Today I feel as though I need to earn friendships and that is not the way it should be. I'm being honest here and I know that shortly God will reveal to me the answers and that I am blessed to be a blessing but for now right now just feels sad that what I have vs what I want are worlds apart. Yes I have amazing friends, and love Nature and God but when it comes to family I wish I didnt have to work so hard. I wish the working came from both sides.
I know I make it worse when it gets too much and i begin to express how I feel. I know that pushes people further away.But would be nice for once if someone reached out to me instead of the other way round or at least meet me halfway.
I dont know what to do about death looks and harsh comments. Perhaps I need to just grow up and be less sensitive. But i guess I've been trying to grow up for 27 years. I know as I continue to press in to God he will strengthen me on the inside and also fill me with the love I need to love even when I feel unloved.
Like Luke 7 in the message says, if we only love those who love us how much better are we than those who are evil cause even they know how to love their own.
Now for whoever may be reading this I am not referring to a specific person or incident. Also this holiday there were a lot of blessings, like I thought in the bus, I wish I had a friend here
And then I thought but I do, Little 4 year old Zoe. In fact God says unless we become like that 4 year old we cannot see the kingdom of heaven. So I've been in good company this holiday. Also Mom gave me lots of money for this holiday and clothes which in no way i would have been able to provide myself.
Maybe it's like that ex pastor once prophesied to me, God allows these rejection moments to happen cause they cause me to run even more to him. which Is what I should have been doing in the first place
Well I've been wanting to blog my highlights for this holiday for the past I dont know how many days, and now eventually when I get to the internet, I'm having a low moment. (so will do that some other time, however no more credit card money!)
Will just try and push pass this to Jesus. As to the others I'll figure out tomorrow or later what to do about it. One needs a touch from God to keep going back and keep smiling even when no ones smiling with you.
I dont really blog for others to read, so it's a bit hectic me blogging this much on here. But for my dear friends and spiritual family who may be reading this.
Thank you for your support love and also for expressing it, and for being friends in better and worse with me.
Thank You God for your love in all (I will be here). May I continue to allow You to transform my life and give you a bigger part. It's all about relationship isnt it. There's so much more you want to be in my life yet it's up to me to allow it.\
Also wish I could meet some christians here! (are there any?) those who I know are sort of guarded towards me.Or some good new friends.
Lastly, I'm not saying all of this as if I'm perfect. I'm sure if there was a blog about me, my crankiness, sensitiveness, irritation when getting death looks, I won't be spotless either. But I guess I am wanting to be loved despite my faults.
I know I have that in You Lord, and I know that I'm only going to be transformed, as I continue to give you first place in my life...
Amen
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Who am I Lord?
I know who I am not, I know that I am not an IT person, I know that i am able to understand and analyse and be logical and get things in class that even amazes me but I know that I am not an IT person, I know my heart doesnt beat for computers :)
But who am I? Right now that is a crucical question, I have peace about leaving even joy. But to where? That is and has always been the question :)
Lord help me to listen in this season, I know you speak, I need to listen.
Am reminded of this email I was sent long ago
Well at least I know this...
That I am his.
And he will be here
And now very loudly in my ears with the cd player on shuffle
I am not forgotten, never forsaken
I am not forgotten, never forsaken (never alone, never alone, never alone)
I am not forgotten, never forsaken
I am not forgotten, never forsaken (I am fearfully and wonderfully made)
I am not forgotten, God knows my name!
I think this is time of being reminded of the promises of God, standing and clinging and praising all the while
He knows my name!
Chandré
But who am I? Right now that is a crucical question, I have peace about leaving even joy. But to where? That is and has always been the question :)
Lord help me to listen in this season, I know you speak, I need to listen.
Am reminded of this email I was sent long ago
Well at least I know this...
That I am his.
And he will be here
And now very loudly in my ears with the cd player on shuffle
I am not forgotten, never forsaken
I am not forgotten, never forsaken (never alone, never alone, never alone)
I am not forgotten, never forsaken
I am not forgotten, never forsaken (I am fearfully and wonderfully made)
I am not forgotten, God knows my name!
I think this is time of being reminded of the promises of God, standing and clinging and praising all the while
He knows my name!
Chandré
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Latests Observations, Questions, Revelations, Complications
1) Yang Jianli
==========
wikipedia:
Yang, a Tiananmen Square activist in 1989, came to the United States, earned two Ph.D.s (Ph.D., Political Economy, Harvard University and Ph.D. Mathematics, University of California, Berkeley), and then founded the Foundation for China in the 21st Century. Given his political activism, he was blacklisted by the government of the People's Republic of China, who also refused to renew his passport.Yang returned to China in April 2002 on a friend's passport to view labor unrest in northeast China. He was detained when trying to board an internal flight. His wife and children as well as his extended family were denied access to Yang and were justifiably concerned for his health and safety while he languished in prison. On May 13, 2004, the PRC announced a guilty verdict and sentenced Yang to five years in prison for espionage and illegal entry. On April 27, 2007, Yang was released from Chinese prison, but was not allowed to leave China. On August 19, 2007, he was finally allowed to return to the United States.
Quotes from his article - Overcome Fear - http://www.yangjianli.com/articles/overcome%20fear.htm
"our priest Leslie Sterling says “Dear Brothers and Sisters: Live without fear!” This simple but powerful blessing strikes a resounding chord in my heart each time I hear it."
"I have come to realize that to end a dictatorship we must begin with efforts to end deep-rooted fear in ourselves and in the people whose freedom we are fighting for."
" Fear becomes habit and habit becomes second nature. Fear is internalized to the degree that people sometimes do not even feel fear but always know how to behave and not cross the lines. "
2) Parents
========
Read in book i gave Ilze from Ron Luce called Extreme Promises for Teens...
Besides love Parents require obedience and love from their kids... if a parent asks you something and you do it but you do it with and attitude you are not honouring them. Honour has to do with your attitude.
God calls you to honour them not because of how they are but who they are.... and if you honour them not only will your relationship with them be better but also you will be pleasing God and be blessed.
3) Accountability
============
I said this year is the year to lose weight (and meet my mate>Well depending on God of course!)
And friends have decided to hold me accountable, as well as another to my ladylikeness, and if my alarm is set to go off at 6 my mom is there at 5h55am to wake me up and I got annoyed but then realised that is what i wanted to have a breakthough, here are a whole lot of people coming along side me and holding me accountable to it....
Yeah!
4) Brother Yun and other stories
=======================
Articles section and latest update, really great... www.backtojerusalem.com
Article by brother yun about having a caleb spirit and not looking at how huge things seem but in the eyes of a huge God.
I am just blessed to hear testimonies of saudi arabian people and the tuareg people in niger, and just how God is changing lives and how they are prepared to die to take the gospel of jesus to others...How much has the gospel of Jesus transformed my life...Have I received it, gotten saved, saved out of my sin, but now just managing life...
Or am i transformed by the gospel living daily, dying daily because of the word of God in my life
5) Fasting Blogs
============
Blogging them so when I need them in future they are easy to find
By Pastor Steve Murrell
http://smurrell.multiply.com/journal/item/144/I_Hate_Fasting
http://www.stevemurrell.com/198
http://smurrell.multiply.com/journal/item/145
Great
"Day 2 & I’m Hungry… …for more of God.
That’s what this fasting thing is all about – hunger for God.
- Not getting something FROM God, but getting more OF God.
- Not seeking answers to prayers, but seeking the God who answers.
- Not losing weight, but losing things that weigh us down.
I’m hungry. How about you?
I’m praying Matt 5:6 for you today.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Matt 5:6"
Now the thought comes to me, am I hungering for my life to work out or for his righteousness and purposes...Anyway I know that God wants more of me
6) Scriptures
=========
Shared Psalm 34 with someone going through somethign - becoming one of my favourite scriptures
also intensely began studying 1 John yesterday. At a glance, very challenging.challenging issues with people I may need to be sure I am dealt with, loving others...
will blog my revelations at a later stage...it's late need to get to bed ..
7) The winds of change
================
Well thats been the latest in my life...Still seeking God for the answer to my future
Feel that I should spend less time talking to people and more time talking to God
like Samuel who ran to Eli, and it was God calling him...
Trying not to let fear come in because I cant hear if I am fearing.
But God is faithful and loves me and I him
He is my perfect gentleman and my rich husband :)
Chan
==========
wikipedia:
Yang, a Tiananmen Square activist in 1989, came to the United States, earned two Ph.D.s (Ph.D., Political Economy, Harvard University and Ph.D. Mathematics, University of California, Berkeley), and then founded the Foundation for China in the 21st Century. Given his political activism, he was blacklisted by the government of the People's Republic of China, who also refused to renew his passport.Yang returned to China in April 2002 on a friend's passport to view labor unrest in northeast China. He was detained when trying to board an internal flight. His wife and children as well as his extended family were denied access to Yang and were justifiably concerned for his health and safety while he languished in prison. On May 13, 2004, the PRC announced a guilty verdict and sentenced Yang to five years in prison for espionage and illegal entry. On April 27, 2007, Yang was released from Chinese prison, but was not allowed to leave China. On August 19, 2007, he was finally allowed to return to the United States.
Quotes from his article - Overcome Fear - http://www.yangjianli.com/articles/overcome%20fear.htm
"our priest Leslie Sterling says “Dear Brothers and Sisters: Live without fear!” This simple but powerful blessing strikes a resounding chord in my heart each time I hear it."
"I have come to realize that to end a dictatorship we must begin with efforts to end deep-rooted fear in ourselves and in the people whose freedom we are fighting for."
" Fear becomes habit and habit becomes second nature. Fear is internalized to the degree that people sometimes do not even feel fear but always know how to behave and not cross the lines. "
2) Parents
========
Read in book i gave Ilze from Ron Luce called Extreme Promises for Teens...
Besides love Parents require obedience and love from their kids... if a parent asks you something and you do it but you do it with and attitude you are not honouring them. Honour has to do with your attitude.
God calls you to honour them not because of how they are but who they are.... and if you honour them not only will your relationship with them be better but also you will be pleasing God and be blessed.
3) Accountability
============
I said this year is the year to lose weight (and meet my mate>Well depending on God of course!)
And friends have decided to hold me accountable, as well as another to my ladylikeness, and if my alarm is set to go off at 6 my mom is there at 5h55am to wake me up and I got annoyed but then realised that is what i wanted to have a breakthough, here are a whole lot of people coming along side me and holding me accountable to it....
Yeah!
4) Brother Yun and other stories
=======================
Articles section and latest update, really great... www.backtojerusalem.com
Article by brother yun about having a caleb spirit and not looking at how huge things seem but in the eyes of a huge God.
I am just blessed to hear testimonies of saudi arabian people and the tuareg people in niger, and just how God is changing lives and how they are prepared to die to take the gospel of jesus to others...How much has the gospel of Jesus transformed my life...Have I received it, gotten saved, saved out of my sin, but now just managing life...
Or am i transformed by the gospel living daily, dying daily because of the word of God in my life
5) Fasting Blogs
============
Blogging them so when I need them in future they are easy to find
By Pastor Steve Murrell
http://smurrell.multiply.com/journal/item/144/I_Hate_Fasting
http://www.stevemurrell.com/198
http://smurrell.multiply.com/journal/item/145
Great
"Day 2 & I’m Hungry… …for more of God.
That’s what this fasting thing is all about – hunger for God.
- Not getting something FROM God, but getting more OF God.
- Not seeking answers to prayers, but seeking the God who answers.
- Not losing weight, but losing things that weigh us down.
I’m hungry. How about you?
I’m praying Matt 5:6 for you today.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Matt 5:6"
Now the thought comes to me, am I hungering for my life to work out or for his righteousness and purposes...Anyway I know that God wants more of me
6) Scriptures
=========
Shared Psalm 34 with someone going through somethign - becoming one of my favourite scriptures
also intensely began studying 1 John yesterday. At a glance, very challenging.challenging issues with people I may need to be sure I am dealt with, loving others...
will blog my revelations at a later stage...it's late need to get to bed ..
7) The winds of change
================
Well thats been the latest in my life...Still seeking God for the answer to my future
Feel that I should spend less time talking to people and more time talking to God
like Samuel who ran to Eli, and it was God calling him...
Trying not to let fear come in because I cant hear if I am fearing.
But God is faithful and loves me and I him
He is my perfect gentleman and my rich husband :)
Chan
Monday, January 7, 2008
A kick in the butt in the right direction...
So Friday I talk to this lady in the train about how I dont really want to be in IT anymore, that its getting harder to go on and she says I should really pray about it cause I've invested so many years ( 1999 started studying my national diploma, finished 2002, volunteered at a open source lab project, taught computer lessons at a school 2003 to 2004, worked for 18 months at Shuttleworth Foundation, very soon will be 2 years since working at my current work place, started studying my degree in IT last year, supposed to finish it this year). So I've invested alot this year, but still dissatisfied, and she said I must really pray and seek God's face about what it is that He really wants for me. I say Yes. I really want to know cause I really cant anymore, get to work and my first work related email is a letter from my work place retrenching me. My response was a shocked "oh yes", instead of Oh no, yes there was a bit of surrealness about it, but at the same time after the conversation of the morning this was like Ok, now I'm going to make a break from this field and really do my passion.
Only question of course is what I'm going to do, there are many options, study teaching, go fulltime in youth ministry,etc.etc...
But I will be like Samuel and Say Lord Speak for Your servant listens...
Chan
Only question of course is what I'm going to do, there are many options, study teaching, go fulltime in youth ministry,etc.etc...
But I will be like Samuel and Say Lord Speak for Your servant listens...
Chan
Thursday, January 3, 2008
New Look Again and Current Music I like and silly observation/revelation
New Look:
Snippety Snip and Gone with the Blonde in the curly sue type pic you can see my 2006/7 frown lines - my age is beginning to show! (and the tan from the river!)
Music:
Albertine and music on www.myspace.com/brookefraser
Lovesong wise
Everything, Lost, You look beautiful tonight - Michael Buble
I'll take Care of You, We Will dance - Steven Curtis Chapman
And then the love song which is my God song to me (this is Jesus saying it to me)
I Will Be Here Lyrics
(Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:5-6)
Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear,
I will be here.
If in the dark we lose sight of love,
Hold my hand and have no fear,
'Cause I will be here.
CHORUS
I will be here when you feel like being quiet; ***
When you need to speak your mind, I will listen. ***
And I will be here when the laughter turns to crying;
Through the winning, losing, and trying, we'll be together,
'Cause I will be here.
Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the future is unclear,
I will be here.
As sure as seasons are made for change,
Our lifetimes are made for years,
So I will be here.
CHORUS
I will be here, and you can cry on my shoulder; ***
When the mirror tells us we're older, I will hold you. ***
And I will be here to watch you grow in beauty, ***
And tell you all the things you are to me; ***
I will be here.
I will be true to the promise I have made,
To you and to the One who gave you to me.
*** LOVE ESPECIALLY THESE PARTS - God knows when to listen and when I just want to be quiet and watches me grow in beauty and tells me how much I am to him...
Observation
Someone described Brooke Fraser as talkative and I realised thats the word. I get upset when people say I talk alot, or too much, because I spend alot if not most of my time quiet and thinking about things then when I am in someones company I am talkative. thats the word. I dont mind that description but saying I talk alot, means you dont really know me because then when I'm quiet everyone is on my case about what is wrong with me, and then I feel like I cant be me too...But the word talkative is a good word to describe me, does anyone get this?
Scriptures at the mo
Isaiah 29 - 30 - Seeking God not man and how God will change me
Psalm 101 - commitment to purity
John 6? Jesus saying that he will judge and that you cant honour God with out honouring him
Snippety Snip and Gone with the Blonde in the curly sue type pic you can see my 2006/7 frown lines - my age is beginning to show! (and the tan from the river!)
Music:
Albertine and music on www.myspace.com/brookefraser
Lovesong wise
Everything, Lost, You look beautiful tonight - Michael Buble
I'll take Care of You, We Will dance - Steven Curtis Chapman
And then the love song which is my God song to me (this is Jesus saying it to me)
I Will Be Here Lyrics
(Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:5-6)
Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear,
I will be here.
If in the dark we lose sight of love,
Hold my hand and have no fear,
'Cause I will be here.
CHORUS
I will be here when you feel like being quiet; ***
When you need to speak your mind, I will listen. ***
And I will be here when the laughter turns to crying;
Through the winning, losing, and trying, we'll be together,
'Cause I will be here.
Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the future is unclear,
I will be here.
As sure as seasons are made for change,
Our lifetimes are made for years,
So I will be here.
CHORUS
I will be here, and you can cry on my shoulder; ***
When the mirror tells us we're older, I will hold you. ***
And I will be here to watch you grow in beauty, ***
And tell you all the things you are to me; ***
I will be here.
I will be true to the promise I have made,
To you and to the One who gave you to me.
*** LOVE ESPECIALLY THESE PARTS - God knows when to listen and when I just want to be quiet and watches me grow in beauty and tells me how much I am to him...
Observation
Someone described Brooke Fraser as talkative and I realised thats the word. I get upset when people say I talk alot, or too much, because I spend alot if not most of my time quiet and thinking about things then when I am in someones company I am talkative. thats the word. I dont mind that description but saying I talk alot, means you dont really know me because then when I'm quiet everyone is on my case about what is wrong with me, and then I feel like I cant be me too...But the word talkative is a good word to describe me, does anyone get this?
Scriptures at the mo
Isaiah 29 - 30 - Seeking God not man and how God will change me
Psalm 101 - commitment to purity
John 6? Jesus saying that he will judge and that you cant honour God with out honouring him
Amazing Holiday...
I need to go backwards with this as my memory is very cranky
2 Jan 2008: Coffee with Wayne as he is going back to Pretoria soon, and playing a couple of rounds of streetfighter, the difference between me and him is he knows which buttons cause which move where i am just pressing randomly! I will be practising till the next time he comes to Cape Town. I can use my back as an excuse for not winning at the motor bike game but dont quote me on that one :)
1 Jan 2008: Spur outing with Clayton, Judy and Berenice. Learnt what journalism is about had good catchup session, and got janine's number after not seeing her for years. Great end to the day. Before that had the best Juice at Berenice's house, Exotic from Pick 'n Pay I think. And before that was supposed to hook up with Liesl but that didnt happen, and spent most of the day sleeping from 7 - 5PM... As you know I dont like sleeping so every hour or so I would wake up and think i slept for 3 only to find out it was one, and every time an sms went off I'd hope its someone to invite me out...
From after midnight till 7am was at party at The Baptismo's house in Welgemoed with the most awesome view of cape town, basically the northern suburbs but you can see pretty far, i think to the table bay and mountain. The party had its ups and downs, me jumping up to dance to the oldies "If you say jump I'll say how high", and a modern song to the background music of michael jackson... At first kinda getting used to the crowd which was mostly students who regularly hang, but because I stayed whole night could get to bond especially with Liesl, chat to Chesray about hair and identity, Bond with Lana, Candice, Simone (and kept saying her name wrong!) and Chrissy and See Carmel and Lehane (what a lovely surprise). We also played Mafia which was fun except I was the Mafia and it seems my twitching lip is back and therefore it was pretty obvious that I was lying! And the villagers were so good they basically got each one of us mafia in a row. There was also a hectic conversation about Does size count for guys size meaning fat or thin... But ja all in all it was an interesting fun, long great new years night/morning day...
Also made the analogy of how I feel dancing to modern hip hop music...It's like when I speak Xhosa, although I can speak it in the real accent, I normally speak it in my accent when I have to because when I make my voice in a Xhosa accent I feel like I'm making fun, or acting, it's the same with the modern music. When I dance the way I see all the others dance, although I can make it look funky, i feel like I am acting pretending when I do so therefore i dont dance or just bob side to side clicking my fingers. This is a total contradiction to the way I dance when I hear the type music I like (One tannamera), however I'll admit you may still find me playing the fool with dancing - running man, sixties dancing, macerena.
31st Dec 2007
The day ended with the 7 pm braai/service...What a nice time... Judy and I decided to include Shaun in our shopping for the evening and he in turn braaied our meet and for the first time we were adequately prepared for the event albeit late, but we had a nice chop with sausage, 3 salads, roll and coke in nice plastic champaigne glasses. I played Wii and beat my opponent in the boxing by boxnig high in the sky and managing to hit his face most of the time...Could this be because I was taller and playing against a child : Never thought of this one, but then again he could have hit me in my stomach... I had fun with the twins, its funny how they did take their roles and Jesse will say Hi, but Joshua will Hug me, when he sees me, and vice versa for Judy because of the day we semi looked after them and said I am Joshua's mother for the day and Judy, Jesse's also they both and Jeriah commented on my short hair so had to come up with funny comments, like I wanted to really look like your mom who has a similar cut, and for Jeriah with his braids you cant be the only one looking cool I wanted to look cool too! What else happened that night, nice time with Jodie, and just little moments here and there, though I was a bit worrying about the being accountable about that issue bit.But it was ok in the end. The worship was amazing, outside under the stars, singing Gods praises, I seperated myself and stood on the side at the back cause I knew I'd be holding back in the row... The word was again that word Ps gave us as youth leaders in one DC session, that really really spoke so was very appropriate: 1 Corinthians 15: 58
58 Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
Again reminded about how 2008 things are going to be doubling up and being ready for the new things God is going to birth... ]Countdown was a bit confusing as everyone had different times, but after that we rushed for the party
The day of the 31st was amazing, we left early morning for Palmiet River ( in my car Judy, Tatum and Tarryn joining us). Tatum drove cool and she was quite a good driver... we were 4 cars I think Wayne with Mel, Wendy and Natalie, Tresswell, Shaun with Dalene, Carmen and Davina, and Tonderai and Elton, dont think I'm missing anyone. Jodie them couldnt make it cause she wasnt feelign too well... I thought we were going to the river part I know by the beach in Kleinmond, but we pulled off to park at a day camping spot and then walked past the bridge we drove on, down put our things down and spent the day either swimming doing silly things in the water or eating... There were 3 points one could jump off a smaller cliff about 3, 4 meters from the water, a higher cliff, way more than that, you have to hike to get there, and the bridge, where though my friends have jumped off there before this time they didnt. First got in the water then went to the "Jacouzi" part which was not like a jacouzi at all. the current was pretty strong, you basically had to put you bum firm on the ground and hold on our you'd be swept away, though if I had to stand the water would be to my knees the rocks below our feet was slippery and the current was super strong...Then Shaun convinced me (tricked) me in coming to them, what happens is the moment you let go the water takes you from that point to the next without you doing anythign, dalene caught me firsttime, shaun the second, but then I slipped thorugh and went past and hit my back against a rock and it's still paining but going to wait 2 weeks before going for exrays, though did go to the doc yesterday about it. It was still worth it anyway :) the pain wasnt too bad then so I went to jump off the baby cliff. I was really irritated with fear, as I would walk slowly not wanting to slip on wet rocks and then stood for 30 min staring off the edge, knowing nothing can happen to me, it's goign to feel nice, and I'm not really taking risks, so I can trust God abotu jumping off the cliff even though Mentally I knew I had nothign to worry about jumping off, I still let the fear get to me a little, and little 10 - 12 year olds would run past not even thinking about the wet rocks do somersaults, funny jumps into the water... The first time I jumped I apparantly tried to turn back and hold on to the rock while going down, it all happened so fast I had no idea, but now that the fear was gone too I had to do it a second time, climbed back up and this time concentrated on keeping my arms at my side and feet pointed as I jumped the moment I went underwater my body went flat like lying on a bed and then it bent like a V while I was still going down, that was weird, but still great! I then had a little pain in my back making myself realise that maybe i did bump myself pretty bad. Apparantly the second time i jumped I jumped centimeters from the cliff ;) The rest of my friends either didnt or did jump from the higher cliff..One friend taking 5 hours to will herself to Jump. It was awesome, cause Tresswell and I started speaking words of faith and then in my mind I thought it would be cool to clap for her and then within about 5 minutes people started clapping and it turned out that everyone, our group, others on the river bank and the river bank on the other side of the bridge all started clapping, although she was a bit embarrassed I knew it was a joint encouragement not just saying Come on do it so we can go home, but Hey we're with you we're cheering you on you can do it, and just clapping shortly after that she took the jump which was apparantly better than all the other guys jumps... Was an amazing day, came back tanned (and now peeling) and refreshed! (Love nature)
Sun 30 lunch at the Temmers and swimming at John the Baptismo's house...
Went to lunch there as wayne was lunching there, and I had missed the previous gettogethers, the Food was great. Tondy and Elton were there too, we had a chat about finding out the roots of things, eg. acupuncture.... Tondy said he's going to hold me accountable to my weight loss plan and that carbs arent good and when i asked Elton to rinse my bowl after having ice cream and he asked why and I said I'm having custard he answered You cant have custard, I'm holding you accountable! I did anyway though, I told them later they must do Taebo with me, and they said they dont know the roots :) Back at ya. We then went to swim at the Baptismo's house, it turns out his mom did a pattern course with my mom, and we swam but after an hour I think Natalie had to go so I was the only girl but it didnt feel weird for me or for them so that was cool we played Marco Polo when Natalie was still there (I'm really bad at that game) and then after she left we played "trying to through the basket ball into the hoop with a tree as an obstruction" the highest score was only 2 out of 5 and I made 1 out of 5 twice. From there we went to tondy's flat to charge his bakkie's battery from my car. And from there we were going to go to the driving range? to hit some golf balls, but I then went home and spent time with Thalia I think, going to look at her new house (not so sure now what I did at that point).
Church went to both services so the message stuck :) about having a Dissatisfaction, Direction, for 2008 will put down message later....:) based on Phillipians 3 about Paul not looking back but pressing on - Determination...Worship was lovely too...
Well I need to go to bed now, it being 2 minutes before 12 and dont want to oversleep, still wanna share my christmas revelations but that will have to wait for another time...
(thanks my Lord for this amazing holiday)
Chan
2 Jan 2008: Coffee with Wayne as he is going back to Pretoria soon, and playing a couple of rounds of streetfighter, the difference between me and him is he knows which buttons cause which move where i am just pressing randomly! I will be practising till the next time he comes to Cape Town. I can use my back as an excuse for not winning at the motor bike game but dont quote me on that one :)
1 Jan 2008: Spur outing with Clayton, Judy and Berenice. Learnt what journalism is about had good catchup session, and got janine's number after not seeing her for years. Great end to the day. Before that had the best Juice at Berenice's house, Exotic from Pick 'n Pay I think. And before that was supposed to hook up with Liesl but that didnt happen, and spent most of the day sleeping from 7 - 5PM... As you know I dont like sleeping so every hour or so I would wake up and think i slept for 3 only to find out it was one, and every time an sms went off I'd hope its someone to invite me out...
From after midnight till 7am was at party at The Baptismo's house in Welgemoed with the most awesome view of cape town, basically the northern suburbs but you can see pretty far, i think to the table bay and mountain. The party had its ups and downs, me jumping up to dance to the oldies "If you say jump I'll say how high", and a modern song to the background music of michael jackson... At first kinda getting used to the crowd which was mostly students who regularly hang, but because I stayed whole night could get to bond especially with Liesl, chat to Chesray about hair and identity, Bond with Lana, Candice, Simone (and kept saying her name wrong!) and Chrissy and See Carmel and Lehane (what a lovely surprise). We also played Mafia which was fun except I was the Mafia and it seems my twitching lip is back and therefore it was pretty obvious that I was lying! And the villagers were so good they basically got each one of us mafia in a row. There was also a hectic conversation about Does size count for guys size meaning fat or thin... But ja all in all it was an interesting fun, long great new years night/morning day...
Also made the analogy of how I feel dancing to modern hip hop music...It's like when I speak Xhosa, although I can speak it in the real accent, I normally speak it in my accent when I have to because when I make my voice in a Xhosa accent I feel like I'm making fun, or acting, it's the same with the modern music. When I dance the way I see all the others dance, although I can make it look funky, i feel like I am acting pretending when I do so therefore i dont dance or just bob side to side clicking my fingers. This is a total contradiction to the way I dance when I hear the type music I like (One tannamera), however I'll admit you may still find me playing the fool with dancing - running man, sixties dancing, macerena.
31st Dec 2007
The day ended with the 7 pm braai/service...What a nice time... Judy and I decided to include Shaun in our shopping for the evening and he in turn braaied our meet and for the first time we were adequately prepared for the event albeit late, but we had a nice chop with sausage, 3 salads, roll and coke in nice plastic champaigne glasses. I played Wii and beat my opponent in the boxing by boxnig high in the sky and managing to hit his face most of the time...Could this be because I was taller and playing against a child : Never thought of this one, but then again he could have hit me in my stomach... I had fun with the twins, its funny how they did take their roles and Jesse will say Hi, but Joshua will Hug me, when he sees me, and vice versa for Judy because of the day we semi looked after them and said I am Joshua's mother for the day and Judy, Jesse's also they both and Jeriah commented on my short hair so had to come up with funny comments, like I wanted to really look like your mom who has a similar cut, and for Jeriah with his braids you cant be the only one looking cool I wanted to look cool too! What else happened that night, nice time with Jodie, and just little moments here and there, though I was a bit worrying about the being accountable about that issue bit.But it was ok in the end. The worship was amazing, outside under the stars, singing Gods praises, I seperated myself and stood on the side at the back cause I knew I'd be holding back in the row... The word was again that word Ps gave us as youth leaders in one DC session, that really really spoke so was very appropriate: 1 Corinthians 15: 58
58 Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
Again reminded about how 2008 things are going to be doubling up and being ready for the new things God is going to birth... ]Countdown was a bit confusing as everyone had different times, but after that we rushed for the party
The day of the 31st was amazing, we left early morning for Palmiet River ( in my car Judy, Tatum and Tarryn joining us). Tatum drove cool and she was quite a good driver... we were 4 cars I think Wayne with Mel, Wendy and Natalie, Tresswell, Shaun with Dalene, Carmen and Davina, and Tonderai and Elton, dont think I'm missing anyone. Jodie them couldnt make it cause she wasnt feelign too well... I thought we were going to the river part I know by the beach in Kleinmond, but we pulled off to park at a day camping spot and then walked past the bridge we drove on, down put our things down and spent the day either swimming doing silly things in the water or eating... There were 3 points one could jump off a smaller cliff about 3, 4 meters from the water, a higher cliff, way more than that, you have to hike to get there, and the bridge, where though my friends have jumped off there before this time they didnt. First got in the water then went to the "Jacouzi" part which was not like a jacouzi at all. the current was pretty strong, you basically had to put you bum firm on the ground and hold on our you'd be swept away, though if I had to stand the water would be to my knees the rocks below our feet was slippery and the current was super strong...Then Shaun convinced me (tricked) me in coming to them, what happens is the moment you let go the water takes you from that point to the next without you doing anythign, dalene caught me firsttime, shaun the second, but then I slipped thorugh and went past and hit my back against a rock and it's still paining but going to wait 2 weeks before going for exrays, though did go to the doc yesterday about it. It was still worth it anyway :) the pain wasnt too bad then so I went to jump off the baby cliff. I was really irritated with fear, as I would walk slowly not wanting to slip on wet rocks and then stood for 30 min staring off the edge, knowing nothing can happen to me, it's goign to feel nice, and I'm not really taking risks, so I can trust God abotu jumping off the cliff even though Mentally I knew I had nothign to worry about jumping off, I still let the fear get to me a little, and little 10 - 12 year olds would run past not even thinking about the wet rocks do somersaults, funny jumps into the water... The first time I jumped I apparantly tried to turn back and hold on to the rock while going down, it all happened so fast I had no idea, but now that the fear was gone too I had to do it a second time, climbed back up and this time concentrated on keeping my arms at my side and feet pointed as I jumped the moment I went underwater my body went flat like lying on a bed and then it bent like a V while I was still going down, that was weird, but still great! I then had a little pain in my back making myself realise that maybe i did bump myself pretty bad. Apparantly the second time i jumped I jumped centimeters from the cliff ;) The rest of my friends either didnt or did jump from the higher cliff..One friend taking 5 hours to will herself to Jump. It was awesome, cause Tresswell and I started speaking words of faith and then in my mind I thought it would be cool to clap for her and then within about 5 minutes people started clapping and it turned out that everyone, our group, others on the river bank and the river bank on the other side of the bridge all started clapping, although she was a bit embarrassed I knew it was a joint encouragement not just saying Come on do it so we can go home, but Hey we're with you we're cheering you on you can do it, and just clapping shortly after that she took the jump which was apparantly better than all the other guys jumps... Was an amazing day, came back tanned (and now peeling) and refreshed! (Love nature)
Sun 30 lunch at the Temmers and swimming at John the Baptismo's house...
Went to lunch there as wayne was lunching there, and I had missed the previous gettogethers, the Food was great. Tondy and Elton were there too, we had a chat about finding out the roots of things, eg. acupuncture.... Tondy said he's going to hold me accountable to my weight loss plan and that carbs arent good and when i asked Elton to rinse my bowl after having ice cream and he asked why and I said I'm having custard he answered You cant have custard, I'm holding you accountable! I did anyway though, I told them later they must do Taebo with me, and they said they dont know the roots :) Back at ya. We then went to swim at the Baptismo's house, it turns out his mom did a pattern course with my mom, and we swam but after an hour I think Natalie had to go so I was the only girl but it didnt feel weird for me or for them so that was cool we played Marco Polo when Natalie was still there (I'm really bad at that game) and then after she left we played "trying to through the basket ball into the hoop with a tree as an obstruction" the highest score was only 2 out of 5 and I made 1 out of 5 twice. From there we went to tondy's flat to charge his bakkie's battery from my car. And from there we were going to go to the driving range? to hit some golf balls, but I then went home and spent time with Thalia I think, going to look at her new house (not so sure now what I did at that point).
Church went to both services so the message stuck :) about having a Dissatisfaction, Direction, for 2008 will put down message later....:) based on Phillipians 3 about Paul not looking back but pressing on - Determination...Worship was lovely too...
Well I need to go to bed now, it being 2 minutes before 12 and dont want to oversleep, still wanna share my christmas revelations but that will have to wait for another time...
(thanks my Lord for this amazing holiday)
Chan
2008 - year of obedience...
I've reached the third part of the revelation God has given me in 2006 - Love Trust and Obey...
The word says if we love him. we'll obey him but in 2006 God showed me before I can obey him and the reason why I was struggling with obeying him was because I needed to work on my love relationship with him, that what I thought was love was just a drop of what love really is as the bible says God is love (1 John) so I needed to "Just love on him" and allow his love transform me as I receive his love! This also increased as I got to know him more.
In 2007 God started working on the now that you love me you need to trust me with ALL your heart. Without loving it's hard but as I know God and Love him I should trust Him with ALL My heart and not on my own understanding. There were many situations in 2007 where I saw that Why I am I not getting this right then I took a step back and checked am I loving God, Yes, Am I trusting with all my heart? no, so need to work on that, e.g the who what when of marriage? If I love God I will trust Him and lean not on my own understanding (Proverbs 3)
As the year was coming to an end I found my old journal and saw me crying out to God in 2003 about the same things I was crying out to God now, and I asked myself why hasnt things changed, why am I still struggling with those things, then I saw I've been asking God to take away those things or change those things but what have I really done about my situation, e.g praying about debt? Have I really put my hands to the plough to sort it out. No. And if I love God, trust him it is now time to come to a place of obedience because I know God, because I love him, because I know he can be trusted therefore I need to be obedient...
Therefore 2008 is a year of obedience -> responsibility, focus, accountability, working at things, while all the while making sure the foundation of love and trust levels are where they should be and at the same time being open for what ever else God may be wanting to share with me as a next step...
Love you my Lord. Help me Live this life.
Chan
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
