When my heart runs dry
And there's no song to sing
No holy melody
No words of love within
I recall the height from which
This fragile heart has slipped...
Chorus:
And I'll remember You
I will turn back and do
The things I used to do
for the love of You
Lord, I'll remember You
I will turn back and do
The things I used to do
for the love of You
You are my soul's desire
You are the hope within
You bring my heart to life
You make my spirit sing
I recall the height from which
This fragile heart has slipped..
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
because this conversation has come up 3 times...
what i am looking for in a husband:
1) Firstly, it's not up to me, but up to God. So many times I thought i knew what was right for me, but I was wrong. So God knows best. He knows the end from the beginning. He knows what my future holds and who will be the best one to walk alongside me.
Having said that...
Obviously the person will be saved, learnt from being yoked with unbelievers...but again, God will orchestrate who I end up with.
Family/Flexible. I really dont want to go alone to family parties, i want my husband to embrace my culture/family and vice versa.
Friendship. Want the person to be my best friend. One who will laugh, go out, play games and just chill with me. Of course he can have his own friends, and me mine, but dont wanna live seperate lives. i will also join in on Xbox nights ;)
Loving me just the way I am. Of course as I grow in God I become better but until then, love me for me. I cannot live up to someone else's expectations...
I used to want musician, foreigner, etc...But those are petty. God knows what's best and I'll wait on him! ;) Of all these points only no. 1 really counts.
1) Firstly, it's not up to me, but up to God. So many times I thought i knew what was right for me, but I was wrong. So God knows best. He knows the end from the beginning. He knows what my future holds and who will be the best one to walk alongside me.
Having said that...
Obviously the person will be saved, learnt from being yoked with unbelievers...but again, God will orchestrate who I end up with.
Family/Flexible. I really dont want to go alone to family parties, i want my husband to embrace my culture/family and vice versa.
Friendship. Want the person to be my best friend. One who will laugh, go out, play games and just chill with me. Of course he can have his own friends, and me mine, but dont wanna live seperate lives. i will also join in on Xbox nights ;)
Loving me just the way I am. Of course as I grow in God I become better but until then, love me for me. I cannot live up to someone else's expectations...
I used to want musician, foreigner, etc...But those are petty. God knows what's best and I'll wait on him! ;) Of all these points only no. 1 really counts.
Everlasting arms...
I once told someone "Just hold me..." They couldn't just hold me. Nor could they understand that was all I wanted. To be held. The assurance and freedom that comes from being in someone's arms.However,even if they could just hold me, I realise now the yearning and longing I had was so much deeper. Human arms wouldn't do. I now understand it was my spirit crying out to His Spirit. Deep calls to deep, the Psalmist says.
The best thing about it all is that though my searching to be held was taking me on a path of destruction, the Lord knew. He saw, He heard, He intervened. And now I find myself months later learning to be held by everlasting arms. Dancing with the lifter of my head. Adoring the lover of my soul. Being healed, freed, mended, pruned, shaped, enlarged, but mostly, loved.
Thank you Lord. You did not allow me to drown or sink. You saw the yearning of my soul and found me. You love me to wholeness and my heart is yours forever. O lover of my soul and my best friend!
The best thing about it all is that though my searching to be held was taking me on a path of destruction, the Lord knew. He saw, He heard, He intervened. And now I find myself months later learning to be held by everlasting arms. Dancing with the lifter of my head. Adoring the lover of my soul. Being healed, freed, mended, pruned, shaped, enlarged, but mostly, loved.
Thank you Lord. You did not allow me to drown or sink. You saw the yearning of my soul and found me. You love me to wholeness and my heart is yours forever. O lover of my soul and my best friend!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
the journey so far...
intimacy, intimacy, intimacy...
close, closer getting so much closer
through the fire, wilderness
tears, fears, insecurities
yet a deeper longing
for all you've predestined
which keeps pulling me forward
in the midst of the fire
the fragrance comes,
drawing me close,closer, so much deeper
nearer, dearer, intimacy
close, closer getting so much closer
through the fire, wilderness
tears, fears, insecurities
yet a deeper longing
for all you've predestined
which keeps pulling me forward
in the midst of the fire
the fragrance comes,
drawing me close,closer, so much deeper
nearer, dearer, intimacy
Sunday, October 4, 2009
denke...
Something I'm learning, seeing, mulling on.
Sometimes when someone hurts us, or something, and we don't heal properly or get a proper understanding of how to deal with that, we project that on future events or people.
This is not only in huge injustices, but includes the little things to...
More specifically, in my case, for example. One person misunderstands everything I say. After that I am now more careful of what I say to anybody, and then also more sensitive to what people are saying to me. They then react to either my tone of voice, or whatever as I am not so open as before. This then maybe leads to an argument...I am even more careful with people after that.
Now someone misunderstands someone else, or something bigger like my country, or culture, etc. and I feel the need to defend. But all of this could come from the initial being misunderstood.
The solution?
Find my identity in Christ alone... Stop caring what people think. Maybe evaluate if I was at fault, but accept that not everyone will like or understand me. What matters is what God thinks and finding my acceptance only in him...
Facebook Status of the day...
God First,then humility to others above the need to be understood.When will I learn this?
Sometimes when someone hurts us, or something, and we don't heal properly or get a proper understanding of how to deal with that, we project that on future events or people.
This is not only in huge injustices, but includes the little things to...
More specifically, in my case, for example. One person misunderstands everything I say. After that I am now more careful of what I say to anybody, and then also more sensitive to what people are saying to me. They then react to either my tone of voice, or whatever as I am not so open as before. This then maybe leads to an argument...I am even more careful with people after that.
Now someone misunderstands someone else, or something bigger like my country, or culture, etc. and I feel the need to defend. But all of this could come from the initial being misunderstood.
The solution?
Find my identity in Christ alone... Stop caring what people think. Maybe evaluate if I was at fault, but accept that not everyone will like or understand me. What matters is what God thinks and finding my acceptance only in him...
Facebook Status of the day...
God First,then humility to others above the need to be understood.When will I learn this?
Saturday, September 5, 2009
I will follow You, Christ
What a moment
You have brought me to
Such a freedom I have found in You.
You're the healer
Who makes all things new
Yeah yeah
I'm not going back
I'm moving ahead
Here to declare to you
My past is over in You
All things are made new
Surrendered my life to Christ
I'm moving moving forward
You have risen
With all power in Your hands
You have given me
A second chance
Hallelujah hallelujah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
You make all things new
Yes
You make all things new
And I will follow You
Forward
You have brought me to
Such a freedom I have found in You.
You're the healer
Who makes all things new
Yeah yeah
I'm not going back
I'm moving ahead
Here to declare to you
My past is over in You
All things are made new
Surrendered my life to Christ
I'm moving moving forward
You have risen
With all power in Your hands
You have given me
A second chance
Hallelujah hallelujah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
You make all things new
Yes
You make all things new
And I will follow You
Forward
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
People...
I don't know if this is just human nature, or some people or what? I don't know if I'm just blinded and don't see that I do it too...But I really hate it when people box people, and then when confronted with evidence that contradicts their view continue to believe that about them anyway... I know there are people I have made assumptions about, but also know that when I realised I was wrong it normally hit me and in sometimes would feel guilty enough to actually go and tell that person that I had a different view and realised I was wrong...
On a normal day I would say I tend to put a comma at the end of the sentence when getting to know someone never a full stop because you can spend your lifetime learning more about the person. I don't even fully know myself! How can you claim to know and define me...
Part 2 and the reason for this venting. Is the hurt that comes with the people defining or boxing being the people you love. If they arent doing this, well they never allow me to clarify or contradict or correct them. And whether they are saying what they think or not their way of handling me shows an opinion of me as their way of handling others differs...
Anyway No idea how to resolve this and trying not to be upset about it...Trying to point it out brings more arguments and then more guilt... And no solutions...Not if there is a fullstop at the end of the sentence..
I guess the bottom line is to find my acceptance and selfworth and needs in Christ...And Also allow him to resolve the situations that occur with others...
Humble pie maybe?
On a normal day I would say I tend to put a comma at the end of the sentence when getting to know someone never a full stop because you can spend your lifetime learning more about the person. I don't even fully know myself! How can you claim to know and define me...
Part 2 and the reason for this venting. Is the hurt that comes with the people defining or boxing being the people you love. If they arent doing this, well they never allow me to clarify or contradict or correct them. And whether they are saying what they think or not their way of handling me shows an opinion of me as their way of handling others differs...
Anyway No idea how to resolve this and trying not to be upset about it...Trying to point it out brings more arguments and then more guilt... And no solutions...Not if there is a fullstop at the end of the sentence..
I guess the bottom line is to find my acceptance and selfworth and needs in Christ...And Also allow him to resolve the situations that occur with others...
Humble pie maybe?
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Word for this season!
short summary of psalm 37...don't worry, don't worry, don't worry. trust God, wait on God, give ur plans to God, don't worry, be still, don't worry!
And if u've spoken to me in the week you may have heard me quote this scripture...!
and also GOd has been giving me:
Psalm 37: Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by Marsha Burns -- August 19, 2009:
There are things that you have had no clarity about, and you are still uncertain about what to do. But, I
say that if you exercise your faith and ask Me for wisdom, I will give it liberally and not hold anything back. All you have to do is ask and wait for My guidance. I will show you the way and bring to a conclusion matters that have been unsettled and undetermined, says the Lord. Only believe!
James 1:5-8 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double- minded man, unstable in all his ways.
Then also from SCL
from: http://www.stuffchristianslike.net
#600. Asking God geography questions
I got kicked off the New Jersey turnpike once for being too fat.
Let me rephrase that:
My father in law and I got kicked off the New Jersey turnpike for having a moving van that was slightly over the legal weight limit of what the road could structurally support.
What’s slightly overweight mean?
In this case, 4,000 pounds.
There was two tons worth of stuff too much in our 24 foot Penske moving truck. I thought briefly about whether we could jettison some of our heavier items like they do in the movies. I imagine myself opening the back of the truck while barreling down the highway at 70MPH and yelling at my father-in law:
“We’re too heavy; we’re not going to clear the New Jersey border. We’ve got to lose some weight. The china has to go. There are 12 place settings. We ate lunch at Costco last weekend; we’re not fancy enough to have that much china. And fiesta ware? That stuff is made of lead. You could kill a man with a fiesta ware plate. So heavy. Throw that out the back too.”
But because I love my wife and promised her I’d never throw her china out of the back of a rented vehicle on a federal interstate, I wasn’t able to lighten our load. So instead, we were forced to get off the turnpike. The weird thing is that the NJ turnpike goes through backyards and small little neighborhoods. As soon as we got off we were completely lost. Since this was before GPS devices, way back in 2004, I had to take the support vehicle back to a rest stop and by a map while my father-in law waited awkwardly in some neighborhood cul-de-sac with our panting yellow beast of a moving truck.
All in all, that day turned out to be a geography lesson I would have preferred to miss but for some reason that’s a subject I can’t seem to escape right now.
Getting lost, not knowing where you’re supposed to be, fumbling with maps both physical and metaphorical, these are all things I find myself constantly doing right now.
The idea of "place" has been something I've been wrestling with a lot lately. I've got this overwhelming feeling that God wants me somewhere else. Whether that's a product of immaturity or selfishness, there's a part of me that loves to focus on there instead of here. I want to pray for chances to witness to far off people in far off places. It's always sexier to think your mission in life is going to involve some sort of adventure with a rope ladder over a ranging river full of piranha as you carry a vaccine and the hope of the gospel to a lost tribe of people that will eventually give you a wicked cool village nickname (mine would be Rik-Rok) and perhaps your own machete. It's a lot less fun to think that maybe you're already in a mission field and the annoying guy who you pass TPS reports to, the guy who sits near you in a sea of cubicles, the sniffler, yeah that guy, he needs to know about the love of God.
I get caught up in that attitude and when I do, I eventually start peppering God with geography questions. Have you ever done that? Have you ever said to God:
Where do you want me?
This doesn't feel like where I'm supposed to be God, can you please give me a sign?
Can you tell me where you want me to go?
Is this job, is this relationship, is this church, is this city where you want me to be?
Do you want me to move cities? States? Countries? Continents?
I fire off thousands of questions that center around the longitude and latitude of my life at God. And do you know how God answers me when I ask Him those kinds of questions? Do you know how I promise He will answer you if you ask Him those kinds of questions? Do you know the first answer God always gives when we say, "God where do you want me to go?"
"In my presence."
We won't get a city name first or a country or a street address. God isn't Google Maps. Punch in as many prayers as you want, but more than anything else, God is going to say the same thing to you as He says to me,
"In my presence, that is where I want you to go. Better is one day in my courts than a thousand elsewhere. I've got other destinations planned for you, far off places and close to home addresses that you can't even imagine, but every destination, every adventure begins with the same starting location, in my presence."
Stop trying to force a map on God. He might give you laser specific directions for your life and your journey and your next steps. But first, long before He does that, even after He does that, He's going to remind you of the one place He wants you to go most of all,
"In my presence."
and lastly todays word:
SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by Marsha Burns -- August 20, 2009:
Come away with Me, says the Lord. Deliberately find the place of peace and rest in Me. Life's demands and difficult circumstances have taken more energy than you realize, so you need to hide yourself in the secret place where you can be restored. This will not happen automatically; you must be still in your body and quiet your thoughts and emotions in order to come to the place of restoration and healing. Take the time and come. You will not be disappointed.
Isaiah 26:3 You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.
And if u've spoken to me in the week you may have heard me quote this scripture...!
and also GOd has been giving me:
Psalm 37: Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by Marsha Burns -- August 19, 2009:
There are things that you have had no clarity about, and you are still uncertain about what to do. But, I
say that if you exercise your faith and ask Me for wisdom, I will give it liberally and not hold anything back. All you have to do is ask and wait for My guidance. I will show you the way and bring to a conclusion matters that have been unsettled and undetermined, says the Lord. Only believe!
James 1:5-8 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double- minded man, unstable in all his ways.
Then also from SCL
from: http://www.stuffchristianslike.net
#600. Asking God geography questions
I got kicked off the New Jersey turnpike once for being too fat.
Let me rephrase that:
My father in law and I got kicked off the New Jersey turnpike for having a moving van that was slightly over the legal weight limit of what the road could structurally support.
What’s slightly overweight mean?
In this case, 4,000 pounds.
There was two tons worth of stuff too much in our 24 foot Penske moving truck. I thought briefly about whether we could jettison some of our heavier items like they do in the movies. I imagine myself opening the back of the truck while barreling down the highway at 70MPH and yelling at my father-in law:
“We’re too heavy; we’re not going to clear the New Jersey border. We’ve got to lose some weight. The china has to go. There are 12 place settings. We ate lunch at Costco last weekend; we’re not fancy enough to have that much china. And fiesta ware? That stuff is made of lead. You could kill a man with a fiesta ware plate. So heavy. Throw that out the back too.”
But because I love my wife and promised her I’d never throw her china out of the back of a rented vehicle on a federal interstate, I wasn’t able to lighten our load. So instead, we were forced to get off the turnpike. The weird thing is that the NJ turnpike goes through backyards and small little neighborhoods. As soon as we got off we were completely lost. Since this was before GPS devices, way back in 2004, I had to take the support vehicle back to a rest stop and by a map while my father-in law waited awkwardly in some neighborhood cul-de-sac with our panting yellow beast of a moving truck.
All in all, that day turned out to be a geography lesson I would have preferred to miss but for some reason that’s a subject I can’t seem to escape right now.
Getting lost, not knowing where you’re supposed to be, fumbling with maps both physical and metaphorical, these are all things I find myself constantly doing right now.
The idea of "place" has been something I've been wrestling with a lot lately. I've got this overwhelming feeling that God wants me somewhere else. Whether that's a product of immaturity or selfishness, there's a part of me that loves to focus on there instead of here. I want to pray for chances to witness to far off people in far off places. It's always sexier to think your mission in life is going to involve some sort of adventure with a rope ladder over a ranging river full of piranha as you carry a vaccine and the hope of the gospel to a lost tribe of people that will eventually give you a wicked cool village nickname (mine would be Rik-Rok) and perhaps your own machete. It's a lot less fun to think that maybe you're already in a mission field and the annoying guy who you pass TPS reports to, the guy who sits near you in a sea of cubicles, the sniffler, yeah that guy, he needs to know about the love of God.
I get caught up in that attitude and when I do, I eventually start peppering God with geography questions. Have you ever done that? Have you ever said to God:
Where do you want me?
This doesn't feel like where I'm supposed to be God, can you please give me a sign?
Can you tell me where you want me to go?
Is this job, is this relationship, is this church, is this city where you want me to be?
Do you want me to move cities? States? Countries? Continents?
I fire off thousands of questions that center around the longitude and latitude of my life at God. And do you know how God answers me when I ask Him those kinds of questions? Do you know how I promise He will answer you if you ask Him those kinds of questions? Do you know the first answer God always gives when we say, "God where do you want me to go?"
"In my presence."
We won't get a city name first or a country or a street address. God isn't Google Maps. Punch in as many prayers as you want, but more than anything else, God is going to say the same thing to you as He says to me,
"In my presence, that is where I want you to go. Better is one day in my courts than a thousand elsewhere. I've got other destinations planned for you, far off places and close to home addresses that you can't even imagine, but every destination, every adventure begins with the same starting location, in my presence."
Stop trying to force a map on God. He might give you laser specific directions for your life and your journey and your next steps. But first, long before He does that, even after He does that, He's going to remind you of the one place He wants you to go most of all,
"In my presence."
and lastly todays word:
SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by Marsha Burns -- August 20, 2009:
Come away with Me, says the Lord. Deliberately find the place of peace and rest in Me. Life's demands and difficult circumstances have taken more energy than you realize, so you need to hide yourself in the secret place where you can be restored. This will not happen automatically; you must be still in your body and quiet your thoughts and emotions in order to come to the place of restoration and healing. Take the time and come. You will not be disappointed.
Isaiah 26:3 You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Things you may have heard me say, and things i'm learning as I go along...
About Love
* Love is like a tap, you can either open it wider or you can begin to close it, till less trickles out and eventually nothing... (however take note true love sometimes supercedes this)
* True Love lasts... If it didn't last and it isn't shared, it's not true love... Yes you loved the person, yes they loved you, but the true,meant to be from God love will last.. Of course you can choose not to allow that love too. which some do choose but I hope not to.
* Sex before marriage is fulfilling desires inside, going after what you want, emphasis on what you want...and perhaps the other person giving what the other wants... But Marriage is I love you so much, I am prepared to put a ring on your finger and commit the rest of my life to you... Then when the married couple have sex, that person is right there, the next morning. Again, it takes Love to commit, no matter how much the person has said they love you, this doesn't guarantee they will be there for you for life, nor does it assure they don't just enjoy what they get, however it takes a person to give up their life to marry you and only Love would make someone do this...(of course we get exceptions to the rules to all of this, but those are mere exceptions and not the rule)
* Trust...Having recently realised I still have major trust issues. Even if the person was christian and loved God, I have come to say God, I will trust, who you show me to trust... Whoever is meant for me, I will find in You showing it to me and confirming it in my heart...It's like the saying that says a womans heart should be so hidden in christ that it take a man to find Jesus to find her - or somehting like that...
* Sometimes what we really want is to be held by God...and we would choose temporary fickle arms instead...God never lets go. May we learnt to know Him in that way.
* Love is like a tap, you can either open it wider or you can begin to close it, till less trickles out and eventually nothing... (however take note true love sometimes supercedes this)
* True Love lasts... If it didn't last and it isn't shared, it's not true love... Yes you loved the person, yes they loved you, but the true,meant to be from God love will last.. Of course you can choose not to allow that love too. which some do choose but I hope not to.
* Sex before marriage is fulfilling desires inside, going after what you want, emphasis on what you want...and perhaps the other person giving what the other wants... But Marriage is I love you so much, I am prepared to put a ring on your finger and commit the rest of my life to you... Then when the married couple have sex, that person is right there, the next morning. Again, it takes Love to commit, no matter how much the person has said they love you, this doesn't guarantee they will be there for you for life, nor does it assure they don't just enjoy what they get, however it takes a person to give up their life to marry you and only Love would make someone do this...(of course we get exceptions to the rules to all of this, but those are mere exceptions and not the rule)
* Trust...Having recently realised I still have major trust issues. Even if the person was christian and loved God, I have come to say God, I will trust, who you show me to trust... Whoever is meant for me, I will find in You showing it to me and confirming it in my heart...It's like the saying that says a womans heart should be so hidden in christ that it take a man to find Jesus to find her - or somehting like that...
* Sometimes what we really want is to be held by God...and we would choose temporary fickle arms instead...God never lets go. May we learnt to know Him in that way.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Revelations I've had in the past time, which we all know but forget especially in the times we're challenged by these...
1) Deciding to deal with your issues, dig deeper is an honourable thing, in fact its the only way we are going to become better people, but also know it's like opening a Pandora's Box, or like Titanic, what you're thought you're dealing with may only be the tip of the iceberg... You are vulnerable, you want truth so you facing "The Man in the Mirror" but in the same time all of a sudden all these unique challenges present themselves and weaknesses you never even knew starts to act up, and suddenly it seems that life was so much easier and less hurting when you walked in ignorance, or you feel but hey I wasnt struggling with all these things? BUT the coolest part is, that when you decided to deal with your stuff, and asked God to help you, you took a step in the direction of Jesus and he in turn takes a giant leap in your direction and actually begins to help you! The end of the story has already been determined even before the beginning... (http://chandre.blogspot.com/2007/05/i-make-known-end-from-beginning.html) So All though it looks like ALL HELL IS BREAKING LOSE... God is holding you in the midst of your challenges, even your failures, Satan knows you are vulnerable and he is upping HIS GAME, he didnt need to fight you when you were content to walk oblivious, mediocre, indifferent... But all of a sudden you want more and you begin to pursue more, he begins really poking his finger at all your hidden faults, or hidden to you but not to the MASTER Robber, Murderer and Destroyer (John 10:10)... What he and sometimes you don't know is that little step of faith was more than enough to move the mountain ahead and God has gone ahead and made the way straight and he comes and walks and holds on to you every step of the way, whether you realise it just then or not... WOW, it's not up to you!, It's not up to you BEING perfect. It's not dependant on you not being tempted anymore, or You not ever falling for that temptation... IT is completely Dependant on GOD in us..and us just yielding and allowing him to carry us all the way, and what about the arrows/darts and bombshells Satan throws at us (why am i capitlizing Satan) - ? " Satan se VOET!" - Satan's Foot! lol.... 3 scriptures, Greater is HE that is IN YOU than he that is in the world... and Those that are with us are greater than those against us..(elisha) - Psalm 27 - though war break out against me, even then will I be confident... I know this doesnt make sense, especially in the midst of your sin. But it is the truth we can ask God the one thing that we dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of our lives and that is the truth, that we are, EVEN while facing huge challenges... Again Psalm 31 why does he ask Free me from the trap that is set before me if he has made God his refuge... It means that this present traps are challenges, are real and are there and sometimes we are even getting entangled in them, but there is a greater reality that GOD is our refuge and we can hide in him even when we are stuck in the trap and ask him to free us, anyway only he can... the psalmist continues to say Into Your hands I commit my Spirit, Redeem me O Lord, the God of Truth... God, I am stuck, but I commit my Spirit to You, BUY me back, O Lord, the God of Truth.
So back to the pandoras box and facing the man in the mirror. It is so scary! I know, this is the place I am finding myself at...last year God told me i need more of him, and since then I've been on this journey of wanting more and doing what I can to get there...in the same time things that were'nt even an issue have been creeping up and even scaring me! but God has assured me he is ahead and with me, and I will make it and it's all worth it! You will also find when you decided to pursue more and deal with your issues alot of people will have things to say, some good some bad some just not relevant, the funniest or most confusing is the people who say Good for you, or even want to advise you but they have no intention of dealing with their own stuff...(u know sometimes everyone else can see your problems just not you - Johari's window...) in this time there are also the people currently on the same journey, who have been saying don't worry you will make it and their very lives are testimony to it, so I continue on...I commend these people :) But I am going to say Maturity is not an easy road, nor does it even happen in the time frames we have set for it. It takes a lot of honesty and courage...But the greatest part is we are not alone, his Spirit works in us and guides us into all truth. That Truth is not always what we wanted but what we need... But also God has already defeated Satan. Don't spend all your energy fearing, rather use that same energy to Trust the God you already Love! Yes easier said than done and not an overnight thing, but lets begin with God's help!
2) Purity is not a set of rules and regulations but a person Jesus Christ. Had a revelation of Him in white suit offering me a white rose. Me wearing a white wedding dress, and veil, me thinking how is it that I could look like this after all the nonsense I have caught on! but at the same time I could see that someone was wrapping white clothes around me (although I couldn't see the person - the holy spirit) - "he wraps himself in light, and darknesss tries to hide...) and then he comes forward and begins to dance with me - Langarm style - waltz and stuff for my non south african friends...We are in a big massive white room with white stairs and a river and just light streaming from above on to me... Oh before jesus there was the occasional flutter of angel wings which i couldnt entirely see, but knew that they were close like Mientjie (tarryn and natalies cute pug) when she wants to sleep in the bed, finding a nook to lie against on you, like at ur knees back or stomach and cuddles there... Ok maybe all of this doesnt make sense...but let me try and explain...1) We are surrounded by angels...Our very lives, no matter who we are...God has sent these ministering spirits to look after us and protect us, they are there, we don't see them, unless of course you have that gift but if you are very still you may be aware of the fluttering against ur cheek... No. 2 we Live for the Father who in this life we cannot entirelook at, for he is Holy but as we live the father never slumbers nor sleeps,(psalm 121) as u lift your eyes up to the hills you may be aware of his Light, his glory shining upon your face...As he always watches over you... no. 3) God has sent his son Jesus, who offers u a white rose of purity, even if you are not, it's not dependant on you but dependant on his offer and as you receive it 4( the Holy Spirit purifies and clothes you, he removes your sackcloth and gives you garments of righteousness...so that you are wearing an absolute white wedding dress, which really people did not come from yourselves. NO ONE is Holy! but for what God does in you... 5) Purity happens or a pure righteous life then happens as we having received Christ's invite, and allowed his spirit to work in us we respond by giving over and surrendering to his arms and then allow him to lead us through life, to dance, to twirl, to move... There is nothing else in this room but me, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, God..and perhaps invisible to me angels... The same with life...there is no way I am going to dance God's dance,without him leading the way...
Purity and Righteous living comes from Christ an only occurs in Christ. If it is up to you, you better watch out cause you may have pride then. Satan looked at himself and said, hey look how kwaai (awesome) I am...and sin enterd the world...
Anyway I am still learning so will share more as I learn more... But Know that God is for you! not against you! and That he is the way the truth and the life! Surrender... And let him lead you!....
(I like the email that said Guidance stands for God, U and I Dance...)
So back to the pandoras box and facing the man in the mirror. It is so scary! I know, this is the place I am finding myself at...last year God told me i need more of him, and since then I've been on this journey of wanting more and doing what I can to get there...in the same time things that were'nt even an issue have been creeping up and even scaring me! but God has assured me he is ahead and with me, and I will make it and it's all worth it! You will also find when you decided to pursue more and deal with your issues alot of people will have things to say, some good some bad some just not relevant, the funniest or most confusing is the people who say Good for you, or even want to advise you but they have no intention of dealing with their own stuff...(u know sometimes everyone else can see your problems just not you - Johari's window...) in this time there are also the people currently on the same journey, who have been saying don't worry you will make it and their very lives are testimony to it, so I continue on...I commend these people :) But I am going to say Maturity is not an easy road, nor does it even happen in the time frames we have set for it. It takes a lot of honesty and courage...But the greatest part is we are not alone, his Spirit works in us and guides us into all truth. That Truth is not always what we wanted but what we need... But also God has already defeated Satan. Don't spend all your energy fearing, rather use that same energy to Trust the God you already Love! Yes easier said than done and not an overnight thing, but lets begin with God's help!
2) Purity is not a set of rules and regulations but a person Jesus Christ. Had a revelation of Him in white suit offering me a white rose. Me wearing a white wedding dress, and veil, me thinking how is it that I could look like this after all the nonsense I have caught on! but at the same time I could see that someone was wrapping white clothes around me (although I couldn't see the person - the holy spirit) - "he wraps himself in light, and darknesss tries to hide...) and then he comes forward and begins to dance with me - Langarm style - waltz and stuff for my non south african friends...We are in a big massive white room with white stairs and a river and just light streaming from above on to me... Oh before jesus there was the occasional flutter of angel wings which i couldnt entirely see, but knew that they were close like Mientjie (tarryn and natalies cute pug) when she wants to sleep in the bed, finding a nook to lie against on you, like at ur knees back or stomach and cuddles there... Ok maybe all of this doesnt make sense...but let me try and explain...1) We are surrounded by angels...Our very lives, no matter who we are...God has sent these ministering spirits to look after us and protect us, they are there, we don't see them, unless of course you have that gift but if you are very still you may be aware of the fluttering against ur cheek... No. 2 we Live for the Father who in this life we cannot entirelook at, for he is Holy but as we live the father never slumbers nor sleeps,(psalm 121) as u lift your eyes up to the hills you may be aware of his Light, his glory shining upon your face...As he always watches over you... no. 3) God has sent his son Jesus, who offers u a white rose of purity, even if you are not, it's not dependant on you but dependant on his offer and as you receive it 4( the Holy Spirit purifies and clothes you, he removes your sackcloth and gives you garments of righteousness...so that you are wearing an absolute white wedding dress, which really people did not come from yourselves. NO ONE is Holy! but for what God does in you... 5) Purity happens or a pure righteous life then happens as we having received Christ's invite, and allowed his spirit to work in us we respond by giving over and surrendering to his arms and then allow him to lead us through life, to dance, to twirl, to move... There is nothing else in this room but me, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, God..and perhaps invisible to me angels... The same with life...there is no way I am going to dance God's dance,without him leading the way...
Purity and Righteous living comes from Christ an only occurs in Christ. If it is up to you, you better watch out cause you may have pride then. Satan looked at himself and said, hey look how kwaai (awesome) I am...and sin enterd the world...
Anyway I am still learning so will share more as I learn more... But Know that God is for you! not against you! and That he is the way the truth and the life! Surrender... And let him lead you!....
(I like the email that said Guidance stands for God, U and I Dance...)
Monday, July 20, 2009
"oak" - not really done with this but anyway....
"oak"
- chandré de wet 20/07/09
Stripped of all my former glory
every adornment, achievement on the floor
exposed to the elements, bared to the storms
the wind threatening to remove my last source
till nothing remains but bark and twiggs and branches
but rooted deep, receiving from unseen waters
nothing on the outside, yet anchored on the inside
seemingly no hope, yet new life just a season away...
And even in the midst of winter
Birds still chirping on my arms, People still finding peace and shade in my limited stature...
Maybe winter isn't so bad after all...
Maybe winter strips us of all that is us, till our only hope is the water from within...
And maybe even with all the tears, and exposure, coldness and death, those who embrace and hold on
are allowing for a harvest of new life...
A seed has to die for new life to begin.
We remain oaks of righteousness in summer or winter because our righteousness stems from our depth in God...
This is only visible in winter.
Why does the oak remain?, even after rain, wind, storms, losing their leaves...
Because all along the strength of the oak was not the bright sunshine or the colourful spring, but the life within, the deep, inner, hidden, source...
The living water of John 4...
Our Christ within, the hope of Glory
- chandré de wet 20/07/09
Stripped of all my former glory
every adornment, achievement on the floor
exposed to the elements, bared to the storms
the wind threatening to remove my last source
till nothing remains but bark and twiggs and branches
but rooted deep, receiving from unseen waters
nothing on the outside, yet anchored on the inside
seemingly no hope, yet new life just a season away...
And even in the midst of winter
Birds still chirping on my arms, People still finding peace and shade in my limited stature...
Maybe winter isn't so bad after all...
Maybe winter strips us of all that is us, till our only hope is the water from within...
And maybe even with all the tears, and exposure, coldness and death, those who embrace and hold on
are allowing for a harvest of new life...
A seed has to die for new life to begin.
We remain oaks of righteousness in summer or winter because our righteousness stems from our depth in God...
This is only visible in winter.
Why does the oak remain?, even after rain, wind, storms, losing their leaves...
Because all along the strength of the oak was not the bright sunshine or the colourful spring, but the life within, the deep, inner, hidden, source...
The living water of John 4...
Our Christ within, the hope of Glory
really like this song... in the mean time God is singing this to me... At least most of the parts...
Billy Joel - Just The Way You Are
Don't go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don't imagine you're too familiar
And I don't see you anymore
I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are
Don't go trying some new fashion
Don't change the color of your hair
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might not seem to care
I don't want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are.
I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew
What will it take till you believe in me
The way that I believe in you.
I said I love you and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are.
Don't go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don't imagine you're too familiar
And I don't see you anymore
I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are
Don't go trying some new fashion
Don't change the color of your hair
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might not seem to care
I don't want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are.
I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew
What will it take till you believe in me
The way that I believe in you.
I said I love you and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are.
Friday, July 17, 2009
You Remain - Misty Edwards
You have been so kind
So gentle, time after time
Of all the years that I've come
You're still the one to whom I run
When everything changes
You remain the same
When all around, the world is shaken -
You remain, You remain, You remain...
So Holy Spirit come,
How I long for your touch
I was made for much more
Than the things that are so easily changed
I was made to love You and be loved by You.
I was made to love You and be loved by You
So gentle, time after time
Of all the years that I've come
You're still the one to whom I run
When everything changes
You remain the same
When all around, the world is shaken -
You remain, You remain, You remain...
So Holy Spirit come,
How I long for your touch
I was made for much more
Than the things that are so easily changed
I was made to love You and be loved by You.
I was made to love You and be loved by You
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Tuesday...
On Tuesday a really amazing, sweet and soft guy asked me out... He is muslim. I know what the word says... Yet in 9 years not a single person except this amazing guy has liked me enough to express it, or even to commit to me...
Anyway, I'm taking it one day at a time...
Anyway, I'm taking it one day at a time...
Monday, July 6, 2009
Psalm 31 Revelations
Psalm 31: verses 1 - 5
" refuge, never be put to shame, deliver me, rescue, rock of refuge, strong fortress, rock and fortress,free me from trap, refuge "
Our hiding place, our safety, the one who rescues, delivers and frees us our rock, our fortress?
In Him - verse 1 "In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge; "
We take refuge in Him, we hide ourselves in Him, not in his temple, or in his provision, or whatever of him but in Him, In God we take refuge.
" let me never be put to shame; " And ask him let us never be put to shame, which is entirely possible if we are hiding in Him.
"deliver me in your righteousness."
We even ask him to deliver us, in His righteousness. Struggling to live a pure life, to live right before God. We ask God to deliver us from our situations, in HIS righteousness.
"Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;"
When I go through a situation, I should be calling out to Him first thing,asking Him to turn his ear to me (David is fully expectant that God can and will hear him that is why he says God turn your ear to me and come quickly to my rescue!) Cry out to To not let us be put to shame, God to deliver us in his righteousness and to come quickly to our rescue...He is able and we shoudl be crying out to him, not waiting for temptation to be full blown or the enemy to strike in Him we take refuge! We hid ourselves...and not just in trouble but every day...
"be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.
3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me."
God needs to be my strength, my rock the strength I am leaning on. He is strong, but we also need to let him be our ROCk of refuge (hiding place), a STRONG fortress emphasizing yet again the strenght of God in whom we hide to Save Us. Where are we hiding, are we hiding and if yes where are we hiding to be saved...David again repeats...in verse 3 Since you are my rock and fortress.. Saying but God, I am hidden in you and protected in you, you are the one in whom I am hidden... And because of that, for the sake of your name, for your glory, becuase of who you are...
Lead and guide me. Wow so from that place of hiddenness, we say the next thing. the next step God, my next move. You lead and guide me...You direct me... Hectic. this is not only asking God for his will, but asking him for his will for his name's sake...Its almost like when people say it's not the fact that you are prayign thats wrong, its how you are praying, from what perspective.
"4 Free me from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge. "
Cause the devil has a plan, daily there are traps, there are snares, there are temptations or even my own weaknesses, baggage pasts, Lord, Free me from that, because you are the one where i am safe in.
"5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth. "
What it comes down to is saying God, I give the very me, the deepest part of me, the life of me,my essence to You. I place that in your hands. and say Lord. Redeem me, Buy me back, pay the cost that is on my life, O Lord! the God who doesn't lie, who is real and whose heart and word is real, who is truth...Redeem me.
Summary.
I take my refuge in Him, in Him I hide, and give to him, my spirit. I ask him to lead and guide me. He is a rock of Refuge and a strong fortress. I ask him to not only free and deliver me, but I ask him to redeem me, in light of who he is, the LORD, the God of Truth!
" refuge, never be put to shame, deliver me, rescue, rock of refuge, strong fortress, rock and fortress,free me from trap, refuge "
Our hiding place, our safety, the one who rescues, delivers and frees us our rock, our fortress?
In Him - verse 1 "In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge; "
We take refuge in Him, we hide ourselves in Him, not in his temple, or in his provision, or whatever of him but in Him, In God we take refuge.
" let me never be put to shame; " And ask him let us never be put to shame, which is entirely possible if we are hiding in Him.
"deliver me in your righteousness."
We even ask him to deliver us, in His righteousness. Struggling to live a pure life, to live right before God. We ask God to deliver us from our situations, in HIS righteousness.
"Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;"
When I go through a situation, I should be calling out to Him first thing,asking Him to turn his ear to me (David is fully expectant that God can and will hear him that is why he says God turn your ear to me and come quickly to my rescue!) Cry out to To not let us be put to shame, God to deliver us in his righteousness and to come quickly to our rescue...He is able and we shoudl be crying out to him, not waiting for temptation to be full blown or the enemy to strike in Him we take refuge! We hid ourselves...and not just in trouble but every day...
"be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.
3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me."
God needs to be my strength, my rock the strength I am leaning on. He is strong, but we also need to let him be our ROCk of refuge (hiding place), a STRONG fortress emphasizing yet again the strenght of God in whom we hide to Save Us. Where are we hiding, are we hiding and if yes where are we hiding to be saved...David again repeats...in verse 3 Since you are my rock and fortress.. Saying but God, I am hidden in you and protected in you, you are the one in whom I am hidden... And because of that, for the sake of your name, for your glory, becuase of who you are...
Lead and guide me. Wow so from that place of hiddenness, we say the next thing. the next step God, my next move. You lead and guide me...You direct me... Hectic. this is not only asking God for his will, but asking him for his will for his name's sake...Its almost like when people say it's not the fact that you are prayign thats wrong, its how you are praying, from what perspective.
"4 Free me from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge. "
Cause the devil has a plan, daily there are traps, there are snares, there are temptations or even my own weaknesses, baggage pasts, Lord, Free me from that, because you are the one where i am safe in.
"5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth. "
What it comes down to is saying God, I give the very me, the deepest part of me, the life of me,my essence to You. I place that in your hands. and say Lord. Redeem me, Buy me back, pay the cost that is on my life, O Lord! the God who doesn't lie, who is real and whose heart and word is real, who is truth...Redeem me.
Summary.
I take my refuge in Him, in Him I hide, and give to him, my spirit. I ask him to lead and guide me. He is a rock of Refuge and a strong fortress. I ask him to not only free and deliver me, but I ask him to redeem me, in light of who he is, the LORD, the God of Truth!
Psalm 31 - Stuck on this...
Psalm 31
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in your righteousness.
2 Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.
3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
4 Free me from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge.
5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.
6 I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
I trust in the LORD.
7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.
8 You have not handed me over to the enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place.
9 Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and my body with grief.
10 My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction, [a]
and my bones grow weak.
11 Because of all my enemies,
I am the utter contempt of my neighbors;
I am a dread to my friends—
those who see me on the street flee from me.
12 I am forgotten by them as though I were dead;
I have become like broken pottery.
13 For I hear the slander of many;
there is terror on every side;
they conspire against me
and plot to take my life.
14 But I trust in you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my God."
15 My times are in your hands;
deliver me from my enemies
and from those who pursue me.
16 Let your face shine on your servant;
save me in your unfailing love.
17 Let me not be put to shame, O LORD,
for I have cried out to you;
but let the wicked be put to shame
and lie silent in the grave. [b]
18 Let their lying lips be silenced,
for with pride and contempt
they speak arrogantly against the righteous.
19 How great is your goodness,
which you have stored up for those who fear you,
which you bestow in the sight of men
on those who take refuge in you.
20 In the shelter of your presence you hide them
from the intrigues of men;
in your dwelling you keep them safe
from accusing tongues.
21 Praise be to the LORD,
for he showed his wonderful love to me
when I was in a besieged city.
22 In my alarm I said,
"I am cut off from your sight!"
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help.
23 Love the LORD, all his saints!
The LORD preserves the faithful,
but the proud he pays back in full.
24 Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the LORD.
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in your righteousness.
2 Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.
3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
4 Free me from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge.
5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.
6 I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
I trust in the LORD.
7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.
8 You have not handed me over to the enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place.
9 Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and my body with grief.
10 My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction, [a]
and my bones grow weak.
11 Because of all my enemies,
I am the utter contempt of my neighbors;
I am a dread to my friends—
those who see me on the street flee from me.
12 I am forgotten by them as though I were dead;
I have become like broken pottery.
13 For I hear the slander of many;
there is terror on every side;
they conspire against me
and plot to take my life.
14 But I trust in you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my God."
15 My times are in your hands;
deliver me from my enemies
and from those who pursue me.
16 Let your face shine on your servant;
save me in your unfailing love.
17 Let me not be put to shame, O LORD,
for I have cried out to you;
but let the wicked be put to shame
and lie silent in the grave. [b]
18 Let their lying lips be silenced,
for with pride and contempt
they speak arrogantly against the righteous.
19 How great is your goodness,
which you have stored up for those who fear you,
which you bestow in the sight of men
on those who take refuge in you.
20 In the shelter of your presence you hide them
from the intrigues of men;
in your dwelling you keep them safe
from accusing tongues.
21 Praise be to the LORD,
for he showed his wonderful love to me
when I was in a besieged city.
22 In my alarm I said,
"I am cut off from your sight!"
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help.
23 Love the LORD, all his saints!
The LORD preserves the faithful,
but the proud he pays back in full.
24 Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the LORD.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
No title...
Obedience
Serving
Purity
Joy
Faith
Trust
Direction
Strength
Humility
Just some of things I'm praying for
Serving
Purity
Joy
Faith
Trust
Direction
Strength
Humility
Just some of things I'm praying for
Monday, June 29, 2009
Supper Tonight
No time to type ingredients now,but food includes:
Mince Dish: mince, spaghetti, carrots, cabbage, mixed herb, rajah curry powder,bistos sauce, barbecue spice.
potato dish: feta, white sauce, potato, herb&garlic, pepper
smoortjie: onion, tomato, mushroom, sweet chilli sauce, herb&garlic
Mince Dish: mince, spaghetti, carrots, cabbage, mixed herb, rajah curry powder,bistos sauce, barbecue spice.
potato dish: feta, white sauce, potato, herb&garlic, pepper
smoortjie: onion, tomato, mushroom, sweet chilli sauce, herb&garlic
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Psalm 23 meditation...
Started with Psalms again yesterday, a day after where I stopped last year, so I can still finish by August :)
Just a year later... These are my thoughts as I go along... (may add previous books as I go over it again...)
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd,
I always say I'm not a sheep, or people are like sheep, but I think what this verse is trying to say is that we are sheep, it's not that we are not, but it's who we are following. And the shepherd is the Lord, the one I follow. As a sheep I humbly, eagerly follow the voice and Leading of the Lord who is my shepherd, the one who looks after me, tends me, leads me, is responsible for me (and as it says in John 10 would give his life for me...)
I shall not be in want
Yep, since learning about Mammon, the spirit behind mammon trying to control us, this scripture is saying stop being desperate, its not saying dont have a desire, but dont be in want, don't be saying I need this or else I dont know...God is the one looking after you, you have everything you need, if you dont have something it's either because it's not your time, or you havent spoken to God about it, but basically the only thing that we should be desperate about is God. So I will and shall not be in want, because The Lord is my shepherd. May this sink in so we live it out.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul
Instead of being anxious and frantic about something, He makes you lie down, in green (Western Cape Green, lol) pastures... He slows us down...Wow. Think about it, Look at our God. He cares, in fact think about it too if you are a sheep, Green pastures is somewhere you want to be, so whether this means he takes you to the things you desire too or just that he brings peace, so you can just rest, He is leading you and where he is leading you is Good and good for you... He doesn't not care, but has his own way of doing things, he leads you beside quiet waters...I hear that quiet waters almost said softly. Try and think about the sound of a stream or a little trinkling of a fountain at a mountain hike...or just a river...quiet waters... He takes you along side that...and restores your soul. Man so many times our souls are like the waters where the waves are at their highest threatening to sink our boats...God knows that, and when you are thinking like that or caught up in your emotions you need to be lead beside quiet waters and laid down in green pastures. Also the waters sometimes refer to the Holy Spirit... And even it says deep inside us streams of living water flows. Lastly He restores our soul. Note, it's He and sometimes we need to allow him to quieten us so He can restore our soul. We run from here to there, to try and get peace...Only he can restore our soul, but the awesome thing to me is the way he does, by leading us through places that will bring peace and rest.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
Woh, Normally I speed read this scripture, but now I'm seeing, once again HE, guides me...He does it, He shows us how, He leads us, so where should we look and who should we follow if we want to be more Holy...HE. And He will guide you in those paths of righteousness, leading you to being in rightstanding with God, blameless and an example...
for his name's sake.
Lately God has been speaking about this to me, for His name's sake, for His glory. Doing my best in life because whatever I do brings glory to his name. If people know I am christian yet my life is messed up, sometimes they do think what kind of a God is that...I understand I cannot fix myself, and sometimes circumstances do lead to that. but this scripture is saynig that God will lead you to be the person he wanted you to be, not just so you can be holy but because it brings glory to his name, when we walk in righteousness, when we win our struggles, when we succeed in life and give honour to him to who it's due...Everything even our breathing or the birth of our children, our our marriages, are a picture of the faithfulness and awesomeness of God and his plan for us, and as we follow him letting him guide us into us being more righteous hectic hey, it brings Glory to His name, for His name's sake...
Just a year later... These are my thoughts as I go along... (may add previous books as I go over it again...)
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd,
I always say I'm not a sheep, or people are like sheep, but I think what this verse is trying to say is that we are sheep, it's not that we are not, but it's who we are following. And the shepherd is the Lord, the one I follow. As a sheep I humbly, eagerly follow the voice and Leading of the Lord who is my shepherd, the one who looks after me, tends me, leads me, is responsible for me (and as it says in John 10 would give his life for me...)
I shall not be in want
Yep, since learning about Mammon, the spirit behind mammon trying to control us, this scripture is saying stop being desperate, its not saying dont have a desire, but dont be in want, don't be saying I need this or else I dont know...God is the one looking after you, you have everything you need, if you dont have something it's either because it's not your time, or you havent spoken to God about it, but basically the only thing that we should be desperate about is God. So I will and shall not be in want, because The Lord is my shepherd. May this sink in so we live it out.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul
Instead of being anxious and frantic about something, He makes you lie down, in green (Western Cape Green, lol) pastures... He slows us down...Wow. Think about it, Look at our God. He cares, in fact think about it too if you are a sheep, Green pastures is somewhere you want to be, so whether this means he takes you to the things you desire too or just that he brings peace, so you can just rest, He is leading you and where he is leading you is Good and good for you... He doesn't not care, but has his own way of doing things, he leads you beside quiet waters...I hear that quiet waters almost said softly. Try and think about the sound of a stream or a little trinkling of a fountain at a mountain hike...or just a river...quiet waters... He takes you along side that...and restores your soul. Man so many times our souls are like the waters where the waves are at their highest threatening to sink our boats...God knows that, and when you are thinking like that or caught up in your emotions you need to be lead beside quiet waters and laid down in green pastures. Also the waters sometimes refer to the Holy Spirit... And even it says deep inside us streams of living water flows. Lastly He restores our soul. Note, it's He and sometimes we need to allow him to quieten us so He can restore our soul. We run from here to there, to try and get peace...Only he can restore our soul, but the awesome thing to me is the way he does, by leading us through places that will bring peace and rest.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
Woh, Normally I speed read this scripture, but now I'm seeing, once again HE, guides me...He does it, He shows us how, He leads us, so where should we look and who should we follow if we want to be more Holy...HE. And He will guide you in those paths of righteousness, leading you to being in rightstanding with God, blameless and an example...
for his name's sake.
Lately God has been speaking about this to me, for His name's sake, for His glory. Doing my best in life because whatever I do brings glory to his name. If people know I am christian yet my life is messed up, sometimes they do think what kind of a God is that...I understand I cannot fix myself, and sometimes circumstances do lead to that. but this scripture is saynig that God will lead you to be the person he wanted you to be, not just so you can be holy but because it brings glory to his name, when we walk in righteousness, when we win our struggles, when we succeed in life and give honour to him to who it's due...Everything even our breathing or the birth of our children, our our marriages, are a picture of the faithfulness and awesomeness of God and his plan for us, and as we follow him letting him guide us into us being more righteous hectic hey, it brings Glory to His name, for His name's sake...
Monday, June 22, 2009
Future Guy Thoughts....
Chatting to a guy friend who has very opposite beliefs to me and who thinks I'm very complicated which I am, but also who wouldnt understand the layers of experiences,teachings, beliefs, wrong teachings, fears, desires and opinions that I do have and that's ok.
However as to me being fussy, or not wanting to settle, which can also be too complicated and that is why things are not working out...
The Truth is? I meet awesome guys all the time, I meet and get along with God fearing, gorgeous ;) (sorry that fitted in poetically) talented, deep, unique guys all the time, who tend to relate to me well become my friend, sometimes share alot with me but thats about it...If there is any spark on their side, they have never said anything, and from my side I occasionally wonder if its' just me that sees the beauty in people or why it is that every guy I have met in almost 10 years of singleness that definitely met alot of standards etc... was never the one...
and the conclusion I come to is... that because I am a one of kind person, it cannot be every guy who comes along. there is a one of a kind guy out there for me, and though occasionally the puzzle almost seems to fit, there is only one who is made, created, designed for me, thats why everyone else just doesnt quite make it.
Secondly...I believe these guys were placed in my life so I could get used to being treated like a queen. My friends treat me like a lady, not because they like me in that way, not because they are trying to impress me, but because of who they are and who they believe I am, they believe ladies should be treated with respect and will treat them that way. Before these guy friends, I have taken alot of crap (sorry to phrase it that way) and it took a lot of healing and then I believe the example of my guy friends, to raise the bar to what God really thinks I deserve.
Maybe I am too complicated, maybe i am letting opportunities pass, sometimes i wonder if I should be throwing myself at the people I like,the way I've seen some ladies, even christian ladies do? sometimes I wonder if I do too good a job of hiding how I really feel...and wonder if I should show a little more. Sometimes I wonder esp, when I see people making choices instead of waiting for God to develop things, if I'm just having pipe dreams. Ok I think I wonder those things for a split second,but then I think I'd rather believe in pipe dreams, than take second best. My past is a series of I couldnt wait and settled. I now know a God who has taken his time to love me into the way I should have originally been in fact has made me even more beautiful, I have seen miracles and healing and opportunities evolve over time... I have seen him build me up over time, So why would love be different.
I would want it sooner rather than later, believe me there are many people reminding me that I am almost 30...But in the same way I dont get married to get divorced, and I dont want to get what I want, but not whats meant for me and then it ends anyway...I've had alot of endings, and I suppose there will only be one happily ever after and that is only found within living Gods purpose.
Does this mean I'm never lonely? No. But God is a good Father, and I'm choosing to trust Him. I guess that is the only safe place anyway, Single or married, in life or in work, in family, home, our countries, in war or peace, the only surety we have is a Faithful God. We have our off days, but he is even faithful to bring reminders...
I will say Lord bring him soon :) but more than what I want I want what you want Lord.
However as to me being fussy, or not wanting to settle, which can also be too complicated and that is why things are not working out...
The Truth is? I meet awesome guys all the time, I meet and get along with God fearing, gorgeous ;) (sorry that fitted in poetically) talented, deep, unique guys all the time, who tend to relate to me well become my friend, sometimes share alot with me but thats about it...If there is any spark on their side, they have never said anything, and from my side I occasionally wonder if its' just me that sees the beauty in people or why it is that every guy I have met in almost 10 years of singleness that definitely met alot of standards etc... was never the one...
and the conclusion I come to is... that because I am a one of kind person, it cannot be every guy who comes along. there is a one of a kind guy out there for me, and though occasionally the puzzle almost seems to fit, there is only one who is made, created, designed for me, thats why everyone else just doesnt quite make it.
Secondly...I believe these guys were placed in my life so I could get used to being treated like a queen. My friends treat me like a lady, not because they like me in that way, not because they are trying to impress me, but because of who they are and who they believe I am, they believe ladies should be treated with respect and will treat them that way. Before these guy friends, I have taken alot of crap (sorry to phrase it that way) and it took a lot of healing and then I believe the example of my guy friends, to raise the bar to what God really thinks I deserve.
Maybe I am too complicated, maybe i am letting opportunities pass, sometimes i wonder if I should be throwing myself at the people I like,the way I've seen some ladies, even christian ladies do? sometimes I wonder if I do too good a job of hiding how I really feel...and wonder if I should show a little more. Sometimes I wonder esp, when I see people making choices instead of waiting for God to develop things, if I'm just having pipe dreams. Ok I think I wonder those things for a split second,but then I think I'd rather believe in pipe dreams, than take second best. My past is a series of I couldnt wait and settled. I now know a God who has taken his time to love me into the way I should have originally been in fact has made me even more beautiful, I have seen miracles and healing and opportunities evolve over time... I have seen him build me up over time, So why would love be different.
I would want it sooner rather than later, believe me there are many people reminding me that I am almost 30...But in the same way I dont get married to get divorced, and I dont want to get what I want, but not whats meant for me and then it ends anyway...I've had alot of endings, and I suppose there will only be one happily ever after and that is only found within living Gods purpose.
Does this mean I'm never lonely? No. But God is a good Father, and I'm choosing to trust Him. I guess that is the only safe place anyway, Single or married, in life or in work, in family, home, our countries, in war or peace, the only surety we have is a Faithful God. We have our off days, but he is even faithful to bring reminders...
I will say Lord bring him soon :) but more than what I want I want what you want Lord.
Beautiful love or God song...
Alanis Morissette
Head Over Feet
I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it
You treat me like Im a princess
Im not used to liking that
You ask how my day was
(chorus)
Youve already won me over in spite of me
Dont be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Dont be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldnt help it
Its all your fault
Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
Youre so much braver than I gave you credit for
Thats not lip service
(repeat chorus)
You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience
Youre the best listener that Ive ever met
Youre my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long
Ive never felt this healthy before
Ive never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now
(repeat chorus)
Head Over Feet
I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it
You treat me like Im a princess
Im not used to liking that
You ask how my day was
(chorus)
Youve already won me over in spite of me
Dont be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Dont be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldnt help it
Its all your fault
Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
Youre so much braver than I gave you credit for
Thats not lip service
(repeat chorus)
You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience
Youre the best listener that Ive ever met
Youre my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long
Ive never felt this healthy before
Ive never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now
(repeat chorus)
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The Coloured Identity :)
Ok, so after being told I am black from a non South African and trying to explain for the 100th time I thought I'd blog about it. Also I get flack sometimes about the fact that I use the white coloured black words, and why am I so colour orientated... So I'm going to use this blog to answer some of those questions...Or attempt to. And maybe get more flack? But it's ok...
1) Colour Orientatedness? Or Culture orientatedness...
People hear me saying black, white coloured, but to be honest in the past 2 or 3 years because of changing environments I have been exposed to having more "black"/african/"insert whatever politically correct term" friends. By friends I don't mean collegues or people you greet and chat to in class, but people who I dine with hang out with go out with, bring home, etc. And that and reading Long Walk to Freedom has opened my eyes to a culture I did not really know.
Or maybe I should give you a bit of background to how I eventually began mixing with other colours/cultures,etc...
No.1 I was born in the Apartheid era, Yes, I was young, but I recall tear gas thrown by the police at the highschool next to my primary school. I recall asking my mother what ANC is and she saying it's a PARTY (and me thinking its a celebration. I recall going to shoprite and white boy saying "Hallo Tannie, Kan ek net vir jou iets vra" (Hello Auntie, Can I ask you something?) and My mom being shocked that he called her Tannie and not some other degoratory term but the very term he would use out of respect for another white older lady... I remember when the beaches where we camped December holidays was opened to all colours and how different the beaches were and the topless white ladies, and making a white friend and my parents being shocked, but somehow us kids didnt entirely understand. At that stage and to this day we live in the part of my town Kuils River which is 98% or more Coloured, and maybe 2% Black, 1% White, I went from the age of 5 to 12 to a school that was only coloured people. I recall us being a bit afraid (not fear but more unsettled?)when we heard schools were going to be open to people of all colours, then at 12 changing to a private school that was mixed even before the law allowed for all schools to be mixed, so at that stage I was mostly exposed to white South Africans...I recall one girl not really wanting to talk to me, becuase she also came from a white only school the previous year but in our last year of highschool we became so tight that that lasted for many years till she emigrated.I went to a Model C highschool in 1994 after that and the first guy to ask me out was white. We saw colour, but somehow us as teens didnt let that stop us from mixing, dating, Or I guess it depended on person to person. I went overseas Romania that year with my previous Christian primary school to do missions work and the church there saying they would pray for us for our Country and me not really understanding the significance of 1994 even though I was 14 and also I recall singing songs at the christian school like " We lift up our eyes, above the trouble, in our land, and together we stand, and declare that You are king. In times like these we choose to praise you, for it's you it's you who really matters, you are worthy of all praise...." and that being one of my favourite songs and only realising now recently when reading history, old articles that many people were fearing Civil War with the release of Nelson Mandela from Jail... In Romania, people would stop and stare amazed at my dark of complexion friend and at one school the students said when the 4 of us non whites weren't in the room, "We didnt realise there were so many Zulu's in your school" and when they told us afterwards we were shocked, because they thought we were black and Zulu. So in some sense we were still rascist then...I did grow up believing blond was more beautiful, it was absolutely normal for a class full of brown kids to colour their pictures in "skinny colour" which was a peachy colour and make our drawings blonde. At 16 I changed schools again to my area's local highschool, 98% coloured poorish highschool, and we had one black girl in our class who hardly spoke to us, and we were not rascist or not trying to interact with her, she was invited to all parties etc. But looking back now we see her quietness could have come from a mixture of being quiet and being the only black person in a loud in your face coloured class...in that era when it was not yet normal. Anyway so from 16 - 18 I'm at a school that is farely mainly one culture, and the university's and colleges we were exposed to were also largely coloured universities, so I decided that I want to study at Cape Technickon cause I want a mix of people and cultures... In between I had one or 2 white friends from my part time jobs but never really any black friends. And from 1999 I studied and Cape Technikon. Being there expanded the variety of friends, however I observed too that it had to come from me,and so now I had class mates but thats as far as the relationship went.Or maybe more with the black side of my friends, I generally hung out with my friends who were my friends from 5, 6 years old, and I did see one or 2 white guys at my campus, but my world was still very sheltered, my knowledge of the black culture was limited to knowing 2 years of school Xhosa and my observation of the people in the train or the foreign DRC guys hanging on the station, really limited.
What changed this? Joining His People Church. A multiethnic church... Hanging worshipping, growing with people of all colours and for a lot of people I met colour didnt matter and I know that when I get to know people for who they really are I dont see colour either, but at this stage I was still challenged in my heart because yes our church is multiethnic but have any of us gone to each others homes, eat or experience their lives the way they live it. I had a friend who I've never heard speak any other language but English and when I asked him, what languages he speaks most he answered "Tswana, Afrikaans then English" How was it that you could be friends with someone for like 5 years and never get to know them for who they are most of the time.
On a Sunday it was rainbow nation,but generally everyones friendship groups outside of church was the same as their culture, colour. This used to be something that I saw and didnt agree with but at the same time I asked myself how am I living out what I am having a problem with.
Eventually through ministry I've been to the homes of some of my friends and even youth members, however it was still limited. Last year I began to meet alot of students and began to be exposed to Tswana, Pedi, Tsonga, Zim Shona, Vendan, etc.. Students... I started to read Long Walk to Freedom and just from the description of the culture and just pride in His people, I began to see a different world. I began to see the myriad of cultures, languages, etc, Yet love for their people and traditions. For me as a coloured especially through the book I understood why there is this constant fight between white and black which is not necessary but I see why, It's 2 people with rich heritage and pride and identity saying hey "I have the right to be here...and I know who I am and I am not any less than anyone else, in fact I love who I am". This was not something I knew or saw before.
The Coloured People do not have this same sense of identity - however I will get to what I believe we do have- but sufficed to say, there is alot of living like a "bastard" illigimate race, need to prove ourselves, never satisfied, always blaming someone else, unhappy with our looks, taking an identity in facial and hair features, music and domino's and alcohol at times even instead of in our heritage... But in my black and white friends I have seen confidence and a strong sense of identity.
The more black friends I have had and got to know and allowed me to ask questions and at first hesitantly experience their world, (this is because I am a fussy eater and this year I decided to just get over it and try pap and even mopani worms), It has also made me begin to ask who am I, what is it about me, my african, my coloured, my south African, My family heritage that makes me who I am, what is there that I can be proud of. Not to make war or say that I am better than anybody, but to say hey, this is me,this is where I come from, this is my part in the bigger scheme of things...
This questioning and thinking was influenced by I think the above and 3 other events/people. Going to Australia, no. 1 where I expected to see many coloured South Africans, only instead to have random strangers come and subtely try and stare at me trying to figure our where I'm from... Man I thought it would be obvious, but instead the Australians and other people at Hillsong Conference in Sydney had seen black, and white, but they did not see brown, looking muslim, yet not having the straight hair to go with it, yet having light eyes that etc.etc... I enjoyed answering the question in both Australia and Malaysia of "Where are you from?" with "Where do you think I'm from?". Generally the answer was Brazil or Saudi Arabia never Africa/South Africa...I got this just 2 days ago to from a South African Black girl? "Am I coloured Coloured? Me laughing and asking what does she mean? what could I be instead and her answer again I look Brazillian. Well I met a Brazillian missionary who also learnt Afrikaans in one or 2 months cause he said Cape Town feels like home to him it was just easy for him to slot in and relate. But yes, to Australia we packed in our rollers and blowdryers so we could keep our hair straight, but at a conference of 40 000 international straight haired people,I too for the first time said wow, my hair curls and wore it like that whole week. where year, if you wear your hair the natural wet look curly hair, it just means you were lazy...not to straighten your hair, that is in my culture.It is slowly beginning to change. So overseas I appreciated my uniques, and also began to realise we as South Africans have an African Friendly...And when you go over and you hear another country has friendly people and you're expecting African warmth...you will be sorely dissapointed. I guess its the same way my friends from African countries feel when they come here and dont get the same reception like in their countries...But I will still maintain we are way more friendly than our American and Australian counterparts (however it's not a competition, just and observation).
So that is part of it. The other was a sermon by a coloured pastor who married a vendan lady and faced all the potential things that surround multicultural marriages. Anyway in his message he preached about how if we as coloured embrace our heritage, which is a mix of Black and White, in us embracing that we have the solution for the unity of white and black. Instead of saying "I hate whites" or "those black people!" and not realising that you are insulting yourself,because my colouredness is because of the union of those 2 nations, whatever the reason, marriage, rape, in our blood are both nations, by embracing that and even finding out more about our roots, we begin to understand the other cultures and can even be the ones who bridge the gap between white and black (which I have to say is true...there's been no problem for me to go and visit my white afrikaans friend and completely relate to her culture and stories, and now beginning to learn more and laugh with at my black friends stories, but one does not often see the white afrikaner and the black xhosa person also hang out in that way unless it's because of work, or they have both adopted this new no culture...)... Of course I'm generalizign. I know there are some people who do not fit the above statement and I can hear them saying it's not say...but look around. Go to the malls, What do you see? All my friends from other countries ask the same questions? So lets remove our blinkers and see things for what they really are and then try and do something about it. The third influence was befriending my Xhosa friend who also answered some question,makes a point of including Xhosa words in her sentences and it was because of her that I coined the phrase "Discovering my Africaninity" (mmmmm thought I blogged about this before but couldnt find it" But had a revelation the old black ladies in the passage could be somehow related to me... Even though the lady looks extremely frustratedly back at me, it was just a new relevation.
As a coloured, I have record of my white roots, but not really my black roots. My grandmother's grandfather was a white Englishman who came to South Africa with his brother in the early 1800's, his brother married white, but Jesse Clarke, married a "baster vrou" as my grandmother put it who was a mixed woman. So in 1800's he already married a mixed woman its just too difficult to go back that far. I always ask my friends though if they can perhaps see by looking at me which tribe I could have come from :).
So yes maybe at some point in the past to call me black I would have taken offence because in my view then coloured was better and the ideal everyone wanted was lighter skin, straighter hair...Some people in my communities still live like that the girl with the green eyes still gets the guy.But today that is not the case anymore. The case today is who am I and where I come from and for me to say you're black just because I'm not white means that stuff my cultural heritage we merely see a non white skin colour, and no. 2 it just means you're still putting white on that pedastal because why is it white and everyone else is black and not, I'm white, i'm brown, or chinese, or whatever culture I am. When I say I'm not black to anyone non coloured, the assumption is everytime that it's becuase i dont want to be associated with black people. That is not true. This blood in my veins is made up from black and white. And I am proud of that. I am amazed that as a coloured person we are seen as another "tribe" which in a sense we are yet, my one coloured friend could be made up of black + white, another white + khoi khoi + indian, another malaysian + khoi khoi. etc.etc...It's a mengel moes! A mixture of people of 3 continents and if you look at my family and friends, you can see that. I've known twins where the one sister was darkhaired darkeyed, darkskinned, and the other blonde, blue eyed, light skinned. Now someone would say does this matter and i would say Yes and No. No I am not saying your eyecolour, skin colour, hair colour makes you better than anything, but at the same time in discovering my heritage it's pretty exciting to find out you are the result of 2 nations saying Heck lets get married, or not really having a 100% surety of how your children will look as they are mixed. That As people start to cross the colour lines, the way I look is just an expression of a mix of colours. By Saying I am just one or another you are denying the fullness of who I am, or who your descendants may be should you decide to not marry that Tshwana lady, or Portugese,etc... My heritage is not just a look, but a culture, a colour, a tribe of mixed blood, a not really knowing where I am coming from...And lastly I really cannot lay the same claim to being black as My very proud, (as in dignity proud, not as in the sin proud), very unique, knowing who they are and where they come from and their families,etc.etc... I cannot say the same about my black half, which is unfortunately due to the black side of history not really being recorded...etc...) Also if black, white, etc...who I am is based on a skin colour, are my cousins white am I black, though we come from the same family? (see previous blogs). What colour is my child if they do come out light with light eyes and light hair. You see? We are not just how we look?
Oh another point from my non South african friends...in South African african culture, the father determines the race. So what happened in our history which is where African black people originate that sometime in history 2 people got together whether by choice or by force, but the resulting baby was called not black by the black nation, and not white by the white nation, and this resulted in coloured, people of mixed heritage living with each other and marrying each other and this was more than just white and black mixing but also the Khoi Khoi Bushman, Local African people, English, Dutch, German, Portugese, then Indonesian, Malaysian, slaves, and I think slaves from further up Africa mixed with... There may be more but this is it for now. I like the way http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coloured says "Genetic studies suggest the group has the highest levels mixed ancestry in the world" We are everybody!
also "The imperial and apartheid governments categorized them as Coloureds. In addition, other ethnic groups also traditionally viewed them as a separate group."
also the "The so-called "Cape-colored" population of South Africa has highest levels of mixed ancestry on the globe, a blend of African, European, East Asian and South Indian, Tishkoff said." :)http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30502963/
Ok so what is coloured to me? in answer to the original colour. It is in the South African context a racial group that was named by the apartheid government, though in Long Walk to Freedom Nelson Mandela mentions coloured people and that they were different even before the apartheid. It is a people of mixed heritage, who yes are generally brown in colour although that is not a given coloured people can look like anybody, from black to white, to chinese to mauri...
1) Colour Orientatedness? Or Culture orientatedness...
People hear me saying black, white coloured, but to be honest in the past 2 or 3 years because of changing environments I have been exposed to having more "black"/african/"insert whatever politically correct term" friends. By friends I don't mean collegues or people you greet and chat to in class, but people who I dine with hang out with go out with, bring home, etc. And that and reading Long Walk to Freedom has opened my eyes to a culture I did not really know.
Or maybe I should give you a bit of background to how I eventually began mixing with other colours/cultures,etc...
No.1 I was born in the Apartheid era, Yes, I was young, but I recall tear gas thrown by the police at the highschool next to my primary school. I recall asking my mother what ANC is and she saying it's a PARTY (and me thinking its a celebration. I recall going to shoprite and white boy saying "Hallo Tannie, Kan ek net vir jou iets vra" (Hello Auntie, Can I ask you something?) and My mom being shocked that he called her Tannie and not some other degoratory term but the very term he would use out of respect for another white older lady... I remember when the beaches where we camped December holidays was opened to all colours and how different the beaches were and the topless white ladies, and making a white friend and my parents being shocked, but somehow us kids didnt entirely understand. At that stage and to this day we live in the part of my town Kuils River which is 98% or more Coloured, and maybe 2% Black, 1% White, I went from the age of 5 to 12 to a school that was only coloured people. I recall us being a bit afraid (not fear but more unsettled?)when we heard schools were going to be open to people of all colours, then at 12 changing to a private school that was mixed even before the law allowed for all schools to be mixed, so at that stage I was mostly exposed to white South Africans...I recall one girl not really wanting to talk to me, becuase she also came from a white only school the previous year but in our last year of highschool we became so tight that that lasted for many years till she emigrated.I went to a Model C highschool in 1994 after that and the first guy to ask me out was white. We saw colour, but somehow us as teens didnt let that stop us from mixing, dating, Or I guess it depended on person to person. I went overseas Romania that year with my previous Christian primary school to do missions work and the church there saying they would pray for us for our Country and me not really understanding the significance of 1994 even though I was 14 and also I recall singing songs at the christian school like " We lift up our eyes, above the trouble, in our land, and together we stand, and declare that You are king. In times like these we choose to praise you, for it's you it's you who really matters, you are worthy of all praise...." and that being one of my favourite songs and only realising now recently when reading history, old articles that many people were fearing Civil War with the release of Nelson Mandela from Jail... In Romania, people would stop and stare amazed at my dark of complexion friend and at one school the students said when the 4 of us non whites weren't in the room, "We didnt realise there were so many Zulu's in your school" and when they told us afterwards we were shocked, because they thought we were black and Zulu. So in some sense we were still rascist then...I did grow up believing blond was more beautiful, it was absolutely normal for a class full of brown kids to colour their pictures in "skinny colour" which was a peachy colour and make our drawings blonde. At 16 I changed schools again to my area's local highschool, 98% coloured poorish highschool, and we had one black girl in our class who hardly spoke to us, and we were not rascist or not trying to interact with her, she was invited to all parties etc. But looking back now we see her quietness could have come from a mixture of being quiet and being the only black person in a loud in your face coloured class...in that era when it was not yet normal. Anyway so from 16 - 18 I'm at a school that is farely mainly one culture, and the university's and colleges we were exposed to were also largely coloured universities, so I decided that I want to study at Cape Technickon cause I want a mix of people and cultures... In between I had one or 2 white friends from my part time jobs but never really any black friends. And from 1999 I studied and Cape Technikon. Being there expanded the variety of friends, however I observed too that it had to come from me,and so now I had class mates but thats as far as the relationship went.Or maybe more with the black side of my friends, I generally hung out with my friends who were my friends from 5, 6 years old, and I did see one or 2 white guys at my campus, but my world was still very sheltered, my knowledge of the black culture was limited to knowing 2 years of school Xhosa and my observation of the people in the train or the foreign DRC guys hanging on the station, really limited.
What changed this? Joining His People Church. A multiethnic church... Hanging worshipping, growing with people of all colours and for a lot of people I met colour didnt matter and I know that when I get to know people for who they really are I dont see colour either, but at this stage I was still challenged in my heart because yes our church is multiethnic but have any of us gone to each others homes, eat or experience their lives the way they live it. I had a friend who I've never heard speak any other language but English and when I asked him, what languages he speaks most he answered "Tswana, Afrikaans then English" How was it that you could be friends with someone for like 5 years and never get to know them for who they are most of the time.
On a Sunday it was rainbow nation,but generally everyones friendship groups outside of church was the same as their culture, colour. This used to be something that I saw and didnt agree with but at the same time I asked myself how am I living out what I am having a problem with.
Eventually through ministry I've been to the homes of some of my friends and even youth members, however it was still limited. Last year I began to meet alot of students and began to be exposed to Tswana, Pedi, Tsonga, Zim Shona, Vendan, etc.. Students... I started to read Long Walk to Freedom and just from the description of the culture and just pride in His people, I began to see a different world. I began to see the myriad of cultures, languages, etc, Yet love for their people and traditions. For me as a coloured especially through the book I understood why there is this constant fight between white and black which is not necessary but I see why, It's 2 people with rich heritage and pride and identity saying hey "I have the right to be here...and I know who I am and I am not any less than anyone else, in fact I love who I am". This was not something I knew or saw before.
The Coloured People do not have this same sense of identity - however I will get to what I believe we do have- but sufficed to say, there is alot of living like a "bastard" illigimate race, need to prove ourselves, never satisfied, always blaming someone else, unhappy with our looks, taking an identity in facial and hair features, music and domino's and alcohol at times even instead of in our heritage... But in my black and white friends I have seen confidence and a strong sense of identity.
The more black friends I have had and got to know and allowed me to ask questions and at first hesitantly experience their world, (this is because I am a fussy eater and this year I decided to just get over it and try pap and even mopani worms), It has also made me begin to ask who am I, what is it about me, my african, my coloured, my south African, My family heritage that makes me who I am, what is there that I can be proud of. Not to make war or say that I am better than anybody, but to say hey, this is me,this is where I come from, this is my part in the bigger scheme of things...
This questioning and thinking was influenced by I think the above and 3 other events/people. Going to Australia, no. 1 where I expected to see many coloured South Africans, only instead to have random strangers come and subtely try and stare at me trying to figure our where I'm from... Man I thought it would be obvious, but instead the Australians and other people at Hillsong Conference in Sydney had seen black, and white, but they did not see brown, looking muslim, yet not having the straight hair to go with it, yet having light eyes that etc.etc... I enjoyed answering the question in both Australia and Malaysia of "Where are you from?" with "Where do you think I'm from?". Generally the answer was Brazil or Saudi Arabia never Africa/South Africa...I got this just 2 days ago to from a South African Black girl? "Am I coloured Coloured? Me laughing and asking what does she mean? what could I be instead and her answer again I look Brazillian. Well I met a Brazillian missionary who also learnt Afrikaans in one or 2 months cause he said Cape Town feels like home to him it was just easy for him to slot in and relate. But yes, to Australia we packed in our rollers and blowdryers so we could keep our hair straight, but at a conference of 40 000 international straight haired people,I too for the first time said wow, my hair curls and wore it like that whole week. where year, if you wear your hair the natural wet look curly hair, it just means you were lazy...not to straighten your hair, that is in my culture.It is slowly beginning to change. So overseas I appreciated my uniques, and also began to realise we as South Africans have an African Friendly...And when you go over and you hear another country has friendly people and you're expecting African warmth...you will be sorely dissapointed. I guess its the same way my friends from African countries feel when they come here and dont get the same reception like in their countries...But I will still maintain we are way more friendly than our American and Australian counterparts (however it's not a competition, just and observation).
So that is part of it. The other was a sermon by a coloured pastor who married a vendan lady and faced all the potential things that surround multicultural marriages. Anyway in his message he preached about how if we as coloured embrace our heritage, which is a mix of Black and White, in us embracing that we have the solution for the unity of white and black. Instead of saying "I hate whites" or "those black people!" and not realising that you are insulting yourself,because my colouredness is because of the union of those 2 nations, whatever the reason, marriage, rape, in our blood are both nations, by embracing that and even finding out more about our roots, we begin to understand the other cultures and can even be the ones who bridge the gap between white and black (which I have to say is true...there's been no problem for me to go and visit my white afrikaans friend and completely relate to her culture and stories, and now beginning to learn more and laugh with at my black friends stories, but one does not often see the white afrikaner and the black xhosa person also hang out in that way unless it's because of work, or they have both adopted this new no culture...)... Of course I'm generalizign. I know there are some people who do not fit the above statement and I can hear them saying it's not say...but look around. Go to the malls, What do you see? All my friends from other countries ask the same questions? So lets remove our blinkers and see things for what they really are and then try and do something about it. The third influence was befriending my Xhosa friend who also answered some question,makes a point of including Xhosa words in her sentences and it was because of her that I coined the phrase "Discovering my Africaninity" (mmmmm thought I blogged about this before but couldnt find it" But had a revelation the old black ladies in the passage could be somehow related to me... Even though the lady looks extremely frustratedly back at me, it was just a new relevation.
As a coloured, I have record of my white roots, but not really my black roots. My grandmother's grandfather was a white Englishman who came to South Africa with his brother in the early 1800's, his brother married white, but Jesse Clarke, married a "baster vrou" as my grandmother put it who was a mixed woman. So in 1800's he already married a mixed woman its just too difficult to go back that far. I always ask my friends though if they can perhaps see by looking at me which tribe I could have come from :).
So yes maybe at some point in the past to call me black I would have taken offence because in my view then coloured was better and the ideal everyone wanted was lighter skin, straighter hair...Some people in my communities still live like that the girl with the green eyes still gets the guy.But today that is not the case anymore. The case today is who am I and where I come from and for me to say you're black just because I'm not white means that stuff my cultural heritage we merely see a non white skin colour, and no. 2 it just means you're still putting white on that pedastal because why is it white and everyone else is black and not, I'm white, i'm brown, or chinese, or whatever culture I am. When I say I'm not black to anyone non coloured, the assumption is everytime that it's becuase i dont want to be associated with black people. That is not true. This blood in my veins is made up from black and white. And I am proud of that. I am amazed that as a coloured person we are seen as another "tribe" which in a sense we are yet, my one coloured friend could be made up of black + white, another white + khoi khoi + indian, another malaysian + khoi khoi. etc.etc...It's a mengel moes! A mixture of people of 3 continents and if you look at my family and friends, you can see that. I've known twins where the one sister was darkhaired darkeyed, darkskinned, and the other blonde, blue eyed, light skinned. Now someone would say does this matter and i would say Yes and No. No I am not saying your eyecolour, skin colour, hair colour makes you better than anything, but at the same time in discovering my heritage it's pretty exciting to find out you are the result of 2 nations saying Heck lets get married, or not really having a 100% surety of how your children will look as they are mixed. That As people start to cross the colour lines, the way I look is just an expression of a mix of colours. By Saying I am just one or another you are denying the fullness of who I am, or who your descendants may be should you decide to not marry that Tshwana lady, or Portugese,etc... My heritage is not just a look, but a culture, a colour, a tribe of mixed blood, a not really knowing where I am coming from...And lastly I really cannot lay the same claim to being black as My very proud, (as in dignity proud, not as in the sin proud), very unique, knowing who they are and where they come from and their families,etc.etc... I cannot say the same about my black half, which is unfortunately due to the black side of history not really being recorded...etc...) Also if black, white, etc...who I am is based on a skin colour, are my cousins white am I black, though we come from the same family? (see previous blogs). What colour is my child if they do come out light with light eyes and light hair. You see? We are not just how we look?
Oh another point from my non South african friends...in South African african culture, the father determines the race. So what happened in our history which is where African black people originate that sometime in history 2 people got together whether by choice or by force, but the resulting baby was called not black by the black nation, and not white by the white nation, and this resulted in coloured, people of mixed heritage living with each other and marrying each other and this was more than just white and black mixing but also the Khoi Khoi Bushman, Local African people, English, Dutch, German, Portugese, then Indonesian, Malaysian, slaves, and I think slaves from further up Africa mixed with... There may be more but this is it for now. I like the way http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coloured says "Genetic studies suggest the group has the highest levels mixed ancestry in the world" We are everybody!
also "The imperial and apartheid governments categorized them as Coloureds. In addition, other ethnic groups also traditionally viewed them as a separate group."
also the "The so-called "Cape-colored" population of South Africa has highest levels of mixed ancestry on the globe, a blend of African, European, East Asian and South Indian, Tishkoff said." :)http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30502963/
Ok so what is coloured to me? in answer to the original colour. It is in the South African context a racial group that was named by the apartheid government, though in Long Walk to Freedom Nelson Mandela mentions coloured people and that they were different even before the apartheid. It is a people of mixed heritage, who yes are generally brown in colour although that is not a given coloured people can look like anybody, from black to white, to chinese to mauri...
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Leaving TSF and Getting a New Job
***Leaving TSF...***
To the Most of Everybody...
By now you may or may not have heard God has decided that this little bird has to get out of the nest (the shuttleworth foundation) and begin to fly... From 1 March, unless get a job before that), I will not be employed by the Foundation anymore therefore, this old faithful e-mail address will no longer be used by me... I have therefore decided to give you all my newly created gmail address, so you can start mailing me there :)
For those that I haven't seen or spoken to or read:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...
God bless!
Chan
***GOT THE JOB!!!***
Hey people, got the job!!!
"NOTHING CAN STOP THE FAVOUR OF THE LORD! IT'S UNSTOPPABLE" -Israel...
My scripture for the day:
Psalm 44:3
It was not by their sword that they won the land,
nor did their arm bring them victory;
it was your right hand, your arm,
and the light of your face, for you loved them.
Thank God that the light of His face was shining on me!!!
They 50% of my medical, I get petrol allowance, they want to grow me into a managerial position of the department... If I want training I get it. They're going to put an internet ADSL line to my house in the rare event of me having to work from home... Also the guy who I work with has been there many years and doesn't really like going to clients, so I will be going to clients, yeah... In the Western Cape and outside of it...
Ok... so for those who are wondering what's going on? Basically my current work isn't renewing my contract. This forced me to face my fears, trust God and apply for new jobs... The first job I applied for, got an interview Friday, the MD forwarded my details to another department for another position. I went for that interview today. She called me back about 30 min ago to say I've got the job. Praise God!
New challenges, I need to be able to influence the people around me to do the job better...
This is funny: I asked the lady how the other candidates did. She said the one didn't pitch and the other came late...(It's amazing I didn't, well I'm growing!)
Also, it's a technical job and they didn't ask me a single technical question!
Anyway back to work...
God bless! Trust God!
Chan
***Great advice from my previous manager at TSF,***
Wow, that sounds like quite a challenge. If I can give you any advice, it's simply step up to the plate. This isn't the time to sit back and wait for people to tell you what to do and how to do it. Remember Thomas' first law of employment - if someone else manages to tell you what to do in your new job and how to do, they probably didn't need to hire you in the first place. Companies generally have problems, they hire people to solve those problems. Great people realise intuitively what needs to be done and make it happen. Bad people wait for someone to tell them. So once again, step up to the plate. -TSB
He was also the one who spoke to me first about Tipping Point and who told me that at TSF they may not always praise me (not getting the right word) not because I havent done things praiseworthy things, but at this work they hired us because they believe in us so we're just doing what they expected of us anyway...They expected the best. He also said I shouldnt take everything everyone says, even him his boss...
I also had other great managers and collegues at that work who really went out of their way to prepare me for my new job.
To the Most of Everybody...
By now you may or may not have heard God has decided that this little bird has to get out of the nest (the shuttleworth foundation) and begin to fly... From 1 March, unless get a job before that), I will not be employed by the Foundation anymore therefore, this old faithful e-mail address will no longer be used by me... I have therefore decided to give you all my newly created gmail address, so you can start mailing me there :)
For those that I haven't seen or spoken to or read:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...
God bless!
Chan
***GOT THE JOB!!!***
Hey people, got the job!!!
"NOTHING CAN STOP THE FAVOUR OF THE LORD! IT'S UNSTOPPABLE" -Israel...
My scripture for the day:
Psalm 44:3
It was not by their sword that they won the land,
nor did their arm bring them victory;
it was your right hand, your arm,
and the light of your face, for you loved them.
Thank God that the light of His face was shining on me!!!
They 50% of my medical, I get petrol allowance, they want to grow me into a managerial position of the department... If I want training I get it. They're going to put an internet ADSL line to my house in the rare event of me having to work from home... Also the guy who I work with has been there many years and doesn't really like going to clients, so I will be going to clients, yeah... In the Western Cape and outside of it...
Ok... so for those who are wondering what's going on? Basically my current work isn't renewing my contract. This forced me to face my fears, trust God and apply for new jobs... The first job I applied for, got an interview Friday, the MD forwarded my details to another department for another position. I went for that interview today. She called me back about 30 min ago to say I've got the job. Praise God!
New challenges, I need to be able to influence the people around me to do the job better...
This is funny: I asked the lady how the other candidates did. She said the one didn't pitch and the other came late...(It's amazing I didn't, well I'm growing!)
Also, it's a technical job and they didn't ask me a single technical question!
Anyway back to work...
God bless! Trust God!
Chan
***Great advice from my previous manager at TSF,***
Wow, that sounds like quite a challenge. If I can give you any advice, it's simply step up to the plate. This isn't the time to sit back and wait for people to tell you what to do and how to do it. Remember Thomas' first law of employment - if someone else manages to tell you what to do in your new job and how to do, they probably didn't need to hire you in the first place. Companies generally have problems, they hire people to solve those problems. Great people realise intuitively what needs to be done and make it happen. Bad people wait for someone to tell them. So once again, step up to the plate. -TSB
He was also the one who spoke to me first about Tipping Point and who told me that at TSF they may not always praise me (not getting the right word) not because I havent done things praiseworthy things, but at this work they hired us because they believe in us so we're just doing what they expected of us anyway...They expected the best. He also said I shouldnt take everything everyone says, even him his boss...
I also had other great managers and collegues at that work who really went out of their way to prepare me for my new job.
New Memory Section
Been going through old e-mails and these are too good to just not be shared... Alot happens in 3 years
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The one thing I do have...
I may not have it all figured out, in fact the closer you come to me you realise just how much I dont know about life, about my own life, etc...but the one thing I do have is Jesus... And I've seen in trusting him the times I did with all my heart, those were the times there was no confusion and major doors and determining factors were opened up to me.
I may not have money right now, in fact all I have is 0 in my accounts and one minus, and most of the time when I do actually go out it's on the blessing of a friend, and it really takes getting used to cause I find myself calculating how much I earned in the 4 years that I worked and if only I had saved that money, but the one thing I do have is Jesus and since having him I always have what I need, even if the money comes through in the 11th hour, God has been pretty faithful, and I guess he is now teaching me to be faithful in the little...(and not freak out when you dont know how you going to pay for this and that)
I may not have a "carlos" now, and may not have had anyone significent for going on 9 years now, and even though people may say just hang in there, you sometimes like Geez God was I so messed up that its going on 10 years of fixing me? (thats on the bad day), because most days I'm aware the one thing I do have is Jesus... (see my previous poem Gentleman for what I think he thinks about me) and he really is more than enough and really sometimes surpises me in the funniest ways with his love and about the long time, when I look back at each year the issues I've conquered, i can only say I am glad that those things are sorted and not a part of my life anymore, so am grateful to being made complete and grateful for having his love and yes part of me sometimes wants more, but I do have Jesus :)! and that really is enough!
I may not be ministering right now, or knowing exactly where I fit in the body of Christ in the scheme of things, and on some days being a sitting duck when it seems everyone is running around does seem like hey did I hear right? But the one thing I do have is Jesus...And in this time of taking a step back I could once again begin to hear him and am grateful that he speaks, it's not always the exact hey God where are you taking me answers that I want, but I've learnt that he sometimes holds back in giving us the end destination so we don't run ahead without him.
I may not always be organized, self confident, hey even happy, or exactly how people think a Christian should be (hey in that case a lady, a student, a coloured, etc.etc...) but the one thing I do have is Jesus...And the best thing he told me recently is that He thinks I'm ok, so I dont have to stand at the door and watch others dance and enjoy him and think hey I first have to fix this and that, but my God thinks I'm ok and because of that I know can just enjoy his presence and that is where I'm growing and find my boldness, discipline and joy that surpasses sorry....
There are more may nots and the one thing I have is Jesus...But for now this is all I'll leave you all with...
For those who dont have that one thing...I trust that you wouldnt just shut the door or go on what you've heard or your own opinion, but ask in your heart of hears this Jesus to reveal himself to you. I dont have to do any convincing. You just have to ask sincerely and he will show up in a way you would understand. May you find the one thing we loves hide and seek :) (there is a scripture that says the deep things are hidden so we will seek them out ->
A quote in a song -" It's the glory of God to hide, a matter... It's the glory of a king to search it out....I wanna search you out, I love the way you hide, so I can find you, I wanna search you out" - this is not the only place I read this, but this is what i recently listened to)
For those who do have that one thing, I pray that that one thing will be more important than all the other things we have in life... for that one thing is the reason why we are all hear and only in that one thing do we have life...
John 1:3-4 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men.
And I know it's not always easy to maintain the balance in life, or even in our heads! but let us try.
Psalm 27
4 One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
Some people know this yet dont see the sense of it...I dont know...In my case its this very one thing that gets me up and going again, even when I want out. Its the beauty of the Lord that is my life and my light in the midst of the darkness. I too have to fight to keep that one thing the one thing, in fact maybe alot of times other things win over, but this is my desire, what I seek that God would be the one that I dwell with and I thank him that from his side, nothing can seperate me from that love for as long as I live, to all who have received him, we become his children
John 1:12 Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God
I may not have money right now, in fact all I have is 0 in my accounts and one minus, and most of the time when I do actually go out it's on the blessing of a friend, and it really takes getting used to cause I find myself calculating how much I earned in the 4 years that I worked and if only I had saved that money, but the one thing I do have is Jesus and since having him I always have what I need, even if the money comes through in the 11th hour, God has been pretty faithful, and I guess he is now teaching me to be faithful in the little...(and not freak out when you dont know how you going to pay for this and that)
I may not have a "carlos" now, and may not have had anyone significent for going on 9 years now, and even though people may say just hang in there, you sometimes like Geez God was I so messed up that its going on 10 years of fixing me? (thats on the bad day), because most days I'm aware the one thing I do have is Jesus... (see my previous poem Gentleman for what I think he thinks about me) and he really is more than enough and really sometimes surpises me in the funniest ways with his love and about the long time, when I look back at each year the issues I've conquered, i can only say I am glad that those things are sorted and not a part of my life anymore, so am grateful to being made complete and grateful for having his love and yes part of me sometimes wants more, but I do have Jesus :)! and that really is enough!
I may not be ministering right now, or knowing exactly where I fit in the body of Christ in the scheme of things, and on some days being a sitting duck when it seems everyone is running around does seem like hey did I hear right? But the one thing I do have is Jesus...And in this time of taking a step back I could once again begin to hear him and am grateful that he speaks, it's not always the exact hey God where are you taking me answers that I want, but I've learnt that he sometimes holds back in giving us the end destination so we don't run ahead without him.
I may not always be organized, self confident, hey even happy, or exactly how people think a Christian should be (hey in that case a lady, a student, a coloured, etc.etc...) but the one thing I do have is Jesus...And the best thing he told me recently is that He thinks I'm ok, so I dont have to stand at the door and watch others dance and enjoy him and think hey I first have to fix this and that, but my God thinks I'm ok and because of that I know can just enjoy his presence and that is where I'm growing and find my boldness, discipline and joy that surpasses sorry....
There are more may nots and the one thing I have is Jesus...But for now this is all I'll leave you all with...
For those who dont have that one thing...I trust that you wouldnt just shut the door or go on what you've heard or your own opinion, but ask in your heart of hears this Jesus to reveal himself to you. I dont have to do any convincing. You just have to ask sincerely and he will show up in a way you would understand. May you find the one thing we loves hide and seek :) (there is a scripture that says the deep things are hidden so we will seek them out ->
A quote in a song -" It's the glory of God to hide, a matter... It's the glory of a king to search it out....I wanna search you out, I love the way you hide, so I can find you, I wanna search you out" - this is not the only place I read this, but this is what i recently listened to)
For those who do have that one thing, I pray that that one thing will be more important than all the other things we have in life... for that one thing is the reason why we are all hear and only in that one thing do we have life...
John 1:3-4 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men.
And I know it's not always easy to maintain the balance in life, or even in our heads! but let us try.
Psalm 27
4 One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
Some people know this yet dont see the sense of it...I dont know...In my case its this very one thing that gets me up and going again, even when I want out. Its the beauty of the Lord that is my life and my light in the midst of the darkness. I too have to fight to keep that one thing the one thing, in fact maybe alot of times other things win over, but this is my desire, what I seek that God would be the one that I dwell with and I thank him that from his side, nothing can seperate me from that love for as long as I live, to all who have received him, we become his children
John 1:12 Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God
Monday, June 1, 2009
oooooh :)
I am just lately enjoying the love of God and his enjoyment of me...
Also he has been teaching me some new things, and really just guiding and leading me...prophetically and some centred around ISAIAH 43...
I dont have time to blog all now as I have to hand in a project...
But just thought I'd add this there and a Misty Edwards quote:
"Cause I'm in love with God and God's inlove with me, this is who I am and this is who I'll be and that settles it completely!"
On my hand is written The Lord's based in Isaiah 43...
Well I have to go now but I hope that whoever you are reading this even if it is me again in a couple of years, Or my childrens children, I just want you to know...
GOD IS FAITHFUL. HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS AND WILL NEVER FORSAKE YOU even if you leave him. If he feels far we sometimes just have to quieten ourselves...
Amen!
Also he has been teaching me some new things, and really just guiding and leading me...prophetically and some centred around ISAIAH 43...
I dont have time to blog all now as I have to hand in a project...
But just thought I'd add this there and a Misty Edwards quote:
"Cause I'm in love with God and God's inlove with me, this is who I am and this is who I'll be and that settles it completely!"
On my hand is written The Lord's based in Isaiah 43...
Well I have to go now but I hope that whoever you are reading this even if it is me again in a couple of years, Or my childrens children, I just want you to know...
GOD IS FAITHFUL. HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS AND WILL NEVER FORSAKE YOU even if you leave him. If he feels far we sometimes just have to quieten ourselves...
Amen!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Beautiful God
i am in awe
overjoyed
and grateful
wow...
you dance with me
you hold my hands
even when my tears are blinding me
you hold me close
you comfort me
even when my fears are lying...
thankyou :)
O God of Grace, Mercy, Hope, Comfort and Love.
Thankyou for your sovereignity
I love you
overjoyed
and grateful
wow...
you dance with me
you hold my hands
even when my tears are blinding me
you hold me close
you comfort me
even when my fears are lying...
thankyou :)
O God of Grace, Mercy, Hope, Comfort and Love.
Thankyou for your sovereignity
I love you
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Yummy lekka Chicken....
Ok, this is a remix of Tazz and Nats moms chicken, they had portugese spice and Nando's peri peri sauce but I had to make do with what i had and resulted in the house smelling like spur and my sis who doesnt eat meat eating all her chicken up immediately. (note, in case u're thinking my grammah sucks, remember that just like i write fast and it turns out untidy,so when I type, i am typing fast... and hnec not always checking what i just typed)
recipe
chicken ( i used filleted skinless chicken breasts, however it is up to you)
lemon juice
mayonnaise
garlic
chutney (or sweet chilli/barbecue)
(barbecue) chicken spice
cajun spice
salt and pepper
Method.
Slit small cuts in chicken however not necessary,just what i did and then sprinkle lemon juice all over chicken. now add salt, pepper, chicken spice and cajun spice over both sides.
In a seperate bowl mix mayonnaise, a bit of garlic,and a bit of chutney, this is not sweet chicken that i'm making so really try to put less than 10 percent chutney or sauce 90% mayo and garlic in bowl and mix well
Put the chicken on a baking plate and put it on top shelp and set oven to grill.you can put the sauce on after the chicken cooked or prior to putting it in oven. this may cause burning but didnt in my case...either way... ithink to first cook chicken a bit would be wise...
Serve with toss salad that has red pepper in as well and mushrooms if possible and can make savoury rice with it too. mmmmmm
recipe
chicken ( i used filleted skinless chicken breasts, however it is up to you)
lemon juice
mayonnaise
garlic
chutney (or sweet chilli/barbecue)
(barbecue) chicken spice
cajun spice
salt and pepper
Method.
Slit small cuts in chicken however not necessary,just what i did and then sprinkle lemon juice all over chicken. now add salt, pepper, chicken spice and cajun spice over both sides.
In a seperate bowl mix mayonnaise, a bit of garlic,and a bit of chutney, this is not sweet chicken that i'm making so really try to put less than 10 percent chutney or sauce 90% mayo and garlic in bowl and mix well
Put the chicken on a baking plate and put it on top shelp and set oven to grill.you can put the sauce on after the chicken cooked or prior to putting it in oven. this may cause burning but didnt in my case...either way... ithink to first cook chicken a bit would be wise...
Serve with toss salad that has red pepper in as well and mushrooms if possible and can make savoury rice with it too. mmmmmm
today...
take note, they not necessarily all Godly or anything, but I do live and bring them inline so whatever is not will fall away....
* i bumped a dog today... it was rainy, dark and he just stepped in front of my car, no time to break it was almost immediate and I saw my number plate flying, this was in a road not to safe, and i was on my way to Belhar to fetch my sister... I pulled off, thinking to get my number plate, also afraid of seeing a dead dog, but then turned around wiht my car only to see the dog on the side fo the road, walking. I thought if he is still there, I'm going to pray for him for healing. but then when i stopped the car he crossed and went off into the night,hope he will be ok. I choose to see it as God saved his life and mine. Then the search for the number plate occured, and eventually a guy helped me look. Note I said in the dark in the rain. Eventually found it after asking a white trucker who was just as afraid of opening his window for me as I was of going to ask a trucker in a truck for help...he directed me to it, I left, and trust God that the kind guy who helped me made it for his late bus. I then went to fetch my sis.
*from observing this very helpful and kind girl in my class and thinking I wonder if she ever gets tired of helping or what it is that motivates her to be so helpful I had this revelation (sorry if using wrong word): when you are looking after yourself you can look after others, that is an overflow and hence many of us feel used when we give, because we are so busy giving we dont look after ourselves and then expect others to look after us because we look after others, but when you have taken care of your own things and at the same time helping others, you dont have to expect anything from others or get frustrated... :)
*observation:. does anyone like that feeling when you like someone and it's before you know they like or dont like you or before God takes that feelings away or reality hits or whatever...it's almost a sick to my stomach feeling ;) and if you do enjoy that feeling have you ever had more than one broken heart. I think being single for 9 years and knowing that in those 9 years I've met people I thought were great but the feeling was never mutual, kinda take it now as i'm not going to think anymore into things unless love slaps me in the face, or God confirms things through scripture, so in the meantime, i'm just like Oh God, your will be done, not mine or anyone else's and where things are not your will take them away and where it is...Lord make things in beautiful in your time. but in the meantime? I will just keep trying to think Normal thoughts! and live life and keep my eyes on the right place.
* after seeing someone get a bit (ok that is a great euphemism) frustrated at how people take advantage of her...I kinda wrote this down: ok, cant find this either, will just have to sort of paraphrase it...i said that life is like a see saw and when you seem to be going up a friend may be going down yet because you were down you can empathise but because you are now at a higher point you can encourage but life seems to be like that often, whenever you are going down there are people around who are strong in the times you are weak
* had an awesome biblestudy wed...was about John 5 and how the people kept missing the point, when jesus spoke people were healed. A man who was an invalid for so many years gets rebuked for carrying his mat on a sabbath after being healed, instead of rejoicing that he was healed. they and us still now keep missing the point. also otherwise left full :) the word is food to my stomach and healing to my bones ;)
* i bumped a dog today... it was rainy, dark and he just stepped in front of my car, no time to break it was almost immediate and I saw my number plate flying, this was in a road not to safe, and i was on my way to Belhar to fetch my sister... I pulled off, thinking to get my number plate, also afraid of seeing a dead dog, but then turned around wiht my car only to see the dog on the side fo the road, walking. I thought if he is still there, I'm going to pray for him for healing. but then when i stopped the car he crossed and went off into the night,hope he will be ok. I choose to see it as God saved his life and mine. Then the search for the number plate occured, and eventually a guy helped me look. Note I said in the dark in the rain. Eventually found it after asking a white trucker who was just as afraid of opening his window for me as I was of going to ask a trucker in a truck for help...he directed me to it, I left, and trust God that the kind guy who helped me made it for his late bus. I then went to fetch my sis.
*from observing this very helpful and kind girl in my class and thinking I wonder if she ever gets tired of helping or what it is that motivates her to be so helpful I had this revelation (sorry if using wrong word): when you are looking after yourself you can look after others, that is an overflow and hence many of us feel used when we give, because we are so busy giving we dont look after ourselves and then expect others to look after us because we look after others, but when you have taken care of your own things and at the same time helping others, you dont have to expect anything from others or get frustrated... :)
*observation:. does anyone like that feeling when you like someone and it's before you know they like or dont like you or before God takes that feelings away or reality hits or whatever...it's almost a sick to my stomach feeling ;) and if you do enjoy that feeling have you ever had more than one broken heart. I think being single for 9 years and knowing that in those 9 years I've met people I thought were great but the feeling was never mutual, kinda take it now as i'm not going to think anymore into things unless love slaps me in the face, or God confirms things through scripture, so in the meantime, i'm just like Oh God, your will be done, not mine or anyone else's and where things are not your will take them away and where it is...Lord make things in beautiful in your time. but in the meantime? I will just keep trying to think Normal thoughts! and live life and keep my eyes on the right place.
* after seeing someone get a bit (ok that is a great euphemism) frustrated at how people take advantage of her...I kinda wrote this down: ok, cant find this either, will just have to sort of paraphrase it...i said that life is like a see saw and when you seem to be going up a friend may be going down yet because you were down you can empathise but because you are now at a higher point you can encourage but life seems to be like that often, whenever you are going down there are people around who are strong in the times you are weak
* had an awesome biblestudy wed...was about John 5 and how the people kept missing the point, when jesus spoke people were healed. A man who was an invalid for so many years gets rebuked for carrying his mat on a sabbath after being healed, instead of rejoicing that he was healed. they and us still now keep missing the point. also otherwise left full :) the word is food to my stomach and healing to my bones ;)
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Cremora Fridge Tart
Ingredients:
1 pack of tennis biscuits
3 cups of Cremora Milk Powder
1 cup of ice cold water
1/2 cup of lemon juice
1 tin of condensed milk
1 flake
Method:
Layer bottom of rectangular bowl, e.g 30com by 10cm, with tennis buiscuits. In seperate mixing bowl, add milk powder, cold water, lemon juice and tin of condensed milk and mix it with electric mixer for 5 minutes and when it's set. (can turn bowl upside down). Spoon into glass tennis biscuits.if not enough tennis biscuits break biscuits in small pieces and spread out at glass bowl bottom. After adding the mixture to bowl sprinkle flake over and put back in the fridge until planning to eat it after meals, etc. later...
1 pack of tennis biscuits
3 cups of Cremora Milk Powder
1 cup of ice cold water
1/2 cup of lemon juice
1 tin of condensed milk
1 flake
Method:
Layer bottom of rectangular bowl, e.g 30com by 10cm, with tennis buiscuits. In seperate mixing bowl, add milk powder, cold water, lemon juice and tin of condensed milk and mix it with electric mixer for 5 minutes and when it's set. (can turn bowl upside down). Spoon into glass tennis biscuits.if not enough tennis biscuits break biscuits in small pieces and spread out at glass bowl bottom. After adding the mixture to bowl sprinkle flake over and put back in the fridge until planning to eat it after meals, etc. later...
another update
It's amazing how we can wish nothing but the best for some people, yet not apply it to our own lives. how we can hope that they wouldn't settle for less than they deserve, pray for them, etc. but then when it comes to our own lives we do settle, or if not settling, we don't wait on God to confirm what we are thinking and kinda act more like we're on some kind of roller coaster ride instead of walking and living along side God allowing him to unfold things, in his time. He makes everything beautiful in his time. So things are happening, God's things, or my things, as yet I don't know. Been hoping things will be clarified speedily but at the same time, I require a lot more quietening down and praying and seeking God's face before I can draw my own conclusions. God is still a worthy cause (from Sara Groves song Love is still a worthy cause) -> I mean it is still the best thing to do to go to God first before anything else :)
the fast was good, but a struggle and hunger was the least of my problems... but it's over and i already saw breakthrough in some areas...
my favourite revelation this week past was John 10, Jesus being the Good shepherd who lays down his life for his sheep. The hired hand will not lay his life down, instead when the wolf comes he runs away, beaucse the sheep arent his... in the same way, yes there are people in my life there to look after me? but they are not my good shepherd...they are just hired hands... I need to know that whether they are there or not, I have a GOOD shepherd who will never leave me nor forsake me instead, who lays down his life for me :)
Oh how he loves me....
the fast was good, but a struggle and hunger was the least of my problems... but it's over and i already saw breakthrough in some areas...
my favourite revelation this week past was John 10, Jesus being the Good shepherd who lays down his life for his sheep. The hired hand will not lay his life down, instead when the wolf comes he runs away, beaucse the sheep arent his... in the same way, yes there are people in my life there to look after me? but they are not my good shepherd...they are just hired hands... I need to know that whether they are there or not, I have a GOOD shepherd who will never leave me nor forsake me instead, who lays down his life for me :)
Oh how he loves me....
Nice Interview about Spiritual hunger with Misty Edwards that I typed out
Spiritual Hunger...Misty Edwards IHOP interview
Guy:
The dry season I promise you it will pass. If you stay in the place of hunger
I don't wanna depress you, it could be a year...
The reality is not one moment, not one cry of the human heart ever goes ignored before the throne room
So if you going "I dont feel him..." That ache has been ringing through the ages and he's listening.
And to end up in the place of/where the revelation of the Lord is touching you is profound
M.E:
Oh and even just meeting him in the ache. He said blessed are the hungry. Sometimes we think that encountering God is to be fully satisfied and to encounter him means I seeing angels and I'm going to the 3rd heaven. Encountering God sometimes is encountering him in hunger. And Going Ok, I dont feel you I cant see you i dont really hear you but I am going to stay in this wilderness and I'm going to trust that you are working, the hand of the potter. I love the way you say that cause I know those seasons,I've been through many many seasons of just barren prayer and God feels so far away, but just knowing that I move him and is it enough for me at the end of the day, that even if I am not moved, is it enough to know that I moved him, and it is. it's enough.
lady:
And the nature of hunger is pain..
Everyone saysI'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm Hungry Well OW, I try and get out of hunger. in the natural if I'm hungry I want pizza, I wanna do something to take the hunger pang away.
But to live in the place of hunger, to stay there and not be satisfied with a counterfeit and to stay even in the wilderness and not self deliver but wait for God to come, this is abandonment and to say you come meet me here, I wanna taste royalty?loyalty here...
M.E:
Exactly, That is abandonment , when you going I'm not going to take those 4 hours and go to a movie or go shopping or do those things i'm going to sit here for 4 hours ,cause thats the block of time I have and I am going to at least do my part and the rest of it is up to you God. if you come
and over time, again it's over time you start to feel your heart melting
things happen over time
and you look back at those dry seasons (or I do) and I go, I see how much depth the Lord put in me and how much I was learning about myself and learning about God in that season. I wouldnt trade those seasons for the world
lady
Yes, he's leadership is perfect
M.E
Thats so true
Lady:
It feels so dark and empty in that time and then you come out of it and you almost miss it
M.E:
Yeah you meet him there
Lady
It's like a little twisted, but it's like you were there in a way that you're not here
unique.
M.E:
it's true, and every season has its purpose
Guy:
But I wanna encourage you because i've run into just through our travels many people who would come up to me and say "I can't find God in my church, I can't find God in my college group "whatever the issue, wherever you in" i wanna talk to you specifically and I wanna encourage you to stay- I'm not telling you to stay in your circumstances, but to stay what Misty brought up Blessed are those who are hungry, Stay in that place because what you are developing in there is a perpetual hunger that is ,it's taking you so deep. And when the Lord does come and breathe upon you, you feel his presence your depth will be so much greater and stay hungry and stay with hope. Stay, Stay Do not let hope dwindle...
get to conferences come to the onething conference get refreshed and go back home but Stay in the place of hunger...I plead,I encourage you because the rewards will be amazing here and also in the age to come. I just think there are some of you that are going "you know what I am dry I wanna give in " Do not throw in the towell. Stay in the place, Stay in the Place and He will reward you.
Heavenly Father I thank you for what you are doing in this generation. I am positive that the hand of a divine God is working in this generation and I pray right now in the name of Jesus, that the Holy Spirit would breathe on this generation and spark something within their hearts, that hunger, that perpetual hunger that would catapult them into the deep things of the knowledge of God that would leave them eternally fascinated. I'm talking eternally fascinated, all the days of their life in this age let them live radically abandoned. Fully of Business people, lawyers, doctors, construction workers I'm asking set this generation ablaze and I pray this now in the name of Jesus. Amen!
Guy:
The dry season I promise you it will pass. If you stay in the place of hunger
I don't wanna depress you, it could be a year...
The reality is not one moment, not one cry of the human heart ever goes ignored before the throne room
So if you going "I dont feel him..." That ache has been ringing through the ages and he's listening.
And to end up in the place of/where the revelation of the Lord is touching you is profound
M.E:
Oh and even just meeting him in the ache. He said blessed are the hungry. Sometimes we think that encountering God is to be fully satisfied and to encounter him means I seeing angels and I'm going to the 3rd heaven. Encountering God sometimes is encountering him in hunger. And Going Ok, I dont feel you I cant see you i dont really hear you but I am going to stay in this wilderness and I'm going to trust that you are working, the hand of the potter. I love the way you say that cause I know those seasons,I've been through many many seasons of just barren prayer and God feels so far away, but just knowing that I move him and is it enough for me at the end of the day, that even if I am not moved, is it enough to know that I moved him, and it is. it's enough.
lady:
And the nature of hunger is pain..
Everyone saysI'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm Hungry Well OW, I try and get out of hunger. in the natural if I'm hungry I want pizza, I wanna do something to take the hunger pang away.
But to live in the place of hunger, to stay there and not be satisfied with a counterfeit and to stay even in the wilderness and not self deliver but wait for God to come, this is abandonment and to say you come meet me here, I wanna taste royalty?loyalty here...
M.E:
Exactly, That is abandonment , when you going I'm not going to take those 4 hours and go to a movie or go shopping or do those things i'm going to sit here for 4 hours ,cause thats the block of time I have and I am going to at least do my part and the rest of it is up to you God. if you come
and over time, again it's over time you start to feel your heart melting
things happen over time
and you look back at those dry seasons (or I do) and I go, I see how much depth the Lord put in me and how much I was learning about myself and learning about God in that season. I wouldnt trade those seasons for the world
lady
Yes, he's leadership is perfect
M.E
Thats so true
Lady:
It feels so dark and empty in that time and then you come out of it and you almost miss it
M.E:
Yeah you meet him there
Lady
It's like a little twisted, but it's like you were there in a way that you're not here
unique.
M.E:
it's true, and every season has its purpose
Guy:
But I wanna encourage you because i've run into just through our travels many people who would come up to me and say "I can't find God in my church, I can't find God in my college group "whatever the issue, wherever you in" i wanna talk to you specifically and I wanna encourage you to stay- I'm not telling you to stay in your circumstances, but to stay what Misty brought up Blessed are those who are hungry, Stay in that place because what you are developing in there is a perpetual hunger that is ,it's taking you so deep. And when the Lord does come and breathe upon you, you feel his presence your depth will be so much greater and stay hungry and stay with hope. Stay, Stay Do not let hope dwindle...
get to conferences come to the onething conference get refreshed and go back home but Stay in the place of hunger...I plead,I encourage you because the rewards will be amazing here and also in the age to come. I just think there are some of you that are going "you know what I am dry I wanna give in " Do not throw in the towell. Stay in the place, Stay in the Place and He will reward you.
Heavenly Father I thank you for what you are doing in this generation. I am positive that the hand of a divine God is working in this generation and I pray right now in the name of Jesus, that the Holy Spirit would breathe on this generation and spark something within their hearts, that hunger, that perpetual hunger that would catapult them into the deep things of the knowledge of God that would leave them eternally fascinated. I'm talking eternally fascinated, all the days of their life in this age let them live radically abandoned. Fully of Business people, lawyers, doctors, construction workers I'm asking set this generation ablaze and I pray this now in the name of Jesus. Amen!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
My Crrrrrrraaaaazzzzy Side
the calm before the storm...
I dunno what it is about me that makes me so expressive! But here's me sharing it anyway
my version of the mwa!
Cheese!(and also the goofiness is why i dont smile for photos!
is this girl for real!
what i plan to do on my wedding day... "you may now kiss the bride" I suppose if my carlos sees this pic he would be prepared for the worst!
the previous week's antiques: me and my carlos
playing hard to get in public with other shoppers watching!
I dunno what it is about me that makes me so expressive! But here's me sharing it anyway
my version of the mwa!
Cheese!(and also the goofiness is why i dont smile for photos!
is this girl for real!
what i plan to do on my wedding day... "you may now kiss the bride" I suppose if my carlos sees this pic he would be prepared for the worst!
the previous week's antiques: me and my carlos
playing hard to get in public with other shoppers watching!
Friday, April 24, 2009
Update, I suppose...
1 am isnt the best time to provide an update, but I feel it's necessary so I am trying to type quickly. To cut a long story short, I am still on a journey of healing, and still far from where I think I should be, even in terms of certain characteristics that I always had, that are missing now... but as I said in a poem I wrote yesterday or day before:
better than yesterday
better
not farther than yesterday
not nearer to tomorrow
but better
not closer to answers
not far from the pain
but better
still dont know how the story ends
still trying to make ends meet
still picking up the broken pieces
still trying to hope again
but better than yesterday
better than before
better must count for something
better the beginning of hope
better than yesterday
better
chan.22 april
So yeah, I'm better...I have to say Campus Harvest and The Shack has really been 2 instruments that have lifted the dark cloud a little. I've been learning just to be and God really has been doing things without me doing anything...And I am so blessed by that...
Also Let me say that I love God immensely. The issue doesnt have to do with trusting Him...but more trusting people.
But I am getting there...
And just enjoying his beauty and allowing him as my poem of ee cummings says to touch me deeper than anyone has ever gone, where not even the rain has such small hands
Lord...Oh how you love us...Thank You for still being with me. Always.
Love you.
better than yesterday
better
not farther than yesterday
not nearer to tomorrow
but better
not closer to answers
not far from the pain
but better
still dont know how the story ends
still trying to make ends meet
still picking up the broken pieces
still trying to hope again
but better than yesterday
better than before
better must count for something
better the beginning of hope
better than yesterday
better
chan.22 april
So yeah, I'm better...I have to say Campus Harvest and The Shack has really been 2 instruments that have lifted the dark cloud a little. I've been learning just to be and God really has been doing things without me doing anything...And I am so blessed by that...
Also Let me say that I love God immensely. The issue doesnt have to do with trusting Him...but more trusting people.
But I am getting there...
And just enjoying his beauty and allowing him as my poem of ee cummings says to touch me deeper than anyone has ever gone, where not even the rain has such small hands
Lord...Oh how you love us...Thank You for still being with me. Always.
Love you.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Thoughts...Prostitution Vs The God who fills everything in Everyway...*
Tonight I drove down Voortrekker Road,and as I've been driving since 2001, I hardly am in a passenger's seat when passing the prostitutes, so its a bit unreal at times for me. I also wonder sometimes if one day I'd see someone I'd know...But today while driving I tried to look at the girls, and as what normally happens when I do this, I cannot but help feel compassionate for those girls and say a prayer that their roads will somehow cross with God's. Because when I look at them, I see what I could have been figuratively. I see women who have resorted to allowing themselves to be used in the hope that somehow life would turn better, yet with every giving losing some of who they are. I see women who are bad in our eyes, women who we won't make eye contact with, women with hard, empty eyes...women who step boldly in the road, women unafraid of the night, for money...for their families...for what they think is hope to make life better...or for what has become their life, their familiar...Women who are so empty that giving their bodies is nothing. Women who are merely objects of lust in the eyes of some and disgust in others...
In God's eyes?
Priceless.
Worth Fighting for...
Precious in His sight.
It's the kindness of God which leads men to repentance... I pray that the kindness of God would cross the paths of these women and I know as they bump into Grace, all evil and bondages must flee... I pray that their eyes would be opened, the eyes of their hearts...
Ok, so back to them and me... It's the kindness of God that leads men to repentance. Today I walk with my head tall because of his great mercy towards me. That is the heart of God. To fill our emptiness with His fullness. To pick us up, dust us off and build us anew again, into who He has initially designed us to be..."Where would I be if not for his grace"...
Would I be in Voortrekker exchanging my body for Rands and cents and the occasional abusive hit? Would I be dancing and drinking and numbing my mind from the hurt and pain while pretending even to myself that it's all good, and that right now I'm just going to go all out and live for the moment and enjoy life? Would I be living only by my opinions, reasonings, things that only I can prove, I determine, I choose to believe proof or no proof...
Where would I be if not for his grace.
BUT GOD,
Ephesians 2:4 - 5 "But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved."
Ephesians 2:1 - 10 NKJV
" 1 And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, 2 in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, 3 among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others.
4 BUT GOD who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5 even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), 6 and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them."
Ephesians 1:23
" 23which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way."
God longed to save us out of the life that was slowly eating us away, and to fill us with His Fullness in every way...
This is the God we serve. Let us drink of his cup, Let us seek his depths and his fulfillment. Let us live his ways, or ask him to teach us his ways...
We were not left without hope and God has become our God of Hope so we could too be a beacon of light for those who don't know Him. However this light too comes from knowing him and living in Him.
But in the same way as a whole new lifestyle can be built up through prostitutionism, so a life of honouring God can build up as we pray, reach out too others,grow in the knowledge and relationship with him, share the love of God with each other as friends...and mostly as we sit before the most Holy God to pour out his presence on us in our quiet time. Let us allow him to fill and complete us, like no man can.
And let us continue praying and reaching out to those who exchanged truth for a lie, without even knowing about it.
Let us keep believing the best for every situation, even if it takes years to see the changes, and let us continue loving and serving the Lord amidst the challenges.
In God's eyes?
Priceless.
Worth Fighting for...
Precious in His sight.
It's the kindness of God which leads men to repentance... I pray that the kindness of God would cross the paths of these women and I know as they bump into Grace, all evil and bondages must flee... I pray that their eyes would be opened, the eyes of their hearts...
Ok, so back to them and me... It's the kindness of God that leads men to repentance. Today I walk with my head tall because of his great mercy towards me. That is the heart of God. To fill our emptiness with His fullness. To pick us up, dust us off and build us anew again, into who He has initially designed us to be..."Where would I be if not for his grace"...
Would I be in Voortrekker exchanging my body for Rands and cents and the occasional abusive hit? Would I be dancing and drinking and numbing my mind from the hurt and pain while pretending even to myself that it's all good, and that right now I'm just going to go all out and live for the moment and enjoy life? Would I be living only by my opinions, reasonings, things that only I can prove, I determine, I choose to believe proof or no proof...
Where would I be if not for his grace.
BUT GOD,
Ephesians 2:4 - 5 "But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved."
Ephesians 2:1 - 10 NKJV
" 1 And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, 2 in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, 3 among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others.
4 BUT GOD who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5 even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), 6 and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them."
Ephesians 1:23
" 23which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way."
God longed to save us out of the life that was slowly eating us away, and to fill us with His Fullness in every way...
This is the God we serve. Let us drink of his cup, Let us seek his depths and his fulfillment. Let us live his ways, or ask him to teach us his ways...
We were not left without hope and God has become our God of Hope so we could too be a beacon of light for those who don't know Him. However this light too comes from knowing him and living in Him.
But in the same way as a whole new lifestyle can be built up through prostitutionism, so a life of honouring God can build up as we pray, reach out too others,grow in the knowledge and relationship with him, share the love of God with each other as friends...and mostly as we sit before the most Holy God to pour out his presence on us in our quiet time. Let us allow him to fill and complete us, like no man can.
And let us continue praying and reaching out to those who exchanged truth for a lie, without even knowing about it.
Let us keep believing the best for every situation, even if it takes years to see the changes, and let us continue loving and serving the Lord amidst the challenges.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Thoughts...
Still to add the blessings God blessed me with at camp, but just to add a niggling thought about people. It's amazing how people will see something, not confirm it and pass the story on and on...I know I have at times told my best friend something,but right now, I'm just like why dont people come and confirm the truth with you.?
Otherwise, God is busy picking up the pieces of my dreams...
Chan
Otherwise, God is busy picking up the pieces of my dreams...
Chan
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