i'm not perfect
not even close
i do what i do
by the grace of God
his strength moves me
his love fulfills me
but when i dont have that balance right
I'm like an ostrich with his head in the sand
i'm like a camel that sat down
yes, i know that there are people more far gone than i
yes, i know that I have Jesus and so who am I to complain
but let me tell you
what i've learnt
and maybe too you will learn
we are all fargone
but by the grace of God
the ability we have to love others
comes from the love of God already in us
whether we know him or not
he has made us in his image
but there comes a time when even us, or even I
need Jesus, though he is there, it's as if i cannot see him
because he wants me to seek his face
God is not a genie in a bottle who you rub and then he magically appears...
or at least my relationship with him is not one of a fairy God mother granting all my wishes...
And whatever i have done for people has been out of the love bestowed me, it flowed out of relationship with a Heavenly father who allowed me to sit on his lap and told me things about me and him and how he sees me, and things about loving people, and before if I heard others hurt, yes i felt hurt too, but my response was O God.... please intervene, Lord...
But in this season, I'm needing God, I'm needing arms, I'm needing answers, I'm needing peace, and that is only found at his feet...
Perfection isn't possible. If you think you perfect, then I would have to question your healthy self image.
At the same time as me saying all of this, let me add that me saying I'll never be perfect is not a cop out, or an excuse not to share my life with others. Not to make a difference... It's just that I've learnt the difference between making a difference with Gods grace, and making a difference in my own strength...
So right now...
I need you Lord. More of you. People might not get me at this point, but i know that you do. I know that you not gone, you just desire more of me, and I am choosing to follow you, where you say I will go, what you want, I will do...
But no more can I live up to people's expectations at the expense of what God is wanting...
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
whwppphhhh ...(how do u type a letting out air sound?) I can breath again!
handed the hard copy of my project in last night...
busy mailing the soft copy but cant seem to figure out how to take the track changes off!
anyway almost there...
busy mailing the soft copy but cant seem to figure out how to take the track changes off!
anyway almost there...
How Sweet the Name
How Sweet the Name - Delirious?, Kingdom of Comfort
What would I have become
If you'd never stopped to pull me through
What would this life had done
If you'd never whispered liberty
I heard you sing so sweetly, a song of love
Jesus how sweet the name
The name that saves
Jesus how sweet the sound
The sound of grace
The sound of praise
The sound that saves
So many songs I've sung
But there's none more beautiful than you
And here I've found myself
So I'm happy to be lost in you
I hear you sing so sweetly, a song called love
Every soul needs a saviour
What would I have become
If you'd never stopped to pull me through
What would this life had done
If you'd never whispered liberty
I heard you sing so sweetly, a song of love
Jesus how sweet the name
The name that saves
Jesus how sweet the sound
The sound of grace
The sound of praise
The sound that saves
So many songs I've sung
But there's none more beautiful than you
And here I've found myself
So I'm happy to be lost in you
I hear you sing so sweetly, a song called love
Every soul needs a saviour
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Think I need a coffee break :)
Still busy with my project and it is 2AM but think I need to take a break cause loosing focus...I really like what I cleaned up but I still have so far to go...
Maybe should make a cuppa.
By the way I didnt update this I think but began a new job...as a support worker for exchange students. Here am I with 2 of the german girls, however the one is so South African now, dont think I can call her german... in Langa at a shack. Was quite an nice eventful day and though I stressed before about how it's going to be, was better than I expected.
Also after this big project is in going to start getting my business out there...Need to get out of debt. With the help of God of course.
Well my eyes are starting to close but have to get done
Maybe should make a cuppa.
By the way I didnt update this I think but began a new job...as a support worker for exchange students. Here am I with 2 of the german girls, however the one is so South African now, dont think I can call her german... in Langa at a shack. Was quite an nice eventful day and though I stressed before about how it's going to be, was better than I expected.
Also after this big project is in going to start getting my business out there...Need to get out of debt. With the help of God of course.
Well my eyes are starting to close but have to get done
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Long time no Blog...
There is so much that i need to update you on, but right now those thoughts need to keep whirling in my head till I have more time on my hands. For now let me just update you on my awesome time in God's presence last night and the things I have learnt or been reminded on.
Went to HP N1, because it was a worship evening... And really just needed uninteruppted worship session, and also the cool thing is that only know a few people so could dance and go on at the back and if anyone did look at me in a funny way, they probably won't see me again soon :)
Well after feeling so drained for a while, and really just desiring God to fill me again...I didnt even think I would dance at all, just sing and observe but the worship started with "Our God is Big" and then eventually they sang Desert song, and when they sang that I remembered where all this omgekrap feelings began, and remembered that a while back i was singing my lungs out and feeling like i need more, and that i am aksing God is there sin in my life, or what is the reason why I am feeling so omgekrap...And i can recall singing about being in the desert...But God is my victory...a while back driving my mom's car to my aunts house...Anyway then when my grandma died, that sunday it was just magnified for me, I need more Holy Spirit...I need a break through.. And then began working hectically on my studies, but decided to take a break from ministry so that i can seek his face for this month and sort out the other areas of my life that was lagging behind. Last week was a week of miracles despite me still needing that breakthrough and then last night because my friend said she would be dancing and because I sensed praise and worship is just what i need, I went...2 Hours of Praise and worship, was really good for me. These are the reminders God gave me in that time...
no.1. He never stopped loving me, in all my questions and business and even omgekrapness, I need to remember that Jesus still loves me (didnt doubt it but needed to be reminded of the way he sees and looks at me, his eyes, his heart, his smile, his arm around me)
no.2 Song my United -> "None by Jesus" Also a reminder. Stop looking, Only he i have and only He gave me his life. And All my delight is in him :)
no.3 the song written by the lady at HP, cant get to her name now...was in my head this week, who would have thought I would go and we would sing that song...
no.4 the new song she wrote was so appropriate to my situation. Sort of applying breaks that God was there all along but because you were listening and speaking loud in the crowds you couldn't hear His whisper
and lastly
No.5 during worship he reminded me of that image of the bride...and that just helped me to be the Chandre he sees in my worship...regardless of whatever people might think..I could see the lace gloves...So just began to dance and sing and smile :) and enjoy His beauty and know that I am beautiful in Him too... And the best part was that just as I got that revelation, the song changed to Savior King which has a line in the song...
"Let now your church shine as the bride
That you saw in your heart as you offered up your life"
:) And that was just what I needed to hear...Also enjoyed this
"I love you Lord, I worship you
Hope which was lost, now stands renewed
I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the savior king"
Also really enjoyed my conversation with Miriam's mom, Christine afterwards. Great to be able to just talk and be heard and also just talk about how wonderful God is.
And now having said that today began the book of Psalms...Still need to blog all the other things i learn in Job, Ezra, Nehemiah and Esther, but getting there...
God has really been good to me this year, despite my making a big deal about certain things, I cannot doubt that it's been a year of miracles...
Jesus, I love you. I love you.
Thankyou for Your love. that was proven in you giving your very own life...
"the weight of my sin was on your cross"
Thankyou for the way you see me, despite the way I see me,
Thankyou for smiling down on me, or as Psalm 3 that i read today says" You bestow glory on me and lift up my head"
Thankyou for your love despite all, I am standing upon this rock. Everything else may fall away. People may label, misunderstand, do whatever to me, but You Father, will never leave nor forsake me. Thankyou that You are the hope on which I stand and cling to. And I know it's only upon the foundation of Christ that I can build any human relationships, if I look for what can only be found in You in people I will feel hurt,etc...So Lord I look to you even in being able to minister again and making the right decisions, and work and finances for next years studies, and finishing my btech THIS YEAR, Praise God...Also listening to Darlene singing " I'll trust in You...I'll trust in You"...
Thank You that you are our hope our everything, I pray that you will not only pour your love and wisdom and purposes in my life, but also in the lives of my family...Thank You for a new week in You my God...May you bless us, and even all our friends, in Jesus Name.
Amen
Went to HP N1, because it was a worship evening... And really just needed uninteruppted worship session, and also the cool thing is that only know a few people so could dance and go on at the back and if anyone did look at me in a funny way, they probably won't see me again soon :)
Well after feeling so drained for a while, and really just desiring God to fill me again...I didnt even think I would dance at all, just sing and observe but the worship started with "Our God is Big" and then eventually they sang Desert song, and when they sang that I remembered where all this omgekrap feelings began, and remembered that a while back i was singing my lungs out and feeling like i need more, and that i am aksing God is there sin in my life, or what is the reason why I am feeling so omgekrap...And i can recall singing about being in the desert...But God is my victory...a while back driving my mom's car to my aunts house...Anyway then when my grandma died, that sunday it was just magnified for me, I need more Holy Spirit...I need a break through.. And then began working hectically on my studies, but decided to take a break from ministry so that i can seek his face for this month and sort out the other areas of my life that was lagging behind. Last week was a week of miracles despite me still needing that breakthrough and then last night because my friend said she would be dancing and because I sensed praise and worship is just what i need, I went...2 Hours of Praise and worship, was really good for me. These are the reminders God gave me in that time...
no.1. He never stopped loving me, in all my questions and business and even omgekrapness, I need to remember that Jesus still loves me (didnt doubt it but needed to be reminded of the way he sees and looks at me, his eyes, his heart, his smile, his arm around me)
no.2 Song my United -> "None by Jesus" Also a reminder. Stop looking, Only he i have and only He gave me his life. And All my delight is in him :)
no.3 the song written by the lady at HP, cant get to her name now...was in my head this week, who would have thought I would go and we would sing that song...
no.4 the new song she wrote was so appropriate to my situation. Sort of applying breaks that God was there all along but because you were listening and speaking loud in the crowds you couldn't hear His whisper
and lastly
No.5 during worship he reminded me of that image of the bride...and that just helped me to be the Chandre he sees in my worship...regardless of whatever people might think..I could see the lace gloves...So just began to dance and sing and smile :) and enjoy His beauty and know that I am beautiful in Him too... And the best part was that just as I got that revelation, the song changed to Savior King which has a line in the song...
"Let now your church shine as the bride
That you saw in your heart as you offered up your life"
:) And that was just what I needed to hear...Also enjoyed this
"I love you Lord, I worship you
Hope which was lost, now stands renewed
I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the savior king"
Also really enjoyed my conversation with Miriam's mom, Christine afterwards. Great to be able to just talk and be heard and also just talk about how wonderful God is.
And now having said that today began the book of Psalms...Still need to blog all the other things i learn in Job, Ezra, Nehemiah and Esther, but getting there...
God has really been good to me this year, despite my making a big deal about certain things, I cannot doubt that it's been a year of miracles...
Jesus, I love you. I love you.
Thankyou for Your love. that was proven in you giving your very own life...
"the weight of my sin was on your cross"
Thankyou for the way you see me, despite the way I see me,
Thankyou for smiling down on me, or as Psalm 3 that i read today says" You bestow glory on me and lift up my head"
Thankyou for your love despite all, I am standing upon this rock. Everything else may fall away. People may label, misunderstand, do whatever to me, but You Father, will never leave nor forsake me. Thankyou that You are the hope on which I stand and cling to. And I know it's only upon the foundation of Christ that I can build any human relationships, if I look for what can only be found in You in people I will feel hurt,etc...So Lord I look to you even in being able to minister again and making the right decisions, and work and finances for next years studies, and finishing my btech THIS YEAR, Praise God...Also listening to Darlene singing " I'll trust in You...I'll trust in You"...
Thank You that you are our hope our everything, I pray that you will not only pour your love and wisdom and purposes in my life, but also in the lives of my family...Thank You for a new week in You my God...May you bless us, and even all our friends, in Jesus Name.
Amen
Sunday, October 12, 2008
I give up
I give up
Chandré De Wet
12 Oct 2008
running, running
closed doors
where to now
searching for a way some how
give me answers,
don't know how
or what or where or when
but hope that somehow
somebody, help me please?
can't you see I'm incomplete
looking, knocking
should i be copying
ratrace or embrace
discipline or a waste?
could it be
you just want me
to give up
shut up
look up
get up
or down on my knees
saying Jesus please
no one else can appease
or set my spirit at ease
I give this situation to you
only your hands can hold it
only you can shape it, make it into what you desire
i am merely clay
surrendering this day
wishing the old flesh away
Lord come and make me ok
or at least the way
i should be
I give up
and I give you all that I am
take me and teach me
and lead me into your way everlasting
Chandré De Wet
12 Oct 2008
running, running
closed doors
where to now
searching for a way some how
give me answers,
don't know how
or what or where or when
but hope that somehow
somebody, help me please?
can't you see I'm incomplete
looking, knocking
should i be copying
ratrace or embrace
discipline or a waste?
could it be
you just want me
to give up
shut up
look up
get up
or down on my knees
saying Jesus please
no one else can appease
or set my spirit at ease
I give this situation to you
only your hands can hold it
only you can shape it, make it into what you desire
i am merely clay
surrendering this day
wishing the old flesh away
Lord come and make me ok
or at least the way
i should be
I give up
and I give you all that I am
take me and teach me
and lead me into your way everlasting
Saturday, October 11, 2008
I think it's time...
For a break...
Chatted to a friend outside of my circle who normally it's great to bounce these kinda stuff on and he was in agreement. And why... Just been feeling like I need more of God, a breakthrough, more of His Spirit and sensing that that will come in time spent with him, and that only comes by slowing down not running even harder and faster...Just for a month, to get my focus back and right.
Someone told me "ja, you are too busy, glad that I'm realising this" and I said no...it's not about realising this, its about doing what God wants. Previous months when ran up and down it wasn't out of my own and thats why I had the strength and desire that goes with it...
was cleaning up a pile of pages in my car,sorting it out,etc yesterday...and when i looked at the top page in the pile found something i had typed out before which is still true:
"...Same with my life, if I keep running 120km/hr I'm not going be able to hear God's will for my life, I'm going to go ahead and miss His timing I won't be following the rules and I might hit a situation that God wanted to protect me from but I was running too fast..."
Song I really like by Delirious... hope to get the cd one day
Touch
I, I want to know you
I want to show you I'm forever yours
And now, another day is dawning
Another page is turning here
For everyone to see
Yes I'm on my knees
'Cause I love you
And when you touch my life
I've been born again,
I am born again
And when you touch my life
I've been born again
I am born again
I'll shine like the heavens
Shine with the words of life
Light up my way
So please deliver me from walking
Beyond the truth that called me here
I'm not ashamed today
I've been torn again,
The curtain's been torn again
Thats about all I have to share for now...Still want to blog about what I realised on my gran's funeral and some songs I like... But that will have to wait. Have to take antibiotics and keep working on this project Or Try...
Chatted to a friend outside of my circle who normally it's great to bounce these kinda stuff on and he was in agreement. And why... Just been feeling like I need more of God, a breakthrough, more of His Spirit and sensing that that will come in time spent with him, and that only comes by slowing down not running even harder and faster...Just for a month, to get my focus back and right.
Someone told me "ja, you are too busy, glad that I'm realising this" and I said no...it's not about realising this, its about doing what God wants. Previous months when ran up and down it wasn't out of my own and thats why I had the strength and desire that goes with it...
was cleaning up a pile of pages in my car,sorting it out,etc yesterday...and when i looked at the top page in the pile found something i had typed out before which is still true:
"...Same with my life, if I keep running 120km/hr I'm not going be able to hear God's will for my life, I'm going to go ahead and miss His timing I won't be following the rules and I might hit a situation that God wanted to protect me from but I was running too fast..."
Song I really like by Delirious... hope to get the cd one day
Touch
I, I want to know you
I want to show you I'm forever yours
And now, another day is dawning
Another page is turning here
For everyone to see
Yes I'm on my knees
'Cause I love you
And when you touch my life
I've been born again,
I am born again
And when you touch my life
I've been born again
I am born again
I'll shine like the heavens
Shine with the words of life
Light up my way
So please deliver me from walking
Beyond the truth that called me here
I'm not ashamed today
I've been torn again,
The curtain's been torn again
Thats about all I have to share for now...Still want to blog about what I realised on my gran's funeral and some songs I like... But that will have to wait. Have to take antibiotics and keep working on this project Or Try...
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Word Expo Poems
all written in 2007
1 Words:
* erudite
* flatmate
* host
* ran
* salp
* stomach
* study
The daily life of a procrastinating student
===========================================
I cannot concentrate, with an empty stomach
Food makes me become erudite.
A host of words, I have to study
Like a gelatinous salp, I feel inside.
I ran to the kitchen, a few minutes ago
Time ticking on as I procrastinate
A dictionary, encyclopedia and varsity textbooks
I think I'll go and check on my flatmate...
I have now had my fill and socialized
Took an hour of power nap and slept
I think I feel ready to pick up my books
Oh, No, I have only thirty minutes left!
2 Words:
* drunk
* dungeon
* float
* goitre
* swallowing
* truth
poem 1
======
completely drunk, drunk completely
com drunk pletely
ob liv ious
the buzz the numbness,
occasionally REALITY (I love you honey!)
bursting IN (Come here Sweetie Pie)
as I float
com Pletey Ob livious to
the Ruth, Truth, Tooth
did I say that Already?
My life, HELLO? My sweety pie is grown?
Swallowing this truth,
I reach instead for another sip
This freedom I think I feel, I float, enjoy
Completely, pletely? Unaware,
of The dungeon I am in.
From glory to glory, the truth remains...
=========================================
Five years old, swinging my arms and my whole body around and around till I'm completely drunk. Attempting to walk in a straight line, only to fall on the floor dizzy and laughing till my stomach hurt. Sleeping over at cousins and grandma's as my mom got her thesis done.
Nine years old, the neighbour's kids would come over, and a whole parallel world existed in our garden. Twigs turned into swords, sand into magic dust, little boys into knights and our old tree in front, the dungeon we all feared when taken captive. These were happy and sad days, with laughs and tears over grazed knees, and broken teeth, and the icelolly van driving down the road. Mmmmm...
At twelve, the hot summers would find us diving in the neighbour's pool, jumping in the deep side, doggy paddling, back float, surfboard at the base, "Who can stay underwater the longest?", the only form of entertainment that eased the heat and calmed our emotions...
At fourteen, just beginning high school, a ball of nerves and totally out of place. Fears of lice and goitres, threatening to ruin my image, yet at the same time not wanting to party to the extreme with all the added things that go with it, just to fit in. Not here, not there, I hated Mondays and lived for weekends to be with the friends who accepted me for who I am.
At seventeen, I found myself swallowing many tots to drown the emotions and hurts I found myself in. On the outside I was cool, popular friend. At the right place, the right time with the right clothes and drink in my hand. Handsome men, popular clubs, loud, crazy, funny... But on the inside completely empty, lonely, questioning all I see around me.
At nineteen, my first taste of truth, and have never turned back. Made some major mistakes in my twenties, losing so much of me, losing so many friends, yet never losing that truth, which found me, and rebuilt alot and still builds the broken parts in me.
How I loved my childhood! But even more so how I love knowing that wherever I find myself, whatever season, whatever age, whatever storm, whatever success, I am not alone, nor is each phase unable to be used to shape me and remake me into an even more beautiful person, than I was before that season. I am changed from glory to glory and despite all that falls away in my life, the truth remains.
3 Words:
* bin
* forbidden
* misunderstanding
* prong
* vivid
Opposite Directions - Who knows?
================================
They had known each other for years and years, on different sides of the fence, yet both longing to cross the great divide or at least meet each other half way.
As children, they played without a care in the world, without grasping ideologies and theologies and non religiousities that are now etched between them. Hardly spoken about but still there...
He a professor and guru in his field of expertise, analytically proving theories and theorems. She a teacher and lover of all things good and God. Thirty years ago, bestest of friends, today an occasional polite "How do you do?" before rushing off to the next appointment or prayer meeting, and also rushing off before memories of the misunderstanding that parted them arises.
To him, her life an existense of rules, and the forbidden, holding her back from vivid life she could experience without the chains of religion. To her, his life of calculations, and experiments, and theories taught as fact, his life and existence to disprove any evidence, yet built on a lack of evidence, she was puzzled yet saddened by his faith in only himself.
One conversation only deepened the divide.
"You need Him, Please, listen, turn from your life of sin...Dont allow satan to hold you back from what God has for you!"
"A little devil with a prong? Ha Ha! To the bin with your beliefs"
Two walk away, angered, hurt, split... A little bit of hope that the other would come to their senses, longing to reach out yet both taking a step back to protect their hearts from each other. How different were they really? So very different, Yet so the same...
Only time would ease the hurt, or provide answers to the questions that arose. If her God was who she said he was, he'd be big enough to reveal himself to a professor who had long ago put aside stories of tooth fairies, Santa Clause and Jesus. And if there were no God, she would come to her senses...
Is there an answer? Do the two walk their seperate way forever. Do they find common ground? Does her God find him? Does she wake up and find she was dreaming? Only time will tell as they allow the pages to be turned to a new chapter in their lives, and the truth, is revealed.
To be Continued...
1 Words:
* erudite
* flatmate
* host
* ran
* salp
* stomach
* study
The daily life of a procrastinating student
===========================================
I cannot concentrate, with an empty stomach
Food makes me become erudite.
A host of words, I have to study
Like a gelatinous salp, I feel inside.
I ran to the kitchen, a few minutes ago
Time ticking on as I procrastinate
A dictionary, encyclopedia and varsity textbooks
I think I'll go and check on my flatmate...
I have now had my fill and socialized
Took an hour of power nap and slept
I think I feel ready to pick up my books
Oh, No, I have only thirty minutes left!
2 Words:
* drunk
* dungeon
* float
* goitre
* swallowing
* truth
poem 1
======
completely drunk, drunk completely
com drunk pletely
ob liv ious
the buzz the numbness,
occasionally REALITY (I love you honey!)
bursting IN (Come here Sweetie Pie)
as I float
com Pletey Ob livious to
the Ruth, Truth, Tooth
did I say that Already?
My life, HELLO? My sweety pie is grown?
Swallowing this truth,
I reach instead for another sip
This freedom I think I feel, I float, enjoy
Completely, pletely? Unaware,
of The dungeon I am in.
From glory to glory, the truth remains...
=========================================
Five years old, swinging my arms and my whole body around and around till I'm completely drunk. Attempting to walk in a straight line, only to fall on the floor dizzy and laughing till my stomach hurt. Sleeping over at cousins and grandma's as my mom got her thesis done.
Nine years old, the neighbour's kids would come over, and a whole parallel world existed in our garden. Twigs turned into swords, sand into magic dust, little boys into knights and our old tree in front, the dungeon we all feared when taken captive. These were happy and sad days, with laughs and tears over grazed knees, and broken teeth, and the icelolly van driving down the road. Mmmmm...
At twelve, the hot summers would find us diving in the neighbour's pool, jumping in the deep side, doggy paddling, back float, surfboard at the base, "Who can stay underwater the longest?", the only form of entertainment that eased the heat and calmed our emotions...
At fourteen, just beginning high school, a ball of nerves and totally out of place. Fears of lice and goitres, threatening to ruin my image, yet at the same time not wanting to party to the extreme with all the added things that go with it, just to fit in. Not here, not there, I hated Mondays and lived for weekends to be with the friends who accepted me for who I am.
At seventeen, I found myself swallowing many tots to drown the emotions and hurts I found myself in. On the outside I was cool, popular friend. At the right place, the right time with the right clothes and drink in my hand. Handsome men, popular clubs, loud, crazy, funny... But on the inside completely empty, lonely, questioning all I see around me.
At nineteen, my first taste of truth, and have never turned back. Made some major mistakes in my twenties, losing so much of me, losing so many friends, yet never losing that truth, which found me, and rebuilt alot and still builds the broken parts in me.
How I loved my childhood! But even more so how I love knowing that wherever I find myself, whatever season, whatever age, whatever storm, whatever success, I am not alone, nor is each phase unable to be used to shape me and remake me into an even more beautiful person, than I was before that season. I am changed from glory to glory and despite all that falls away in my life, the truth remains.
3 Words:
* bin
* forbidden
* misunderstanding
* prong
* vivid
Opposite Directions - Who knows?
================================
They had known each other for years and years, on different sides of the fence, yet both longing to cross the great divide or at least meet each other half way.
As children, they played without a care in the world, without grasping ideologies and theologies and non religiousities that are now etched between them. Hardly spoken about but still there...
He a professor and guru in his field of expertise, analytically proving theories and theorems. She a teacher and lover of all things good and God. Thirty years ago, bestest of friends, today an occasional polite "How do you do?" before rushing off to the next appointment or prayer meeting, and also rushing off before memories of the misunderstanding that parted them arises.
To him, her life an existense of rules, and the forbidden, holding her back from vivid life she could experience without the chains of religion. To her, his life of calculations, and experiments, and theories taught as fact, his life and existence to disprove any evidence, yet built on a lack of evidence, she was puzzled yet saddened by his faith in only himself.
One conversation only deepened the divide.
"You need Him, Please, listen, turn from your life of sin...Dont allow satan to hold you back from what God has for you!"
"A little devil with a prong? Ha Ha! To the bin with your beliefs"
Two walk away, angered, hurt, split... A little bit of hope that the other would come to their senses, longing to reach out yet both taking a step back to protect their hearts from each other. How different were they really? So very different, Yet so the same...
Only time would ease the hurt, or provide answers to the questions that arose. If her God was who she said he was, he'd be big enough to reveal himself to a professor who had long ago put aside stories of tooth fairies, Santa Clause and Jesus. And if there were no God, she would come to her senses...
Is there an answer? Do the two walk their seperate way forever. Do they find common ground? Does her God find him? Does she wake up and find she was dreaming? Only time will tell as they allow the pages to be turned to a new chapter in their lives, and the truth, is revealed.
To be Continued...
Island...
Oh Island,
Why do you hide
When you were made to shine
Why do you shun
Does your mirror lie?
Or is it my eyes?
Are you looking beyond
or do you look behind?
Oh Island,
Please won't you reveal
the hidden strengths
eternally seen
Unmask this warrior
Only show truth
Does painted glass speak
What the mind has chosen to deny?
Oh heart
Why do you fear?
Bravery and courage your destiny
You were made to lead, made to fight
Why do you begin to race
at the sight of evil
Is it not because you were made to overcome
Don't be afraid!
With love your motive,and destiny your guard
March, knowing the battle's already won
All you need to do is start.
Why do you hide
When you were made to shine
Why do you shun
Does your mirror lie?
Or is it my eyes?
Are you looking beyond
or do you look behind?
Oh Island,
Please won't you reveal
the hidden strengths
eternally seen
Unmask this warrior
Only show truth
Does painted glass speak
What the mind has chosen to deny?
Oh heart
Why do you fear?
Bravery and courage your destiny
You were made to lead, made to fight
Why do you begin to race
at the sight of evil
Is it not because you were made to overcome
Don't be afraid!
With love your motive,and destiny your guard
March, knowing the battle's already won
All you need to do is start.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Job 2 Onwards - Friends/People Comments...
This word isn't one of those that I feel I am getting from the Lord and must blog, it's merely when I read this, I could relate. So this post is not meant to be a biblestudy, but more I get Job, I agree, I know how he feels post.
After all these things happen to Job, firstly instead of being supportive or empathatic (is that a weird) his wife tries to tell him what to do - Curse God...
Firstly, Job's friends come to him and just mourn with him but after that when Job shares his heart,
(
25 What I feared has come upon me;
what I dreaded has happened to me.
26 I have no peace, no quietness;
I have no rest, but only turmoil."
)
(I can only imagine what it feels to feel like this)
this is his friends response:
1 Then Eliphaz the Temanite replied:
2 "If someone ventures a word with you, will you be impatient?
But who can keep from speaking?
3 Think how you have instructed many,
how you have strengthened feeble hands.
4 Your words have supported those who stumbled;
you have strengthened faltering knees.
5 But now trouble comes to you, and you are discouraged;
it strikes you, and you are dismayed.
6 Should not your piety be your confidence
and your blameless ways your hope?
IOW -> You supposed to be so strong, you're strong for everyone else. Now that you have a problem, look at how you are reacting. If u've done nothing wrong shouldnt that be your confidence.
When everything is falling apart in your life, instead of bring words of hope, strength, not just random but thoughtful words, they take the opportunity to give their opinion, and even try and teach Job.
After all these things happen to Job, firstly instead of being supportive or empathatic (is that a weird) his wife tries to tell him what to do - Curse God...
Firstly, Job's friends come to him and just mourn with him but after that when Job shares his heart,
(
25 What I feared has come upon me;
what I dreaded has happened to me.
26 I have no peace, no quietness;
I have no rest, but only turmoil."
)
(I can only imagine what it feels to feel like this)
this is his friends response:
1 Then Eliphaz the Temanite replied:
2 "If someone ventures a word with you, will you be impatient?
But who can keep from speaking?
3 Think how you have instructed many,
how you have strengthened feeble hands.
4 Your words have supported those who stumbled;
you have strengthened faltering knees.
5 But now trouble comes to you, and you are discouraged;
it strikes you, and you are dismayed.
6 Should not your piety be your confidence
and your blameless ways your hope?
IOW -> You supposed to be so strong, you're strong for everyone else. Now that you have a problem, look at how you are reacting. If u've done nothing wrong shouldnt that be your confidence.
When everything is falling apart in your life, instead of bring words of hope, strength, not just random but thoughtful words, they take the opportunity to give their opinion, and even try and teach Job.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
...gripe...
Have a lot of hurt, but don't feel i really can speak to anyone about it, hence me blogging this. however not really sure who reads this either. So hope this post will go unnoticed. Why can't I tell anyone. Because I haven't noticed that noone is interested or has answers in this aspect of my life. I know God you do, but at the same time for me to live out what you want, I need you to fill me in that place, and heal me, and complete me.
Anyway...I said something today, that I should not have said, and I ask that God forgive me for speaking like that over my own life. But as I said above, I need a miracle here...and it's not coming... Or maybe it is.
I also need care, and if I'm not supposed to get that from family, friends, people, then God I need it from you. I also need to be forgiven, I also need to be encouraged.
I'm not sure if I'm supposed to continue forgiving the people who keep hurting me, or walk away...I'm not sure if you supposed to stay and take that same behaviour over and over because you know its not up to you when they may change? Or am I supposed to move on to other people.
Also why are people only there when you break down or when you say something, if there's a real relationship, nothing needs to be said (not speaking about you Judy...if you read this). I know people are just people and some of them don't have all of that in them to give the love I need. Even if I see them offer it to everyone else. I've gotta give, I've gotta love.
But of course, sometimes, like today, it gets too much. Today I need someone to put their arms around me and say I love you Chandre. Even if that someone is God, that is what I need today. I appreciate you. You are not just an irritation to us. Or our sense of entertainment. But I guess maybe that is too much to ask? cause maybe it's not even possible.
Again. God you surprise me. It's ironic cause I sound like Job that I'm reading.
Lord forgive me for what I said earlier, cause I don't wanna get sick all over again...But at the same time I need healing. and I need love.
Anyway...I said something today, that I should not have said, and I ask that God forgive me for speaking like that over my own life. But as I said above, I need a miracle here...and it's not coming... Or maybe it is.
I also need care, and if I'm not supposed to get that from family, friends, people, then God I need it from you. I also need to be forgiven, I also need to be encouraged.
I'm not sure if I'm supposed to continue forgiving the people who keep hurting me, or walk away...I'm not sure if you supposed to stay and take that same behaviour over and over because you know its not up to you when they may change? Or am I supposed to move on to other people.
Also why are people only there when you break down or when you say something, if there's a real relationship, nothing needs to be said (not speaking about you Judy...if you read this). I know people are just people and some of them don't have all of that in them to give the love I need. Even if I see them offer it to everyone else. I've gotta give, I've gotta love.
But of course, sometimes, like today, it gets too much. Today I need someone to put their arms around me and say I love you Chandre. Even if that someone is God, that is what I need today. I appreciate you. You are not just an irritation to us. Or our sense of entertainment. But I guess maybe that is too much to ask? cause maybe it's not even possible.
Again. God you surprise me. It's ironic cause I sound like Job that I'm reading.
Lord forgive me for what I said earlier, cause I don't wanna get sick all over again...But at the same time I need healing. and I need love.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Isabelle De Wet....
Today, my grandmother died. I am ok and not ok about it. Ok because I can see God's hand on everything. Not ok, because I believe we and I could have honoured her so much more...
Looking through the pictures I found one of her and Danelle playing rummikub. That's just one of the many things I'm going to miss her for. That and her milktart, nothing, not even Limnos tastes like it,she would always support our fundraisers...I dont care if thats the duty of a grandparent, she does it without complaining and without money. She took a special interest in our lives. Even mine although she'd always first scold me, for either being late or for not visiting often,she always seemed happy when I just say hi or to talk to me, it was genuine and in her eyes.Even if I was annoyed at times too, I had no doubt that my grandmother loved me and enjoyed having me around...I thank Vilana for calling me inside to say hello to Ma in the week, It's amazing your last goodbyes. I went in and looked at the photo of her and pa, and teased her cause she has pointies in the photo and she couldnt believe she had pointies too and also told her she doesnt look much different than the photo even though the photo was taken 10 - 15 years ago.
Wish I could have said goodbye...But can we ever, only depends on God and the disease, We thank God that it was quick and even amidst all the fighting, she even had these semblances of normalcy.
I'm grateful that she's with my pa now, I'm grateful to find out from her sisters that she did accept Jesus in her life last year at her birthday. I'm sad that she did not get to deal with all issues and have a more happy life, but I know that even despite those she was happy! She survived with a smile.
I'm sad for Danelle who may be sad because Ma won't be attending her confirmation on Sunday. I'm sad for Candice and Gwyn, Ma had bought her outing for the wedding. I'm sad for not visiting more, for loving more when I could see or knew of some of the hurt. I was priviledged to be asked to drive Ma around at times, I can recall on the last occasion she scolded the whole way because I was late, for two fold reason, but then I learnt something through that, it's about loving through the scolding. I'm grateful for her sisters who showered love on her, I'm grateful for the club and Aunty Mary who have been faithful friends... I'm grateful for Ilze's commitment to looking after Ma, and Uncle Christies household, Lord may your hand be on their lives.Lord may you be with all the De Wet Brothers in this time, and my dad. Father may you console them in this time, and bring healing where healing is needed, restoration and salvation. May Your Name be praised.
I dont always know how to comfort. I guess i should win in this area so that one day I can be an expressive mother. I can feel for people. really but I dont know how to show I care always. Oh Lord in this time, may your healing arms be the place we find our shelter and care in. Thank you for Ma, It's sad even to say this, to know that I cant' ever go and say sorry, or just hang again or just go on about her milktart, but I thank You Lord, for the wonderful woman that she was. Or should I rephrase Lady, and I thank You that you have better things in store for her life. Father, Look after her in your wonderful care, in Jesus Name. Amen
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
In the news tonight....
:( Feeling a bit, I dont know what the word is, after watching the news tonight...
* Sasol is being charged a whole lot of a money for being part of a oil cartel which was discovered by the European Union, because it's quite a huge cartel
* Discussion about Zuma presidency
* Farmers conference... and the fact that there were no non white faces I could see (more to be added soon)
* War ship of America that is being hired to attack Afghanistan with nuclear weapons
* Tonderai injured again, but we know God is in control there...
* There's more but right now...Just feeling a bit upset about the above.
Will edit this post later.time for my meeting
* Sasol is being charged a whole lot of a money for being part of a oil cartel which was discovered by the European Union, because it's quite a huge cartel
* Discussion about Zuma presidency
* Farmers conference... and the fact that there were no non white faces I could see (more to be added soon)
* War ship of America that is being hired to attack Afghanistan with nuclear weapons
* Tonderai injured again, but we know God is in control there...
* There's more but right now...Just feeling a bit upset about the above.
Will edit this post later.time for my meeting
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