Verse 1:
When heaven opens, over me, I'm saturated in love,
Dancing deeper in creativity, nothing impossible for me.
Stirring passion, dreams awakened,
Heaven opened, is what I long to see!
Pre-chorus:
It's the promise I was made for, born for,
To see heaven open up on earth.
It's everything I'd fight for, I'd die for,
To see heaven invade this earth!
Chorus:
Open up heaven!
We will party with the angels.
There is nothin' better,
We're ready for encounters with You.
Verse 2:
Reformation, Transformation, Revolution,
It's our destiny.
A generation, designed to worship,
We have Jesus and his presence is all we need.
Bridge:
I live for Your presence,
You are life to my heart.
I live for Your presence,
From Your love I will never part.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Can I have more of you!
Verse 1:
I give up trying to earn Your love,
I just look above, up to You.
My desire is to see Your fire,
Growing even higher than before.
Pre Chorus
Because You are good, beyond measure,
My heart longs to give You pleasure.
You fulfill all my longing,
And all my life I will sing:
Chorus:
God I love You and all You do,
Your joy lives inside and does me good,
Can I have more of You?
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,
Oh, my God, You never let me down,
Can I have more of You?
Verse 2:
God I need You right next to me,
For my heart to be satisfied.
I decide how I live my life,
I've made up my mind, I'm livin' for You
-Kim Walker
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Yesterday and Today
So I had a terrible day yesterday or rather I was stressing about things, and then collegue got a word about "His eye is on the sparrow" which she felt was for me. At the end of the day I felt I should go straight home, and just chill and meet with God. When I got home I remembered all the goodness of the Lord as previous blog post. I asked God to please meet with me in my dreams. I could not sleep deeply, as I was dreaming about work and certain destinations whole night, I eventually got up at about 5:20AM. And had quiet time, God time. I was so stressed out yesterday and so blessed afterwards that I did not even read yesterday's Spirit of Prophecy Bulletin. So today I read yesterdays and todays, which I feel is very fitting with how things turned out.
Yesterday:
Faith Tabernacle
September 17, 2012
SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by MARSHA BURNS:
The Lord says:
"I am drawing a line of demarcation that will create a boundary of separation between the past and the present. I will establish a line between righteousness and ungodliness or worldliness so that some of the things you used to do, say or think will not be tolerated and will now violate your conscience or stunt your spiritual growth.
"I am calling you, My people, to come out of Mystery Babylon, that place of hypocritical religious exercise, and do not touch what is unclean."
2 Corinthians 6:16-17 And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they shall be My people." Therefore "Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you."
"You will be called 'Holiness to the Lord.' This will be your name."
Jeremiah 2:3 Israel was holiness to the LORD, The firstfruits of His increase. All that devour him will offend; Disaster will come upon them," says the LORD.'"
"I will strengthen you and cause your faith to grow. This will happen as you see My supernatural work, which will be undeniable. You will no longer speak lies of doubt and unbelief about what I will or will not do, nor will you bring reproach on My kingdom.
"This is a time to advance and not retreat; to go forward and not fall back. Rise up to your full potential and be a force to be reckoned with as I move with power through you to demonstrate My will.
"There is a call going out across the land to awaken those who are asleep spiritually. There are multitudes who have been lulled to sleep. Many have been turning in your slumber without coming fully awake to your spiritual potential."
Romans 13:11-12 And do this, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep; for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light.
Ephesians 5:14 Therefore He says: "Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, And Christ will give you light."
"Come forth out of the darkness of your soul. The times require sensitivity to your spiritual atmosphere and environment. No longer allow the enemy access or a place to rule in your circumstances. Let Me establish you in light and truth in all things.
"I am expanding your discernment to see and understand with greater clarity as you go to war against enemy forces. You are a shining light in the midst of deep darkness. As you seek greater spiritual insights, the mysteries of the kingdom will set your heart ablaze with excitement and wonder."
Proverbs 25:2 It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, But the glory of kings is to search out a matter.
"Your effectiveness in working out and expressing kingdom purpose in the past will pale in comparison to what you will do in the days ahead. There will be an exponential increase in knowledge, wisdom and revelation as you move with more confidence to accomplish My objectives," says the LORD.
Today:
Faith Tabernacle
September 18, 2012
THE TRUMPET by BILL BURNS:
In this season, says the Lord, I will astonish you. For, I am about to demonstrate the power of My kingdom in your lives. And, as you rise up and say, "Here I am, Lord, come to me", indeed I shall visit you from on high and the manifestation of My gifts shall begin to unveil themselves in your life. The results will be a quickened faith, a faith that brings you higher into the kingdom, a faith that compels you to live under My divine rule and challenges you to come boldly before My throne of grace. Get ready for that which I am about to do. Position yourself to step fully into this new season. For, it shall be even as the trumpets have declared that the glory of My kingdom and the fire and the power of My Spirit will now come to you and come upon you.
SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by MARSHA BURNS:
The will of My people is being contended for, says the Lord. The enemy has sent a strong delusion against the Body of Christ to make poor choices and to cause individuals to stand stubbornly by their decisions, right or wrong. Standing by wrong decisions will weaken the resolve of My Church to yield to divine government. But, I tell you the truth, I will have a glorious Church without spot or blemish. Ephesians 5:25b-27 Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
Yesterday:
Faith Tabernacle
September 17, 2012
SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by MARSHA BURNS:
The Lord says:
"I am drawing a line of demarcation that will create a boundary of separation between the past and the present. I will establish a line between righteousness and ungodliness or worldliness so that some of the things you used to do, say or think will not be tolerated and will now violate your conscience or stunt your spiritual growth.
"I am calling you, My people, to come out of Mystery Babylon, that place of hypocritical religious exercise, and do not touch what is unclean."
2 Corinthians 6:16-17 And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they shall be My people." Therefore "Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you."
"You will be called 'Holiness to the Lord.' This will be your name."
Jeremiah 2:3 Israel was holiness to the LORD, The firstfruits of His increase. All that devour him will offend; Disaster will come upon them," says the LORD.'"
"I will strengthen you and cause your faith to grow. This will happen as you see My supernatural work, which will be undeniable. You will no longer speak lies of doubt and unbelief about what I will or will not do, nor will you bring reproach on My kingdom.
"This is a time to advance and not retreat; to go forward and not fall back. Rise up to your full potential and be a force to be reckoned with as I move with power through you to demonstrate My will.
"There is a call going out across the land to awaken those who are asleep spiritually. There are multitudes who have been lulled to sleep. Many have been turning in your slumber without coming fully awake to your spiritual potential."
Romans 13:11-12 And do this, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep; for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light.
Ephesians 5:14 Therefore He says: "Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, And Christ will give you light."
"Come forth out of the darkness of your soul. The times require sensitivity to your spiritual atmosphere and environment. No longer allow the enemy access or a place to rule in your circumstances. Let Me establish you in light and truth in all things.
"I am expanding your discernment to see and understand with greater clarity as you go to war against enemy forces. You are a shining light in the midst of deep darkness. As you seek greater spiritual insights, the mysteries of the kingdom will set your heart ablaze with excitement and wonder."
Proverbs 25:2 It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, But the glory of kings is to search out a matter.
"Your effectiveness in working out and expressing kingdom purpose in the past will pale in comparison to what you will do in the days ahead. There will be an exponential increase in knowledge, wisdom and revelation as you move with more confidence to accomplish My objectives," says the LORD.
Today:
Faith Tabernacle
September 18, 2012
THE TRUMPET by BILL BURNS:
In this season, says the Lord, I will astonish you. For, I am about to demonstrate the power of My kingdom in your lives. And, as you rise up and say, "Here I am, Lord, come to me", indeed I shall visit you from on high and the manifestation of My gifts shall begin to unveil themselves in your life. The results will be a quickened faith, a faith that brings you higher into the kingdom, a faith that compels you to live under My divine rule and challenges you to come boldly before My throne of grace. Get ready for that which I am about to do. Position yourself to step fully into this new season. For, it shall be even as the trumpets have declared that the glory of My kingdom and the fire and the power of My Spirit will now come to you and come upon you.
SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by MARSHA BURNS:
The will of My people is being contended for, says the Lord. The enemy has sent a strong delusion against the Body of Christ to make poor choices and to cause individuals to stand stubbornly by their decisions, right or wrong. Standing by wrong decisions will weaken the resolve of My Church to yield to divine government. But, I tell you the truth, I will have a glorious Church without spot or blemish. Ephesians 5:25b-27 Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
Monday, September 17, 2012
September.... (Praise God!)
From my FB statuses today:
September... A month you may feel abandonment but it's because it's a month of deep reconciliation between man and God. God has been so busy with me the last few Septembers my next few statuses will update you!
17 September 2009, round about the same time, my dad and I head on the road to drive to Jeffrey's Bay so I can begin my 6 months missions program on the 18th. The previous Aug/Sep God spoke to me about More, More, More and on this day I took the big leap to pursue the more. If there was more to be had I wanted to go all the way. I wanted all of me to know all of him.So left home, family, friends, familiar to follow Jesus! Also remember the amazing significance of my dad driving with me, (this was cause I didn't leave the morning as I was supposed to and he didn't want me to drive alone in dark) but it was awesome for my father to take/give me away to grow my relationship with my Father. So tomorrow will be 3years since DTS began!
September 2010, 17 September. I was in a car with 2 friends, on my way to visit YWAM Worcester for the weekend not realizing it was same time left for YWAM Jbay. In the car we had a convo about a guy who I was seeing but was really not good for my walk with God, etc. And I asked if they would pray with me, by the end of the weekend, I was greatly encouraged and a bit back to my passionate love and pursuing God which I had not been for months and the Sunday coming home was the beginning of the end of me and the guy which I was so broken up about then but so grateful now!
September... A month you may feel abandonment but it's because it's a month of deep reconciliation between man and God. God has been so busy with me the last few Septembers my next few statuses will update you!
September 2011, Yesterday last year I finallllyyy graduated from my Btech IT, but last year was such a significant turn around month, Besides finding out my arthritis was back, I felt I'm tired of being a baby Christian when despite my best efforts for over ten years of being saved, everyone grew past me. I said God I give up... I can't anymore, I can't just be going to heaven, but I don't get to know you, hear you, experience you like everyone else. If I can't have go deeper, then I rather don't want to be a Christian, cause tired of being a half Christian. So I gave up! And for 3 days I sulked like the person who tells their spouse I'm leaving u,but then sleeps on the couch. Because I realized only reason why I sleep in dark is cause He is with me, only reason I can listen to all doc's negative reports is because He is telling me opposite, I can't with him! But I can't without him!!! So september 2011 I gave up, my Christianity, i didn't give up that God is all powerful and amazing but on my ability to tap into and be what a Christian should and could be. And didn't want to keep trying and fail anymore but after 3 days God said....
September 2011, God said You gave up. Good!!! I was just waiting for you to give up. Now I can be God. It started with a little bit of tiny rain drops while a friend spoke a word of rest and peace over my life. By the Saturday, I was the main prize winner at Kuier magazine event, a holiday for 2 with dinner and spar treatment, the a month later won R500 Markhams voucher, then a Pepsi key ring, then got my R160 phone upgraded to a blackberry, my Corsa to a yaris, then won a bamboo wood chopping board worth R280, then got a job at Europe's best IT service provider for the salary I wanted, and a month later moved out.I am now 6 months employed and the blessings just keep continuing. I think God is trying to say, "Do you get it yet, that I love you!!! How can I overwhelm and shower you with my goodness and favour! I still feel like such a baby in the Lord and there are things that are pressing and concerns. But today I wanna look back and say thank you! God you have been more than faithful, you have given me grace, you are really God, and no matter how I may feel, the truth is even when we are faithless You a faithful !!! Thank you Jesus for calling me and loving me first. Father I surrender once again and lay every crown at your feet. I choose to trust You and lift my eyes to You. May the next year to next September, be all that You plan for me Lord and for your glory. My only prayer is that you would also show my loved ones, the grace you have shown me. That Father you would reveal your heart as Jesus is introduced to them. That they would come to know, receive and be transformed by your love. That peace, strength healing and the life of God would be their portion. That you would bring favour and freedom to us all, and of course my children's children :) Thank You Lord!
So this September, no matter how lonely, overwhelmed, broke, hurting, helpless, abandoned we feel, by faith we look up to God. He first loved us, and his grace is sufficient, in fact more than enough! Isaiah 54: “For a brief moment I abandoned you,but with deep compassion I will bring you back. In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you,” says the Lord your Redeemer. (Isaiah 54:7, 8 NIV84)
Still a struggle, Lord give me your grace in this.
I still struggle with:
Someone says something insensitive.
I think to tell them not to say that, or maybe explain where I'm at so they will respect where I'm at,
instead of Ok, I'll bear that in mind next time,
It escalates into more hurtful words being thrown at me, a can of worms being opened, such a backlash that I'm like maybe I shouldn't have said anything but yet, why asking someone to please respect something or trying to sort of stop more harmful words, brings more.
And yet I do not want a bitter root to grow in me, I do not want to entertain and partake of the spirit of judgement and accusation. I want to show the same grace shown to me, I want to love the way Jesus's loved. I want to listen beyond the words and have compassion to the hurting person behind the words.I want to think "That's kleintjies" to the words said to me and just rise up and show love, and be humble.
I want to! But then I don't. I take the bait. I think maybe if I just explain the person will understand.
Then I'm hurt by the result.
and then I struggle with Jesus, cause in my mind there is an unresolved issue, that I have no idea how to fix.
And maybe before all of this, I was just going to come, just going to open up to Him, now instead I feel like I can't cause things with my brother/sister is not right.
And yet I've been down this road before. I've learnt before that when I do go to Jesus, he softens my heart and I do forgive, in fact I'm filled with love and compassion, or he convicts and shows me where I'm wrong. I also think u can't extend grace, if you haven't experienced grace, if you don't know grace.
If everytime I mess up, or even people mess up with me, I suddenly feel like I can't go to my God, then I do not yet know the heart of my Father toward me.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love - 1 John 4:18
Lord please perfect me in your love. But not just for me Lord, may you teach me how to love like you love! Father I pray that you will heal the brokenness, drive out the fear, strenghthen me on the inside so I won't be so overly sensitive.
And teach me how to love. Fill me with your agape Love. Lord I forgive and release and want to love! Help me in this Oh Father.
For you have surely shown me love and grace even in the midst of my mess!
Thank you Lord. Lord may have greater revelation of You, Your love, Your love for me. May be established and rooted deep in and grasp with all the saints, the depth, the width, the height of our love! And know this love that surpasses knowledge!
I don't want to just know it all, I want to experience your love.
Here is my heart, here is my life, here I am Lord.
All yours.
I surrender.
may I die to self, so it is not I that lives but You who live through me.
For your glory Lord.
Amen!
Tornado - Sara Groves
You live your life like a tornado
Destruction follows everywhere you go
And you have no plans to stop or slow oh
I will not let this bitter root grow in me
I will not let you leave that legacy
But it gets so hard when pain is all I see oh
Every time I find healing you're making a new mess
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness
And I tried to remove myself from your path
But I keep waking up in the aftermath
So I pick up again and say I won't look back oh
And I will not let you leave that legacy
But this constant fight is breaking me oh
Every time I find healing you're making a new mess
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness
And it hurts when you hit at the hearts of the ones I love
When everything you touch is rumble and dust
And it gets so hard to know how to trust
But I will not let that bitter root grow
I will not let it no no
But it gets so hard oh
Every time I find healing you're making a new mess
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness
And I could move and never send you a forwarding address
Or I could learn the real meaning of forgiveness
Someone says something insensitive.
I think to tell them not to say that, or maybe explain where I'm at so they will respect where I'm at,
instead of Ok, I'll bear that in mind next time,
It escalates into more hurtful words being thrown at me, a can of worms being opened, such a backlash that I'm like maybe I shouldn't have said anything but yet, why asking someone to please respect something or trying to sort of stop more harmful words, brings more.
And yet I do not want a bitter root to grow in me, I do not want to entertain and partake of the spirit of judgement and accusation. I want to show the same grace shown to me, I want to love the way Jesus's loved. I want to listen beyond the words and have compassion to the hurting person behind the words.I want to think "That's kleintjies" to the words said to me and just rise up and show love, and be humble.
I want to! But then I don't. I take the bait. I think maybe if I just explain the person will understand.
Then I'm hurt by the result.
and then I struggle with Jesus, cause in my mind there is an unresolved issue, that I have no idea how to fix.
And maybe before all of this, I was just going to come, just going to open up to Him, now instead I feel like I can't cause things with my brother/sister is not right.
And yet I've been down this road before. I've learnt before that when I do go to Jesus, he softens my heart and I do forgive, in fact I'm filled with love and compassion, or he convicts and shows me where I'm wrong. I also think u can't extend grace, if you haven't experienced grace, if you don't know grace.
If everytime I mess up, or even people mess up with me, I suddenly feel like I can't go to my God, then I do not yet know the heart of my Father toward me.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love - 1 John 4:18
Lord please perfect me in your love. But not just for me Lord, may you teach me how to love like you love! Father I pray that you will heal the brokenness, drive out the fear, strenghthen me on the inside so I won't be so overly sensitive.
And teach me how to love. Fill me with your agape Love. Lord I forgive and release and want to love! Help me in this Oh Father.
For you have surely shown me love and grace even in the midst of my mess!
Thank you Lord. Lord may have greater revelation of You, Your love, Your love for me. May be established and rooted deep in and grasp with all the saints, the depth, the width, the height of our love! And know this love that surpasses knowledge!
I don't want to just know it all, I want to experience your love.
Here is my heart, here is my life, here I am Lord.
All yours.
I surrender.
may I die to self, so it is not I that lives but You who live through me.
For your glory Lord.
Amen!
Tornado - Sara Groves
You live your life like a tornado
Destruction follows everywhere you go
And you have no plans to stop or slow oh
I will not let this bitter root grow in me
I will not let you leave that legacy
But it gets so hard when pain is all I see oh
Every time I find healing you're making a new mess
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness
And I tried to remove myself from your path
But I keep waking up in the aftermath
So I pick up again and say I won't look back oh
And I will not let you leave that legacy
But this constant fight is breaking me oh
Every time I find healing you're making a new mess
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness
And it hurts when you hit at the hearts of the ones I love
When everything you touch is rumble and dust
And it gets so hard to know how to trust
But I will not let that bitter root grow
I will not let it no no
But it gets so hard oh
Every time I find healing you're making a new mess
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness
And I could move and never send you a forwarding address
Or I could learn the real meaning of forgiveness
Monday, September 10, 2012
Funnies amidst seriousness...
Went to visit my dad in hospital today... Yes that is the serious part but I don't want to mull on that now, but more on the funnies that came out of the hospital visit.
Firstly Nicole was wanting my scarf! So
someone said something about bow that I work I buy expensive scarves.
I said its only R20!!! My dad says I'm lying it's a R200 scarf :)
Then when or after I started ministering to my dad, he asks me if I'm inlove. I say It's Jesus in me that you are seeing but my dad keeps going on that he must first come ask my dad out and Uncle Leon if he can be with me...lol it was funny cause I was full of God at time and I know that's the fragrance I give off but it's also slightly true that I'm smitten and it's been years since my dad made positive jokes about this,almost like a go ahead....I just shook my head, but will keep it in mind should I.
On a more serious note I trust God for complete healing for my dad's physical and spiritual heart....
May from all our hearts to the heavens, Jesus be the centre. It's all about Jesus.... In Him all things hold together! I trust also the grace shown to me will also flow to those around me especially my loved ones!
Firstly Nicole was wanting my scarf! So
someone said something about bow that I work I buy expensive scarves.
I said its only R20!!! My dad says I'm lying it's a R200 scarf :)
Then when or after I started ministering to my dad, he asks me if I'm inlove. I say It's Jesus in me that you are seeing but my dad keeps going on that he must first come ask my dad out and Uncle Leon if he can be with me...lol it was funny cause I was full of God at time and I know that's the fragrance I give off but it's also slightly true that I'm smitten and it's been years since my dad made positive jokes about this,almost like a go ahead....I just shook my head, but will keep it in mind should I.
On a more serious note I trust God for complete healing for my dad's physical and spiritual heart....
May from all our hearts to the heavens, Jesus be the centre. It's all about Jesus.... In Him all things hold together! I trust also the grace shown to me will also flow to those around me especially my loved ones!
Who would have thought...
A year ago, I applied for every job but IT. It was last year this time of year that my sickness came back and I wondered is this because I am going back to work and not out doing my hearts desires. The idea of going back to a field that was stressfull, that I felt so out of place in, was scary to say the least.
BUT GOD...
Besides all the millions of other good things that have happened in my life, this blog is dedicated to the work things!
Starting this year with God changing my head and heart about IT. I attribute this to God, cause nothing in me was excited about this field since the very beginning, in 1999 when started studying. Yes I had momentary achievements, but I longed to do community work, arts, children, travel, etc... For the last 4 years coming alive out on the mission field, a real dread was in my heart to come back to IT.
So the first thing, was realising the areas that I need growth in, Time, Tasks, Order, Process, IT is the perfect school, and also a desire to begin to write my own story, put into words by a good friend of mine. I can't live fully while lugging debt. I will not grow up in taking responsibility if I continue another ten years in my parents house. I won't get rid of the debt, if I keep working for R2000 a month.
We did a crazy thing in our young adults prayer group and trust God for a certain amount of salary. Though it was higher than what I have ever before earned, I could justify it. I would be able to move out, pay for medication, and begin to move forward if I had that amount. I began job hunting with the desire to get a job, that i can learn, grow, be challenged, that does things properly, and that pays enough. Although I wondered am I turning my back on missions, I knew I had to take a step. If God meant me to be in missions in this season even if I sent my CV for a job, he would then close that door and miraculously provide for my debt.If he meant for me to work, he would open up that door. Either way God would have his way, but I couldnt sit and twiddle my thumbs and do nothing because of fear of doing the wrong thing for years on end.
I went for about 3 interviews, then I wrote on Facebook, went for an interview today, not asking for jobs because I really was still a bit hesitant about working in IT, then a friend inboxed me to mail my cv to this company. I asked what is the position for, he didn't know but asked me to ask the girl I was mailing. She then passed my CV on, became my friend on email and FB. I had 3 different interviews for 2 different positions, then thought I didnt get the job, and then that turned around and I got the job for the position I am in now for the salary I wanted. The position I am in now, is exactly what I needed to grow in times, tasks, process. The company I work for works according to best practices so everything is done properly, documented and continuous improvement, every employee is encouraged to grow. I have a super manager :) I've made big mistakes already, but I think it was divine because it was lifelong issues that needed to be addressed and I am working at it and becoming a better person.
A year ago I would not have been able to imagine myself in IT, and now I am happy. Of course I still long for the mission field. But I also enjoy learning, and growing and interacting with the various people at my work locally and internationally. I know that this is where I am meant to be for this season. I also know that God has his hand on me, that this was divinely orchestrated by God and that he is better than good. Meeting my needs, my wants, my desires. I could not have landed a job like this for myself. I didn't believe in myself concerning IT enough to be able to do what I am doing. But daily I am becoming who he always saw me as...
Who would have thought I'd be here? The one who knows the end from the beginning. The one who has written all the days ordained for me in His book before one of them came to be. The one who has searched me and knows me. How does one say thank you to God. How do you say thank you to a God who keeps rolling out a red carpet before you and treating you like a queen and seeing all the potential in you even before you realise it. I can say thank you, but it seems not enough. Thank You Lord. Thank you Lord.
Thank you for your faithfulness, thank you for your grace. I do not deserve it, yet you favour me.
Thank you for your cross and your love. towards me, I think I am beginning to get it, but still not there yet. But Lord as you are blessing me, do not leave my heart the same.I offer my heart back to you, may I become pleasing unto you!
BUT GOD...
Besides all the millions of other good things that have happened in my life, this blog is dedicated to the work things!
Starting this year with God changing my head and heart about IT. I attribute this to God, cause nothing in me was excited about this field since the very beginning, in 1999 when started studying. Yes I had momentary achievements, but I longed to do community work, arts, children, travel, etc... For the last 4 years coming alive out on the mission field, a real dread was in my heart to come back to IT.
So the first thing, was realising the areas that I need growth in, Time, Tasks, Order, Process, IT is the perfect school, and also a desire to begin to write my own story, put into words by a good friend of mine. I can't live fully while lugging debt. I will not grow up in taking responsibility if I continue another ten years in my parents house. I won't get rid of the debt, if I keep working for R2000 a month.
We did a crazy thing in our young adults prayer group and trust God for a certain amount of salary. Though it was higher than what I have ever before earned, I could justify it. I would be able to move out, pay for medication, and begin to move forward if I had that amount. I began job hunting with the desire to get a job, that i can learn, grow, be challenged, that does things properly, and that pays enough. Although I wondered am I turning my back on missions, I knew I had to take a step. If God meant me to be in missions in this season even if I sent my CV for a job, he would then close that door and miraculously provide for my debt.If he meant for me to work, he would open up that door. Either way God would have his way, but I couldnt sit and twiddle my thumbs and do nothing because of fear of doing the wrong thing for years on end.
I went for about 3 interviews, then I wrote on Facebook, went for an interview today, not asking for jobs because I really was still a bit hesitant about working in IT, then a friend inboxed me to mail my cv to this company. I asked what is the position for, he didn't know but asked me to ask the girl I was mailing. She then passed my CV on, became my friend on email and FB. I had 3 different interviews for 2 different positions, then thought I didnt get the job, and then that turned around and I got the job for the position I am in now for the salary I wanted. The position I am in now, is exactly what I needed to grow in times, tasks, process. The company I work for works according to best practices so everything is done properly, documented and continuous improvement, every employee is encouraged to grow. I have a super manager :) I've made big mistakes already, but I think it was divine because it was lifelong issues that needed to be addressed and I am working at it and becoming a better person.
A year ago I would not have been able to imagine myself in IT, and now I am happy. Of course I still long for the mission field. But I also enjoy learning, and growing and interacting with the various people at my work locally and internationally. I know that this is where I am meant to be for this season. I also know that God has his hand on me, that this was divinely orchestrated by God and that he is better than good. Meeting my needs, my wants, my desires. I could not have landed a job like this for myself. I didn't believe in myself concerning IT enough to be able to do what I am doing. But daily I am becoming who he always saw me as...
Who would have thought I'd be here? The one who knows the end from the beginning. The one who has written all the days ordained for me in His book before one of them came to be. The one who has searched me and knows me. How does one say thank you to God. How do you say thank you to a God who keeps rolling out a red carpet before you and treating you like a queen and seeing all the potential in you even before you realise it. I can say thank you, but it seems not enough. Thank You Lord. Thank you Lord.
Thank you for your faithfulness, thank you for your grace. I do not deserve it, yet you favour me.
Thank you for your cross and your love. towards me, I think I am beginning to get it, but still not there yet. But Lord as you are blessing me, do not leave my heart the same.I offer my heart back to you, may I become pleasing unto you!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Marriage Continued....
Having said all that I said previously, I have to add, I do want the romance, the pursuing, the dates, the attraction, the being overwhelmed with love, the little sweet things that go with and lead to marriage. I think I have missed out enough years, and I am an absolute romantic, so having a marriage that is merely spiritual is not enough. I want the whole shebang :) BUT I do realise the romantic things are not enough to sustain a lifetime of marriage. It is not the substance. I want more than just 2 people falling in love, life about themselves, having children, then happily ever after. But at the same time, even though I want more, does not mean that my more should not include the above. Although I believe the above also brings glory to God.
Question: Do I want to get married soon?
Answer: Yes and No. While I am tired of being alone, living alone, living life alone. I also don't want to rush things. I want the friendship, the courtship, the building a relationship, and not jump straight into being a wife, a mother, paying bonds, etc.etc. But also time is running out. I don't know. I also have questions regarding things happening around me... And in my need to have answers I want to rush things...Which goes against what I just said above...
I do know that God's plans and purposes will prevail. If I'm meant to, God will prepare my heart, and put the desire there. I have many other questions and heart thoughts that I don't want to put on here, in case the relevant people are reading. Want clarity!!! :)
But learning or trying to wait and trust. And in meantime sorting out issues in my own life. Doing the right thing even when its hard! :)
Yeah....
Question: Do I want to get married soon?
Answer: Yes and No. While I am tired of being alone, living alone, living life alone. I also don't want to rush things. I want the friendship, the courtship, the building a relationship, and not jump straight into being a wife, a mother, paying bonds, etc.etc. But also time is running out. I don't know. I also have questions regarding things happening around me... And in my need to have answers I want to rush things...Which goes against what I just said above...
I do know that God's plans and purposes will prevail. If I'm meant to, God will prepare my heart, and put the desire there. I have many other questions and heart thoughts that I don't want to put on here, in case the relevant people are reading. Want clarity!!! :)
But learning or trying to wait and trust. And in meantime sorting out issues in my own life. Doing the right thing even when its hard! :)
Yeah....
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