More - Hope is coming

Shout Loudly!
Arise!
Lift up weary heads
Though its hard to believe
Hope is coming

Rejoice, Laugh again
You may wipe your tears
Let light flood your soul
and you will see
Despair try to flee for
our Hope is coming

Hope's glimmer ignites our
Long buried dreams
Winter is ending
A new season begins
Emmanuel, God is with us!

The seed has been planted
The Faithful King has arrived
you have laboured not in vain
Enjoy now the peace
Love and His presence
Your past is rewritten
Our hope has arrived.

Every new day
A promise of Hope
we are not sheep without a Shepherd
Our enemy has lost his hold
and this story will always be told
Jesus is here

Come all you who are weary and heavy laden
And I will give you rest
The Lord is our Shepherd. We shall not want.

Isaiah 9

The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned...

For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.


Luke 1

28The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."

29Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. 31You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. 32He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."


Psalm 45

1 My heart is stirred by a noble theme
as I recite my verses for the king;
my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.
2 You are the most excellent of men
and your lips have been anointed with grace,
since God has blessed you forever.

3 Gird your sword upon your side, O mighty one;
clothe yourself with splendor and majesty.

4 In your majesty ride forth victoriously
in behalf of truth, humility and righteousness;
let your right hand display awesome deeds.

5 Let your sharp arrows pierce the hearts of the king's enemies;
let the nations fall beneath your feet.

6 Your throne, O God, will last for ever and ever;
a scepter of justice will be the scepter of your kingdom.

7 You love righteousness and hate wickedness;
therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions
by anointing you with the oil of joy.

Hope is coming. Jesus is here. God with us. Emmanuel.
Hope is coming

Hope is coming....What christmas means to me and hopefully an encouragement to you!

Normally christmas time i am irritated. I dont like singing the same songs every sunday all the time, and hearing the same message, even though its in the bible, I just feel like I can tell these stories in my sleep...

Last Christmas I got the revelation of the salvation story in the hymns on the day of christmas, listening beyond the familiar tunes, but lyrics like "long lay the world in sin and error pining, till he appeared and a soul felt its worth" and "Let earth receive her king. Let every heart prepare Him room". However only getting the revelation on Christmas, means I only took the cd's out that day and then it seemed a bit weird me only listening to christmas carols after christmas....

This year...In the midst of absolutely no money, so not doing the mad rush to the malls but at the same time the stress of having no money, you've got to be strong to remain positive while the bank calls twice a day... I began to read articles on christmas in an attempt to prepare my heart, so it doesnt just come and go by with no effect on my life heart.

Firstly I learnt that Christmas is about Giving. Giving of yourself, Not Spending Money. Spend money if u must , but that is not the point and giving occurs in many ways, helping someone by washing the car,etc, etc... If you have no money you kinda think what am i going to do...!!! and this was just an answer to me, help around the house, stop arguing back over silly things, let it go, give in that way...

Secondly in trying to prepare my heart i was doing exactly what one needs to do? Anticipate, Wait, Hope, Expect...the people before Christ were waiting for their Messiah. This time before Christmas is about that, Waiting for my King, my rescuer, preparing my heart, Focusing on Christ, the author and perfector of my faith... Sorting out that...

And Lastly I listened to this sermon of Trusting God in this Advent time...
http://www.enstb.co.za/index.php?id=110&date=2008-12-07...And with all my money and other issues, this sermon came right on time...

So this is what Christmas means to me....

Perhaps ur life sucks right now, perhaps u have many questions and nothing makes sense. Perhaps you want to ask people about it but they either not interested or misunderstanding, so it seems this hole you in is getting deeper and yes as a christian you supposed to have hope, but right now u just want to be an Ostrich and stick ur head in the sand, or pull the duvet over your head and say Please Wake me up when this is over!... Perhaps u didnt feel like that, but thats how i've been feeling. A collision of all my dreams with uncertainty, and uncertainty seemed to be winning. And in the midst of it God was saying look to me, but then sin became huge and falling for that to and so it became even harder to go with God's initial word because now i wasnt where I was at when I got the word from the Lord. And even after dealing with the sin and still God was whispering, spend more time with me, come to me, yet all my questions and issues still whirlpooling around in my mind this is where christmas come in. Advent comes in. I stop. I stop questioning. I stop looking. And I start looking up.

At who? Jesus. I start reading his word. I silence the questions and read psalms instead which amazingly has references to Christ too. I start preparing my heart. Even though I dont feel like it I start reading christmas articles and listening to beautiful Christmas music...www.myspace.com/saragroves...

And then...

Hope Comes. Christ Comes. Our answer comes. The messiah is here. Emmanuel God with Us. The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want. Jesus is coming. Jesus is our hope. Stop worrying about the money issues, Jesus is coming and with him comes new life, new peace, new hope...

Christmas...

A new beginning,
A new reminder
That Jesus is here

And he is my hope and my song and my deliverer... I will trust in the Lord in this time leading up to Christmas and even after, i will stop worrying about my problems because my redeemer, my God is coming and is with me!

So excited and will be having a merry little christmas...
becuase I have Jesus :) and though the world was weary and in sin and error pining till HE appeared and a soul felt its worth!!!

God bless you all...Peace, Hope and Joy and Love be with you, because Christ the prince of peace, Emmanuel is with you...and Hope is coming

Christmas Wish List

Is it possible to have one if you're too broke to buy anyone presents...and right now that is the furthest thing on my mind. So lets just make this a general one not necessarily christmas:

1. paintbrush set
2. backpack picnic set
3. nacho libre dvd
4. Bible on CD set
5. CD PLAYER with cassette if possible and very clear
6. Car radio.MP3 player.Ipod?
7. Payed off debt.PRAISE GOD!
8. HUSBAND?
9. Book of Prayers...
10. SPA Weekend.or anything in beauty line
11. Christian Music...and even more specifically Tell me what you know - Sara Groves or Albertine CD of Brooke Fraser (imported)
12 Redeeming love and Atonement Child of Francine Rivers
13 Money for World Race

Funny Movies Post

After watching with the lifegroup girls one of them here is a list of movies I think is funny :)

In no particular order:

1. Nachos Libre (would like to own my own)
2. The Man
3. She's the Man
4. Hitch
5. Lovewrecked
6. Mr Bean goes on holiday(think it's called that? the one in France)
7. Think it's called Life is beautiful. Overseas movie about world war 2.
8. Cant even remember if it's funny anymore thats how long ago I saw this movie but Dinner for 1 that used to play every new year's eve.
9. Cant remember name but movie where Gwynneth Paltrow is fat (this may change tho)
10. Oh Yes, How could I forget - Malibu's Most wanted.
11. I think it's called Mafia (one of those ripoff movies)
12. Mickey Blue Eyes.

What a weekend...

On Friday I decided to drive to Strand... And sleep over by my cousin there. The initial plan being that the Saturday to visit my other cousin in Gordon's Bay. Got there about 8h30/9PM and watched dvd's with my cousins children. Highschool Reunion 1 :). The next morning all 3 neices was all over me, trying to wake me up early and get me to watch movies with me. Especially cute this time for me was Lezanne because last time I saw her she was younger and didnt really speak much to strangers and now she keeps coming to me and hugging me and talking with her cute high 4 year old voice. Also it's so funny how they all speak Afrikaans to each other then the moment they speak to me they all swop to English.

So Saturday my cousin and I take all 3 to the mall.That was a test. Suddenly they were almost not so cute as they keep running off and almost making the waiter fall,asking for things all the time,etc.etc..*But as I said almost not so cute, because of course they still cute even when naughty.

After coming home I went out with my cousin and her friend. First braaied and was exposed to some other stuff there quite funny/crazy night. Also divine connections. God amazed me how he is always involved even when I'm not expecting it. Then from there we decided to go to clubs in the area as it was her birthday Sunday. First went to Thumbs up. Just a reminder for me a greatful one again, that thank God I dont club. And that isnt my life. Yep enjoyed the company occasionally and danced to all the old school numbers "If you say Jump, I'll say how high? Precious little Diamond" but that was about it...100% Sober trying to do something I dont really feel comfortable with.

Went in and out of 3 clubs that night and saw 2 people I knew. Came home from the last club 5h30, went to the one friend i mets house and had coffee. then got my things and went home washed,etc...and went to church....Strangely enough I was still awake though I must admit on the N2 was almost falling asleep.

In Church God's grace again was sufficient for me. I could sense his presence even before the first song was sung. And even though we once agian sang the same songs that are old...It was anointed I even stood and did multimedia. :) The message I wasnt too sure about honestly but I'll say that either God needs to still talk to me about that when I get hectically in the word again like before. Now it's on off, either worship then read the next day,then worship. Anyway Sunday After church I realise I have no money left....Nada. And have to cancel eating out plans with Jodie.

Then Another friend called to confirm if we still getting together... and then although I was hectically tired I then said cool lets do something. We filled 2 cars and then drove to KoelBay's day camping spot. Played asshole (card game that I refuse to call something else now that i'm saved because I've been calling it that since primary school) and finished braaing at 7h30. We then drove to the last look out point before Bikini Beach and ate our supper there. We were still going to have a sleep over after that, but once I reached home my hand was paining extremely...Yep no sleeping does that to me and I was out of it, then just called the others to cancel that....

Yep and today's monday back to reality. back to realising I dont have a job, and shouldnt stress but it's there at the back of my mind...But I guess i just need to get into the word. Thats something i need to do...

Chan

Today. Today it's all or nothing... (and previous days too)

People say I'm paranoid, but it really sucks when you sensed how people feel about you and then I'm right. Exactly that happened today and I had to suck in all insecurity about knowing that certain people do feel funny towards me, perhaps it was just challenged, but it was definitely not my imagination, needless to say. I know in the future I may wonder what this was about but the thought of people reading about themselves on here instead of me voicing to them how I feel just doesn't cut it for me.

Anyway in the same breath I am learning, and asking God to make me stronger. I realise what people say over and over, people make a success at doing the things they love. So what is holding back mine? Is it that I'm not doing what I love? (and what is that anyway?) or is it insecurity holding back whatever I put my hand to or more correctly put, me allowing my insecurities to hold me back.

Yesterday, was an exciting, good, day, everything went right, except perhaps the few mistakes and the fact that I might not have gotten this job. Well yesterday I sort of had a practical interview at Saxenburg wine farm which would determine whether I got the job. My only responsibility was pouring water (sparkling or still) and white and red wine and of course learning and helping others clean. You'd think that was easy... No! But thats a whole nother blog. Sufficed to say I learnt to pour wine with one hand, I learnt that white wine gets warm and champaigne needs to be offered straight after it's poured. It's highly inappropriate to stand on the floor when speeches are being made and what are the correct amounts of wine to pour in the glasses. That is too after making a mistake. My highlight was of course shaking the hand of the farm owner and Leo (very humble, great) the chef, after being presented to the guests. This because I wasnt even yet staff yet there I am up in front with the rest. I will never drive past the farm without remembering this again. Such a beautiful place too. And also took some notes from the owner's speech. In this Christmas season some of the values to hold on to is Peace, Respect, Union/Unity, Light(Jesus for me) Yep the above spoke to me and I am going to try and not speak about people in terms of issues I see but keep them in prayer too. And Peace and Respect important in the home.

God is really speaking to me through Psalm 40


Psalm 40
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods. [a]

5 Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.

6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced [b] , [c] ;
burnt offerings and sin offerings
you did not require.

7 Then I said, "Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll. [d]

8 I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart."

9 I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips,
as you know, O LORD.

10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.
I do not conceal your love and your truth
from the great assembly.

11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;
may your love and your truth always protect me.

12 For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.

13 Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;
O LORD, come quickly to help me.

14 May all who seek to take my life
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace.

15 May those who say to me, "Aha! Aha!"
be appalled at their own shame.

16 But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation always say,
"The LORD be exalted!"

17 Yet I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
O my God, do not delay.

2008 ramblings...

Firstly let me just say 2 things that stood out for me today in church.

no 1. Christmas - Christ is like a gift that is under the christmas tree. Some people have received the gift but didnt open it...It lays under the tree forever

no.2. Revelation that I need to make Christ My focus, even more...Thats why I can fall because I am sometimes focused on everything that is going on around me instead of believeing and looking to Christ as the author and perfector of my faith and everything else around me too :) No matter what the situation...

Ok but moving along...

Just thought I'd begin to blog my thoughts about 2008. I was thinking how exciting 2008 was in the beginning of the year and even someone said it's two thousand and great! But for me...the year is feeling like a balloon that is deflated...Was so full but very quickly all air was released...

However what I can say definitely for 2008 God was great!

In terms of having a date and losing weight :) I can say I was invited to coffee :) didnt materialise though :) and I started doing tae bo and lost 2 kilos' but now after many parties, weddings etc. I gained it again...

Highlights of 2008:
* Losing My Job... Sounds weird but it was such a relief at the time, because felt I cant be in IT anymore
* God supplying my daily needs! With no job for many months I was able to pay for my car and other things every month...
* Reading the bible (not done but esp enjoyed the books Leveticus, from Judges onwards... to Ezra/Esther.etc.)
* Getting Healed :) Dont have active rheumatoid arthritis. No need to be back on medication...Was it a healing line no...Faith comes by hearing and Hearing by the word of God... This hear as I learnt to know God better. God inside of me brought healing :) I also believe that was what needed to be added to the faith and prayers others have had for me in the past...
*Leading 3 girls to the Lord...I must say the discipleship part is hard, Lord help me, but I know that at least seeds have been planted
*Teaching at a highschool. Was really tough! But definitely ups one's prayer levels...
*Getting accepted at UWC. Having cold feet now towards the end of the year, But I know that God is in control of the agenda
* Passing all subjects except Computer Security...But getting second chances for the subject ;)
* Meeting Tania/Samantha...Think that was this year! New friends always good. Good new friends, even better ;)
* Holiday Club... God really stretched me, was about to give up but then he came through in a huge way..
* free Arts and Crafts course through DRAYC. Love for art back with a vengeance...

There's probably more so I will probably edit this post as I remember them...

On the flip side...

* This year went so fast probably because I was so busy... Or if not it's my other theory that time is really going faster and what used to be a a year is now actually 5 months or so. I feel that in one year we did all the events that we did in all the years before. Carnival, Holiday Club, Jazz Evening, Youth Day/Week, End of Year Bash, 2 lifegroups, Victory Weekend and Lifegroup Festivals, Conference. etc.etc... At the time, I believe I was anointed to handle that pace, but right now I am so tired feel like I need a year off to recover. I realise for others this is nothing, but for me, I'm needing to know what God wants because if its what he wants then tehre is also the strength with which to do it, which is why I managed then...

* Relationships at an all time low, few friends, and few times of seeing good friends, and family I only upped halfway after had huge family problems at home. Then my Gran dies and I decide this is as important... And its not that I missed family events but I'd always juggle...Like spend an hour or 2 there then off at my next appointment.

* No money, no holiday :( :) the no money is partially my fault too.God has provided time and time agian but then I spend my money on junk food, hence the weight problem too...I've been home whole year but that doesnt mean a break! Really wish I could go on holiday!

Anyway, I will be intentional about looking to him for the rest of this year and trust he will come through for me. Right now Everything is looking low, but What is my name ( feminine grace, God is gracious, De Wet :) )

Thanks for the new beginning this year...Teach me your ways..So that every year with you is sweeter and sweeter... :)

Dear God

Dear Lord

Right now
Every blog, every song lyric
Every kind word, every prayer
Every random book I pick up
Every scripture I read
all says the same thing...

I need you
I need more of you
I need to seek you
I need to be deliberate and whole hearted in that search
I cannot without you
Right now the test is at hand and I'm not going to make it hearing and not running full force with what you are telling me

Lord I am tired.
Sometimes confused.
Sometimes neglicent.
Sometimes sinful
Sometimes distrusting
Sometimes heavy
Mostly tired
Mostly needing you

Your touch
Your hand
Your opinion, truth :)

Your friendship
Your wings
Your approval
Your understanding

I need You Lord

God's Answer - I believe...

At Cum books the 2 books i picked up

1) Myles Monroe - tips on Prayer or something like that.

Seek God wholeheartedly...thats when he'll come through...dont jsut seek a little and then give up...Word says then u will seek him and u will find him when u seek him with all your heart

2) also in prayer book "Prayer doesnt waste our time because as we pray our lives, issues, day, things become more focused,ordered, anointed"

3) Beth More Believing God - When we seek God we will find him!

You are saying Lord that I should persistantly seek you with all my heart and as I seek you I find you, as I pray, things become clearer

scripture from Eugene

Colossions 4:2Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.

Also rest in God look to Jesus not left or right,but at him and believe in his word and give my heart to him

Chan

Request for Prayer...

Hi to whoever reads this...Please pray for me and my family. Relationships, individual characters,etc...

He is who is in us is greater than he who is in the world...

Thanks

Why I chose to Study at a University instead of at a University of Technology...

After being asked this more than 5 times and having to give this whole long explaination I thought I'd blog this and if anyone asks again I'd say refer to the blog...And also in terms of plans I believe this is the call but life does not always turn out the way we expect so this might not be cast in stone but this is where it's at for now, and what and why I am planning this way. I also desire to own a B&B,etc.etc...So who knows what the future holds.

* Firstly not studying teaching to be a teacher, in fact the course is not called teaching its B Ed.I'm studying Education to have an Education degree, so when I open up my own NGO as I was involved in this youth NGO that I am not just an individual who has no papers on her name trying to influence societyand government, but there are papers to my name. If I teach for 4 years it's just to get experience, but not to be a teacher for the next 20 years...cause thats not why I'm studying. And when done with last subject will already have a btech so adding a university degree to that...which is whats needed if u want to talk to the bigshots and make changes in this country Or where I think I'm going for now there are many other dreams on my heart

* I've been involved in His People UWC...so I have zillions of friends
there so have a support structure even before go to varsity

* In terms of university of technology's being practical, I've already taught at 2 schools without having any teaching training So I dont need that much practical training,...cause my end result is not to be a teacher so much, if that happens then it does

*If you study at a tech you get a package.10:42 AM me: if u study at university you select subjects which means I can select other subjects that may have nothing to do with teaching eg. French...and still have a B Ed at the end of the day... So thats what I like too after 4 years I dont necessarily have to be a teacher because u can rearrange ur subjects another way...e,g Life Orientation class at UWC is Psych.SO perhaps I can apply to be acounsellor cause i didnt only get the parts relevant to teaching but the full course. Remember I did study at a technickon before so I'm not going in this closed eyes...

*Oh yes and the last most very important reason is my chances of getting in and getting a bursary are better at university and there is no way I can afford to pay to study Education.... i would have a better chance of getting a bursary because most people apply at CPUT so the money has to be split between 3 campuses and many studednts where as at UWC its one department. And I have nooooo money so i need to get that bursary. Also my mom studied at UWC so makes it easier for me to get in and get a discount even if I dont get a bursary

MORE

My life has been roller coaster again but praise God it's going up

After much stressing, depressing and not sleeping and sleeping too much after finding out no one let me know about the supps, I went in today only to find out I passed everything except Security which I knew! So God has come through in a mighty way.

No.2 Certain events or invites that havent worked out are making me think maybe it's for the best. Sucks that it has to turn out this way and not even materialise, but it just means there'll be better opportunities. Not for anything more! But wont sit here twiddling my thumbs and wait for a response when life is too short to make the most of it.

Cant think of anything more for now...will blog agian

Long time No Write, No Internet :)

Firstly a funny Chandre Moment

from convo with friend

Went to a kithcen tea Friday night...and our idea was to cut the electricity and scream and then while screaming one of us blindfolds the bride to be and then when thats done put lights back on and tell her why we did it and let the night proceed...
I was the one that was meant to blindfold and she was conveniently sitting on a couch where i could approach from behind before tehlights went off
After the lights go off i get to the couch shes sitting opposite
so have to run around and this time blindfold from the front which is way harder, and I try like 3 times even though she is pushing me away and the street lights are so bright she can see its me
after the 3rd time I realise but this is not Carmen and Carmen is sitting next to the girl I am trying to blindfold
watching me and thinking whats up with me
Lol it was extremely funny...U should have seen Carmens expression. When I realised I tried to blindfold her, and she was jsut like "Chandre, stop being silly!
was a good night though...

Secondly was prophesyed to Sat night...Not going to put it up here but was definitely in line...

Lastly I believe it's a time to mature, though I must say its hard..Also growing in Faith, the sermons for the month was on faith which was quite funny cause that came after God showed me thats what he wants to talk to me about...

anyway will blog again thats all for now

So true...

Small Straws In A Soft Wind by Marsha Burns -- November 18, 2008:

Beloved, as long as your focus is on things that you have no personal control over, you will be subject to regret, disappointment and accusation. But, I would have you release what you cannot control and to put your faith and trust in Me. Only then will you be able to see that I am doing a very great and powerful work in your midst, My people, as I establish My kingdom in, around and through you. Expect change, and resolve to be flexible enough to move with grace, says the Lord.
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Questions. Thankyou. Sorry.

Is it ok that I dont learn things the first time. That I knock my head once or twice?
Is it ok that I dont run the same pace than all the rest?
Is it ok that there are still child like attributes in me at 28?
Does being an adult mean having it all together?
Why is it that people misunderstood me, but I have never found that youth or children misunderstand me?

Thanks to those who take the time to know the real me, and not your preconceptions.
Thanks to those who commit to walking with me right to the end, even when I fall short.
Thank you to friends who listen first and who ask God before answering. and thanks so much for your patience and commmitment to working at our relationship
Thank you to my parents for consistently giving even when you say where's everyone else now, and you really are one of the only who gives towards me.
Thank you Lord for taking your time with me, and putting effort in me and transformming me back into the beautiful bride that you saw when you picked me up out of the miry clay...
thanks to the people who reflect jesus

Sorry for making you wait so long while i procastinate, over commit, dont know how to cut things short or do but dont.
Sorry for not always being a person of my word. But getting caught up with what goes on in the moment
Thank you to sara groves for singing truth:

and it gets when you hit at the hearts of the ones I love
when everything you touch is rubble and dust
and it gets so hard to know how to trust

I will not let that bitter root grow...
I will not let it no no..
But it gets so hard...

and every time I find healing, you making a new mess, and i am learning the real meaning of forgiveness...

Psalm 23

God has just blessed me last night with this Psalm opening it up for me and by this I hope that you the reader will be blessed too. Taking it from a chat I had with a friend, so dont write same thing twice, but really wouldnt put this up if didnt think it was for everyone...

Went to bed last night reading Psalm 23
me: and really blessed by it
me: new revelations

11:25 AM me: Thing is this is the God that we have (according to Psalm 23) He takes care of us, we should not want... he takes me out of the environment that is causing more stress, and just brings me to a place where i can restore my soul.. Then he guides me in his ways...for his name sake

11:27 AM me: God does all of this before we face troubles, issues, questions, sin, temptation, death or anything that leads to death...So that when we do face it we know that he is with us, we know that he is comforting us in the midst of it, even though we are facing those things, we dont fear, becuase we know God, because he is our shepherd

11:29 AM me: He takes it a step further an anoints us and even blesses us in the the presence of our enemies, it's like me 2 weeks ago I think when I fell to one of my temptations and was beating myself up...but even while the Devil was about to rip me apart with condemnation God prepares a table for me in the presence of my enemies by giving me that opp to drive to that farm an hour or so from my house...(get into nature, and just restore my soul, got paid to take the guy and ate lekker (nice) and met great new people and grew in business skills...He prepares a table for me in the presence of my enemies...My Cup overflows

11:31 AM me: Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life... Thats the God we serve... Know that He is your shepherd. Know that he is taking care of you, know that he is with you, and comforting you and you will see love and goodness all the days even the bad days...And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever... HOW Awesome.. It doesnt start one day, it's everyday..it's like psalm 27 one thing i ask of the lord, this is what I seek that I may dwell in the house of the lord,...

11:33 AM But still meditating on this :) But really this past weekend again, i had to go on a tour wiht exchange students and they were on a hike/walk in a completely nature secluded place, and 2 girls needed the loo so I walked back with them and sat next to the lake/river with them waiting for the rest and when reading psalm 23 last night I just saw the "He leads me beside quiet waters..."

11:36 AM me: And in the midst of all of this, doesnt mean I'm not going through stuff...I'm going through a whole lot of stuff, lots of questions with no answers lots of frustration with people, myself and lack of finances...But last night he just reminded me of the sitll waters, the table he prepares in the midst of my enemies an I can see all the blessings even in this time, and I see that that is God...So ja (yes) just to end if this you need to hear this too...

The Lord is your shepherd, you shall not be in want. He makes you lie down in green pastures, he leads you besides quiet waters, he restores your soul... (that is what we need hey....what we need...our soul to be restored and he does that) he guides you along paths of righeousness even for His own name sake ( he teaches you his way, he gives you word that builds and rebukes you so you can be more like him)

11:37 AM Even though, you walk through the valley of the shadow of death. You will fear no evil For He is with you! (he is not up in heaven far removed from your life but right there with you) His rod and his staff they comfort you

11:38 AM (amazing how you can hear this PSALM over and over and over or in my case, just like oh ok it's psalm 23 and yet how God can open it up and show you how it's not just psalm 23, but it's him and it;s how he does things, his kingdom principal, and then he takes it further and shows you how he is doing that for you)

11:40 AM God prepares a table for you in the presence of your enemies (right there in the midst of the valley of shadow of death. Even if there is evil all around!) He anoints you with oil and your cup overflows!
More than Enough!
Surely goodness and love will follow you all the days of your life, and you will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

11:41 AM GOD bless you... Enjoy dwelling in His house...Enjoy the feast he prepares for you, and the green pastures he makes you lay down in. Enjoy Your God, because He surely enjoys you
He is for you.
He knows and understands you
11:42 AM He loves you and his love has no limits...
I love psalm 25 and I love all the scriptures (there is one in psalm 25) that refers to NO one who puts their trust in Him will ever be put to shame
No one

11:46 AM Enjoy him...

me: hey I just rememebered an old song we used to sing at our old traditional church at the end of services... for you "May God's blessings Surround You Each day...May You trust Him and walk in his ways...May his presence within, Guard and keep you from sin. Go in peace, Go in love, Go in Joy"

11:53 AM me: found a jazzy version of it for you to listen to :) http://www.amazon.com/May-Gods-Blessing/dp/B000QPHSG8/ref=sr_f2_2?ie=UTF8&s=dmusic&qid=1227001845&sr=102-2

Finishing Strong?

Right now feel peace about not being able to write security.Though my mind tells me i may regret this later, but at the same time I am thinking these thoughts...

That the way I see me needs to be aligned with how He sees me.

Yes I have messed up this year, but God does not see me as messed up.

And if I see me as messed up that doesnt make it easier for me to win in life

In the same way

The way I know God's love defines how I will love others.

The more I love God and allow his love to transform and change and complete me,
The more I will be able to love people in the same way...

Its not about what I think, it's about what He thinks. In him and his ways and his will and his guidance is our strength to live the way he wants us to.

Lord today, I thank you for Your Love.
Thank You Lord for your faithfulness
Thank You that you care and that my life is transformed as I come closer to You
Thank You for your commitment to my life.
I know that though I failed and though my mind is saying you're going to regret this later, that despite that I am not a failure and God hasnt given up on me
No one who puts their trust in Him is ever put to shame
but the secret to that is putting our trust in Him...

God I love You.Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.

Your kingdom come! Your will be done!

Amen

More...

How do we grow. how do we win....? By growing in him and knowing him...Thats what i believe. In my own strength or own view I may keep failing? But as I lift my eyes I find the strength and wisdom i need to face what I need to...

How do I love and forgive my neighbour, by receiving his love. If I'm wrong please do correct me, but right now this is such an awesome summing up of what I've been learning in this time.

that if I see me the way God sees me, then whatever people say doesnt really matter, because I know and experience and enjoy His love, favour and approval.
And if I see people the way God sees me...That is the change, but without knowing and experiencing Him I will never really get it unless I am doing it naturally so before knowing it was God working that in me...

LORD ALL GLORY TO YOUR NAME!

Heart Touchers this weekend

*Salvation of one youth girl
* "With everything, With everything, my heart shouts your praises...WOOO HOOOOOO"
*"Chains be broken, lives be healed, eyes be open, Christ is revealed" - We wait for You Lord...
* "Now in the darkness God’s light shines
Christ forever glorified
So come on come on sing out to God
Now with all we’ve got
We live for You our God"


* (see whole prayer below, this is the part that stood out for me)

Christ be with me,
Christ within me,
Christ before me,
Christ beside me,
Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ in quiet,
Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger." - St Patrick


I bind unto myself today the strong name of the Trinity
by invocation of the same,
the Three in One, and One in Three.

I bind this day to me forever,
by power of faith, Christ's incarnation,
his baptism in the Jordan river,
his death on cross for my salvation,
his bursting from the spiced tomb,
his riding up the heavenly way,
his coming at the day of doom:
I bind unto myself today.

I bind unto myself today the virtues of the starlit heaven,
the glorious sun's lifegiving ray,
the whiteness of the moon at even,
the flashing of the lightning free,
the whirling wind's tempestuous shocks,
the stable earth, the deep salt sea
around the old eternal rocks.

I bind unto myself today the power of God to hold and lead,
his eye to watch, his might to stay,
his ear to hearken to my need,
the wisdom of my God to teach,
his hand to guide, his shield to ward,
the word of God to give me speech,
his heavenly host to be my guard.
Against the demon snares of sin,
the vice that gives temptation force,
the natural lusts that war within,
the hostile men that mar my course -
or few or many, far or nigh,
in every place, and in all hours,
against their fierce hostility
I bind to me these holy powers.

Against all Satan's spells and wiles,
against false words of heresy,
against the knowledge that defiles,
against the heart's idolatry,
against the wizard's evil craft,
against the death-wound and the burning,
the choking wave, the poisoned shaft,
protect me, Christ, till thy returning.

Christ be with me,
Christ within me,
Christ before me,
Christ beside me,
Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ in quiet,
Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

The Prayer of St Patrick

I bind unto myself the name,
the strong name of the Trinity,
by invocation of the same,
the Three in One and One in Three,
of whom all nature hath creation,
eternal Father, Spirit, Word.
Praise to the Lord of my salvation:
salvation is of Christ the Lord.
Amen.

Attributed to St Patrick c 389 - 461

Update on the One Big Mengelmoes...

Just said yesterday that I havent had it in 3 months...despite no male interaction at all.
Well today despite all the other stress, i have finally had a breakthru and dont have to worry about having to go the doc about this problem...i dont know why today, but what I do know is I woke up with the scripture Eccl 3:11 "God has made everything beautiful in it's time"
and then also read Psalm 27 and read aloud the part of


7 Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.

8 My heart says of you, "Seek his [b] face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.

9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.

10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.

11 Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.

12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing out violence.

13 I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.


Dunno if this has a part in why it hasnt been happening. But anyway...Have to go to tech..Exam soon...Didnt really study yet...

Me over the years 9 - 2008, the year I turned 28 and still in progress!

Me over the years 8 - 2007, the year I turned 27

Me over the years 7 - 2006, the year I turned 26

Me over the years 6 - 2005, the year I turned 25

Me over the years 5 - 2004, the year I turned 24

Me over the years 4 - 2003, the year I turned 23

Me over the years 3 - 2002, the year I turned 22

Me over the years 2 - 2000, the year I turned 20

Me over the years 1 - 1998, the year I turned 18

This is the beginning of a photo series. I hope to type highlights for those years afterwards

Happy Birthday Mummy - Proverbs 31 Woman

One big Mengelmoes

Right now my life is one big mengelmoes, of thoughts, expectations, questions, difficulties, responsibilities, unfigured out things...



I spend a large amount of time sitting and thinking how I'm going to sort out things without asking. Why dont I ask? Because when it comes to those type of things it's normally only my parents that provide and there is only so many times that I'm going to ask them... So I lay my request before the Lord and everytime he has come through but between the time that I ask and he comes through a lot of worrying occurs. Hence not having had my monthly in a while. - Sorry for any males reading but see it in a medical way.



However I must say it's the small whispers of hope, encouragements that really do wonders for me. I told someone yesterday please dont rebuke me, encourage me, because I am already pointing out all my wrong to myself....


Well as I always say because it is true, despite all this, God whispers encouragement in the midst of it, whether a small word from a friend yet the word being from His word it magnifies it in my life... Small things are huge... Thank You for those who choose to do or say those small things

Think You are reminding Me of Waiting...

(ok besides obedience and faith...)

Waiting on the Lord

"Life will come to those who wait...." -All God's Children, Delirious?
"So I wait for You, I wait for You" - Hungry, Vineyard

You'll come - Brooke Fraser/Hillsong

I have decided, I have resolved, to wait upon You Lord
My rock and redeemer, shield and reward, I'll wait upon you Lord
As surely as the sun will rise, you'll come to us, Certain as the dawn appears

You'll come, let your glory fall as you respond to us
SPIRIT RAIN, FLOOD INTO OUR THIRSTY HEARTS AGAIN...
YOU'LL COME!

We are not shaken, We are not moved. We wait upon You Lord
Our mighty deliverer. Our triumph and truth!
As surely as the sun will rise, you'll come to us, Certain as Your word endures

Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed

All I know is he is faithful...

Life is so fast that I feel that I'm juggling and one by one I'm dropping all the balls, I've come so far yet I'm not sure I'm going to finish strong..

But all I know is that He is faithful...

He really is

God I wanna praise You

For who You are

Thank You for the amazing miracles you perform. The daily ones that are minute to other's eyes but Huge in mine :)

Thankyou for your unfailing love, mercy and grace... Thank you for consistency in that...

I love you Lord
I love you
I love you!

There are things that I've heard, things that I've seen, things I dont understand....

But in it all I know You are Lord, and I know You are faithful and I am praising You right now for that...

YOU ARE FAITHFUL! YOU ARE LORD! Love you Lord!

Right now...

I dont understand why it is that I always have to be the one that works at things to maintain a relationship... And not a mutual thing...

And I'm ready to give up

So by ur grace Lord I need to stand or there is just no point

I think I've long time used up my 70 * 7 Sorries and can honestly say one hand is probably more than what I've ever gotten back from everyone I know.

So either everyone else is way more messed up than me.

Or I'm a mere people pleaser and must stop...

then again I am a God pleaser and I cannot find fault with the millions of second chances you've given me,...

but i cannot in my own strength

More on Pastor Ray...

I dont know why I thought i had blogged it on here before but clearly only put a posted link on facebook... which included this - if you are interested, please do read this tribute, and also if you want to listen to sermons by him http://web.mac.com/jackshiels/iWeb/Every%20Nation%20Dublin/Podcast/Podcast.htmland one of my favourite sermons - In too Deep - http://www.everynation.co.uk/index.php?m=content_page&id=95

But do read the tribute on http://wolfinlondon.wordpress.com/2008/10/13/tribute-to-my-hero-friend-ray-shiels/

So Blessed...

Today I just feel like I have the greatest boyfriend ever... :) (one who makes me blush)

After the terrible event, and after a kind word, it's like he gave me a date :)

For the past 2 days I've been in Riebeeckrivier on a farm called Goedgedacht... (which I may blog a seperate blog about) but just after my sadness, and then just being encouraged by the word Robert gave me, it's like this was just the cherry on the cake, or God saved the best for last :) (which now reminds me about the miracle of the wine)...

Anyway, what am I going on about. Well He knows I just love nature, and going on the long road (well not that long !) was awesome and just the way it changes from yellow (wheat) then green (vineyards), hills, mountains... Also training was done in an 1825 Cape Dutch House which had high ceilings, beams in the ceiling and wooden floors, and even the layout was just nice, and I told them the thing I always say...I'm going to live in a house like this, that is the reason why my husband isn't here yet... he is making his millions :) But ja, it was a really pretty house and would really like to live in a house like that...Just not so far out, dont think I enjoy snakes ;)

And then I came back on my own which I think was the best part, because I put the sunglasses on and then said "no man! can't see the nature that way" took it off, opened my window and just enjoyed the drive, and enjoyed the fact that really God just blessed me with this opportunity...

So said to someone else and saying it again, I have the best boyfriend ever.

Jesus, thankyou for being the faithful love that you are...

scenery on the way...



the farm we were on...www.goedgedacht.org.za

MUCH better...

And I quote from an e-mail from a friend...

"That was the best image of God's love for me that I have ever seen. I've been meditating on that for a while now. Mountains can get lost in the ocean. The biggest situation I can imagine is like a drop in the ocean. My greatest sin disappears in the vastness of the ocean.

His love is like an ocean"

"I think sometimes I tend to think that God related to us as if we were grown up and on His level when in fact when compared to Him we are little children. Us grown ups are so much more tolerant and understanding of little children. We'll thats exactly how we are to God.

So in reality it's not that God is disappointed in you but you are dissapointed in you.

You havn't let God down. You've let yourself down. And right now it's not your sin thats seperating you from God. He is already so over that. It's your sense of guilt and condemnation that's keeping you from God"

Thank You Lord for your love...

Chan

On another note...

(not that my previous note is gone, just shoved aside cause it's still hurting) but blogging anyway what i wanted to blog sunday and previously...

I may have said before that God is taking me to the next lesson after obedience, though I can really see that obedience is stepping up at the moment, cause discipline, focus, etc.etc, is a daily struggle...but so far there has been some guidance or hints as to what is next and it's FAITH...

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. - Hebrews 11:6

I dont like being at different places to everyone else, but I guess it's
something I have to accept cause God has a unique path for my life, but on Sunday they preached about Faith in action and how faith is at work, etc. and how faith should be...It's definitely in line with the theme, but I'm at a different place

Because for me without God's faithfulness to me, I would not be able to put my faith in action...I'm just not superhuman, and I'm sure they meant that it goes without saying but at the point of trying to get out of striving or running past God, I need to remind myself of those things, or rather I am so aware right now that it's because of His faithfulness towards me that I'm able to be victorious and face things by faith and if he did not extend that faithfulness I either would get nothing done or it would be all in my own strength...

Secondly in putting your faith in action, it involves looking at the author and perfector of our faith - Hebrews 12:2 ..."Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith," Yes I know that one cant just say we love Jesus and not live it, but at the same time we cant go and do the work of the ministry without the God of the ministry...As we look to Jesus we realise his faithfulness towards us and that spills out in lives full of faith in God and lived out by our actions...

Or so I think...
But more on that again...

I think this is so hard...But...

I think this is so hard...

Psalm 24: 3 - 6

Who may ascend the hill of the Lord?
Who may stand in his holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
who does not lift up his soul to an idol
or swear by what is false.
He will receive blessing from the Lord
and vindication from God his Savior.
Such is the generation of those who seek him,
who seek your face, O God of Jacob. Selah

But...

Psalm 25: 4

Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways
according to your love remember me, for you are good, O Lord.

Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of your name, O Lord,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.
The Lord confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.

See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!

Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.

May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.

Redeem Israel, O God, from all their troubles!

Sin is a Dream Ruiner...

It's amazing, well not really, how the same day as the rays of breakthrough seems to beam, is the same day one trips and falls. and it really sucks!

if ever I needed (normally loved) thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

thoughts...

i'm not perfect
not even close
i do what i do
by the grace of God
his strength moves me
his love fulfills me
but when i dont have that balance right
I'm like an ostrich with his head in the sand
i'm like a camel that sat down
yes, i know that there are people more far gone than i
yes, i know that I have Jesus and so who am I to complain
but let me tell you
what i've learnt
and maybe too you will learn
we are all fargone
but by the grace of God
the ability we have to love others
comes from the love of God already in us
whether we know him or not
he has made us in his image
but there comes a time when even us, or even I
need Jesus, though he is there, it's as if i cannot see him
because he wants me to seek his face
God is not a genie in a bottle who you rub and then he magically appears...
or at least my relationship with him is not one of a fairy God mother granting all my wishes...
And whatever i have done for people has been out of the love bestowed me, it flowed out of relationship with a Heavenly father who allowed me to sit on his lap and told me things about me and him and how he sees me, and things about loving people, and before if I heard others hurt, yes i felt hurt too, but my response was O God.... please intervene, Lord...

But in this season, I'm needing God, I'm needing arms, I'm needing answers, I'm needing peace, and that is only found at his feet...

Perfection isn't possible. If you think you perfect, then I would have to question your healthy self image.

At the same time as me saying all of this, let me add that me saying I'll never be perfect is not a cop out, or an excuse not to share my life with others. Not to make a difference... It's just that I've learnt the difference between making a difference with Gods grace, and making a difference in my own strength...

So right now...

I need you Lord. More of you. People might not get me at this point, but i know that you do. I know that you not gone, you just desire more of me, and I am choosing to follow you, where you say I will go, what you want, I will do...

But no more can I live up to people's expectations at the expense of what God is wanting...

whwppphhhh ...(how do u type a letting out air sound?) I can breath again!

handed the hard copy of my project in last night...
busy mailing the soft copy but cant seem to figure out how to take the track changes off!

anyway almost there...

How Sweet the Name

How Sweet the Name - Delirious?, Kingdom of Comfort

What would I have become
If you'd never stopped to pull me through
What would this life had done
If you'd never whispered liberty
I heard you sing so sweetly, a song of love

Jesus how sweet the name
The name that saves
Jesus how sweet the sound
The sound of grace
The sound of praise
The sound that saves

So many songs I've sung
But there's none more beautiful than you
And here I've found myself
So I'm happy to be lost in you
I hear you sing so sweetly, a song called love

Every soul needs a saviour

Think I need a coffee break :)

Still busy with my project and it is 2AM but think I need to take a break cause loosing focus...I really like what I cleaned up but I still have so far to go...

Maybe should make a cuppa.

By the way I didnt update this I think but began a new job...as a support worker for exchange students. Here am I with 2 of the german girls, however the one is so South African now, dont think I can call her german... in Langa at a shack. Was quite an nice eventful day and though I stressed before about how it's going to be, was better than I expected.

Also after this big project is in going to start getting my business out there...Need to get out of debt. With the help of God of course.

Well my eyes are starting to close but have to get done

Long time no Blog...

There is so much that i need to update you on, but right now those thoughts need to keep whirling in my head till I have more time on my hands. For now let me just update you on my awesome time in God's presence last night and the things I have learnt or been reminded on.

Went to HP N1, because it was a worship evening... And really just needed uninteruppted worship session, and also the cool thing is that only know a few people so could dance and go on at the back and if anyone did look at me in a funny way, they probably won't see me again soon :)

Well after feeling so drained for a while, and really just desiring God to fill me again...I didnt even think I would dance at all, just sing and observe but the worship started with "Our God is Big" and then eventually they sang Desert song, and when they sang that I remembered where all this omgekrap feelings began, and remembered that a while back i was singing my lungs out and feeling like i need more, and that i am aksing God is there sin in my life, or what is the reason why I am feeling so omgekrap...And i can recall singing about being in the desert...But God is my victory...a while back driving my mom's car to my aunts house...Anyway then when my grandma died, that sunday it was just magnified for me, I need more Holy Spirit...I need a break through.. And then began working hectically on my studies, but decided to take a break from ministry so that i can seek his face for this month and sort out the other areas of my life that was lagging behind. Last week was a week of miracles despite me still needing that breakthrough and then last night because my friend said she would be dancing and because I sensed praise and worship is just what i need, I went...2 Hours of Praise and worship, was really good for me. These are the reminders God gave me in that time...

no.1. He never stopped loving me, in all my questions and business and even omgekrapness, I need to remember that Jesus still loves me (didnt doubt it but needed to be reminded of the way he sees and looks at me, his eyes, his heart, his smile, his arm around me)

no.2 Song my United -> "None by Jesus" Also a reminder. Stop looking, Only he i have and only He gave me his life. And All my delight is in him :)

no.3 the song written by the lady at HP, cant get to her name now...was in my head this week, who would have thought I would go and we would sing that song...

no.4 the new song she wrote was so appropriate to my situation. Sort of applying breaks that God was there all along but because you were listening and speaking loud in the crowds you couldn't hear His whisper

and lastly
No.5 during worship he reminded me of that image of the bride...and that just helped me to be the Chandre he sees in my worship...regardless of whatever people might think..I could see the lace gloves...So just began to dance and sing and smile :) and enjoy His beauty and know that I am beautiful in Him too... And the best part was that just as I got that revelation, the song changed to Savior King which has a line in the song...

"Let now your church shine as the bride
That you saw in your heart as you offered up your life"

:) And that was just what I needed to hear...Also enjoyed this

"I love you Lord, I worship you
Hope which was lost, now stands renewed
I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the savior king"

Also really enjoyed my conversation with Miriam's mom, Christine afterwards. Great to be able to just talk and be heard and also just talk about how wonderful God is.

And now having said that today began the book of Psalms...Still need to blog all the other things i learn in Job, Ezra, Nehemiah and Esther, but getting there...

God has really been good to me this year, despite my making a big deal about certain things, I cannot doubt that it's been a year of miracles...

Jesus, I love you. I love you.
Thankyou for Your love. that was proven in you giving your very own life...
"the weight of my sin was on your cross"
Thankyou for the way you see me, despite the way I see me,
Thankyou for smiling down on me, or as Psalm 3 that i read today says" You bestow glory on me and lift up my head"

Thankyou for your love despite all, I am standing upon this rock. Everything else may fall away. People may label, misunderstand, do whatever to me, but You Father, will never leave nor forsake me. Thankyou that You are the hope on which I stand and cling to. And I know it's only upon the foundation of Christ that I can build any human relationships, if I look for what can only be found in You in people I will feel hurt,etc...So Lord I look to you even in being able to minister again and making the right decisions, and work and finances for next years studies, and finishing my btech THIS YEAR, Praise God...Also listening to Darlene singing " I'll trust in You...I'll trust in You"...

Thank You that you are our hope our everything, I pray that you will not only pour your love and wisdom and purposes in my life, but also in the lives of my family...Thank You for a new week in You my God...May you bless us, and even all our friends, in Jesus Name.

Amen

I give up

I give up
Chandré De Wet
12 Oct 2008

running, running
closed doors
where to now
searching for a way some how

give me answers,
don't know how
or what or where or when
but hope that somehow
somebody, help me please?
can't you see I'm incomplete

looking, knocking
should i be copying
ratrace or embrace
discipline or a waste?

could it be
you just want me
to give up
shut up
look up
get up

or down on my knees
saying Jesus please
no one else can appease
or set my spirit at ease

I give this situation to you
only your hands can hold it
only you can shape it, make it into what you desire

i am merely clay
surrendering this day
wishing the old flesh away
Lord come and make me ok
or at least the way
i should be

I give up
and I give you all that I am

take me and teach me
and lead me into your way everlasting

I think it's time...

For a break...

Chatted to a friend outside of my circle who normally it's great to bounce these kinda stuff on and he was in agreement. And why... Just been feeling like I need more of God, a breakthrough, more of His Spirit and sensing that that will come in time spent with him, and that only comes by slowing down not running even harder and faster...Just for a month, to get my focus back and right.

Someone told me "ja, you are too busy, glad that I'm realising this" and I said no...it's not about realising this, its about doing what God wants. Previous months when ran up and down it wasn't out of my own and thats why I had the strength and desire that goes with it...

was cleaning up a pile of pages in my car,sorting it out,etc yesterday...and when i looked at the top page in the pile found something i had typed out before which is still true:

"...Same with my life, if I keep running 120km/hr I'm not going be able to hear God's will for my life, I'm going to go ahead and miss His timing I won't be following the rules and I might hit a situation that God wanted to protect me from but I was running too fast..."

Song I really like by Delirious... hope to get the cd one day

Touch

I, I want to know you
I want to show you I'm forever yours
And now, another day is dawning
Another page is turning here
For everyone to see

Yes I'm on my knees
'Cause I love you
And when you touch my life
I've been born again,
I am born again
And when you touch my life
I've been born again
I am born again

I'll shine like the heavens
Shine with the words of life
Light up my way
So please deliver me from walking
Beyond the truth that called me here
I'm not ashamed today

I've been torn again,
The curtain's been torn again

Thats about all I have to share for now...Still want to blog about what I realised on my gran's funeral and some songs I like... But that will have to wait. Have to take antibiotics and keep working on this project Or Try...

Word Expo Poems

all written in 2007

1 Words:
* erudite
* flatmate
* host
* ran
* salp
* stomach
* study

The daily life of a procrastinating student
===========================================

I cannot concentrate, with an empty stomach
Food makes me become erudite.
A host of words, I have to study
Like a gelatinous salp, I feel inside.

I ran to the kitchen, a few minutes ago
Time ticking on as I procrastinate
A dictionary, encyclopedia and varsity textbooks
I think I'll go and check on my flatmate...

I have now had my fill and socialized
Took an hour of power nap and slept
I think I feel ready to pick up my books
Oh, No, I have only thirty minutes left!

2 Words:

* drunk
* dungeon
* float
* goitre
* swallowing
* truth

poem 1
======

completely drunk, drunk completely
com drunk pletely
ob liv ious
the buzz the numbness,
occasionally REALITY (I love you honey!)
bursting IN (Come here Sweetie Pie)
as I float
com Pletey Ob livious to
the Ruth, Truth, Tooth
did I say that Already?
My life, HELLO? My sweety pie is grown?
Swallowing this truth,
I reach instead for another sip
This freedom I think I feel, I float, enjoy
Completely, pletely? Unaware,
of The dungeon I am in.

From glory to glory, the truth remains...
=========================================

Five years old, swinging my arms and my whole body around and around till I'm completely drunk. Attempting to walk in a straight line, only to fall on the floor dizzy and laughing till my stomach hurt. Sleeping over at cousins and grandma's as my mom got her thesis done.

Nine years old, the neighbour's kids would come over, and a whole parallel world existed in our garden. Twigs turned into swords, sand into magic dust, little boys into knights and our old tree in front, the dungeon we all feared when taken captive. These were happy and sad days, with laughs and tears over grazed knees, and broken teeth, and the icelolly van driving down the road. Mmmmm...

At twelve, the hot summers would find us diving in the neighbour's pool, jumping in the deep side, doggy paddling, back float, surfboard at the base, "Who can stay underwater the longest?", the only form of entertainment that eased the heat and calmed our emotions...

At fourteen, just beginning high school, a ball of nerves and totally out of place. Fears of lice and goitres, threatening to ruin my image, yet at the same time not wanting to party to the extreme with all the added things that go with it, just to fit in. Not here, not there, I hated Mondays and lived for weekends to be with the friends who accepted me for who I am.

At seventeen, I found myself swallowing many tots to drown the emotions and hurts I found myself in. On the outside I was cool, popular friend. At the right place, the right time with the right clothes and drink in my hand. Handsome men, popular clubs, loud, crazy, funny... But on the inside completely empty, lonely, questioning all I see around me.

At nineteen, my first taste of truth, and have never turned back. Made some major mistakes in my twenties, losing so much of me, losing so many friends, yet never losing that truth, which found me, and rebuilt alot and still builds the broken parts in me.

How I loved my childhood! But even more so how I love knowing that wherever I find myself, whatever season, whatever age, whatever storm, whatever success, I am not alone, nor is each phase unable to be used to shape me and remake me into an even more beautiful person, than I was before that season. I am changed from glory to glory and despite all that falls away in my life, the truth remains.

3 Words:
* bin
* forbidden
* misunderstanding
* prong
* vivid


Opposite Directions - Who knows?
================================

They had known each other for years and years, on different sides of the fence, yet both longing to cross the great divide or at least meet each other half way.
As children, they played without a care in the world, without grasping ideologies and theologies and non religiousities that are now etched between them. Hardly spoken about but still there...

He a professor and guru in his field of expertise, analytically proving theories and theorems. She a teacher and lover of all things good and God. Thirty years ago, bestest of friends, today an occasional polite "How do you do?" before rushing off to the next appointment or prayer meeting, and also rushing off before memories of the misunderstanding that parted them arises.

To him, her life an existense of rules, and the forbidden, holding her back from vivid life she could experience without the chains of religion. To her, his life of calculations, and experiments, and theories taught as fact, his life and existence to disprove any evidence, yet built on a lack of evidence, she was puzzled yet saddened by his faith in only himself.

One conversation only deepened the divide.

"You need Him, Please, listen, turn from your life of sin...Dont allow satan to hold you back from what God has for you!"
"A little devil with a prong? Ha Ha! To the bin with your beliefs"

Two walk away, angered, hurt, split... A little bit of hope that the other would come to their senses, longing to reach out yet both taking a step back to protect their hearts from each other. How different were they really? So very different, Yet so the same...

Only time would ease the hurt, or provide answers to the questions that arose. If her God was who she said he was, he'd be big enough to reveal himself to a professor who had long ago put aside stories of tooth fairies, Santa Clause and Jesus. And if there were no God, she would come to her senses...

Is there an answer? Do the two walk their seperate way forever. Do they find common ground? Does her God find him? Does she wake up and find she was dreaming? Only time will tell as they allow the pages to be turned to a new chapter in their lives, and the truth, is revealed.

To be Continued...

Island...

Oh Island,
Why do you hide
When you were made to shine
Why do you shun
Does your mirror lie?
Or is it my eyes?
Are you looking beyond
or do you look behind?

Oh Island,
Please won't you reveal
the hidden strengths
eternally seen
Unmask this warrior
Only show truth
Does painted glass speak
What the mind has chosen to deny?

Oh heart
Why do you fear?
Bravery and courage your destiny
You were made to lead, made to fight
Why do you begin to race
at the sight of evil
Is it not because you were made to overcome
Don't be afraid!
With love your motive,and destiny your guard
March, knowing the battle's already won
All you need to do is start.

Memories ...

Job 2 Onwards - Friends/People Comments...

This word isn't one of those that I feel I am getting from the Lord and must blog, it's merely when I read this, I could relate. So this post is not meant to be a biblestudy, but more I get Job, I agree, I know how he feels post.

After all these things happen to Job, firstly instead of being supportive or empathatic (is that a weird) his wife tries to tell him what to do - Curse God...

Firstly, Job's friends come to him and just mourn with him but after that when Job shares his heart,

(
25 What I feared has come upon me;
what I dreaded has happened to me.
26 I have no peace, no quietness;
I have no rest, but only turmoil."
)
(I can only imagine what it feels to feel like this)

this is his friends response:

1 Then Eliphaz the Temanite replied:
2 "If someone ventures a word with you, will you be impatient?
But who can keep from speaking?
3 Think how you have instructed many,
how you have strengthened feeble hands.
4 Your words have supported those who stumbled;
you have strengthened faltering knees.
5 But now trouble comes to you, and you are discouraged;
it strikes you, and you are dismayed.
6 Should not your piety be your confidence
and your blameless ways your hope?

IOW -> You supposed to be so strong, you're strong for everyone else. Now that you have a problem, look at how you are reacting. If u've done nothing wrong shouldnt that be your confidence.

When everything is falling apart in your life, instead of bring words of hope, strength, not just random but thoughtful words, they take the opportunity to give their opinion, and even try and teach Job.

...gripe...

Have a lot of hurt, but don't feel i really can speak to anyone about it, hence me blogging this. however not really sure who reads this either. So hope this post will go unnoticed. Why can't I tell anyone. Because I haven't noticed that noone is interested or has answers in this aspect of my life. I know God you do, but at the same time for me to live out what you want, I need you to fill me in that place, and heal me, and complete me.

Anyway...I said something today, that I should not have said, and I ask that God forgive me for speaking like that over my own life. But as I said above, I need a miracle here...and it's not coming... Or maybe it is.

I also need care, and if I'm not supposed to get that from family, friends, people, then God I need it from you. I also need to be forgiven, I also need to be encouraged.

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to continue forgiving the people who keep hurting me, or walk away...I'm not sure if you supposed to stay and take that same behaviour over and over because you know its not up to you when they may change? Or am I supposed to move on to other people.

Also why are people only there when you break down or when you say something, if there's a real relationship, nothing needs to be said (not speaking about you Judy...if you read this). I know people are just people and some of them don't have all of that in them to give the love I need. Even if I see them offer it to everyone else. I've gotta give, I've gotta love.

But of course, sometimes, like today, it gets too much. Today I need someone to put their arms around me and say I love you Chandre. Even if that someone is God, that is what I need today. I appreciate you. You are not just an irritation to us. Or our sense of entertainment. But I guess maybe that is too much to ask? cause maybe it's not even possible.

Again. God you surprise me. It's ironic cause I sound like Job that I'm reading.
Lord forgive me for what I said earlier, cause I don't wanna get sick all over again...But at the same time I need healing. and I need love.

Isabelle De Wet....

Today, my grandmother died. I am ok and not ok about it. Ok because I can see God's hand on everything. Not ok, because I believe we and I could have honoured her so much more...

Looking through the pictures I found one of her and Danelle playing rummikub. That's just one of the many things I'm going to miss her for. That and her milktart, nothing, not even Limnos tastes like it,she would always support our fundraisers...I dont care if thats the duty of a grandparent, she does it without complaining and without money. She took a special interest in our lives. Even mine although she'd always first scold me, for either being late or for not visiting often,she always seemed happy when I just say hi or to talk to me, it was genuine and in her eyes.Even if I was annoyed at times too, I had no doubt that my grandmother loved me and enjoyed having me around...I thank Vilana for calling me inside to say hello to Ma in the week, It's amazing your last goodbyes. I went in and looked at the photo of her and pa, and teased her cause she has pointies in the photo and she couldnt believe she had pointies too and also told her she doesnt look much different than the photo even though the photo was taken 10 - 15 years ago.

Wish I could have said goodbye...But can we ever, only depends on God and the disease, We thank God that it was quick and even amidst all the fighting, she even had these semblances of normalcy.

I'm grateful that she's with my pa now, I'm grateful to find out from her sisters that she did accept Jesus in her life last year at her birthday. I'm sad that she did not get to deal with all issues and have a more happy life, but I know that even despite those she was happy! She survived with a smile.

I'm sad for Danelle who may be sad because Ma won't be attending her confirmation on Sunday. I'm sad for Candice and Gwyn, Ma had bought her outing for the wedding. I'm sad for not visiting more, for loving more when I could see or knew of some of the hurt. I was priviledged to be asked to drive Ma around at times, I can recall on the last occasion she scolded the whole way because I was late, for two fold reason, but then I learnt something through that, it's about loving through the scolding. I'm grateful for her sisters who showered love on her, I'm grateful for the club and Aunty Mary who have been faithful friends... I'm grateful for Ilze's commitment to looking after Ma, and Uncle Christies household, Lord may your hand be on their lives.Lord may you be with all the De Wet Brothers in this time, and my dad. Father may you console them in this time, and bring healing where healing is needed, restoration and salvation. May Your Name be praised.

I dont always know how to comfort. I guess i should win in this area so that one day I can be an expressive mother. I can feel for people. really but I dont know how to show I care always. Oh Lord in this time, may your healing arms be the place we find our shelter and care in. Thank you for Ma, It's sad even to say this, to know that I cant' ever go and say sorry, or just hang again or just go on about her milktart, but I thank You Lord, for the wonderful woman that she was. Or should I rephrase Lady, and I thank You that you have better things in store for her life. Father, Look after her in your wonderful care, in Jesus Name. Amen