Friday, July 2, 2010

my heart, my God, my awaiting?

The distance between me and you seems so much bigger, but it could just be my holding back, from your loving arms. But yet Lord, I desire your pursuit of me, I desire your arms around me. Lord, it feels like everything I get in life is only if I ran after it, pursued it? It's like making a wish? Was it meant for you or did you only get it cause you wished it.

So Lord right now, I ask you to please come an intervene, in my heart, in my life, in my situation, Even though I am standing at a distance I invite you Lord, to take a hold of me, and never let go as the Kari Jobe song says (I know that you are for me, I know that you will never forsake me in my weaknesses)

Lord Also, right now I feel so alone in this situation, I feel like I can't talk to him, I can't talk to anyone else, I can't talk to you. I can't talk to him cause he doesn't want to talk to me, I can't talk to other people, because so many not really interested in my life and only there, as I said when I run after them. Not all, but as I said so many. Then can't talk to you, cause I'm afraid, I'm afraid of the expectations, that people say, I'm afraid to trust, becuase I feel like I already know what u going to say becuase it's been drilled into me for years.
*How funny the Kari Jobe music I am listening to is... Just as I'm typing this it's saying
Give me Faith
Give me strength enough to wait
To stand in faith
And listen for, listen for your melody

Lord hold on to me :) Even in this difficult time, Lord it's hard to trust, trust things will get better, or things will change? I don't know what to trust for, and I'm struggling to just trust.

I love you :) But God I so desire to be "swept away" (kari jobe) by your love...By your arms...I wish you would just lift me off my feet and dance with me, and wipe my tears away, and encourage my heart, give me faith, give me strength enough to wait.

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