Still a struggle, Lord give me your grace in this.

I still struggle with:

Someone says something insensitive.

I think to tell them not to say that, or maybe explain where I'm at so they will respect where I'm at,

instead of Ok, I'll bear that in mind next time,

It escalates into more hurtful words being thrown at me, a can of worms being opened, such a backlash that I'm like maybe I shouldn't have said anything but yet, why asking someone to please respect something or trying to sort of stop more harmful words, brings more.

And yet I do not want a bitter root to grow in me, I do not want to entertain and partake of the spirit of judgement and accusation. I want to show the same grace shown to me, I want to love the way Jesus's loved. I want to listen beyond the words and have compassion to the hurting person behind the words.I want to think "That's kleintjies" to the words said to me and just rise up and show love, and be humble.

I want to! But then I don't. I take the bait. I think maybe if I just explain the person will understand.

Then I'm hurt by the result.

and then I struggle with Jesus, cause in my mind there is an unresolved issue, that I have no idea how to fix.

And maybe before all of this, I was just going to come, just going to open up to Him, now instead I feel like I can't cause things with my brother/sister is not right.

And yet I've been down this road before. I've learnt before that when I do go to Jesus, he softens my heart and I do forgive, in fact I'm filled with love and compassion, or he convicts and shows me where I'm wrong. I also think u can't extend grace, if you haven't experienced grace, if you don't know grace.
If everytime I mess up, or even people mess up with me, I suddenly feel like I can't go to my God, then I do not yet know the heart of my Father toward me.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love - 1 John 4:18

Lord please perfect me in your love. But not just for me Lord, may you teach me how to love like you love! Father I pray that you will heal the brokenness, drive out the fear, strenghthen me on the inside so I won't be so overly sensitive.

And teach me how to love. Fill me with your agape Love. Lord I forgive and release and want to love! Help me in this Oh Father.

For you have surely shown me love and grace even in the midst of my mess!

Thank you Lord. Lord may have greater revelation of You, Your love, Your love for me. May  be established and rooted deep in and grasp with all the saints, the depth, the width, the height of our love! And know this love that surpasses knowledge!

I don't want to just know it all, I want to experience your love.

Here is my heart, here is my life, here I am Lord.

All yours.

I surrender.

may I die to self, so it is not I that lives but You who live through me.

For your glory Lord.

Amen!

Tornado - Sara Groves

You live your life like a tornado
Destruction follows everywhere you go
And you have no plans to stop or slow oh

I will not let this bitter root grow in me
I will not let you leave that legacy
But it gets so hard when pain is all I see oh

Every time I find healing you're making a new mess
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness

And I tried to remove myself from your path
But I keep waking up in the aftermath
So I pick up again and say I won't look back oh
And I will not let you leave that legacy
But this constant fight is breaking me oh

Every time I find healing you're making a new mess
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness

And it hurts when you hit at the hearts of the ones I love
When everything you touch is rumble and dust
And it gets so hard to know how to trust
But I will not let that bitter root grow
I will not let it no no
But it gets so hard oh

Every time I find healing you're making a new mess
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness
And I could move and never send you a forwarding address
Or I could learn the real meaning of forgiveness