So true...

Small Straws In A Soft Wind by Marsha Burns -- November 18, 2008:

Beloved, as long as your focus is on things that you have no personal control over, you will be subject to regret, disappointment and accusation. But, I would have you release what you cannot control and to put your faith and trust in Me. Only then will you be able to see that I am doing a very great and powerful work in your midst, My people, as I establish My kingdom in, around and through you. Expect change, and resolve to be flexible enough to move with grace, says the Lord.
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Questions. Thankyou. Sorry.

Is it ok that I dont learn things the first time. That I knock my head once or twice?
Is it ok that I dont run the same pace than all the rest?
Is it ok that there are still child like attributes in me at 28?
Does being an adult mean having it all together?
Why is it that people misunderstood me, but I have never found that youth or children misunderstand me?

Thanks to those who take the time to know the real me, and not your preconceptions.
Thanks to those who commit to walking with me right to the end, even when I fall short.
Thank you to friends who listen first and who ask God before answering. and thanks so much for your patience and commmitment to working at our relationship
Thank you to my parents for consistently giving even when you say where's everyone else now, and you really are one of the only who gives towards me.
Thank you Lord for taking your time with me, and putting effort in me and transformming me back into the beautiful bride that you saw when you picked me up out of the miry clay...
thanks to the people who reflect jesus

Sorry for making you wait so long while i procastinate, over commit, dont know how to cut things short or do but dont.
Sorry for not always being a person of my word. But getting caught up with what goes on in the moment
Thank you to sara groves for singing truth:

and it gets when you hit at the hearts of the ones I love
when everything you touch is rubble and dust
and it gets so hard to know how to trust

I will not let that bitter root grow...
I will not let it no no..
But it gets so hard...

and every time I find healing, you making a new mess, and i am learning the real meaning of forgiveness...

Psalm 23

God has just blessed me last night with this Psalm opening it up for me and by this I hope that you the reader will be blessed too. Taking it from a chat I had with a friend, so dont write same thing twice, but really wouldnt put this up if didnt think it was for everyone...

Went to bed last night reading Psalm 23
me: and really blessed by it
me: new revelations

11:25 AM me: Thing is this is the God that we have (according to Psalm 23) He takes care of us, we should not want... he takes me out of the environment that is causing more stress, and just brings me to a place where i can restore my soul.. Then he guides me in his ways...for his name sake

11:27 AM me: God does all of this before we face troubles, issues, questions, sin, temptation, death or anything that leads to death...So that when we do face it we know that he is with us, we know that he is comforting us in the midst of it, even though we are facing those things, we dont fear, becuase we know God, because he is our shepherd

11:29 AM me: He takes it a step further an anoints us and even blesses us in the the presence of our enemies, it's like me 2 weeks ago I think when I fell to one of my temptations and was beating myself up...but even while the Devil was about to rip me apart with condemnation God prepares a table for me in the presence of my enemies by giving me that opp to drive to that farm an hour or so from my house...(get into nature, and just restore my soul, got paid to take the guy and ate lekker (nice) and met great new people and grew in business skills...He prepares a table for me in the presence of my enemies...My Cup overflows

11:31 AM me: Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life... Thats the God we serve... Know that He is your shepherd. Know that he is taking care of you, know that he is with you, and comforting you and you will see love and goodness all the days even the bad days...And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever... HOW Awesome.. It doesnt start one day, it's everyday..it's like psalm 27 one thing i ask of the lord, this is what I seek that I may dwell in the house of the lord,...

11:33 AM But still meditating on this :) But really this past weekend again, i had to go on a tour wiht exchange students and they were on a hike/walk in a completely nature secluded place, and 2 girls needed the loo so I walked back with them and sat next to the lake/river with them waiting for the rest and when reading psalm 23 last night I just saw the "He leads me beside quiet waters..."

11:36 AM me: And in the midst of all of this, doesnt mean I'm not going through stuff...I'm going through a whole lot of stuff, lots of questions with no answers lots of frustration with people, myself and lack of finances...But last night he just reminded me of the sitll waters, the table he prepares in the midst of my enemies an I can see all the blessings even in this time, and I see that that is God...So ja (yes) just to end if this you need to hear this too...

The Lord is your shepherd, you shall not be in want. He makes you lie down in green pastures, he leads you besides quiet waters, he restores your soul... (that is what we need hey....what we need...our soul to be restored and he does that) he guides you along paths of righeousness even for His own name sake ( he teaches you his way, he gives you word that builds and rebukes you so you can be more like him)

11:37 AM Even though, you walk through the valley of the shadow of death. You will fear no evil For He is with you! (he is not up in heaven far removed from your life but right there with you) His rod and his staff they comfort you

11:38 AM (amazing how you can hear this PSALM over and over and over or in my case, just like oh ok it's psalm 23 and yet how God can open it up and show you how it's not just psalm 23, but it's him and it;s how he does things, his kingdom principal, and then he takes it further and shows you how he is doing that for you)

11:40 AM God prepares a table for you in the presence of your enemies (right there in the midst of the valley of shadow of death. Even if there is evil all around!) He anoints you with oil and your cup overflows!
More than Enough!
Surely goodness and love will follow you all the days of your life, and you will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

11:41 AM GOD bless you... Enjoy dwelling in His house...Enjoy the feast he prepares for you, and the green pastures he makes you lay down in. Enjoy Your God, because He surely enjoys you
He is for you.
He knows and understands you
11:42 AM He loves you and his love has no limits...
I love psalm 25 and I love all the scriptures (there is one in psalm 25) that refers to NO one who puts their trust in Him will ever be put to shame
No one

11:46 AM Enjoy him...

me: hey I just rememebered an old song we used to sing at our old traditional church at the end of services... for you "May God's blessings Surround You Each day...May You trust Him and walk in his ways...May his presence within, Guard and keep you from sin. Go in peace, Go in love, Go in Joy"

11:53 AM me: found a jazzy version of it for you to listen to :) http://www.amazon.com/May-Gods-Blessing/dp/B000QPHSG8/ref=sr_f2_2?ie=UTF8&s=dmusic&qid=1227001845&sr=102-2

Finishing Strong?

Right now feel peace about not being able to write security.Though my mind tells me i may regret this later, but at the same time I am thinking these thoughts...

That the way I see me needs to be aligned with how He sees me.

Yes I have messed up this year, but God does not see me as messed up.

And if I see me as messed up that doesnt make it easier for me to win in life

In the same way

The way I know God's love defines how I will love others.

The more I love God and allow his love to transform and change and complete me,
The more I will be able to love people in the same way...

Its not about what I think, it's about what He thinks. In him and his ways and his will and his guidance is our strength to live the way he wants us to.

Lord today, I thank you for Your Love.
Thank You Lord for your faithfulness
Thank You that you care and that my life is transformed as I come closer to You
Thank You for your commitment to my life.
I know that though I failed and though my mind is saying you're going to regret this later, that despite that I am not a failure and God hasnt given up on me
No one who puts their trust in Him is ever put to shame
but the secret to that is putting our trust in Him...

God I love You.Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.

Your kingdom come! Your will be done!

Amen

More...

How do we grow. how do we win....? By growing in him and knowing him...Thats what i believe. In my own strength or own view I may keep failing? But as I lift my eyes I find the strength and wisdom i need to face what I need to...

How do I love and forgive my neighbour, by receiving his love. If I'm wrong please do correct me, but right now this is such an awesome summing up of what I've been learning in this time.

that if I see me the way God sees me, then whatever people say doesnt really matter, because I know and experience and enjoy His love, favour and approval.
And if I see people the way God sees me...That is the change, but without knowing and experiencing Him I will never really get it unless I am doing it naturally so before knowing it was God working that in me...

LORD ALL GLORY TO YOUR NAME!

Heart Touchers this weekend

*Salvation of one youth girl
* "With everything, With everything, my heart shouts your praises...WOOO HOOOOOO"
*"Chains be broken, lives be healed, eyes be open, Christ is revealed" - We wait for You Lord...
* "Now in the darkness God’s light shines
Christ forever glorified
So come on come on sing out to God
Now with all we’ve got
We live for You our God"


* (see whole prayer below, this is the part that stood out for me)

Christ be with me,
Christ within me,
Christ before me,
Christ beside me,
Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ in quiet,
Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger." - St Patrick


I bind unto myself today the strong name of the Trinity
by invocation of the same,
the Three in One, and One in Three.

I bind this day to me forever,
by power of faith, Christ's incarnation,
his baptism in the Jordan river,
his death on cross for my salvation,
his bursting from the spiced tomb,
his riding up the heavenly way,
his coming at the day of doom:
I bind unto myself today.

I bind unto myself today the virtues of the starlit heaven,
the glorious sun's lifegiving ray,
the whiteness of the moon at even,
the flashing of the lightning free,
the whirling wind's tempestuous shocks,
the stable earth, the deep salt sea
around the old eternal rocks.

I bind unto myself today the power of God to hold and lead,
his eye to watch, his might to stay,
his ear to hearken to my need,
the wisdom of my God to teach,
his hand to guide, his shield to ward,
the word of God to give me speech,
his heavenly host to be my guard.
Against the demon snares of sin,
the vice that gives temptation force,
the natural lusts that war within,
the hostile men that mar my course -
or few or many, far or nigh,
in every place, and in all hours,
against their fierce hostility
I bind to me these holy powers.

Against all Satan's spells and wiles,
against false words of heresy,
against the knowledge that defiles,
against the heart's idolatry,
against the wizard's evil craft,
against the death-wound and the burning,
the choking wave, the poisoned shaft,
protect me, Christ, till thy returning.

Christ be with me,
Christ within me,
Christ before me,
Christ beside me,
Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ in quiet,
Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

The Prayer of St Patrick

I bind unto myself the name,
the strong name of the Trinity,
by invocation of the same,
the Three in One and One in Three,
of whom all nature hath creation,
eternal Father, Spirit, Word.
Praise to the Lord of my salvation:
salvation is of Christ the Lord.
Amen.

Attributed to St Patrick c 389 - 461

Update on the One Big Mengelmoes...

Just said yesterday that I havent had it in 3 months...despite no male interaction at all.
Well today despite all the other stress, i have finally had a breakthru and dont have to worry about having to go the doc about this problem...i dont know why today, but what I do know is I woke up with the scripture Eccl 3:11 "God has made everything beautiful in it's time"
and then also read Psalm 27 and read aloud the part of


7 Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.

8 My heart says of you, "Seek his [b] face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.

9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.

10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.

11 Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.

12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing out violence.

13 I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.


Dunno if this has a part in why it hasnt been happening. But anyway...Have to go to tech..Exam soon...Didnt really study yet...

Me over the years 9 - 2008, the year I turned 28 and still in progress!

Me over the years 8 - 2007, the year I turned 27

Me over the years 7 - 2006, the year I turned 26

Me over the years 6 - 2005, the year I turned 25

Me over the years 5 - 2004, the year I turned 24

Me over the years 4 - 2003, the year I turned 23

Me over the years 3 - 2002, the year I turned 22

Me over the years 2 - 2000, the year I turned 20

Me over the years 1 - 1998, the year I turned 18

This is the beginning of a photo series. I hope to type highlights for those years afterwards

Happy Birthday Mummy - Proverbs 31 Woman

One big Mengelmoes

Right now my life is one big mengelmoes, of thoughts, expectations, questions, difficulties, responsibilities, unfigured out things...



I spend a large amount of time sitting and thinking how I'm going to sort out things without asking. Why dont I ask? Because when it comes to those type of things it's normally only my parents that provide and there is only so many times that I'm going to ask them... So I lay my request before the Lord and everytime he has come through but between the time that I ask and he comes through a lot of worrying occurs. Hence not having had my monthly in a while. - Sorry for any males reading but see it in a medical way.



However I must say it's the small whispers of hope, encouragements that really do wonders for me. I told someone yesterday please dont rebuke me, encourage me, because I am already pointing out all my wrong to myself....


Well as I always say because it is true, despite all this, God whispers encouragement in the midst of it, whether a small word from a friend yet the word being from His word it magnifies it in my life... Small things are huge... Thank You for those who choose to do or say those small things

Think You are reminding Me of Waiting...

(ok besides obedience and faith...)

Waiting on the Lord

"Life will come to those who wait...." -All God's Children, Delirious?
"So I wait for You, I wait for You" - Hungry, Vineyard

You'll come - Brooke Fraser/Hillsong

I have decided, I have resolved, to wait upon You Lord
My rock and redeemer, shield and reward, I'll wait upon you Lord
As surely as the sun will rise, you'll come to us, Certain as the dawn appears

You'll come, let your glory fall as you respond to us
SPIRIT RAIN, FLOOD INTO OUR THIRSTY HEARTS AGAIN...
YOU'LL COME!

We are not shaken, We are not moved. We wait upon You Lord
Our mighty deliverer. Our triumph and truth!
As surely as the sun will rise, you'll come to us, Certain as Your word endures

Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed

All I know is he is faithful...

Life is so fast that I feel that I'm juggling and one by one I'm dropping all the balls, I've come so far yet I'm not sure I'm going to finish strong..

But all I know is that He is faithful...

He really is

God I wanna praise You

For who You are

Thank You for the amazing miracles you perform. The daily ones that are minute to other's eyes but Huge in mine :)

Thankyou for your unfailing love, mercy and grace... Thank you for consistency in that...

I love you Lord
I love you
I love you!

There are things that I've heard, things that I've seen, things I dont understand....

But in it all I know You are Lord, and I know You are faithful and I am praising You right now for that...

YOU ARE FAITHFUL! YOU ARE LORD! Love you Lord!

Right now...

I dont understand why it is that I always have to be the one that works at things to maintain a relationship... And not a mutual thing...

And I'm ready to give up

So by ur grace Lord I need to stand or there is just no point

I think I've long time used up my 70 * 7 Sorries and can honestly say one hand is probably more than what I've ever gotten back from everyone I know.

So either everyone else is way more messed up than me.

Or I'm a mere people pleaser and must stop...

then again I am a God pleaser and I cannot find fault with the millions of second chances you've given me,...

but i cannot in my own strength

More on Pastor Ray...

I dont know why I thought i had blogged it on here before but clearly only put a posted link on facebook... which included this - if you are interested, please do read this tribute, and also if you want to listen to sermons by him http://web.mac.com/jackshiels/iWeb/Every%20Nation%20Dublin/Podcast/Podcast.htmland one of my favourite sermons - In too Deep - http://www.everynation.co.uk/index.php?m=content_page&id=95

But do read the tribute on http://wolfinlondon.wordpress.com/2008/10/13/tribute-to-my-hero-friend-ray-shiels/

So Blessed...

Today I just feel like I have the greatest boyfriend ever... :) (one who makes me blush)

After the terrible event, and after a kind word, it's like he gave me a date :)

For the past 2 days I've been in Riebeeckrivier on a farm called Goedgedacht... (which I may blog a seperate blog about) but just after my sadness, and then just being encouraged by the word Robert gave me, it's like this was just the cherry on the cake, or God saved the best for last :) (which now reminds me about the miracle of the wine)...

Anyway, what am I going on about. Well He knows I just love nature, and going on the long road (well not that long !) was awesome and just the way it changes from yellow (wheat) then green (vineyards), hills, mountains... Also training was done in an 1825 Cape Dutch House which had high ceilings, beams in the ceiling and wooden floors, and even the layout was just nice, and I told them the thing I always say...I'm going to live in a house like this, that is the reason why my husband isn't here yet... he is making his millions :) But ja, it was a really pretty house and would really like to live in a house like that...Just not so far out, dont think I enjoy snakes ;)

And then I came back on my own which I think was the best part, because I put the sunglasses on and then said "no man! can't see the nature that way" took it off, opened my window and just enjoyed the drive, and enjoyed the fact that really God just blessed me with this opportunity...

So said to someone else and saying it again, I have the best boyfriend ever.

Jesus, thankyou for being the faithful love that you are...

scenery on the way...



the farm we were on...www.goedgedacht.org.za

MUCH better...

And I quote from an e-mail from a friend...

"That was the best image of God's love for me that I have ever seen. I've been meditating on that for a while now. Mountains can get lost in the ocean. The biggest situation I can imagine is like a drop in the ocean. My greatest sin disappears in the vastness of the ocean.

His love is like an ocean"

"I think sometimes I tend to think that God related to us as if we were grown up and on His level when in fact when compared to Him we are little children. Us grown ups are so much more tolerant and understanding of little children. We'll thats exactly how we are to God.

So in reality it's not that God is disappointed in you but you are dissapointed in you.

You havn't let God down. You've let yourself down. And right now it's not your sin thats seperating you from God. He is already so over that. It's your sense of guilt and condemnation that's keeping you from God"

Thank You Lord for your love...

Chan

On another note...

(not that my previous note is gone, just shoved aside cause it's still hurting) but blogging anyway what i wanted to blog sunday and previously...

I may have said before that God is taking me to the next lesson after obedience, though I can really see that obedience is stepping up at the moment, cause discipline, focus, etc.etc, is a daily struggle...but so far there has been some guidance or hints as to what is next and it's FAITH...

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. - Hebrews 11:6

I dont like being at different places to everyone else, but I guess it's
something I have to accept cause God has a unique path for my life, but on Sunday they preached about Faith in action and how faith is at work, etc. and how faith should be...It's definitely in line with the theme, but I'm at a different place

Because for me without God's faithfulness to me, I would not be able to put my faith in action...I'm just not superhuman, and I'm sure they meant that it goes without saying but at the point of trying to get out of striving or running past God, I need to remind myself of those things, or rather I am so aware right now that it's because of His faithfulness towards me that I'm able to be victorious and face things by faith and if he did not extend that faithfulness I either would get nothing done or it would be all in my own strength...

Secondly in putting your faith in action, it involves looking at the author and perfector of our faith - Hebrews 12:2 ..."Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith," Yes I know that one cant just say we love Jesus and not live it, but at the same time we cant go and do the work of the ministry without the God of the ministry...As we look to Jesus we realise his faithfulness towards us and that spills out in lives full of faith in God and lived out by our actions...

Or so I think...
But more on that again...

I think this is so hard...But...

I think this is so hard...

Psalm 24: 3 - 6

Who may ascend the hill of the Lord?
Who may stand in his holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
who does not lift up his soul to an idol
or swear by what is false.
He will receive blessing from the Lord
and vindication from God his Savior.
Such is the generation of those who seek him,
who seek your face, O God of Jacob. Selah

But...

Psalm 25: 4

Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways
according to your love remember me, for you are good, O Lord.

Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of your name, O Lord,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.
The Lord confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.

See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!

Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.

May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.

Redeem Israel, O God, from all their troubles!

Sin is a Dream Ruiner...

It's amazing, well not really, how the same day as the rays of breakthrough seems to beam, is the same day one trips and falls. and it really sucks!

if ever I needed (normally loved) thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.