on me reminding me of the promise I made to God.
But the thought passed on, I repented, but still felt a little disappointed in me and later in the week I went to dance.(which is really cool and hectic this year, lol, she having split us up into our own 30- years class, so we can learn all these hectic ballet stuff, I just said God must have wonderful plans for my body still…even if I had given up!) we had this humbling exercise, with a cloth… where u lay the cloth in front of you on the ground (I took green my new fav colour-life, newness, growth) and you pretend this is the cross, and for about the length of one song, You just stand there and look at the cross, and you bring to God (in your heart) whatever you want to bring to the cross. Whether it be your troubles, your worries, people, joy, love, yourself…whatever….And then when you ready and you feel you have now left everything you need to there, you pick up your cloth, and you dance with Jesus!… What I experienced… was at the cross I just wanted to be crucified with Him, if there was any last part of me in me, I just wanted it to die there, I gave it to Him there, and I thought of my baptism too and how that was the symbol that the old me is gone, so when I stood up too dance, at first I danced with the one message on my heart – Christ in me…I started to pray, Lord even now as I dance, Not me, nothing of me, but You Lord, You come move in me, through me, let it be all about You, not steps, not me, Just You! And later the cloth became to me my love for Him, and I just got sooo happy and delighted…and felt inlove…and without planning it,thinking about it, the cross became like a veil to me, and I felt like the bride of Christ…looking into His eyes of Love, my feet actually started to be a bit wobbly, but when I thought of His eyes of love, I just danced even more.
And also I got this revelation of Him, being my husband, and how, when your husband has his arm around you,tall around you and you walk into a room of strangers, friends, enemies whoever, you just feel protected, He is just so strong, and bold, brave, not worried, and you aren’t concerned either because you know he is looking out for you, but in contrast with this strong, mighty look, when u look into his eyes, there’s just love, He doesn’t see the insecurities, the wobbly feet, the flaws,or blemishes, just you, His love, his bride, his wife. And you just respond to that love, and become free, in him, dance and laugh and joy, cause what else really matters when the best person in the world loves you…That is how I felt about Jesus Friday. That I love Him soo much…and that He loves me soo much…And it amazes me even further, that even though I saw God as my Father, my Friend, my Lord, my Saviour, now I too see Him as my love…How many more sides are there to this wonderful God! So I left dance wanting to get me a purity ring…now not just because I want to be pure… but because I love God, because this ring is first and foremost a token of my Love for Him…guy at work said ppl will think I’m taken, I say so what. Good! Good evangelism tactic too… “So why u wearing a ring on ur wedding finger, do you have someone special?” “Actually, yes…Jesus…” :) I didn’t have the money to buy me a new ring…but as I hardly wear my rings I do have, dug out my old gold with 2 small diamonds ring to wear till I can buy something… Another thing about my love. He understands!
Ok so there you have it, my life for the past 2 weeks…there’s been downs too, like my frustrations with the school structure, but in comparison to what He has done for me…wow I am just so grateful, and excited for what’s next…Do keep me in your prayers, I am but young in the faith, but the Lord is the strength of my heart and my portion forever….
Chan
(lost my ring at one dance production, but hey...I still believe he is my Isaiah 54 husband)
I used to (maybe still do) pour a lot of me in what I'm writing to someone. I think it's the same as blogging, except this actually was emailed to people instead of posted randomly to whoever wonders by. The reason why I want to blog these, is not to show what I wrote to them, but as I read them it inspires me, and it's more for me a reminder of where I was at, or where I still am...So will try where necessary to remove names in the letters, but see it more as a blog than a letter....
((((it's amazing how I still feel like this at times, but then I felt like this most of the time so I gotta work on it))))
**** written by me sometime in 2004 ****
What can I say except that I am in love with this wonderful, amazing guy, No... guy is too small, too plain a word to describe him, for he is so much more to me, there are so many sides to him, that I can never feel I've figured him out, in fact I don't even want to for He is God,
and me...
I am so humbled that He has chosen me to know His love, and that He longs to know me, and be known by me...it's surprising, sometimes confusing, mind boggling, but true. And to know that God is truth, and His words are true! His words to me are true... Well, I am blessed.
Now I know, I may seem crazy or it may seem just to be a phase, or it may seem like it's all just this emotional roller coaster, but you know what, what I feel and what I know right now, is that whatever I have known about Him, up to now, is nothing compared to what there still is to know, and that means I can never be at a place where I know it all, about this thing called Christianity, or where I can feel I've figured out my God, In fact today I was reminded of a scripture of which the first half was my favourite a couple of years back but the second part speaks volumes too.
Isaiah 50: 10 – 11
Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant?
Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God.
But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches,
go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment.
Too many people know of Jesus, but don’t know Him, too many do things for Him, think they are ok, but don’t know Him. Too little want to know Him, not what He can do for me. I don’t pretend I know it all, I’ll be first to admit, that since I have begin seriously pursuing God, I am only a little closer to my aim, but that little closer in a few months is million miles further than where I’ve been in the past nearly 5 years. And I am so grateful for this new page in my life… That He would choose me that He actually honours me with His presence, and to know His love…and even when things are dark, and tough, and scary…Oh I would rather trust Him, than pick up my own light.
Just read further now…
Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness
and who seek the Lord:
look to the rock from which you were cut
And to the quarry from which you were hewn;
look to Abraham, your father,
and to Sarah, who gave you birth.
When I called him he was but one,
and I blessed him and made him many.
The Lord will surely comfort Zion
And will look with compassion on all her ruins;
He will make her deserts like Eden,
her wastelands like the garden of the Lord.
Joy and gladness will be found in her,
thanksgiving and the sound of singing.
Did I mention at my baptism they prophesied over me…that God will bless me with even more joy and that it will be my joy and smiles, and love that will reach the people, and also at the same time there is a seriousness and it’s like I have a sword in my hand too…almost like I’ll win my battles with my love. Anyways I feel like Zion, joy and gladness will be found in me, thanksgiving and the sound of singing! (*and dancing!) If u can get hold of this, the new cd of Hillsongs, Faithful… the 3rd song is my favourite… listen to it… “Your love endures forever, it reaches to the heavens, and though my flesh may fail me, You’re the strength of my heart, you will always be, I know your lovingkindness, the Power of forgiveness, all that I hold dear is You, My Jesus, It’s You I long for… Also I hope the Abraham part means the spiritual children God will add to my life, the people He will reach through me for eternity…
Pray for me…This journey I’ve begun with the Lord I never want to end! The Lord knows that…like the day I committed that terrible sin 3 years ago…I said Lord if you can’t forgive me for this, and I have to live life without you, there is no point to life, for life without you is hell. Same as the song, This is the air I breathe… Without air we suffocate, without God I die, for He is my life! But praise God, He has new blessings and mercies in store for me every day, and that wow He’s got so many good, great plans, if I am but willing to take His hand, to trust in Him.
The ring I told you about (wait I feel like I am chatting away about me, me, me, but I hope you too are blessed by this message on my heart, and also I want you to know where I’m at, and I don’t always have the ability to put it in one sentence : ) last week sometime, I sinned (ok I’m getting sick of messing up too) so I thought I think all these great things, and give everything to God, even the things I struggle with, and then in the heat of the moment, I forget things I honest to God believe and stand for (this is not everytime though,ok!) until after it’s done.And then it’s like all my words, and prayers, and verses come back to me. And it’s like those were the verses trying to prepare me for what happened and if I just meditated on it more, or realised when I read them, it means be careful, it might not have happened, and I thought I wish I have a purity ring…like the one they mention in Joshua Harris, Rebecca St James books… Maybe if I don’t have a bible, the ring will always be on me reminding me of the promise I made to God.
But the thought passed on, I repented, but still felt a little disappointed in me and later in the week I went to dance.(which is really cool and hectic this year, lol, she having split us up into our own 30- years class, so we can learn all these hectic ballet stuff, I just said God must have wonderful plans for my body still…even if I had given up!) we had this humbling exercise, with a cloth… where u lay the cloth in front of you on the ground (I took green my new fav colour-life, newness, growth) and you pretend this is the cross, and for about the length of one song, You just stand there and look at the cross, and you bring to God (in your heart) whatever you want to bring to the cross. Whether it be your troubles, your worries, people, joy, love, yourself…whatever….And then when you ready and you feel you have now left everything you need to there, you pick up your cloth, and you dance with Jesus!… What I experienced… was at the cross I just wanted to be crucified with Him, if there was any last part of me in me, I just wanted it to die there, I gave it to Him there, and I thought of my baptism too and how that was the symbol that the old me is gone, so when I stood up too dance, at first I danced with the one message on my heart – Christ in me…I started to pray, Lord even now as I dance, Not me, nothing of me, but You Lord, You come move in me, through me, let it be all about You, not steps, not me, Just You! And later the cloth became to me my love for Him, and I just got sooo happy and delighted…and felt inlove…and without planning it,thinking about it, the cross became like a veil to me, and I felt like the bride of Christ…looking into His eyes of Love, my feet actually started to be a bit wobbly, but when I thought of His eyes of love, I just danced even more.
And also I got this revelation of Him, being my husband, and how, when your husband has his arm around you,tall around you and you walk into a room of strangers, friends, enemies whoever, you just feel protected, He is just so strong, and bold, brave, not worried, and you aren’t concerned either because you know he is looking out for you, but in contrast with this strong, mighty look, when u look into his eyes, there’s just love, He doesn’t see the insecurities, the wobbly feet, the flaws,or blemishes, just you, His love, his bride, his wife. And you just respond to that love, and become free, in him, dance and laugh and joy, cause what else really matters when the best person in the world loves you…That is how I felt about Jesus Friday. That I love Him soo much…and that He loves me soo much…And it amazes me even further, that even though I saw God as my Father, my Friend, my Lord, my Saviour, now I too see Him as my love…How many more sides are there to this wonderful God! So I left dance wanting to get me a purity ring…now not just because I want to be pure… but because I love God, because this ring is first and foremost a token of my Love for Him…guy at work said ppl will think I’m taken, I say so what. Good! Good evangelism tactic too… “So why u wearing a ring on ur wedding finger, do you have someone special?” “Actually, yes…Jesus…” :) I didn’t have the money to buy me a new ring…but as I hardly wear my rings I do have, dug out my old gold with 2 small diamonds ring to wear till I can buy something… Another thing about my love. He understands!
Ok so there you have it, my life for the past 2 weeks…there’s been downs too, like my frustrations with the school structure, but in comparison to what He has done for me…wow I am just so grateful, and excited for what’s next…Do keep me in your prayers, I am but young in the faith, but the Lord is the strength of my heart and my portion forever….
Chan
(lost my ring at one dance production, but hey...I still believe he is my Isaiah 54 husband)
Sunday, May 18, 2008
An ode to you
An ode to you
I am the girl that once was lost
Thank You
Hobo, Addict, Prostitute?
Where would I be?
And yet my heart was the one you picked up, dusted off and made your home in.
And though daily I still dissappoint
You promise never to leave
Cause you were there when I was formed
Spoke my first words,
broke my first vows
You were there when my mouth smiled
my eyes cried
And You'll be there, in the days of Why?
Till the day I die
What did I do to deserve you?
(thank God you dont work through karma)
Prince of my heart
Love of My life
Away from you I feel confused, insecure, ready to give up
With you, I am confident at peace and bubbling in gratitude and adoration
You are my very breath, the beat of my heart, the light of my eyes
You are the blush on my cheeks, the spring in my step, the lifter of my head
thankyou my friend, thankyou my love, thankyou
may the world see you too, when their eyes still open the next day, when they exchange vows at the altar, or witness the birth of their child, or walk, live and sleep in an earth covered with your glory.
i know you speak deeper than our ears can hear
i know that its hearts that see not eyes
i know that my life, and testimony is merely a small light compared to the light of life in you.
So I say, to God be the glory, GREAT things He has done
To Him be the glory forever and ever
At your name JESUS every knee and every tongue will confess
that You are Lord
My God, Be praised in our hearts, in our lives, in our homes in our world
Thankyou for ALL You've done, are doing and will do
May every heart experience the joy of knowing you
May that knowing become a river flowing out from us into the nations of the world, deeper and deeper,
till hearts are healed the same way ours was
till people sing "I am the girl that once was lost,Thank You"
till we stop seeing I, me and my, but You and Your heart for people
till we become an army, dead to self, imprisoned by the hurting
dead to sin, alive to Christ
having peace that passes understanding
joy unspeakable
love that is wide and long and high and deep
which surpasses knowledge
which is a well that overflows and allows nothing and no one to be untouched
a love that is more about giving than receiving.
thankyou that all this is possible in you
I've been so blessed to be chosen and pursued
and to now walk with and have you abide in me
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth, in our lives
As it is in Heaven
I am the girl that now is found
Thank You
I am the girl that once was lost
Thank You
Hobo, Addict, Prostitute?
Where would I be?
And yet my heart was the one you picked up, dusted off and made your home in.
And though daily I still dissappoint
You promise never to leave
Cause you were there when I was formed
Spoke my first words,
broke my first vows
You were there when my mouth smiled
my eyes cried
And You'll be there, in the days of Why?
Till the day I die
What did I do to deserve you?
(thank God you dont work through karma)
Prince of my heart
Love of My life
Away from you I feel confused, insecure, ready to give up
With you, I am confident at peace and bubbling in gratitude and adoration
You are my very breath, the beat of my heart, the light of my eyes
You are the blush on my cheeks, the spring in my step, the lifter of my head
thankyou my friend, thankyou my love, thankyou
may the world see you too, when their eyes still open the next day, when they exchange vows at the altar, or witness the birth of their child, or walk, live and sleep in an earth covered with your glory.
i know you speak deeper than our ears can hear
i know that its hearts that see not eyes
i know that my life, and testimony is merely a small light compared to the light of life in you.
So I say, to God be the glory, GREAT things He has done
To Him be the glory forever and ever
At your name JESUS every knee and every tongue will confess
that You are Lord
My God, Be praised in our hearts, in our lives, in our homes in our world
Thankyou for ALL You've done, are doing and will do
May every heart experience the joy of knowing you
May that knowing become a river flowing out from us into the nations of the world, deeper and deeper,
till hearts are healed the same way ours was
till people sing "I am the girl that once was lost,Thank You"
till we stop seeing I, me and my, but You and Your heart for people
till we become an army, dead to self, imprisoned by the hurting
dead to sin, alive to Christ
having peace that passes understanding
joy unspeakable
love that is wide and long and high and deep
which surpasses knowledge
which is a well that overflows and allows nothing and no one to be untouched
a love that is more about giving than receiving.
thankyou that all this is possible in you
I've been so blessed to be chosen and pursued
and to now walk with and have you abide in me
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth, in our lives
As it is in Heaven
I am the girl that now is found
Thank You
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Lost my long Post!
Not going to type all of that again(now)...Just to say God is definitely at work in my life...
I do love you Lord...
Thanks for your faithfulness toward me...
And Gen 37 onwards.
I do love you Lord...
Thanks for your faithfulness toward me...
And Gen 37 onwards.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
rays of breakthrough...
rays of breakthrough coming bit by bit...
spoke to ziyanda...
need to speak the word.
need to ask god to help me, even in forgiving.
need to remember the devil can take the word and twist it to get me down.
it's ok to be hurt
Lord help me Lord, in this situation in JESUS NAME!
spoke to ziyanda...
need to speak the word.
need to ask god to help me, even in forgiving.
need to remember the devil can take the word and twist it to get me down.
it's ok to be hurt
Lord help me Lord, in this situation in JESUS NAME!
Bitterness?
It's amazing how one can go from a lifetime of forgiving easily to struggling not to be bitter. Yes, one knows all the headknowledge. You only hurting yourself. Forgiveness is the answer, you will be defiled by a root of bitterness.
But please give me the answer to how to handle the same treatment for your whole life. You forgive, but it happens again, only worse. Is it too much to ask if I also want to be fed up with the way I'm being treated. i agree Love is always about the other person, but at the same time when I look at spiritually healthy people I see it goes both way, they respect others and are in turn respected.
Anyway, I dont want to be defiled, but at the same time I dont want to sleep in a ball of chaos and to be belittled in the times that I've tried hard to do the right thing, I cant please everybody, but at the same time in the situation I find myself now in, if I do what I know is right to do I cant handle the backlash of words,attitudes too.
And at the same time I dont want to hurt anybody and at the back of my mind am worrying about the other person, and therefore havent gone to go and complain that I'm not sleeping at night and may get sick soon. Becuase I know that instead of working towards a solution, offence will be taken and then I have to worry again about that person and their wellbeing, so instead I keep quiet...
And struggle to bring this situation before the Lord, because there are so many scriptures in this regard that is telling me I'm wrong, but not telling me how to prevent the situation from recurring or how to stand when you feel like their is hammer being hit on your head. And you can see that they too are sorry for their words, but at the same time there will never be a sorry or a I love you, becuase I'm the reason for making them so angry. And yet. All that I was doing in the first place was to try and sort out the mess.
God we built up such a lovely relationship and now it seems like it's toppling down.
Your word says You are my Fortress, My God in whom I trust.
And yet, sin seperates us. So I'm not sure I can bring myself to you without sorting this situation out, and I dont have a clue how to do it in a way that doesnt hurt me even more. Or is that the point?
I dont know Lord. Please come through for me and this situation.
In Jesus name
But please give me the answer to how to handle the same treatment for your whole life. You forgive, but it happens again, only worse. Is it too much to ask if I also want to be fed up with the way I'm being treated. i agree Love is always about the other person, but at the same time when I look at spiritually healthy people I see it goes both way, they respect others and are in turn respected.
Anyway, I dont want to be defiled, but at the same time I dont want to sleep in a ball of chaos and to be belittled in the times that I've tried hard to do the right thing, I cant please everybody, but at the same time in the situation I find myself now in, if I do what I know is right to do I cant handle the backlash of words,attitudes too.
And at the same time I dont want to hurt anybody and at the back of my mind am worrying about the other person, and therefore havent gone to go and complain that I'm not sleeping at night and may get sick soon. Becuase I know that instead of working towards a solution, offence will be taken and then I have to worry again about that person and their wellbeing, so instead I keep quiet...
And struggle to bring this situation before the Lord, because there are so many scriptures in this regard that is telling me I'm wrong, but not telling me how to prevent the situation from recurring or how to stand when you feel like their is hammer being hit on your head. And you can see that they too are sorry for their words, but at the same time there will never be a sorry or a I love you, becuase I'm the reason for making them so angry. And yet. All that I was doing in the first place was to try and sort out the mess.
God we built up such a lovely relationship and now it seems like it's toppling down.
Your word says You are my Fortress, My God in whom I trust.
And yet, sin seperates us. So I'm not sure I can bring myself to you without sorting this situation out, and I dont have a clue how to do it in a way that doesnt hurt me even more. Or is that the point?
I dont know Lord. Please come through for me and this situation.
In Jesus name
Friday, May 9, 2008
Prayer Friday Awesome
Sorry that's all I could put as a heading...
"Lord Please come near...
Glorify YOUR NAME...
I want You, I need You"
God desires to do so much through our lives. He desires to change Nations through our lives, He desires to touch lives through our lives, to heal brokenness, to mend and repair through our lives. God wants to lead people to him through our lives.
Why is this not happening? What is consuming our lives, that we are unable to see the brokenness around us? Or are we still broken? Let us receive God's healing, Let us receive His peace, His strength, Let us allow God to do His work in our lives, so that through us He can accomplish His will for all people....
Let us humble ourselves and repent of selfishness, of caring only about me and my life, my world, Oh Lord, let us seek Your Face, Lord! Oh God Your Glory! Not ours...
"Who we are Christians reflect like mirrors the Glory of the Lord"
May we reflect Your Glory OH Lord, I bring my very life before you God, I empty/rid myself of myself, Come and Fill me Lord! Oh Father, wash me so I can be pure, so I can receive the full measure of what you want to give, I want to do Your will Lord.
Oh Lord, I magnify You, I praise You, though you deserve so much more praise, I pray father that in my every breath I will praise You Lord...
My God... Your will be done Lord!
"Lord Please come near...
Glorify YOUR NAME...
I want You, I need You"
God desires to do so much through our lives. He desires to change Nations through our lives, He desires to touch lives through our lives, to heal brokenness, to mend and repair through our lives. God wants to lead people to him through our lives.
Why is this not happening? What is consuming our lives, that we are unable to see the brokenness around us? Or are we still broken? Let us receive God's healing, Let us receive His peace, His strength, Let us allow God to do His work in our lives, so that through us He can accomplish His will for all people....
Let us humble ourselves and repent of selfishness, of caring only about me and my life, my world, Oh Lord, let us seek Your Face, Lord! Oh God Your Glory! Not ours...
"Who we are Christians reflect like mirrors the Glory of the Lord"
May we reflect Your Glory OH Lord, I bring my very life before you God, I empty/rid myself of myself, Come and Fill me Lord! Oh Father, wash me so I can be pure, so I can receive the full measure of what you want to give, I want to do Your will Lord.
Oh Lord, I magnify You, I praise You, though you deserve so much more praise, I pray father that in my every breath I will praise You Lord...
My God... Your will be done Lord!
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Titus...
Some Scriptures from Titus that stood out:
Titus 1:
1Paul, a servant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ for the faith of God's elect and the knowledge of the truth that leads to godliness— 2a faith and knowledge resting on the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before the beginning of time, 3and at his appointed season he brought his word to light through the preaching entrusted to me by the command of God our Savior,
5The reason I left you in Crete was that you might straighten out what was left unfinished and appoint[a] elders in every town, as I directed you.
--there is order/strategy in the way things are done in the bible
8Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. 9He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.
--Definition of a minister?
15To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted. 16They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good.
Titus 2:
7In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us
--hectic but true
9Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, 10and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive
--mmm...
11For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 12It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.
--So it is by God's grace that we are saved, and that salvation teaches us to say NO to ungodliness...etc...to be selfcontrolled, Because Jesus gave himself to us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify us! so that we are his and eager to do what is good!
15b Encourage and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone despise you.
Titus 3:
1Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, 2to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men.
-- once again hectic and we need to work at this!
3At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. 4But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. 8This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.
-- enslaved, after sunday's sermon, things that will enslave and entice us... BUT when the kindness and Love of God our saviour appeared, he saved us because of His mercy not because of the righteous things that we do!
9But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless
-- help me Lord...
14Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good, in order that they may provide for daily necessities and not live unproductive lives.
-- This reminds me of Church, makes me see the biblical reason for why we are doing what we do... keeping us busy with the things of God!
Titus 1:
1Paul, a servant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ for the faith of God's elect and the knowledge of the truth that leads to godliness— 2a faith and knowledge resting on the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before the beginning of time, 3and at his appointed season he brought his word to light through the preaching entrusted to me by the command of God our Savior,
5The reason I left you in Crete was that you might straighten out what was left unfinished and appoint[a] elders in every town, as I directed you.
--there is order/strategy in the way things are done in the bible
8Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. 9He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.
--Definition of a minister?
15To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted. 16They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good.
Titus 2:
7In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us
--hectic but true
9Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, 10and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive
--mmm...
11For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 12It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.
--So it is by God's grace that we are saved, and that salvation teaches us to say NO to ungodliness...etc...to be selfcontrolled, Because Jesus gave himself to us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify us! so that we are his and eager to do what is good!
15b Encourage and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone despise you.
Titus 3:
1Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, 2to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men.
-- once again hectic and we need to work at this!
3At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. 4But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. 8This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.
-- enslaved, after sunday's sermon, things that will enslave and entice us... BUT when the kindness and Love of God our saviour appeared, he saved us because of His mercy not because of the righteous things that we do!
9But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless
-- help me Lord...
14Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good, in order that they may provide for daily necessities and not live unproductive lives.
-- This reminds me of Church, makes me see the biblical reason for why we are doing what we do... keeping us busy with the things of God!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
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